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Thread: Shocking: Duals not immune to divorce

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    Default Shocking: Duals not immune to divorce

    Just read that Colin Firth (SLI) and his wife are going to divorce. It never entered my mind to check out his wife's type, but today I did, and I came to a shocking conclusion: DUALS DO DIVORCE!

    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    Unless they’re foreign.

    Cough, my parents.

    It’s like, illegal for them.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
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    Dreams were made to shatter.

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    Yes duals divorce. My new EII friend is dumping his LSE partner who is abusive

    So yeah it takes more than duality. People have to be healthy
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
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    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    I know of harmonizing SEI + normalizing ILE who got divorced. Not the best subtype combination.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Singu View Post
    Shut the fuck up, dumbass.


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    Maybe they were actually conflictors.

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    People go in different directions.

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    I have never had any issues with my dual. They see whatever mood I’m in and expressing and they encourage me to be the opposite when I should be and do the opposite emotion. Especially when I’m down, when I’m angry, when I’m crazy. Especially when they’re 9s - a combo of logical yet relaxed, at peace enough to understand feelings or at the very least attempt to. Yeah, I just really love my duals I guess. It feels romantic when it’s just platonic, actually. Regardless of their gender, sexual orientation - it’s like we’re meant to be in each other’s lives.

    But I know for a lot, there ARE struggles. And duality can be the MOST difficult relation for some. It’s more true for one type than another though. Gamma duality seems to be the messiest from what I’ve observed. Two willfully independent people with different views is bound to clash. Some people are abusive or the abused, unhealthy or too healthy (yes, it can cause problems ). You get the point!
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
    7w6 2w3 8w9 - The Free Spirit

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    Quote Originally Posted by mclane View Post
    Maybe they were actually conflictors.
    Actually they were not:

    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    Actually they were not:

    You quote that picture as if it was evidence or something. I am seeing there a potential SLI-EIE or ILI-ESE.

    EDIT: After seeing more pictures, I actually think they are ILI-Ni--IEE-Ne, mirage.
    Last edited by mclane; 12-14-2019 at 11:23 PM.

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    But yeah, duals do divorce.

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    Duals are not allowed to divorce. You need to be re-educated in Socionics principles.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Socionics Is Not A Cult View Post
    Duals are not allowed to divorce. You need to be re-educated in Socionics principles.
    My thoughts exactly. I want my money back!
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mclane View Post
    EDIT: After seeing more pictures, I actually think they are ILI-Ni--IEE-Ne, mirage.
    Nonsense. It is clear as fuck that Firth is SLI, but if you want proof, get the DVD of the movie Girl with the Pearl Earring, and watch the extras. You will see an SLI-pur-sang.
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    Nonsense. It is clear as fuck that Firth is SLI, but if you want proof, get the DVD of the movie Girl with the Pearl Earring, and watch the extras. You will see an SLI-pur-sang.
    He might be. Which subtype of SLI?

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    Quote Originally Posted by flames View Post
    I have never had any issues with my dual. They see whatever mood I’m in and expressing and they encourage me to be the opposite when I should be and do the opposite emotion. Especially when I’m down, when I’m angry, when I’m crazy. Especially when they’re 9s - a combo of logical yet relaxed, at peace enough to understand feelings or at the very least attempt to. Yeah, I just really love my duals I guess. It feels romantic when it’s just platonic, actually. Regardless of their gender, sexual orientation - it’s like we’re meant to be in each other’s lives.

    But I know for a lot, there ARE struggles. And duality can be the MOST difficult relation for some. It’s more true for one type than another though. Gamma duality seems to be the messiest from what I’ve observed. Two willfully independent people with different views is bound to clash. Some people are abusive or the abused, unhealthy or too healthy (yes, it can cause problems ). You get the point!
    I had to lulz at the tragic truth of this, at least for me. I've never, in all of my days, had a non messy relationship with a dual I engaged at a close psychological distance, be they family, friend, or lover. They never run "smoothly" and "seamlessly," which I kinda dig in that there are always high stakes, maximum intensity and never a dull moment; and the degree to which we last/succeed does seem to usually come down to our tolerance for a seemingly never-ending game of cat and mouse.

