sbbds does a questionnaire thoroughly
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
I’ve been an expatriate for the last few years, and my field is within nonprofits, charity organizations, and education. [sentence redacted, ask me for it] I teach English and science. I might attempt a masters degree in Development Management very soon.
I just fell into my current job a few months ago out of necessity due to suddenly quitting from my previous job and needing to maintain constantly employed for documentation purposes. Before that, I was working as a manager at a cultural/language center, and for the board of a medical exchange nonprofit. I left these jobs because I was being harassed by the owners, and also because they were being ineffectual. I had a couple of other odd jobs as well, such as editing international trade emails, and assisting university teachers: preparing lectures, marking homework and editing research abstracts, IT/tech stuff, etc.
I studied a number of different things noncommitally, including biology, linguistics, psychology and business operations management. Ultimately I decided to pursue my calling for doing something humanitarian, and my previous studies have ended up being useful towards this.
I got into this field because I hate injustice, and incompetence in the world of trying to make a difference. I also have always had a distaste for over-indulgent consumerism, wasting resources, and upside-down, inhumane prioritizing of values on a global scale. I had a lot of issues within my family and community growing up, and this sent me into deep depression as a teenager. I found that volunteering and helping out in the community was healing for me. I have always been praised for my critical thinking abilities, so I decided that I would just try it out. It was also around this time that I found out that I was an ESTp and realized that my strengths corresponded to the profile. So I decided I would use my uncommon personality in this humanitarian field to cut off excess frivolous waste, and implement better decision-making with frugality and critical analysis. Use my cunning, pragmatism and hard edge for the greater good so to speak lol.
Actually some Ni leading types who had already been successful gave me a lot of encouragement and support too.
I generally like my current job, except that there are too few vacation days, pay is low, and my coworkers will hear me if I have to fart. I like talking to and dealing with all my unique, generally very well-adjusted [clients] and coworkers, and I like being a part of their development. I took this job on in an emergency though, and I’ll probably be gone by the end of next year.
What are your values, and why?
What the fuck is a value? I value perseverance, caring kindness, empathy, kinship and love, maybe.
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
Typology, reading articles on psychology, science, and esoteric topics on the internet. I also like health and fitness stuff. I used to lift weights, do hot yoga, and run regularly, but it’s been a while. I don’t really have much free time at the moment, but I use it keeping in touch with friends, listening to music and reflecting or spending time with my boyfriend when not on here.
Why I do them is an unnecessary question. Keeping your mind, body and relationships healthy is obviously desirable.
I suppose other than occult things, if I have more free time I actually like to read fiction or learn things about the world that I can use somewhat tactile-ly, like brushing up on languages, physical sciences and how different things work. I used to do things like read the Tao Te Ching and about various philosophers too, and attempted the Bible, attending church and temple, some religious study when I was a kid. It was just dabbling and I tend to set metaphysical things aside once I get the basic idea of them though. I remember when I was a kid I learned HTML and CSS just to make a nice custom web page about my pet hamster. I lived close to our community library and went fairly often. I tried knitting, pottery, a whole bunch of different sports as a kid / young teen, before I become depressed. I’m basically a “try everything once” type of person.
Actually I’m working on a language certification now, but being lazy about cracking down and studying. I’ll be cramming.
Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
Friends - good. Family - bad, generally speaking. I haven’t spoken to my family in half a year. My friends are family to me.
I like that my friends are fantastic, caring, persevering and successful people in their own lives. They are understanding and supportive of me, and we all understand each other very well due to having somewhat similar backgrounds. We make the effort to keep in touch with each other and meet whenever we can, even though we’re busy and often are living in different areas of the world. We are invested in each other’s lives and personal development. It brings me great pleasure to be supportive towards someone worth the investment, and to have each other as a part of our journeys. My best friends are SEE and LIE. I have another person I’d consider a best friend who I primarily interact online with, who is IEI. These are all women.
