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Thread: Do any other Delta's feel intense jealousy whenever their SO is being hit upon?

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    Default Do any other Delta's feel intense jealousy whenever their SO is being hit upon?

    Okay guys, I am going to go a little bit emotionally intimate here. I am currently dating an SLI and there's this SEE guy who keeps on hitting on her like hard, and I am just there feeling some really uncomfortable emotions. I am not sure if this is jealousy, or if this is due to my immaturity (I am only 16, after all) but I do feel a sense of protectorship/some sort of possesiveness. Like my boy teenage brain goes apeshit all of the sudden. Do you guys feel the same, and what should I do? Lastly, what would you do?

    Sorry for this guys.

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    Yeah, it’s your immaturity.

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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    10 Times When Jealousy Is Actually Healthy In A Relationship

    When jealousy in a romantic relationship hits, it wells up inside of us, a unique mix of sadness, competition, anger. It feels like an immune reaction — what I imagine it feels like when you're bit by a poisonous spider.

    But part of the reason jealousy makes us feel so uncomfortable is that we typically think of it as toxic and unhealthy emotion — something to rid ourselves of ASAP. So we add on a layer of self-blame

    Yet thinking this way is precisely what makes jealousy feel insurmountable, even though it's a totally normal thing to feel. To keep with the spider analogy: when you're bit by a poisonous creature, your body will react — a rash, a hive, other kinds of acute inflammation. This response is, quite literally, a call to action: your body is telling you to DO something.

    Even in healthy circumstances, jealousy may still feel toxic, but that toxicity can be a very valid warning sign that there's something you need to communicate to your partner.

    Here are 10 particular situations where your jealousy is a healthy call to communicate with your partner and take action …

    1. Someone is giving flirtatious vibes to your partner.

    Say you're at a party, standing with your partner. Someone comes up and starts talking to him. A lot. He/she is giving your partner focused, intense eye contact and enthusiastically asking questions. Remember, flirting doesn't have to be explicitly sexual.

    You're left in the shadow of the conversation and feel jealous as a result. Perhaps you feel that the person is sexually interested in your partner, and that his response could be sending the wrong message. Perhaps you wish, on some level, that the other person were giving you attention instead of your partner. This is totally natural

    So what to do about it? Well, if you can, in the context of the conversation: pipe in! Odds are, your partner will pick up on your hope to shift gears. If not, wait it out, and confront him once the other person has left.

    Plain and simple, admit to your jealousy: "Hey, I felt kind of jealous when X came up to us at the party. I felt like he/she was giving you a lot of attention, and I felt left out." From there, you can hash it out.

    2. Your partner is giving flirtatious vibes to someone else.

    This situation may feel a little more uncomfortable, as it's more likely to produce feelings of inadequacy.

    This situation is similar to the above. Sure, you don't want to assume your partner is up to no-good, but you're entitled to feel what you feel. If she's with another person at a party and you feel threatened, you can feel free to try and include yourself. If that feels forced or uncomfortable, simply confront her after the conversation has ended.

    3. Your partner is bragging when you're in a rough place.

    Hearing anyone brag about his successes can be really annoying, but in the context of our relationships, we usually want to be there as a sounding board for some bragging. We want to feel happy for our partners when they succeed.

    That said, there are extenuating circumstances. Maybe you had a bad day at work. Maybe you're experiencing a bout of depression. Maybe you're sick. Regardless of why you're not feeling your best, hearing your partner succeeding when you feel subpar can produce jealousy.

    Rather than probing the jealousy (as it is likely somewhat irrational), simply tell your partner you're not feeling your best. You may even say something like, "Listen: I'm super happy for you about X. But I'm just having a rough time right now, do you mind if we talk about it later?" You can be happy and reassuring, and also honest.


    4. Your partner succeeded in something you are both pursuing.

    Couples often pursue particular activities together. You and your partner may decide to take up yoga. But what happens when he gets praise for his handstand in yoga class? You may feel jealous. And that's OK.