    I chalk it up to Gamma NTs not being "victim" types in the same way that Beta NFs are; rather, we're "pseudo-aggressors," especially LIEs who tend to be more outwardly aggressive towards our environment/the world than we ultimately are within an intimate relationship; historically, I've often been the one making the first move > do the lion on a prowl strut, spray pheromones everywhere, don my Captain Save-a-ho cape, perform feats of "strength," throw in some edgelord, antihero shit to show I'm complicated/"large and contain multitudes," and basically do everything that gives the impression of "I'm A LOT, I do the MOST, as you can see my shit Fi can land me in some dicey scenarios, now can you handle that, going forward? Can you trust someone who barely trusts themselves?" lol Because, of course, dat Ni is always looking to the future and at how things will develop over time.

    Astonishingly, my duals would always seem to find redeeming qualities in me and believe that I was a much better person than I believed I was (or, at the very least, they tolerated my complexity while pushing me to be better), which had a calming, taming, endearing affect on me and my antics. But once my Fi was activated, it would become anxious af because it realized that it wasn't as good at detecting how trustworthy/loyal my dual was, how truthful they were being when they claimed to actually love my hard to love ass; not to mention, my Ni was always busy trying to find meaning and significance in every action of theirs, in order to keep me "seeing clearly," to keep me from making a mistake. Because, from my vantage point, Se/Fi is sex and desirability on wheels, whether by default or choice/intent. And even though that's what, in part, would initially draw me to them, unfortunately during the period of time where I was testing them with my tomfoolery and temporarily pushed them away, they understandably pulled some stunt queen shit to show me I was never the catch, anyway, and that it was always about them, rightfully so, which meant I could be discarded for a myriad of others licking at their heels (ESI-Se is like a "mini" SEE in this way), thereby simultaneously putting me in my place AND perpetuating the cycle for mutual distrust to always be a prominent factor. lol And that mutual distrust lead to non stop [inevitably destructive] attempts to prove that we never truly needed each other, even though we desperately wanted each other. And once Fi has been good and wounded enough, kiss goodbye any chance of going back to the "better days."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alonzo View Post
    I had to lulz at the tragic truth of this, at least for me. I've never, in all of my days, had a non messy relationship with a dual I engaged at a close psychological distance, be they family, friend, or lover. They never run "smoothly" and "seamlessly," which I kinda dig in that there are always high stakes, maximum intensity and never a dull moment; and the degree to which we last/succeed does seem to usually come down to our tolerance for a seemingly never-ending game of cat and mouse.

    I chalk it up to Gamma NTs not being "victim" types in the same way that Beta NFs are; rather, we're "pseudo-aggressors," especially LIEs who tend to be more outwardly aggressive towards our environment/the world than we ultimately are within an intimate relationship; historically, I've often been the one making the first move > do the lion on a prowl strut, spray pheromones everywhere, don my Captain Save-a-ho cape, perform feats of "strength," throw in some edgelord, antihero shit to show I'm complicated/"large and contain multitudes," and basically do everything that gives the impression of "I'm A LOT, I do the MOST, as you can see my shit Fi can land me in some dicey scenarios, now can you handle that, going forward? Can you trust someone who barely trusts themselves?" lol Because, of course, dat Ni is always looking to the future and at how things will develop over time.

