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Thread: Sexual 4s Vampires

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    Default Sexual 4s Vampires

    I feel like Sx 4s are emotional vampires in that they can successfully get who they want but slowly start to suck the life out of them,always demanding more and more even when the person has given them all they can offer. They make the person feel inferior or hurt them in a way if they can't get everything they want from them and project their fantasies on them in a harsh manner. They react by anger when their needs aren't fulfilled and rather than feel the pain, they project this anger and discontentment on their partners.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    I have been under the impression recently that most people are energy vampires in one way or an other. Even among the ranks of the empaths, the supposed very sensitive who fall prey to those horrid vampires, lol.
    I think it's also reciprocal in a way, I think if you feel a person sucks the life out of you, they could very well feel the same way about you, or at least, when I feel drained by conversations I'm pretty sure it's draining for others, it's no fun to feel like a burden. Putting down limits and taking care of yourself is as much for yourself as is it for others. I like the saying "you don't have to light yourself on fire to warm others" and well, who would want of the charred mess left behind? It's pretty much how I see those energy vampires, charred messes, poor souls looking for healing in the wrong places.
    I have seen energy vampirism from many types personaly, a 2 and a 9 particulary, very broken peeps. Oh, and a 6. I think it also depends on your personal health level how many of them you cross, it's a life lesson like another I guess.

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    The concept of actual vampires is also very sx 4. Brooding creatures of the night that live in melancholy for eternity and suck the life out of people for sustenance.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vice View Post
    The concept of actual vampires is also very sx 4. Brooding creatures of the night that live in melancholy for eternity and suck the life out of people for sustenance.
    Put that way, I can definitely see the appeal.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Put that way, I can definitely see the appeal.
    Yeah, a lot of 4s are into vampiric and gothic stuff for a reason.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
    7w6 2w3 8w9 - The Free Spirit

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    "The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy."

    4 core, sx/so slight sx bend, maybe 469 (they call me The Seeker!) 4w5, 6w7, 9w1, IEE-Fi Harmonic with IEI flavors




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    Quote Originally Posted by bouncingoffclouds View Post
    Feeling attacked, huh?

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Depends. Though I’ve called people emotional vampires myself and have been drained. I’ve been through just about every type of relationship drama I feel like sometimes lol.
    "The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy."

    4 core, sx/so slight sx bend, maybe 469 (they call me The Seeker!) 4w5, 6w7, 9w1, IEE-Fi Harmonic with IEI flavors




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    I do relate to some in certain situations I’ve had though yes. I’m undoubtedly core 4, very 4, and I am sx/so as far as I can tell and test, but I’m very close to in the middle on sx/so, so not being extreme sx could help just a little. Idk being sx and 4 seems kind of messed up entirely no matter how you look at it lol.
    "The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy."

    4 core, sx/so slight sx bend, maybe 469 (they call me The Seeker!) 4w5, 6w7, 9w1, IEE-Fi Harmonic with IEI flavors




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    Quote Originally Posted by bouncingoffclouds View Post
    I do relate to some in certain situations I’ve had though yes. I’m undoubtedly core 4, very 4, and I am sx/so as far as I can tell and test, but I’m very close to in the middle on sx/so, so not being extreme sx could help just a little. Idk being sx and 4 seems kind of messed up entirely no matter how you look at it lol.
    I'm a 6 and I doubt! If you are a 4, then why do you smile on camera? Or why in particular did you chose a smiley pic as your avatar?? E4 is most frequently appropriated as a label by people with the agenda to look authentic and innocuous...
    Except for impaired empathy, an ordinary guy who's looking for down-to-earth, loving, loyal friends and a geeky, warm, voluptuous girlfriend!

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    4s often feel like they can't get what they want. but the other stuff is true with me, i usually become mean to my partners over time, don't know if that stems from childhood trauma though

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    Quote Originally Posted by maniac View Post
    4s often feel like they can't get what they want. but the other stuff is true with me, i usually become mean to my partners over time, don't know if that stems from childhood trauma though
    @maniac, childhood trauma is very possible. I have found that it is very common for people to treat those they trust exactly the way that they, themselves were treated when small. This might be a way of sharing their feelings, IDK. "This is the way I feel, dude! Now you know!"

    It is important to either rise above your programming, or to make rules about your behavior.

    My ex was abandoned by her father when she was 12. After being married for many years, she called a moving van and moved out without giving me a hint. To this day, she can't tell me why she did that. (Not that it matters at this point.)

