Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
Does anyone else feel like their duals would consciously value someone much more like themselves than like you?
Oh yeah, for sure. When I used to envision myself being with a woman (that sounds so euphemistic, doesn’t it — just being in a relationship with one, I mean!) — I tended to imagine someone pretty similar to me. ESEs are not really the first type of person to come to mind when I envision a “perfect” match for me, though I can actually see it. They encourage me to be more out-there, and their positivity and “nice”-ness are genuinely good for me. Usually. There are exceptions.

@Tallmo, continuing the thought I had earlier, when I spend too much time with my SEI I begin to feel drained. Like I’ve got to constantly amp up the Ne and be performative, and “bridge” these constant assumptions and thoughts that she brings up with Ne-Ti, which is fine in the short term, but isn’t in my nature to do constantly. It’s hard to explain. Like at everything in life, she wants these grand ideas that all fit together for her; everything has to be integrated into a grand worldview, maybe. Perfect for an ILE! Whereas I do better with ESEs constantly talking about ideas they’ve already formed — they seem more like they’re constantly asking for advice/refining of their ideas, which comes more easily to me.

On my SEI’s end, she’s expressed a feeling that nothing she does for me is ever enough. That if she brings me food, I’m appreciative, but don’t *seem* to properly appreciate the effort that went into it, and just want more in a few hours — a quality vs quantity type of caregiving, maybe.