    Astonishingly, my duals would always seem to find redeeming qualities in me and believe that I was a much better person than I believed I was (or, at the very least, they tolerated my complexity while pushing me to be better), which had a calming, taming, endearing affect on me and my antics. But once my Fi was activated, it would become anxious af because it realized that it wasn't as good at detecting how trustworthy/loyal my dual was, how truthful they were being when they claimed to actually love my hard to love ass; not to mention, my Ni was always busy trying to find meaning and significance in every action of theirs, in order to keep me "seeing clearly," to keep me from making a mistake. Because, from my vantage point, Se/Fi is sex and desirability on wheels, whether by default or choice/intent. And even though that's what, in part, would initially draw me to them, unfortunately during the period of time where I was testing them with my tomfoolery and temporarily pushed them away, they understandably pulled some stunt queen shit to show me I was never the catch, anyway, and that it was always about them, rightfully so, which meant I could be discarded for a myriad of others licking at their heels (ESI-Se is like a "mini" SEE in this way), thereby simultaneously putting me in my place AND perpetuating the cycle for mutual distrust to always be a prominent factor. lol And that mutual distrust lead to non stop [inevitably destructive] attempts to prove that we never truly needed each other, even though we desperately wanted each other. And once Fi has been good and wounded enough, kiss goodbye any chance of going back to the "better days."
    My fucking God, this is accurate.

    Quoted for posterity.

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    @Alonzo, I have sometimes wondered if you were LIE, but with the above post, you closed the door on that question.

    So much truth there. So many quotable bits.

    ”Captain Save-a-ho” indeed. Been there, done that. When I go in there with that attitude, it’s a fail for sure.

    And I don’t look or feel like a Victim, while still fitting the strict definition of one. And the ESI’s working so hard to be on top. “Stunt queen shit”. LMFAO.

    So much truth. Shaking my head.

    Your post should append Strat’s description of LIE-ESI duality, for the opposing view. You should put it there, or I will. The LIE’s who come after us deserve no less.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 12-15-2019 at 03:15 PM.

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    I’ve been thinking about this for a long while.

    I think that the only chance that LIE’s and ESI’s have of long-term getting together is if they either meet in crisis, or have major-failed with others and are now ready to recognize that despite everything else, the dual is The One. No looking sideways, no looking back, just looking at each other.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 12-15-2019 at 03:32 PM.

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    Compatibility of cognitive preferences does not imply compatibility of values/beliefs, compatibility by mutual physical attraction (though there is a correlation), nor the compatibility of societal status (more important for certain dyads) and the list goes on. Though I would say compatibility of cognitive preference is one of the most important as it makes you downplay the others.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alonzo View Post
    I had to lulz at the tragic truth of this, at least for me. I've never, in all of my days, had a non messy relationship with a dual I engaged at a close psychological distance, be they family, friend, or lover. They never run "smoothly" and "seamlessly," which I kinda dig in that there are always high stakes, maximum intensity and never a dull moment; and the degree to which we last/succeed does seem to usually come down to our tolerance for a seemingly never-ending game of cat and mouse.

    I chalk it up to Gamma NTs not being "victim" types in the same way that Beta NFs are; rather, we're "pseudo-aggressors," especially LIEs who tend to be more outwardly aggressive towards our environment/the world than we ultimately are within an intimate relationship; historically, I've often been the one making the first move > do the lion on a prowl strut, spray pheromones everywhere, don my Captain Save-a-ho cape, perform feats of "strength," throw in some edgelord, antihero shit to show I'm complicated/"large and contain multitudes," and basically do everything that gives the impression of "I'm A LOT, I do the MOST, as you can see my shit Fi can land me in some dicey scenarios, now can you handle that, going forward? Can you trust someone who barely trusts themselves?" lol Because, of course, dat Ni is always looking to the future and at how things will develop over time.