    When I was very young, my mother hit me and my sisters all the time. Before first grade, I used to hit my sisters and some of the kids on the street where I lived. In first grade, a girl bit me after I hit her (I'd like to say she hit me first, but my memory of this is fuzzy), and I stopped hitting people. Just like that. Empathy is a bitch. So is revenge. Lol.

    *EDIT*
    I have been in a few fistfights since then, but I didn't start them and I didn't enjoy being involved in them at all. Very much the opposite.

    It's funny, but I remember back before first grade, I thought of boys and girls as perfect equals, they just dressed differently.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shytan View Post
    I feel like Sx 4s are emotional vampires in that they can successfully get who they want but slowly start to suck the life out of them,always demanding more and more even when the person has given them all they can offer. They make the person feel inferior or hurt them in a way if they can't get everything they want from them and project their fantasies on them in a harsh manner. They react by anger when their needs aren't fulfilled and rather than feel the pain, they project this anger and discontentment on their partners.
    I wouldn't say this is an average sexual 4. If anything this is more about the 4 disintegration to type 2 on lower end of health. An unhealthy 2 can be dominating and angry too. I know from experience they can suck the life out of me. I think some of what you describe here fits a sexual two maybe even better than a 4, so if they are a 4 they could be disintegrating. Most 4s probably don't feel they can get what they want at average to lower health and that is a problem for them.

    DISINTEGRATION (FOUR GOES TO AVERAGE TWO)


    • Udit Patel

      Fours attempt to defend their hurt feelings (and gain attention) by withdrawing from people and withholding their own affection and attention. They may recognize on some level, however, that their emotional storminess and withdrawals are driving away the people who are most supportive of them. Then Fours go out of their way to reestablish their connections and reassure themselves that their relationship is still on solid ground. But because they are reacting out of stress, Fours may overcompensate by trying to win others over, by doing favors, or, more darkly, by manipulation and creating dependencies, all in the manner of average-to-unhealthy Twos. To do this, they keep talking about the state of the relationship with the other person and try to make themselves more needed. Favors, help, and reminding others of their support are part of the picture. Troubled Fours also become more possessive of loved ones, not wanting to let them out of their sight for long, like lower-functioning Twos.
    The Sexual Two: "Aggressive/Seductive"

    The Sexual Two is a seducer of particular individuals. Classical seduction is the main approach of this Two, who expresses a driving need to seduce other people as a way of getting their needs met. This seduction - a way of gaining allegiance or inflaming the desire of the other - occurs through the cultivation of an attractive presentation and the expression of feeling.

    While the Self-Preservation Two is the countertype of Two, with conflicting impulses toward and away from people, and the Social Two is a more adult Two oriented to power and control, the Sexual Two is a generous, flexible, somewhat wild, action-oriented Two who is not afraid to woo others by using sexuality as a weapon of conquest. The Social Two tries to be important to feed their pride; the Sexual Two, in contrast, feeds their pride through having somebody's passionate attachment. Where intelligence or strategic skill helps the Social Two reach the goal of seducing the group, sexuality and charm is the stronghold of the Sexual Two in seducing specific people.

    The Sexual Two displays the clearest tendencies toward seduction in the classic sense, using charm and sexuality as a way to lure in unsuspecting potential suppliers of love, favors and other gifts. Sexual Twos transform their need for love into false needs, whims, and a sense of entitlement to do what they please when they please, not asking but taking. The purpose behind the Sexual Two's seduction is that it is a way to solve any problem or meet any need in life: this Two solves the dilemma of having needs but not wanting to express them by having a strong bond with somebody who will give them anything they want.

    Sexual Twos have a need to be desired that fuels the need to seduce. Pride activates their impulse to inspire attraction in others so that they will give the Two whatever they want, though the Two's pride may not be so obvious if it is satisfied by "the loved one." Similar to the Sexual Four, the Sexual Two's strategy entails being very attractive and somewhat less ashamed of having needs. This pattern reflects a prideful sense that others will want to meet their needs because they are so appealing, charming and generous.

    This Two resembles the French expression of the femme fatale (or its male equivalent) archetype in that there is a kind of "dangerous irresistibility" to this personality. In a similar way, the "Aggressive/Seductive" title given to this subtype suggests an association with the archetype of a vampire. This Two is irresistible: somebody who is beautiful, but who possesses a dangerous kind of beauty. It's a beauty that needs to wield power over you and could end up consuming you. The name Aggressive/Seductive also suggests the forward momentum this type displays in moving toward others - an active, purposeful attitude that can include an element of aggression.

