I owe a long awaited, earned apology to @Sol

Sol has patiently typed me correctly, had the diligence to pursue me and reframe my actions in proper context, stood alone in his answer while everyone else typed me differently, and has even stood up for me on multiple occasions while others were intent on seeing me as malicious and unreasonable. Thank you, Sol. I apologize for being so stubborn and rude over the past year.


For those curious of my typing:

 Hag and I have been happily living together for a while now. Naturally, when two Socionics-conscious individuals cohabitate, many observations come to light. As you'd likely expect, during our time together we've accumulated a variety of examples of each others' behaviour in various situations, as well as our day-to-day tendencies. What has become increasingly clear is that, not only am I not an EIE, but I'm not a Beta NF at all.

A few days ago, Hag was reading ESI subtype descriptions to me, sharing what she found relatable. Now, I understand many caution against subtypes, but, for what it's worth, the ESI-Se description was eerily pertinent to me. While exploring Wikisocion, I read a plethora of authors' varying portrayals of EIE to compare, followed by the corresponding literature on ESI. What became clear was the consensus on EIE was not only untenable for me, but that many of my own fears, issues, traits, and general quirks were simply better captured in ESI literature.

My expressiveness, oddly enough, is explained through Fi, as ESI enjoys elevating the state and mood of valued relations, as well as even being humorous, playing pranks, and generally entertaining their valued others. However, this behaviour is essentially reserved for valued individuals, and is not a default state (a critical distinction for me). My confrontational moral posts weren't a matter of 'drama', attention, or some Quadral value conjecture on 'traditionalism', but rather Se creative enforcing ethics. My credence to loyalty, tradition, fidelity, etc, were again not a matter of 'Quadral values', but simply being ESI. To cite a more visceral and straightforward example: I have always been a very physically affectionate and possessive individual, seeking the actual physical proximity of my desired relations, among other things. I dislike being physically away from what I want, and can be (at times) overwhelmingly assertive in attacking what I know is wrong, sometimes literally. For example, all the fights I've been in have been in defence of people being bullied and harassed; I don't take shit from anyone, especially people who swagger around like they own everything and everyone, people who have no fucking respect.

It seems my tendency to ignore my own body and comfort isn't 'vulnerability', it's simply devalued Si. Furthermore, with regards to Si, Si Demo in ESI is apparently largely a nurturing capacity used to provide positive sensory experiences (and environments) to their valued relations (Fi), as opposed to a valued end in itself. Basically, I can mostly ignore my own immediate body and needs, but I'm far more proficient at providing nurture than I previously believed (a product of doubting my own positive qualities, which Filatova covers in Ne PoLR). In fact, much of my expression of love goes beyond verbal affirmation and general intimacy, extending to acts of service, gift giving, and more traditional forms of nurture - I even do a majority of the cooking for us, which I'm apparently much better at than I thought I was (again, Filatova). I'm reportedly far too attentive and nurturing, combined with the aforementioned, to be Si PoLR, and I do not regard a variety of related things as 'draining', as many authors assert Si PoLR does. Clearly, neither Enneagram nor being a 'loving F type' can explain all of this away, and these are significant type-related factors.

As for Se, people who both like and detest me know how quick I am to enforce moral standards (given that Se Creative is the output of Fi base), but I also had a relatively accomplished athletic background in my youth. I took Martial Arts (Karate and Kickboxing), Amateur Wrestling, enjoyed rock-climbing and cliff jumping, water-skiing, various forms of boating, succeeded in competitive level Soccer, earned a pre-Lifeguard level swimming grade by the age of 13, and placed 4th in my City for the 1800m dash in my age bracket. With regards to more tactile skills, I was a decent art student, even placing top of my class at one point, and I played the alto-saxophone, as well as the acoustic and electric guitar for years; I later took up the bass guitar, albeit briefly. I've seen plenty of self-typed Intuitives express interest and even participation in a variety of sports and activities, so I never took these as a serious basis of typing myself. I've realized the more obvious answer is that I am indeed a Sensor.