    Astonishingly, my duals would always seem to find redeeming qualities in me and believe that I was a much better person than I believed I was (or, at the very least, they tolerated my complexity while pushing me to be better), which had a calming, taming, endearing affect on me and my antics. But once my Fi was activated, it would become anxious af because it realized that it wasn't as good at detecting how trustworthy/loyal my dual was, how truthful they were being when they claimed to actually love my hard to love ass; not to mention, my Ni was always busy trying to find meaning and significance in every action of theirs, in order to keep me "seeing clearly," to keep me from making a mistake. Because, from my vantage point, Se/Fi is sex and desirability on wheels, whether by default or choice/intent. And even though that's what, in part, would initially draw me to them, unfortunately during the period of time where I was testing them with my tomfoolery and temporarily pushed them away, they understandably pulled some stunt queen shit to show me I was never the catch, anyway, and that it was always about them, rightfully so, which meant I could be discarded for a myriad of others licking at their heels (ESI-Se is like a "mini" SEE in this way), thereby simultaneously putting me in my place AND perpetuating the cycle for mutual distrust to always be a prominent factor. lol And that mutual distrust lead to non stop [inevitably destructive] attempts to prove that we never truly needed each other, even though we desperately wanted each other. And once Fi has been good and wounded enough, kiss goodbye any chance of going back to the "better days."
    ESI and LIE need to both be busy doing stuff like work or chores. Then there's no time for quarrels or mind games. If/when either LIEs or ESIs start becoming bossy and uncompromising, it's endgame.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I’ve been thinking about this for a long while.

    I think that the only chance that LIE’s and ESI’s have of long-term getting together is if they either meet in crisis, or have major-failed with others and are now ready to recognize that despite everything else, the dual is The One. No looking sideways, no looking back, just looking at each other.
    I especially agree with the emboldened, 100 percent–well said. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the idea that if I do end up with a dual for the long haul, it will be because we’ve both been sufficiently humbled by life (without being bitter), are worn out/tired/battle weary (exhausted our options and nobody else wants our asses), have surrendered the worst aspects of ourselves > needless control, resistance, self-centeredness, suspicion < and are, therefore, unable to do little else besides be “present,” honest, and gracious–when both parties can freely offer those things, then trust is easy. But, damn, what a journey. lol

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    Are ESIs really suspicious? I think they're even somewhat too trusting when they like you.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alonzo View Post
    I had to lulz at the tragic truth of this, at least for me. I've never, in all of my days, had a non messy relationship with a dual I engaged at a close psychological distance, be they family, friend, or lover. They never run "smoothly" and "seamlessly," which I kinda dig in that there are always high stakes, maximum intensity and never a dull moment; and the degree to which we last/succeed does seem to usually come down to our tolerance for a seemingly never-ending game of cat and mouse.

    I chalk it up to Gamma NTs not being "victim" types in the same way that Beta NFs are; rather, we're "pseudo-aggressors," especially LIEs who tend to be more outwardly aggressive towards our environment/the world than we ultimately are within an intimate relationship; historically, I've often been the one making the first move > do the lion on a prowl strut, spray pheromones everywhere, don my Captain Save-a-ho cape, perform feats of "strength," throw in some edgelord, antihero shit to show I'm complicated/"large and contain multitudes," and basically do everything that gives the impression of "I'm A LOT, I do the MOST, as you can see my shit Fi can land me in some dicey scenarios, now can you handle that, going forward? Can you trust someone who barely trusts themselves?" lol Because, of course, dat Ni is always looking to the future and at how things will develop over time.