    The Sexual Two can be direct and even dramatic in the execution of a classical seduction: the capturing of another person's affection and devotion involves an intense, targeted, and passionate effort on the part of the naturally sexy Sexual Two. And this Two aims to secure a relationship through this seduction in which they express devotion and generosity in exchange for whatever it is they want. Because the underlying motive of the aggressively seductive strategy is to get needs met - to basically get a blank check - it can be hard for these Twos to accept limits or take "no" for an answer.

    In this way, the Sexual Two's deeper need for love and need to seduce manifests in a character who uses beauty, charm, and promises of affection to attract a partner who will make them feel desirable and meet all their needs. This Two may need attention or money or pampering, but whatever it is, the strategy to obtain it centers around classical seduction designed to create a special connection through which the Two can have their needs and desires satisfied.

    Sexual Twos justify their actions, words, madness, wildness, invasiveness, and selfishness in the name of love, as if love were the only emotion, the center of life, the experience that justifies everything. For people with this subtype, love may be conflated with liking or with being desired. For them, "love" is about enchanting, seducing and attracting - about maneuvering themselves into a position in which they occupy a special place. Inspiring passion in someone else is their way to fix everything in life. In line with this, they may have a self-image of the "ideal lover."

    Naranjo has suggested that in the "highly emotional and romantic [Two] character, 'help' translates as 'emotional support,' and on the whole, the personality is better evoked through 'lover' than 'helper.' We can see this especially in the Sexual Two: the personality might be better captured in the archetype of the "lover" than the names that are often ascribed to Twos: "helper" or "giver."

    While the other Two subtypes can be look-alikes to other types, the Sexual Two may be the most recognizable as a Two and is in some ways the "classic" Two described in many Enneagram books. That said, the Sexual Two may be confused with the Sexual Four or the Sexual Three. For instance, Scarlett O'Hara, the heroine of Gone With the Wind, has sometimes been characterized as a Three or a Four, but Naranjo describes her as a good example of the Sexual Two personality. He points out that in the pursuit of her love object, Ashley, "exploitiveness and selfishness are scarcely hidden under the mask of false love" and that she demonstrates this Two's sense that "desires are more important than principles."

    The energy of this Two can be seen as "double Two" in that this person moves toward others with the combined force of both the Two "up and out" energy and the Sexual, fusion-oriented, instinctual energy, which amplifies their momentum. In relationships, this Two may communicate both a sense of excitement and the intent of a hunter closing in on its prey. Passionate, seductive, and generous, Sexual Twos typically put a great deal of energy into making relationships happen, and can have a very difficult time letting go if a relationship doesn't work out.

    -- Beatrice Chestnut
    Many 4s relate to being a vampire for different reasons. An sx 2 may not even be aware they are sucking the life out of others until those people disappear from their lives but neither would a disintegrating 4. So disintegrating to 2 can be ugly and repulsive to the one they love.
    Variations
    WINGS

    4w3 - Seeking Identity and Image

    • LifeExplore

      Fours with a 3 wing can sometimes seem like Sevens. May be outgoing, have a sense of humor and style. Prize being both creative and effective in the world. Both intuitive and ambitious; may have good imaginations, often talented. Some are colorful, fancy dressers, make a distinct impression. Self-knowledge combines well with social and organizational skills. When more entranced, often have a public/private split. Could conceal feelings in public then go home to loneliness. Or they could enjoy their work and be dissatisfied in love. Tendency towards melodrama and flamboyance; true feelings can often be hidden. Competitive, sneaky, aware of how they look. Some have bad taste. May be fickle in love, drawn to romantic images that they have projected onto others. Could have a dull spouse, then fantasize about glamorous strangers. Achievements can be tainted by jealousy, revenge, or a desire to prove the crowd wrong.

    4w5 - Seeking Identity and Knowledge

    • LifeExplore

      Healthy side of this wing brings a withdrawn, complex creativity. May be somewhat intellectual but have exceptional depth of feeling and insight. Very much their own person; original and idiosyncratic. Have a spiritual and aesthetic openness. Will find multiple levels of meaning to most events. May have a strong need and ability to pour themselves into artistic creations. Loners; can seem enigmatic and hard to read. Externally reserved and internally resonant. When they open up it can be sudden and total. When entranced or defensive, Fours with a 5 wing can easily feel alienated and depressed. Many have a sense of not belonging, of being from another planet. Can get lost in their own process, drown in their own ocean. Whiny - tend to ruminate and relive past experience. Prone to the emotion of shame. Air of sullen, withdrawn disappointment. May live within a private mythology of pain and loss. Can get deeply morbid and fall in love with death.
    Vampire-

    The vampire occupies a very interesting space in the archetypal cannon as they serve as both monster and savior. Sucking the blood of its victims the vampire can only sustain life by draining the life from another. They are creatures of the night and have been condemned, in most mythological traditions, to spend eternity longing to see the light again.