I’d consider my ILE boyfriend to be a best friend too. Some other internet friends like @Viktor (he doesn’t use this now) are also like my best friends, and I have a male LSI friend from school who I sporadically yet regularly keep in touch with.
I’ve always had issues with my family, and relations with them are just barely hanging in there. My mother is a very not-self-aware, childish, violently angry LSE e1w2. She’s a tiger mom on steroids. At the least, our family doctor thought she had post-partum depression and bipolar. My dad is an ILI e5 who was probably heavily abused as a child and young man, by his mentally ill stepmother who escaped from Nazi Germany. He continued letting himself be abused by my mother, and eventually ended up being abusive towards me too. My childhood (and adulthood when I wasn’t living away from family) was characterized by daily screaming matches that lasted for hours or nights until morning, verbal and physical threats and occasionally violence, interventions by family and social workers that never worked, neighborhood arguments with the police being called, etc. As a result I am a little bit hesitant when someone wants to get close to me or says they love me lol, and don’t think blood means much at all.
I did spend a lot of my childhood being raised after school by my ESI grandmother and LIE grandfather too, who were relatively much saner. They couldn’t really understand what I was going through though because they weren’t able to witness most of it. They were also from traditional Confucian culture where relational issues and especially mental illness are heavily stigmatized. This created distance between us and I would say between me and people as a whole (I was also an only child), but I considered my grandparents to be my more responsible, “real parents” nevertheless. I would be more able to recognize my closeness with them if I hadn’t had my attachment reflex crushed and stomped on 1000 times over by my actual parents.
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
Friends: Someone who can understand me, who I can be blunt, genuine and candid with, and who can fit into my life like family. People who are emotionally supportive, with some similar interests.
Romantic relationships: Love (deep mutual investment, caring and understanding), low-key fun, someone I can be myself around who can listen to my rants and opinions, monetary support and prestige is nice too lol, and sexual compatibility. Someone to grow together with.
In both I’m looking for people who I can devote myself to and who can join my life journey, basically. This requires us to be highly invested in each other’s life goals and development. It’s like what religious people say about devoting yourself to “god”, except I want to do it with my relationships with people who actually exist LOL.
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
Probably the biggest conflict I’ve gotten into recently has been with my ex-boss, several months ago. He was an LIE and not very mature or honest. He made sexually vulgar, crude comments about my boyfriend and I (at the least), and was retarded with management and finances. A bunch of his employees quit around the same time, including me.
I sometimes have minor conflict with my bf but it’s basically just him being dumb/inexperienced, me complaining and then him being like “OK sorry”. He never gets angry back at me so I’m not sure how far that constitutes conflict.
How would your friends describe you?
IEI male 4w5: Outspoken, smart, cute. Disparate online and IRL presences.
SEE female: Deep, gifted thinking, loyal, weird
LIE female: Derpy, unexpectedly caring, thoughtful and attentive, unique thinking, can have trouble articulating self, very well-liked by everyone in school (“One thing that stood out was how literally everyone liked you, like anybody who you asked would say they thought sbbds was cool, and all sorts of vastly different groups would invite you to hang out with them”)
SEE and LIE: Generally very socially aware
ESI ex-supervisor: Everyone at work liked you
ILE male: Really intelligent and astute, mature, funny with a dry, ironic sense of humor, a good person, good teacher, very positive outlook on life
EIE male: Pure, kind of a geek
SLI, SEI, ILE female coworkers: Very professional, confident, managerial vibe, strong, very focused and hardworking
People who do not know me well often comment that I seem like a somewhat restrained and reserved yet high-energy, mysterious, deep thinker. I have a memory of bumping into a friend’s dad when I was a kid (he is an alpha NT) and he randomly said, “sbbds could be a philosopher”. I have a lot going on inside me but I can’t be bothered to articulate even a small portion of it, usually.
What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
Other people: In adulthood, probably seeming smart, put-together and attractive.
