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    Default Constant dreams about SLI dude

    Since I met this SLI dude a year ago, I have been having dreams about him even though I have dated two people within that time. Things did not go well romantically between us and he ended up hating me in a sense (we talk on and off, but he mostly ignores me), but I STILL dream about him. In the dreams we are always romantically linked.
    Is there any psychological reasoning behind this?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Since I met this SLI dude a year ago, I have been having dreams about him even though I have dated two people within that time. Things did not go well romantically between us and he ended up hating me in a sense (we talk on and off, but he mostly ignores me), but I STILL dream about him. In the dreams we are always romantically linked.
    Is there any psychological reasoning behind this?
    What are the types of the other two?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Since I met this SLI dude a year ago, I have been having dreams about him even though I have dated two people within that time. Things did not go well romantically between us and he ended up hating me in a sense (we talk on and off, but he mostly ignores me), but I STILL dream about him. In the dreams we are always romantically linked.
    Is there any psychological reasoning behind this?
    It is the unshakeable Fi of the EII.

    What SLI's need is to be constantly presented with many choices (Ne). I just had a female twin to my SLE ex-wife tell me that, and she knows nothing about Socionics.

    If you want to chase the SLI, then you can try to turn yourself into an IEE, but it might be easier to just find an LSE who isn't too much of a pain in the ass to be around.

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    sounds like you like him, so catch him!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    What are the types of the other two?
    Both are IEEs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    It is the unshakeable Fi of the EII.

    What SLI's need is to be constantly presented with many choices (Ne). I just had a female twin to my SLE ex-wife tell me that, and she knows nothing about Socionics.

    If you want to chase the SLI, then you can try to turn yourself into an IEE, but it might be easier to just find an LSE who isn't too much of a pain in the ass to be around.
    But... I don't want to be with him, at least I don't think so. But him cutting me off was painful to me, and he talks to me when he wants to then ignores me. I hurt him because I rejected him bc he wanted casual sex and I wanted something serious, told him there was someone else, and he hated me since, claiming he was opening up to me and I dared do that to him. Sometimes I think he has PTSD when we start talking to each other afresh, because he lets me in then suddenly deletes my number and stops talking to me.

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    Dreams echo the conscious thoughts and feelings and events throughout the day.

    A dream that contains a repeating theme is a step above normal dreams, because it contains a subconscious mind worm displaying itself night after night.

    Dreams might true, not true, and true and not true at the same time.

    So what you can admit to at this point is this: some part of your mind repeats this romantic feelings for said person. Anytime there is a repeating pattern in your mind's eye, awake, or asleep, shows you there is some level of personal obsession. The things about obsessions is that they never go away, unless you follow them, like following an animal trail through the woods. You let the obsession let go of you by following it to some end. If you fight it, it will only remain. That which you resist, persists.

    What this looks like for you, I don't know. You might not even know. All I can say is that this dream is asking you for a real world reflected conclusion. Maybe your story with SLI is not over yet. At least, that is what some part of your mind is telling you. Instead of arguing with your mind. Instead of rationalizing and denying what it brings into your awareness when you sleep. Instead of trying to make terms with your mind, why not just allow it to guide you closer to the image of what is true for your own life.

    Right or wrong, who cares, open up the next chapter with him and let the chips fall where they will. Its less about him and more about you and your own inner journey. Maybe you guys are done, maybe you will be rejected. At least your mind can find rest and give you another dream.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    But... I don't want to be with him, at least I don't think so. But him cutting me off was painful to me, and he talks to me when he wants to then ignores me. I hurt him because I rejected him bc he wanted casual sex and I wanted something serious, told him there was someone else, and he hated me since, claiming he was opening up to me and I dared do that to him. Sometimes I think he has PTSD when we start talking to each other afresh, because he lets me in then suddenly deletes my number and stops talking to me.
    Being at first briefly, obviously interested in an IEE's sexual appeal and then ignoring her forever is the standard mating behavior for SLI's. Don't take it personally if you aren't an IEE who is willing to pester the SLI forever for attention.