To address intuition: my supposed Ni ego was essentially deconstructed into traits of Ni HA and Ti Role respectively, and the quality some authors attribute to Ni 'seeing into people' and figuring out their 'inner harmonies' was largely a product of 4D Fi in myself. If my Ni HA was 'activated' at any point in my life, it was arguably by my Uncle (an LIE, and the closest thing I've ever had to a proper Father figure) in my mid-teens. It was here I began to deeply discuss a variety of subjects, namely: history, politics, theology, conspiracy (with ample skepticism), philosophy, and so on. From here, I got my own computer and began independently researching a variety of fields and meeting others with similar interests I could learn from and grow with. I made many educated friends over the years, and it was likely the hunger for T and N in my Super Id block that made me absorb so much, in such a condensed period of a time. I have obsessively listened to literal hundreds of hours of lectures on a variety of subjects over the years, to the point that I've literally conducted informal lectures myself, yet despite this, I never feel adequately erudite.

In particular, Filatova's description was the best. Regarding Filatova's work, Hag and I went through a collection of my personal photographs across my life, and I matched up to 3-4 of the ESI VI portraits remarkably well, marking the first time VI has truly helped me. Even the descriptions of how ESIs dress accurately capture me: inconspicuously, using minimal color, modest, fashionable. I have a solid frame, carry myself with a somewhat rigid and proud posture, and I apparently do in fact have a "hammering gait". As an aside, languid and slouching appearances have always been a nuisance to me, a sign of a lack of self-respect and dignity, and I generally walk at a very brisk and deliberate pace. Filatova's Ne PoLR description was not at all what I was expecting, and was highly accurate. I have always felt the need to understand the context of historical precedent, and felt frustration when I did not--in my view--know enough on such matters. As a result, I've poured years into consuming various history, and I'm incredibly selective and ethically unbudging on what I hold as sacred and moral; 'moral-relativism' is a grave falsehood and error to me. I am indeed exacting in what I want in a partner (and have more than found it). No matter how much I accomplish, nor how often I have been complimented on my abilities, I have constantly underestimated my own qualities; no matter how much I learn and grow as a person, it never seems to be enough, and despite my high grades in school, considerable attention to learning, and accumulated knowledge, I'm easily irritated by being treated as though I am ignorant - particularly when the opposite is the case. I detest being told that I'm incapable of seeing the 'big picture' because I'm seen as pedantically focusing on specifics. I respect thoroughness, and generally shun hypothesis and what I see as self-impressed, abstract musings. Even this arduously turgid post was patiently, and carefully constructed. Clearly, my 'seeing into' people seems to be 4D Fi, and not intuition.

I'm a passionate individual. However, reframing my behaviour and placing it in the proper context of my relations, who I'm talking to, and what I'm addressing, sheds light on and distinguishes my core nature in ways too various for this distended post to highlight. Sufficed to say, Hag and I have been sorting this out for days, and my various traits fall into place cogently with the functional positioning and nature of ESI. That is to say, I am not some niche composite of disparate EIE traits scattered throughout literature--such confusions are borne of the various contradictions or simple inconsistencies of many Socionics authors--I am rather a dominant, wilful, and outspoken ESI. Surreal examples, such as the instance between @Alonzo and myself, where I effectively reprimanded him thoroughly, many months ago, and--quite unusual for his typified, assertive confidence--actually pacified him. Not only this, but we've had positive interactions ever since. How many people make a scolding first impression, receive (tantamount to) a positive response, and henceforth have positive correspondence? That's a rather unusual and specific happenstance for most people, moreso if I was EIE, but, viewed through the lens of the 'decompressing' quality of Duality interaction, this ostensibly makes perfect sense.

This congested post has gone on far too long, so if anyone wants me to leave a collection of ESI literary excerpts that I relate to, let me know. Whoever read this entire post is fucking awesome.

Cheers.