What I like about myself: I like my ability to prioritize and execute things to ensure success even under trying circumstances. I also like that I actively try to be a good person, and don’t care too much about superficial mundane things. I like that I don’t make unfounded assumptions about people (they are usually based on experience when I do, and are therefore usually right), nor do I see people as two-dimensional.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
I’m not terribly timewise always. If I know the time won’t be important, I will ignore it. However, I’m gifted at timing when it comes to important things.
I’m very sensitive towards the attitudes certain others have towards me. It’s important to me to be liked by them at all times lol. I’m emotionally needy and dependent on my loved ones and on those I see on a daily basis, even though I try not to show it, and am very sensitive about these people especially. I’m not sure if I dislike this about myself, but it represents difficulty.
I can very occasionally run my mouth slightly inappropriately by accident lol. I guess that’s something I don’t like about myself.
In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
I think everything is good right now. I just wish I had more time, money and energy of course lol. I prefer being independent.
What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?
I dislike pretty much everything involved with work of any sort, unless I can really feel like I’m doing something productive and am getting into the flow. I like organizing things when I have nothing better to do. I absolutely hate routine that humans have been domesticated into doing, like waking up, going to work, sleeping, and eating at specific regular times. I don’t like to follow anyone or anything, especially an arbitrary chart telling me how to live my life, like a factory farm animal.
I enjoy relaxing and exerting myself on my own terms, according to my own plans and logic, basically. Sometimes I like outside help by being pushed to do things I want to, but only to some degree.
What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
I used to not be into excess and luxury too much, but then I discovered modern architecture on Pinterest lol. I also realized I wanted to have a family eventually, and I want to be able to support and protect my existing family and friends in case of emergency and to just enjoy life with them, so I want to reel in the green, get married and have my own family. That’s my goal. I realized how important making money was when I was a student returning from working, unemployed, had very little financial and immediate other support around me left and hit rock bottom. I hope to do it within the humanitarian sector (or make money through education or business) and reach greater heights of success there too, eventually being more involved in strategic management with nonprofits that specifically handle developing countries, but we’ll see.
I’m trying to see if I can get a master’s right now, within the next couple of years. I also want a better more relevant job that pays more next year when my current job contract ends.
If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
Get married and have kids right away, travel the world with my family, invest and donate, continue current career path.
What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?
I like a non-PC sense of humor if it’s actually funny. I don’t like shocking things just for the sake of shock. They need to be distinctly rude in an overdone and absurd, but self-aware way. Facetiousness. For example racial humor, if it’s not stuck-up.
For example, I love this guy, who I believe is also SLE: https://youtu.be/YhQk61zvQ2c
I love anything ratchet and crass, dark humor and silliness as long as it isn’t too degenerate or lacking of humanity in an unironic way, or used in a situation where it could hurt (note: not just offend, but actually hurt) others. I pretty much hate anyone showing disapproval of it or of immaturity like this in general, while thinking themselves to be mature and proper, showing they don’t know what real immaturity even is. I like an anti-authoritarian spirit.
I don’t like pretentiousness, when people follow popular opinion without thinking for themselves, or too much fake emotionality. I don’t like it when people desire order and conformity. I think perfectionism and over-cleanliness are both bad. I don’t like caring about tiny inconveniences or first-world problems, which people don’t brace themselves for, and I don’t like having to vicariously experience their incompetence and frustration over it due to emotional contagion. I don’t think those things are good to prioritize and I don’t like it when people prioritize things in an ineffective way.
I don’t like it when people judge others only based on pretentious markers like what school they went to or what their job is, if it isn’t directly relevant criteria.
I like women who are bold and not afraid of the judgment of others when showing themselves off. I don’t like when women are jealous of other women and closed off because of it.
I don’t like it when people unironically act according to social memes or stereotypes.
I also really dislike it when adults act irresponsibly towards or around children and dependents.