    When he talks to you after a long time and "lets you in", he is trying to get your immediate attention. When he does get it and then ignores you, he is trying to show the IEE that he is not an SLE. This is a dance in which each half tries to find the mating half and no other.

    Everyone initially treats everyone else as if they were a dual. We kind of expect dual behavior from others. When you get back puzzling behavior, then you know you haven't found a dual.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timber View Post
    Dreams echo the conscious thoughts and feelings and events throughout the day.

    A dream that contains a repeating theme is a step above normal dreams, because it contains a subconscious mind worm displaying itself night after night.

    Dreams might true, not true, and true and not true at the same time.

    So what you can admit to at this point is this: some part of your mind repeats this romantic feelings for said person. Anytime there is a repeating pattern in your mind's eye, awake, or asleep, shows you there is some level of personal obsession. The things about obsessions is that they never go away, unless you follow them, like following an animal trail through the woods. You let the obsession let go of you by following it to some end. If you fight it, it will only remain. That which you resist, persists.

    What this looks like for you, I don't know. You might not even know. All I can say is that this dream is asking you for a real world reflected conclusion. Maybe your story with SLI is not over yet. At least, that is what some part of your mind is telling you. Instead of arguing with your mind. Instead of rationalizing and denying what it brings into your awareness when you sleep. Instead of trying to make terms with your mind, why not just allow it to guide you closer to the image of what is true for your own life.

    Right or wrong, who cares, open up the next chapter with him and let the chips fall where they will. Its less about him and more about you and your own inner journey. Maybe you guys are done, maybe you will be rejected. At least your mind can find rest and give you another dream.
    Wow. I wish I could express how thought-triggering and wise this. Thank you.

    I have considered all these things and my problem is: Maybe this is a manifestation of my type's vice (envy) coupled with my core fear? It's a form of fantasy as to what was and what could be and a reaction to rejection?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Being at first briefly, obviously interested in an IEE's sexual appeal and then ignoring her forever is the standard mating behavior for SLI's. Don't take it personally if you aren't an IEE who is willing to pester the SLI forever for attention.

    When he talks to you after a long time and "lets you in", he is trying to get your immediate attention. When he does get it and then ignores you, he is trying to show the IEE that he is not an SLE. This is a dance in which each half tries to find the mating half and no other.

    Everyone initially treats everyone else as if they were a dual. We kind of expect dual behavior from others. When you get back puzzling behavior, then you know you haven't found a dual.
    Makes sense now. So he expects me to go after him? When I do, I think I express too much Fi because he ends up ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder.
    Also, we're in the same class so we constantly see each other. I have tried to get his attention so many times but I end up giving up.
    Are IEEs set up for rejection? Do they not feel shameful for constantly approaching or trying to get the attention of someone who deliberately ignores them?
    I also think it's revenge because he kept meeting me with the IEE holding hands and stuff.
    Last edited by Shytan; 09-25-2019 at 08:24 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post

    I have considered all these things and my problem is: Maybe this is a manifestation of my type's vice (envy) coupled with my core fear? It's a form of fantasy as to what was and what could be and a reaction to rejection?
    sure

    For me, I have to KNOW. And I will find out, one way, or another. It can get messy. And I am willing to accept that risk.

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    Also, @Adam Strange could you provide any insight on this being a possible type 4 envy-rejection loop?
    I have considered all these things and my problem is: Maybe this is a manifestation of my type's vice (envy) coupled with my core fear? It's a form of fantasy as to what was and what could be and a reaction to rejection?

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    These are just my two cents on the matter but I'd say don't think too hard about it, we mostly act according to our whims and in the least troublesome way possible for us (distancing ourselves from someone for instance, which I'll admit can be pretty insensitive) especially when we let our temper get the better of us.