    After class (to keep with this example), you may casually say to your partner: "Ha. I felt kind of jealous in yoga when the teacher complimented you. Want to help me with my handstand?" You aren't being competitive or trying to outperform him. You're just being honest, and that will bring you closer.

    5. Someone mentions something about your partner that you were unaware of.

    When you're in a relationship, you often quickly start to feel like every detail of your partner's life is a part of yours. Perhaps she always texts you during the day to tell you what she ate for lunch, or what her co-worker said to her in the bathroom. Sometimes, you even feel like you deserve to know everything about your partner's life. Sometimes this morphs into codependency. Sound familiar?

    So it can feel painful when we learn from someone else something about our partner that we were unaware of — even if it's totally nonthreatening. Say you are with your mutual friend and he tells you about your partner's insane talent at painting. I had no idea she painted! you think. You may feel jealous: why does our friend know about her painting hobby and I don't?

    Again, it may be quite irrational. But still be honest: very straightforwardly ask her why she didn't tell you, and tell her it made you feel jealous or bad. She'll either have a reason, or she won't — but she probably didn't intend to hurt you.

    6. Your partner treats another activity like a second relationship.

    It's possible to feel like your partner is cheating on you with something other than a person. If he gets really into a particular form of exercise, a particular hobby or other activity and spends all of his time doing it, you may feel left in the dust.

    This doesn't mean you don't want him to pursue his new thing — but you're allowed to feel jealous. Tell him! Maybe he had no idea, and will invite you on his next run, or to his next spin class. When we communicate our needs, we often find out that other people had no idea we were even feeling a particular way. We can't assume others can read our minds.

    7. Your partner goes on a trip or has an experience that you aren't apart of.

    Experiences — particularly those involving travel — can make us feel transported, renewed, reborn, even. That's why it's especially hard to deal with those times in your relationship where your partner has an experience, interaction or trip that is transformative, and we aren't present.

    Tell your partner, "I'm so happy you had so much fun, but I felt kind of jealous that I was totally not apart of it." You may suggest doing a special activity or going on a trip together.

    8. Your partner treats his/her friend(s) with tremendous attention.

    I've had girlfriends tell me, "I have a ton of guy friends, and it always makes my boyfriend jealous." It's probably nothing for their boyfriends to worry about, but let's give the guys a break: it makes sense.

    Of course you'll be a secondary (or tertiary) concern at times, and that's fine. But voicing your jealousy to your partner will only make him that much more sensitive about it, even if there are those moments when he's getting drinks with friends.

    9. Your partner makes comments about other people's attractiveness to you.

    Enough said. Some people are OK with this kind of gesture. In some relationships, partners openly communicate about past relationships and sexual encounters, and even "check people out" together.

    But this is a pretty normal reason to feel jealous. You want to feel like the center of your partner's sexual attention. Say something, kindly but firmly: "It makes me feel jealous when you say things about other guys' attractiveness in front of me." Easy enough, right?


    10. You feel like your partner doesn't appreciate you.

    If you don't feel appreciated, your mind will likely start to see all of the ways that your partner appreciates other people and things. This is a serious issue in your relationship, and something you definitely need to raise with your partner.

    Of course, feeling amorphously unappreciated in your relationship is probably more difficult to talk about than a specific action. But it's arguably more urgent.

    Bottom line: you should always feel appreciated in your relationship. Feeling appreciated will ensure that jealousy is not a constant.

    https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-1668...ationship.html
    I'm not delta but it is a normal reaction.

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung

     



  4. #4
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    Some jealousy is normal.

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    I think it's normal to feel jealous if someone keeps consistently hitting on your partner, especially if they know your partner is taken.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Ugh SEE can be like sharks when hunting or pursuing their love interest because they keep an eye on their objects
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Go up to her and tell her he’s taken
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Don’t apologize; we’re just random people, and this is a better thread than half the others here. It’s not like you’re inconveniencing anyone by starting a conversation on a forum meant for conversation, you know?
    As a goatherd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote.