What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
To be honest the point of decorativeness as an art or for the sake of it is one I don’t truly understand. However, I really like nice sleek clean modern architecture and interior design because it looks cool and makes me feel calm and like I’m a rich person lol. I like beauty, nature and harmonious lines and I would say that I require it, but I mostly get it from the outside world since I spend most of my time there anyway. I can organize and present my living area attractively, but I don’t really care at all if I’m just on my own. I don’t really mind swimming in garbage. I only clean right before people come over, which is when I try to make it spotless and sanitary, or if it gets really bad.
How do you behave around strangers?
Idk, like normal I guess. I’m often listening to music or something. I almost never talk to them, but strangers will occasionally talk to me. I’m famous among my friends for unintentionally drawing in (often mentally ill) strangers to come and talk to us. If I’m on an airplane, I might talk to the person beside me right before we land (so we can escape soon if it’s awkward), or offer them some of my snacks during the flight.
How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
Well it depends obviously. If it’s some random crazy (internet) stranger I might just ignore it, but I usually try to think about a resolution that’s beneficial to me (including to them too if it’s with someone I care about). If they are getting up in my face and they are not someone I know or like, then I’ll probably insult and attack them back harder. I used to be more passive but now I’ve realized it’s more efficient to hit back once hard in certain circumstances.
What is your biggest accomplishment?
Finding love. Finding and being with my friends and boyfriend in this life. We are all very close and supportive with one another.
I’ve done things like being featured in and having my work published in big international newspapers, working with top universities and high-caliber clients, and doing it all while holding my own in a foreign country as a girl living alone in spite of my past difficulties and without even a bachelor’s degree, but everything else pales in comparison to the above.
What is something you regret?
Nothing lol, pointless emotion.
Who do you admire, and why?
Lots of people in my life, usually for overcoming difficulties to become very awesome. Or I admire certain people, often IEIs for being calm or kind. I can admire people for their specific traits that shine too. It could be anything really.
Generally speaking I admire my friends, or anyone I like. I don’t really know how you’d like or be drawn to certain traits in a person without simultaneously admiring them.
I have two older women who I would consider to be my mentors, whom I obviously admire. One is an ILI professor who I used to work for, and another is an SLE optometrist. They are very beautiful and successful, in a specific way that resonates with me. I think they are also truly humble, generously giving and kind people.
When I was younger I looked up to my LIE grandpa as well. He was able to support many people, and was very successful as well. He was very attentive and caring towards me and other family members while also being a disciplinarian and migrating the entire family across the Pacific.
What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?
Yeah I’ve been very busy with work things and looking into future school and career things lately. And I need to save money and create a better financial plan. Also thinking about the future of my relationship as usual. Today I’m sick too, which is why I’m spending time to reflect and write this in bed.
What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
I used to not really be spiritual at all whatsoever, only philosophical and agnostic. Then in my late teens and early 20s I started having many uncanny experiences, and accepted spirituality in the universe. In any case, it is not a purely cold and rational universe. I think it’s half uncanny and magical if I’m being perfectly honest.
What are your political beliefs, and why? To what extent do you care about politics?
I’m interested in state activities, but I think “politics” as a topic of discussion is retarded. Blanket terms for political leanings that are very situational and layered in reality make me want to curl up and die. Real life, human needs and behavior and money don’t operate according to ideologies pulled out of people’s asses.
Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?
I have an inactive sole proprietorship. I can’t say for the future, but if I were an American citizen or from a similar place I’d make an LLC just for tax benefits lol.
What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
Somewhere I can fart, pee and poo anytime I want, that pays me lots of money with little effort or having to do mundane tasks. Somewhere with flexible hours. I can insult my bosses and they don’t care.
What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
P.E. , art and science. P.E and art because fun and sitting sucks. Science because learning basics about how the world works is important as fuck and interesting lol. You have to live in this place for 70 or 80 years, so it’s good to know what it’s all about and how it works.
How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I act based on social responsibility and incentive and basically expect others to act similarly. I’m usually always expected to take responsibility by others.
What were you like as a kid? How have you changed since you were a child?