    If he's not responding to your attempts I would suggest giving up at least for the time being, we're pretty stubborn people so being pushy might just make things worse.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Makes sense now. So he expects me to go after him? When I do, I think I express too much Fi because he ends up ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder.
    Also, we're in the same class so we constantly see each other. I have tried to get his attention so many times but I end up giving up.
    Are IEEs set up for rejection? Do they not feel shameful for constantly approaching or trying to get the attention of someone who deliberately ignores them?
    Are you familiar with Spongebob Squarepants? He is an IEE. I don't think he feels shameful for constantly trying to get the attention of someone who ignores him. He's like a human squirrel "Oh, let's go to Paris. Or to the corner store. Or lets get some food. Or how about we dress up this cat in a Mr Magoo outfit? Let's play a game." etc. It is rampant Ne, and that is what SLI's crave.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    I also think it's revenge because he kept meeting me with the IEE holding hands and stuff.
    If is it revenge, he will never, never admit it. SLI's have a mental cutoff where they can't see themselves doing bad things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Also, @Adam Strange could you provide any insight on this being a possible type 4 envy-rejection loop?
    I have considered all these things and my problem is: Maybe this is a manifestation of my type's vice (envy) coupled with my core fear? It's a form of fantasy as to what was and what could be and a reaction to rejection?
    @Shytan, I don't know anything about type 4 envy-rejection loops. Rather, I interpret your painful reaction to rejection as being a necessary part of an EII whose duals are the fairly emotionally insensitive LSE's. If a guy basically works from 8 to 5 and goes fishing after work and goes hunting on the weekends and expects you to keep house and cook and barely remembers the names of his kids, you have to be naturally incredibly faithful and devoted to stay married to him.

    Don't waste that talent (or characteristic) on a guy who doesn't need that more than anything. Withdrawing your Fi is like cutting off the LSE's nuts. It is your very real power over him, and he will do anything to prevent that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    But... I don't want to be with him, at least I don't think so. But him cutting me off was painful to me, and he talks to me when he wants to then ignores me. I hurt him because I rejected him bc he wanted casual sex and I wanted something serious, told him there was someone else, and he hated me since, claiming he was opening up to me and I dared do that to him. Sometimes I think he has PTSD when we start talking to each other afresh, because he lets me in then suddenly deletes my number and stops talking to me.
    this doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

    if he can't take responsibility for his half of the matter, then it's not about your behavior but his personal growth. i think i've been trapped in a cycle very similar to yours, and there's no use seeking "forgiveness" from someone who doesn't want to see your point of view. internalizing a person's judgement of you can feel reflexive but can't necessarily fix things - you can't solve the problem if the problem is partially internal to them. meeting someone much more than halfway (or 80, 90 percent of the way) isn't how it should be. <3

    just IMO - when i have recurring dreams it seems like something is unresolved. it could be as simple as wanting someone to say, "I don't think so badly of you over that misunderstanding you perceive." maybe he'll come around. but sometimes you can't actually get closure from the other person, and have to be supportive towards yourself.

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    I think from his pov you are leading him on too much and going back and forth. Excuse my Beta crude-ness and blunt-ness but: You won't fuck him, but subconsciously it seems like you really do want to fuck him - so you should at least understand his anger and him cutting you off because of it. You are leading him on big time... and probably don't have the IEE's extroversion to go through with anything or something. Your high Fi values also probably paints you as ms. innocent the entire time but from his perspective, it's not entirely like that.

    I understand not wanting to be used just for sex or entering in a casual thing but at the same time if you don't try out how something is corporeally you really don't know how good or bad it will really be. (Se polr is probably also a factor here) Hence the relationship is stuck in this awkward ambivalent stage of 'romance.' There is tension going on here... because if you were entirely repulsed with the idea of being with him that way, why would you say 'at least I don't think I do' etc. Mixed signals. Tension. So your mind is dealing with it by playing with romantic notions of maybe maybes.

    You are not a horrible demon for indirectly giving him mixed signals, but your Fi doesn't make you entirely in the right/some innocent angel either.

