A few years ago, I met an ESI-Se who was working on the lawn of the house across the street. She owns a lawn care company and was directing her employees in the proper use of chain saws. I went over to talk to her, and after ten or twenty minutes of me being me, she said that we should "go out for a burger and a beer but no sex" some time. I was floored at her directness, and agreed.
I got her number and called her repeatedly and she finally agreed to go out. We had a great time and talked for eight hours without getting tired of each other, and then she refused to go out with me again.
I've repeatedly asked her out, and she has repeatedly refused. Which sucks, because I like her. She's very similar to the ESI-Se that my ILI-Te buddy married.
I recently got Gulenko's book about DCNH and read the descriptions of the ESI DCNH types. I'd call this woman a D type, given the fact that she owns her company. I'd also give the ESI wife of my ILI buddy a D designation, because she runs a part of the library system in their town.
Gulenko said that the ESI D type rules the household and is a good provider for the family. This implies that the husband is not such a great provider, and I know a number of LIE's who don't actually make much money. I then recalled that, near the end of my date with the ESI-Se, when she and I had been talking in my house for hours, the subject of our respective levels of wealth came up (obliquely, very obliquely), and I frankly admitted that I had three houses to her one.
That was strike one. She probably feels that she needs to control the home and the marriage, and she fears that she might not be able to do that with me.
Then, I kept calling her for another date. This was strike two.
She always refused. I've read conflicting things about ESI's. Some writers say that they are Aggressors and will ask a guy out and they hate it when a guy chases them. Others say that ESI's will never make the first move. The truth of the matter is that it probably depends on subtypes, or possibly DCNH, and I suspect that the ESI-Se or D-type is going to be the one who chases.
To verify this, I called my ILI-Te buddy and asked him if he had asked his ESI-Se D-type wife out first, or if she was the one who suggested everything. He told me that she did the asking. He went on to say that he really hadn't had much experience with women prior to her (think, 40 year-old virgin), so he wasn't exactly aggressive.
Lol. To say the least. Nor is he earning very much money. He gets a lot of money from his wealthy father, so her library income probably dominates the home finances. She probably picked up on that in an instant.
When the ESI-Se and I were out on a date, she and I were talking about our ideas of a perfect mate. She showed me a picture of a (married) friend of hers. The guy was a dweebish ILI.
In any case, it is clear to me that she wants to do the asking and her partner needs to be the passive one. Well, I'm not like that. So that is definitely strike two.
Then, more recently, after I had resignedly placed her in the friend zone and was moving on to dating other women but was still thinking about her, she texted me out of the blue and started flirting. So I asked her out for a date again and again she refused. She said she only wants a business relationship with me.
I'll chalk this up to her not seeing me as the guy she wants to get closer to, but not wishing to lose a potential business resource, either.
Strike three. Game over.