IEI/ESE - Supervisor/Supervisee as friendship
I want to give a personal account of Supervisor/Supervisee relationship that was a deep friendship. I'd love to hear if any of you have had a long relationship based on this intertype. Feel free to also ask questions
One of the greatest benefits of learning socionics it that it allows you to analyze and give clarity to your past relationships. Most of us have had long relationships that are no more.
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. - Kierkegaard
I (IEI) met him(ESE) when we were both 12 and our relationship ended at 26. We attended school together from the 7th grade all the way up to our senior year in college. We hung out consistently over the period. Always had classes together - hung out most weekends whether together or with a group. I have many beautiful memories of our relationship - we had many "first" experiences together that you do as you grow up. Our relationship was filled with laughter, honesty, and loyalty.
He had a true devotion to me - cared for me - had loyalty that I never questioned.
I initially started the relationship because he was popular and I had just moved to this new school. I viewed Joe as capable, smart and overall a good guy. One thing I never quite understood was why he was so popular. Overall I felt he was unremarkable but I liked who he was.
At times he would use threat of physical force to make me do something that he wanted throughout the relationship. This started very early in our relationship. About a year after we started hanging out - he physically attacked me - I don't remember why - but I probably said something that ticked him off. I didn't understand why he did but a few days later he apologized to me along with his parents(who I also formed a close relationship with throughout our friendship) and we moved on. At the height of our relationship - even though he had many other friends - he and his Family made it clear how valuable and special they felt our relationship was to him and them. I hung with his parents more then mine over that period at times.
As time went on and we hit the midpoint of our relationship, he then began to always point out whenever I did anything stupid, made a mistake, or would constantly express how I didn't know anything about anything. I got the sense he needed to feel like he was smarter and in a position of power. Not wanting to loose a friend - I submitted to him on this...when he tried control my behavior, I would give in. He would always call me stupid when he could. I didn't care as I always knew I was more intelligent and let him have it and assumed the "dumb" role.
I began to submit because it was clear he wanted to be the "smarter/powerful" one in the relationship. I accepted this and actually increased my stupidity around him because it would make him laugh. What he liked about me was my unpredictability, how I always could make him laugh, and the sense of loyalty to him. I held the "Power" in the relationship for the first half - and he displayed none of this behavior.
I was attracted to his warm friendly demeanor, popularity(he increased my my social hierarchy), and his ability to know when I was in a bad mood and how to make it better.
He made it known that he was more physically capable and that any time he could beat the hell out of me. At times when he wasn't happy with what I was doing or going to do he would initiate with threat of physical force. He also at times would do it when I said something he didn't agree with. Getting close to my face, threatening posture, dead seriousness in his eyes. Although I wasn't afraid of him, when he would threaten violence, I would back off from whatever it was as I knew fighting him would end the relationship.
On the last day of our relationship, I was particularly upset at his verbal abuse that day, and while we we were out with mutual friends I decided to lay in to him. I did it front of a few other people because just before I said it I knew it would be the end. I had wanted to say these things for years. It doesn't matter what I said - but it was truth, honesty about all his flaws, I hit him right where I knew he would MOST HURT. He didn't react and asked me to take a drive to talk. We got in the car and got out in a field.
Before I knew it, he had knocked me out and beat the hell out of me.
I didn't press charges - I knew it was time to move on.
He seems LSE and one with personal issues. Report him because a bully will do it to someone else and that next person may not survive......
This has nothing to do with socionics. That person seems dangerous and highly problematic. Report him and stay away.
This is a very sad story. I'm glad to hear that this Relationship is over.
Maybe next time you can try put an end to such relationships as soon as they become abusive. Never just "move on" from somebody putting their hands on you.
That's interesting. Are you sure in ESE for him? I think he could be SEE too. I've interacted with both types for long periods of time. The one who tends to use physical aggression more often is SEE.
ESE use aggression when they loose their temper or as in creating some drama, but usually are not physically aggressive (though, male kids can be usually aggressive, especially any S). About feeling smarter than others, I think both do it (ESE and SEE), but SEE could be kinda aggressive about this while ESE is more about pushing verbally onto ppl and try to convince others that their pov is correct because they know what they are talking more than you (sometimes they are right sometimes they are not). Whatever his type is, thanks for sharing.
On a side note, I've had observed the IEI/ESE relationship in person between two family members, the IEI is always arguing the ESE pov and the ESE just ends up rolling eyes and changing topic to avoid further discussion. They seem to have a common ground when they are criticizing someone else. lol
When the ESE criticize or attempts to talk about the habits of IEI (usually about health), the IEI gets furious, arguing in loud voice and slamming doors. The ESE usually take care of ppl doing the food and similar, but the IEI always have a complain about ESEs lack of attention to fulfill IEI wishes.
Last edited by Tommy; 11-30-2019 at 04:32 PM.
Pydex, your story doesn’t sound so much like a Supervisory relationship so much as an abusive one.
Both of you seemed to be triggering each other. You were triggered by his verbal abuse, while he was triggered by your criticisms of him.
Originally Posted by Pydex
He sounds more like your conflictor than your supervisee. Logical types are more inclined to call someone "stupid" as compared to ethical types.
Ethical types don't really notice how intelligent or stupid someone is, they only noticed how kind or unkind someone is.
This relationship is classified as dangerous and I was trying to show an example of why. Also, there's plenty of evidence then the supervisee gets abusive physically.
Definite ESE. His thinking wasnt strong - always stuggled in school. ESE's can be the most emotionally manipulative.