    Don't do anything if you're not comfortable with it of course but I think... this is the way the dynamic is like for me. I agree that he's tired of your Fi and wants more Ne, more possibilities etc. You both simply probably aren't extroverted enough for the other. That seems like the case here?

    I think maybe your Se polr has to feel more protected/less vulnerable so you can maybe gauge how you would be physically with him without actually going 'all the way.' So the ambivalency can die down and you can better understand if you want to do it. I think you both are not extroverted enough though... its like yin and yin.
    Last edited by BandD; 09-25-2019 at 10:11 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Since I met this SLI dude a year ago, I have been having dreams about him even though I have dated two people within that time. Things did not go well romantically between us and he ended up hating me in a sense (we talk on and off, but he mostly ignores me), but I STILL dream about him. In the dreams we are always romantically linked.
    Is there any psychological reasoning behind this?
    Looks like unfinished business. Find a way to get closure - within yourself. When people act like they ignore you and don't care about you - believe them. Put your energy in something/someone else.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Shytan, I don't know anything about type 4 envy-rejection loops. Rather, I interpret your painful reaction to rejection as being a necessary part of an EII whose duals are the fairly emotionally insensitive LSE's. If a guy basically works from 8 to 5 and goes fishing after work and goes hunting on the weekends and expects you to keep house and cook and barely remembers the names of his kids, you have to be naturally incredibly faithful and devoted to stay married to him.

    Don't waste that talent (or characteristic) on a guy who doesn't need that more than anything. Withdrawing your Fi is like cutting off the LSE's nuts. It is your very real power over him, and he will do anything to prevent that.
    Wow, um, I need to date an LSE asap to finally feel like what I bring to a relationship is more than enough.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    I think from his pov you are leading him on too much and going back and forth. Excuse my Beta crude-ness and blunt-ness but: You won't fuck him, but subconsciously it seems like you really do want to fuck him - so you should at least understand his anger and him cutting you off because of it. You are leading him on big time... and probably don't have the IEE's extroversion to go through with anything or something. Your high Fi values also probably paints you as ms. innocent the entire time but from his perspective, it's not entirely like that.

    I understand not wanting to be used just for sex or entering in a casual thing but at the same time if you don't try out how something is corporeally you really don't know how good or bad it will really be. (Se polr is probably also a factor here) Hence the relationship is stuck in this awkward ambivalent stage of 'romance.' There is tension going on here... because if you were entirely repulsed with the idea of being with him that way, why would you say 'at least I don't think I do' etc. Mixed signals. Tension. So your mind is dealing with it by playing with romantic notions of maybe maybes.

    You are not a horrible demon for indirectly giving him mixed signals, but your Fi doesn't make you entirely in the right/some innocent angel either.

    Don't do anything if you're not comfortable with it of course but I think... this is the way the dynamic is like for me. I agree that he's tired of your Fi and wants more Ne, more possibilities etc. You both simply probably aren't extroverted enough for the other. That seems like the case here?

    I think maybe your Se polr has to feel more protected/less vulnerable so you can maybe gauge how you would be physically with him without actually going 'all the way.' So the ambivalency can die down and you can better understand if you want to do it. I think you both are not extroverted enough though... its like yin and yin.
    This is really fucking helpful and yes, blunt Thanks

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    this doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

    if he can't take responsibility for his half of the matter, then it's not about your behavior but his personal growth. i think i've been trapped in a cycle very similar to yours, and there's no use seeking "forgiveness" from someone who doesn't want to see your point of view. internalizing a person's judgement of you can feel reflexive but can't necessarily fix things - you can't solve the problem if the problem is partially internal to them. meeting someone much more than halfway (or 80, 90 percent of the way) isn't how it should be. <3

    just IMO - when i have recurring dreams it seems like something is unresolved. it could be as simple as wanting someone to say, "I don't think so badly of you over that misunderstanding you perceive." maybe he'll come around. but sometimes you can't actually get closure from the other person, and have to be supportive towards yourself.
    Yes, I do think it's closure I need. Thank you

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Wow, um, I need to date an LSE asap to finally feel like what I bring to a relationship is more than enough.
    Wow, the part you said about “feeling like what you bring to the relationship is not enough” is surprising. The EII’s that I know are really terrific people. I work with one, and she makes me happy and proud to know her. I feel that she’s really under-appreciated by most people in relation to how much she does for others and how hard she works.