    The longing associated with the vampire closely aligns them with the Four personality style. The Four often feels a sense of tragic abandonment (much like the vampire who feels abandoned by God or human beings) and thus becomes the archetypal representation of the shadow. The vampire is a highly erotic character who longs for closeness with regular human beings but only finds themselves sucking them dry for vital sustenance.


    nosferatu


    Anne Rice, popular vampire writer of Interview With The Vampire, is a likely Four who wrote about these creatures in a way that both highlights their emotional longing and their supernatural pull. The vampire is both alluring and terrifying and the Four can represent the same dichotomy for those who find themselves in close personal relationships with them.

    The vampire represents our shadow erotic desires and the human tendency to feed off of the energy of others. The Four, through the act of introjection can often take in the characteristics of those they admire and use them to create an identity. This act can be seen as a draining of sorts but serves both to construct a stable identity for the Four and keep the other tied to them through emotional or psychic connection.
    http://insightfulinnovations.com/enn...e-four-part-ii

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung

     



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    Quote Originally Posted by maniac View Post
    4s often feel like they can't get what they want. but the other stuff is true with me, i usually become mean to my partners over time, don't know if that stems from childhood trauma though
    6
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @maniac, childhood trauma is very possible. I have found that it is very common for people to treat those they trust exactly the way that they, themselves were treated when small. This might be a way of sharing their feelings, IDK. "This is the way I feel, dude! Now you know!"

    It is important to either rise above your programming, or to make rules about your behavior.

    My ex was abandoned by her father when she was 12. After being married for many years, she called a moving van and moved out without giving me a hint. To this day, she can't tell me why she did that. (Not that it matters at this point.)

    When I was very young, my mother hit me and my sisters all the time. Before first grade, I used to hit my sisters and some of the kids on the street where I lived. In first grade, a girl bit me after I hit her (I'd like to say she hit me first, but my memory of this is fuzzy), and I stopped hitting people. Just like that. Empathy is a bitch. So is revenge. Lol.

    *EDIT*
    I have been in a few fistfights since then, but I didn't start them and I didn't enjoy being involved in them at all. Very much the opposite.

    It's funny, but I remember back before first grade, I thought of boys and girls as perfect equals, they just dressed differently.
    yeah its a well-known thing although i don't know the science behind it. can't think of any parent who acted that way towards me though, or not in the same way. it is interesting to discuss if enneagram-type is caused by nurture or nature.
    anyway, the last 'real' relationship i had ended when i was about 19 i think and it ended pretty badly and from that point i was like I'm not going to be in a relationship until i can have healthier ones. but people come along and stuff happens heh, but i never really opened myself up as much as you do in a normal relationship and the last almost-relationship i had it was kind of forced upon me

    interesting that all it took to end your hitting behaviour was that you got bit back. if you don't mind me asking, how bad was the hitting from your mother?
    what is the point of the last sentence in your post? i don't understand it

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    Being a 4 is not incompatible with smiling. There are friendly fours too, you know?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    It is important to either rise above your programming, or to make rules about your behavior.

    When I was very young, my mother hit me and my sisters all the time. Before first grade, I used to hit my sisters and some of the kids on the street where I lived. In first grade, a girl bit me after I hit her (I'd like to say she hit me first, but my memory of this is fuzzy), and I stopped hitting people. Just like that. Empathy is a bitch. So is revenge. Lol.

    *EDIT*
    I have been in a few fistfights since then, but I didn't start them and I didn't enjoy being involved in them at all. Very much the opposite.
    Rising above programming is very aptly compaired to defrosting. Realizing it's okay to feel your feelings etc, not being cold as an only defence. Took years for me to figure that out. When I look at my scars in the mirror I remember how far I've come, and how lucky I've been.
    "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." ―Thucydides



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    Quote Originally Posted by maniac View Post
    yeah its a well-known thing although i don't know the science behind it. can't think of any parent who acted that way towards me though, or not in the same way. it is interesting to discuss if enneagram-type is caused by nurture or nature.
    anyway, the last 'real' relationship i had ended when i was about 19 i think and it ended pretty badly and from that point i was like I'm not going to be in a relationship until i can have healthier ones. but people come along and stuff happens heh, but i never really opened myself up as much as you do in a normal relationship and the last almost-relationship i had it was kind of forced upon me

    interesting that all it took to end your hitting behaviour was that you got bit back.
    I'm pretty sure that little kids don't think of other people as people like themselves, exactly. They have to learn empathy. They treat themselves and the external world as being entirely unrelated, which means, among other things, that they can be incredibly cruel and hurtful.
    I remember when my son was just a baby. I was giving him a bath and he started urinating. The stream went up in the air (kids have amazing pipes) and came down on his head. He looked really surprised, like, "Where is that coming from?", which is a simple example but illustrates the point that they have to learn that they can affect the environment.