People would call me shy a lot as a kid, even though I was more like just quiet. I was also a lot more passive and believed very strongly in turning the other cheek, in part due to others’ expectations for me snowballing. I read a lot as a kid, but don’t so much nowadays. My thoughts on spirituality and the world have also transformed drastically. I was also really stuck up, aloof and nerdy as a kid and got bullied a lot for it. I let my family members bully me too back then. I had no people skills. I didn’t know how to fake smile for pictures.
What was your high school experience like?
Soul-suckingly boring and uninspiring. Tepid, like dipping my anus in a jar of lukewarm milky water. I couldn’t connect with the other kids in school who mostly seemed passionless and dull, except for a few childhood friends of mine. Then I had family issues and severe depression which made the ending a total shit show.
Talk about a significant event from your life.
I once tried to kill myself, but then encountered a fire burning at night in the rain with no visible source of fuel, which stopped me.
Do you like kids? Why or why not?
Yes. Well usually they haven’t developed shitty or evil attitudes and intentions yet, and are adorable.
I can also empathize with them because a lot of people (continuing into adulthood) can think they’re right when they’re not, and (key part here: ) are really authoritarian, hateful, hurtful and controlling towards others about it. I hate that as well.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
Financial security. Otherwise, I would just want them to be good, productive, healthy people and to enjoy their lives. I don’t think I’d want to be too involved or controlling if possible. Something about smooth sailors and rough seas.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Just meditate or research the issue, or ask people for advice on it. Causes are, a difficult situation lol idk.
How do you see other people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
People are sacks of liquid, nerves, memories and dreams. People not seeking and managing basic important things in life first like deep relationships, purpose, financial security, and health, and instead seeking unimportant things in life, is a prevalent social problem. Just suck it up and do it. A lot of the time people don’t do or think of things that are fucking obvious or basic to me and just make their own lives difficult, which blows my mind.
What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?
Wait, reassess the situation, and try something else later.
Are you comfortable taking leadership roles? In what areas? Why or why not?
I don’t mind. In any given situation, strangers or people who don’t know me well might think I’m the boss or leader of a group just due to my appearance or vibe, and are waiting for me to say something helpful or leader-like. This has happened pretty consistently in my life. Then I’m like “herp derp” and they move on.
Last week, a female ILE coworker of mine asked me if I could ask our HR boss to install a refrigerator in our office, because I have a more “commanding presence”. I was not comfortable with doing that lol.
How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?
I was really angry a few weeks ago, but I can’t remember why. Mistreatment or disrespect makes me angry.
What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
Experiencing it, understanding yourself and others, loving, supporting and developing with others, progress, understanding the world.
How do you dress or manage your appearance?
Just try not to look too stupid, fugly or inappropriate, first of all. Try to dress according to the situation. Then if possible, try to look hot lol. If I worked for myself I would dress in a more sexy or revealing way. I probably objectively have somewhat high standards for my own appearance (probably because I was bullied a lot as a little kid; even by my family, whose nickname for me was just “fat girl” in Chinese), as people often randomly come up to me and tell me they think I’m good looking now. But I am quite low-maintenance about it. Like if I wear makeup, I don’t wash it off before I sleep most of the time, and this horrifies women when I tell them. I often don’t really wear socks or underwear either, unless I have some specific reason. I usually only brush my teeth once a day, although I do floss. People ask me how I maintain various aspects of my appearance sometimes in irl because I guess I seem put-together, but actually the secret is just to hate society.
Here I was being a dirty fat nerd at home, a little over a year ago. I look like I was a bit mad about something. Sometimes I wear glasses.
I’ve actually lost 40lbs over the last few years, which I put on during the “hit rock bottom” period of my life.
Do you like surprises?
I like good surprises and dislike bad ones like anyone else. Nobody is going to go, “I hate you, gtfo” if you ambush and surprise them with a million dollars. Likewise, nobody will get a hard-on if you surprise them by telling them their grandma is dead (almost nobody).
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