    Even though I’m not an LSE, I am a Te-dom, and she and I mesh really well. I feel really supported when she’s around and when we go out to eat for lunch (or the occasional dinner) I’m so proud to be hanging out with a woman who looks and acts like she does. Very proper, very smart, and she’s funny, too.

    If I were an LSE, I’d have locked her down long ago. But I’m familiar enough with Caregiver sex to know that that’s not me, and that she deserves a guy who can actually please her in the best way possible. I’m encouraging her to look for an LSE, and when she finds one, that guy is going to be one lucky bastard.

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    This is really fucking helpful and yes, blunt
    Thanks


    Really? I was really worried I would just piss you off and you would hate me or something. I know my wording can be really harsh at times, especially to Deltas.

    I am so glad you saw the point and I was also afraid ppl would try to say I was trying to blame you for not just sleeping with him or something and then say I hated women or something lol. I am really tired of being misunderstood. Anyway sorry its not about me. Thank you. <3


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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post


    Really? I was really worried I would just piss you off and you would hate me or something. I know my wording can be really harsh at times, especially to Deltas.

    I am so glad you saw the point and I was also afraid ppl would try to say I was trying to blame you for not just sleeping with him or something and then say I hated women or something lol. I am really tired of being misunderstood. Anyway sorry its not about me. Thank you. <3

    No no, nothing like that. I like being told the truth, not beating around the bush. Thanks again!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Since I met this SLI dude a year ago, I have been having dreams about him even though I have dated two people within that time. Things did not go well romantically between us and he ended up hating me in a sense (we talk on and off, but he mostly ignores me), but I STILL dream about him. In the dreams we are always romantically linked.
    Is there any psychological reasoning behind this?
    Bro stop dreaming about me
    I can't take this anymore
    And I'm almost pretty sure
    I've been here before


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    I dreamt about one ex recently, and then I dreamt of another ex the following night LOL. LII, ESI/IEI (thinking IEI now).

    Maybe it just means you miss having a relationship/romantic situation... or maybe he had a big impression on you for whatever reason. Honestly, when I think about it too, in my case these exes were my most recent (and it's been 1.5 years since last one now), so it could also have some to do with it not being all that long ago. Sometimes the heart still desires certain things even if you know it's not in your best interest/didn't work out.
    Last edited by bouncingoffclouds; 11-21-2019 at 07:05 PM.
    "I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best, the subject I want to know better."
    4 core, sx/so slight sx bend, IEE-Fi Harmonic or Normalizing




  27. #27
    Muddy's Avatar
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    The funny thing is that it was a dream that finally ended an intense long standing crush I had with a girl from high school. I dreamt about her being with another guy and shrugging me off as I sit from behind her and the other guy. After that it was over.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    Since I met this SLI dude a year ago, I have been having dreams about him even though I have dated two people within that time. Things did not go well romantically between us and he ended up hating me in a sense (we talk on and off, but he mostly ignores me), but I STILL dream about him. In the dreams we are always romantically linked.
    Is there any psychological reasoning behind this?
    ye u want his cock

  29. #29
    Total sweetheart PussyInASarcophagus's Avatar
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    Just blow him already don't overthink it

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by PussyInASarcophagus View Post
    Just blow him already don't overthink it
    Women have this nuclear option that almost always works.

    I think I've turned down two offers of blowjobs in my entire life. Once, when I was a virgin and didn't know the girl well and thought she could be crazy (I took her up on her offer the next time she made it), and the second time was when I was so sick that I thought I might die, and I actually had no interest in sex at that time. I was pretty sick.

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