    Quote Originally Posted by maniac View Post
    if you don't mind me asking, how bad was the hitting from your mother?
    I've talked about this before. She basically hit us every day for reasons which were mostly inside her head. Hitting little people doesn't correct their actions, it just teaches them that big people are allowed to hit little people. But two examples of her bad parenting come to mind.
    Once, she hit one of my sisters in the face with the heel of her shoe, which was hard laminated wood. It broke my sister's cheekbone, and she refused to take her to the hospital because "she isn't hurt that bad."
    Another time, in HS, I told her that I hated her. She punched me in the face so hard that it broke a vein in her hand, which was my fault, of course.* Lol. She was classic.
    I never hit her back, even though I was easily strong enough. I still remember the day that I decided (at age 17) that I wasn't going to let her hit me anymore, and when she swung at me, I just grabbed her wrist and held her away. I said, "You're not going to hit me anymore." She got a really angry look on her face, then calmed down to low-level hatred and said "Wait until your father comes home." Fortunately, he was sane and just let it go.

    Quote Originally Posted by maniac View Post
    what is the point of the last sentence in your post? i don't understand it
    When I was a kid, it was drilled into me that boys don't hit girls. My mother told me this, so of course, it was a fundamental law of the Universe. (I think she told me that when I came home with a bite mark and explained the situation.) However, prepubescent girls are just like prepubescent boys and can be every bit as mean as boys. I remember thinking (maybe age 8) that girls, with whom I was mixing it up every day in my life and on the playground, got a pass on their actions because they were "girls". Sort of like letting left-handers break windows because they are left-handed. It didn't make sense because I didn't really see any difference between girls and boys at the time, but lots of things didn't make sense that were still rules.

    *When he acts on impulse and bad outcomes happen, Trump also blames everyone except himself. Nothing bad is ever his fault. This is clearly part of why I dislike him. I lived with a person like that, and quite frankly, think that they are superfluous to the human race. There are few things worse than a three year old child grown into an adult body.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 10-26-2019 at 03:14 AM.

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    If we want to get hardcore into the fantasy representation, I'd symbolize sexual 4s as dark elf BDSM cultist rather then vampires who are more 3w4 in my eyes. The chief defining characteristics of vampires typically is vanity and deception which falls into 3. Dark elves/4s are more about straightforward sadism/masochism and embodying their enigmatic feelings.

    My mental visual representation of sx 4s:



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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    I wouldn't say this is an average sexual 4. If anything this is more about the 4 disintegration to type 2 on lower end of health. An unhealthy 2 can be dominating and angry too. I know from experience they can suck the life out of me. I think some of what you describe here fits a sexual two maybe even better than a 4, so if they are a 4 they could be disintegrating. Most 4s probably don't feel they can get what they want at average to lower health and that is a problem for them.





    Many 4s relate to being a vampire for different reasons. An sx 2 may not even be aware they are sucking the life out of others until those people disappear from their lives but neither would a disintegrating 4. So disintegrating to 2 can be ugly and repulsive to the one they love.




    Do Sexual 4s disintegrate into Sexual 2 and integrate into sexual Ones? Is the instinct carried into the integration/disintegration pattern?

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    Yeah I don’t really see my archetype as being a vampire lol. Dark elf I can get down with. Or a faerie that embodies light and dark 8) Just a normal elf and faerie, but I’m close on sx/so, slight sx lead

    Quote Originally Posted by Muddy View Post
    If we want to get hardcore into the fantasy representation, I'd symbolize sexual 4s as dark elf BDSM cultist rather then vampires who are more 3w4 in my eyes. The chief defining characteristics of vampires typically is vanity and deception which falls into 3. Dark elves/4s are more about straightforward sadism/masochism and embodying their enigmatic feelings.

    My mental visual representation of sx 4s:


    "The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy."

    4 core, sx/so slight sx bend, maybe 469 (they call me The Seeker!) 4w5, 6w7, 9w1, IEE-Fi Harmonic with IEI flavors




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