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    If you feel the need to pre-emptively apologize for being immature, you probably aren’t immature.

    Jealousy in a situation like that is completely normal. What’s strange is letting this happen repeatedly instead of doing something about it. I would talk to the guy or tell your girlfriend how it makes you feel.

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    It's normal to feel jealous.
    I'd rather discuss this with your partner, because being honest and trusting your partner is what matters here! If you trust your partner and you know they won't cheat the jealousy will go away. Although it is a normal healthy human emotion that we all experience, don't let it get bad, or you may turn possessive.

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dulg View Post
    Okay guys, I am going to go a little bit emotionally intimate here. I am currently dating an SLI and there's this SEE guy who keeps on hitting on her like hard, and I am just there feeling some really uncomfortable emotions. I am not sure if this is jealousy, or if this is due to my immaturity (I am only 16, after all) but I do feel a sense of protectorship/some sort of possesiveness. Like my boy teenage brain goes apeshit all of the sudden. Do you guys feel the same, and what should I do? Lastly, what would you do?

    Sorry for this guys.
    I think jealousy isn't type- or quadra-specific. But, yes, I've experienced jealousy with several people, though not in the same way you describe, not as much obvious anger. For me, jealousy has its roots in insecurity - and for all of the times I've felt jealous I have had good reasons to be insecure. For example, in all cases there was a lack of explicit commitment. It really hurt and it took me some work to figure out what was going on (even though it looked obvious from the outside) as well as a journey to get to the point where I could build up trust and safety with someone who both wanted and deserved it.

    Being able to name and identify what you're feeling is a great first start. Next is tracing it back to triggers (you've already started doing that, too), IDing those triggers, where they in turn originate, etc., and figuring out what holds the most weight and is most important to you.

    So, for example, the guy hitting on your girlfriend, what's upsetting you? That he's hitting on her or how she responds / doesn't respond? If the latter, is that striking a wound or weakness in you? Is there something more you want in this relationship? What would it look like to bring all that up to your girlfriend? Does bringing it up have risks for you? And so on.

    If you don't have answers to all the questions that arise, that's human. But answering them helps with progress. Heck, even just asking is a start.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
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    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

    "Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue." - Francis Thompson

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    I felt intense jealousy when i was in love. Maybe it is a function of age too, i dunno, well rn i am not in love so i don't feel jealousy, this last bit is probably not useful to you. Frankly to me what OP describes seems normal. But maybe bottling your feeling up is not good. There ya go, a completely useless post....heck, let's make it more useful.

    I think, at least it seems to me, that what Minde writes here is correct, in that if your relationship with this SLI girl is not clear, then you might feel like your intense feeling is perhaps misplaced, which would mean you can't speak to it/address it/bring it up, which in turn exacerbates your feeling etc. Maybe, for whatever reason, you feel you have no right to say anything? That would make more sense, also extrapolating here from personal experience.

    But maybe you expect your SLI date to set limits herself, tbh i believe in that too in that i don't think it's for me to curtail someone's freedom, yet, just expecting them to catch on on this is leaving it to luck a bit since communicating this can be tricky. Try to communicate something of what bothers you either way. cheers
    Last edited by Delilah; 01-21-2020 at 05:15 AM.

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    I still remember the first time I felt jealousy. It was show and tell in a first grade class. Another boy had brought some polished and cut gemstones to class that he had because his parents were geologists. The stuff he brought was really cool to look at, and I think I envied that he had such cool parents. Everyone seemed to like him and what he brought, and he got a lot of time during the activity. He seemed fairly shy but well mannered. I guess the fact that he seemed so perfect to me and that he had a better life situation was what aroused envy in me. If I hadn't reacted that way, though, and instead had seen him as someone to become friends with, there probably would have been a different outcome. Curiosity would have been a much better reaction than jealousy, but alas it was what it was.

    Never had an SO, so that was my only way of replying. Sorry xD

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