    Astonishingly, my duals would always seem to find redeeming qualities in me and believe that I was a much better person than I believed I was (or, at the very least, they tolerated my complexity while pushing me to be better), which had a calming, taming, endearing affect on me and my antics. But once my Fi was activated, it would become anxious af because it realized that it wasn't as good at detecting how trustworthy/loyal my dual was, how truthful they were being when they claimed to actually love my hard to love ass; not to mention, my Ni was always busy trying to find meaning and significance in every action of theirs, in order to keep me "seeing clearly," to keep me from making a mistake. Because, from my vantage point, Se/Fi is sex and desirability on wheels, whether by default or choice/intent. And even though that's what, in part, would initially draw me to them, unfortunately during the period of time where I was testing them with my tomfoolery and temporarily pushed them away, they understandably pulled some stunt queen shit to show me I was never the catch, anyway, and that it was always about them, rightfully so, which meant I could be discarded for a myriad of others licking at their heels (ESI-Se is like a "mini" SEE in this way), thereby simultaneously putting me in my place AND perpetuating the cycle for mutual distrust to always be a prominent factor. lol And that mutual distrust lead to non stop [inevitably destructive] attempts to prove that we never truly needed each other, even though we desperately wanted each other. And once Fi has been good and wounded enough, kiss goodbye any chance of going back to the "better days."
    The sad part is that the rollercoaster of highs and lows becomes an addiction. Especially with Beta NF it becomes the fixture of the relationship. All of my relationships have ended in tragedy, even the last one which was very positive and stable (except for occasional moments like when I would spend all day waiting for us to meet each other only for the day to end with him saying “Sorry, I’m unable to because of X”, wherein I would sort of punish him for it, because I’m sort of like Rapunzel waiting in my tower for someone to tug at my hair until they reach me. ). The ESI girl I was with would have her Fi hurt by me in ways that I didn’t understand and I often thought it was stupid even, and she would play this on-again-off-again game and constantly block me every time there was a problem instead of communicating it or lashing out which is more of the Fe way of handling it, I suppose.

    But the worst one of them all was me and the IEI. I still think to this day he is the love of my life. Hell, we were talking for hours yesterday and he even cancelled work to spend all that time with me. I’ve known him for a year and over a half and spent the entire time trying to save him with no avail because he’s an unhealthy 4 and prefers a mindset of “I shouldn’t be happy with so much suffering in the world, happiness is selfish”. He is currently in an almost-relationship with another moody introvert who’s somehow even mentally worse than him and I kept lecturing him on what he should do and that if he sticks with this person they will drag him into the grave with him. He hates when I do that but I’m really the only person who would (Ej wants you to do the proper thing as you should and will bombard you about it, dammit!). It’s just my FeNi nature of “I must help everyone I love and I see how all these events will unfold”. We also had issues surrounding his identity of being like no one else. If you know me you know I hate the special snowflake persona and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to break him free of it because it only takes you south.

    I think EIE can also be slightly pseudo-aggressor too but in a different way. It’s the lecturing on what you should be doing thing, and the forceful expression of every emotion emotion bashing your skull in. I know what is best for you and I’m going to be upfront about it no matter how nasty it sounds because I can’t watch you throw your life away and jump off a cliff, metaphorically speaking. And, like you were saying about the adrenaline rush of a messy relationship... well let me give you an example. When him and I were talking yesterday, my mood swung all over the place. First, it was a regular conversation, then it was my typical biting resentment at him for breaking my heart, then it was me talking about how I’m so happy and him talking about how he’s miserable, then it was me sobbing over how no one will ever love me, then it was me sobbing and expressing my deep love for him, then I was happy again and mushy and we were sharing our poems with each other... My histrionic and Fe ways.

    What a mess.
    Last edited by flames; 12-16-2019 at 12:48 AM. Reason: too
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    Oh yeah; want to add that strangely I have never had ANY sort of drama in my relations with LSI. It’s extremely chill and upbeat in a way that’s quite foreign to me but very pleasing.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



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  27. #27
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    SLEs have a way of getting on my last damn nerves so no this doesn't surprise me.

    Also while there was a similar sense of exitement and a similar kind of natural back and forth in all of the dual relationships I have experienced; it is pretty obvious to me that on an emotionnal level they all brought me something different.

    Some duals might make amazing friends or business partners and not be marriage material for you even though they seem like the love of your life at times.

    Some people might even say that humans are just not made for marriage anyway. Maybe if this guy you're talking about and his wife didn't get married they would still be together lol.

    I would say though that we tend to remember duals more than we tend to remember other types. As a consequence reviving a romantic relationships between two duals seems to be easier than reviving a romantic relationship between non-dual partners.

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