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Thread: [NSFW] Power Dynamics (Domination, Submissiveness) in the Bedroom

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    Default [NSFW] Power Dynamics (Domination, Submissiveness) in the Bedroom

    Some folks seem to have suggested that this entails Ni/Se, whereas mu4 suggests otherwise..

    Sex is ultimately primal and many sexual fetishes develop from the unconscious and these are not ego driven. Also many super-ego experiences are often experienced privately especially in the context of a intimate relations these do not expose us to the social criticism that individuals may want to avoid and many patterns of thought are formed to rationalizes these experiences, good and bad.
    What's your take on people who like to be dominant or submissive [in the bedroom]? Is it type-related in some ways?

    EII-INFj / INFP / Strong E4 and 9 energy / Melancholic-Phlegmatic / Musical-Intrapersonal-Spatial / Kinky-Sensual

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    I like BDSM both ways. I'm not Ni/Se valuing. Make of that what you will.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    I like BDSM both ways. I'm not Ni/Se valuing. Make of that what you will.
    My ESE friend has a bedroom full of sex toys including BDSM stuff. There are def Si and control stuff going on there.

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    I'm very versatile. =p

    A few years ago it was said that Betas are the type to embellish and talk a bigger game than what we actually like (like during phone sex we can get super nasty but then in real life we just want something more vanilla and nice), and in contrast, Deltas are more the people who go to Church every Sunday and not talk about sex at all in public but then behind closed doors enjoy something more realistically rough & sadistic. Idk, ime this kinda has some truth to it.

    'if its not rough its not fun' I kind of agree, tho im not that big on roughness, maybe more like intensity. Also play rudeness and non-PCness are huge turns on for me personally but ... let's not go into TMI ville. You all are like brothers and sisters to me here, its not really erotic. hehe. I've said it before tho, I think gay pornography needs to be way, way less PC and more silly like str8 porn. Some scenes in the 90s and early 2000s were really hot but nowadays its just too tame and boring to even be arousing. But yeah , I suppose I'm a typical pervy Beta and I need something with more oomph to be turned on compared to most people- but OTOH (and I think I'm gravely misunderstood with this one) I strongly know how to separate 'fantasy' from 'reality'.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    A few years ago it was said that Betas are the type to embellish and talk a bigger game than what we actually like (like during phone sex we can get super nasty but then in real life we just want something more vanilla and nice), and in contrast, Deltas are more the people who go to Church every Sunday and not talk about sex at all in public but then behind closed doors enjoy something more realistically rough & sadistic. Idk, ime this kinda has some truth to it.
    EII-INFj / INFP / Strong E4 and 9 energy / Melancholic-Phlegmatic / Musical-Intrapersonal-Spatial / Kinky-Sensual

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    It's immoral.

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    Quote Originally Posted by andreasdevig View Post
    Some folks seem to have suggested that this entails Ni/Se
    the 1st "folk" to describe this specifically for sex was Gulenko. it follows from model A and ego - superid traits
    it's a predisposition. attitudes and behavior more expressed at some types

    S types are more assured in physical part

    Se is about body control. "you are mine"
    Si is about sensations control. "I'll make you pleasant"
    Ni is "take me"
    Ne is "make me pleasant"

    > Is it type-related in some ways?

    difference between S/N is in all physical. sex is an example region

    "Sex is ultimately primal and many sexual fetishes develop from the unconscious and these are not ego driven."

    In Jung's types ego and superid represent parts of consciousness and unconsciousness. So it's types related.
    There are Se superid types which like phycially assured conquers with Se ego and are Si superid people which like to be physically cared by others in sensual ways. While Se and Si ego are attracted to people which seek strong traits which are in them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    Si is about sensations control. "I'll make you pleasant"
    You mean "I'll please you"? Or do you mean "I'll make you pleasant to look at"?

    @Lord Pixel Not necessarily too rough or raunchy, my brother. It can be psychological. There doesn't necessarily have to be a lot of physical pain involved.
    EII-INFj / INFP / Strong E4 and 9 energy / Melancholic-Phlegmatic / Musical-Intrapersonal-Spatial / Kinky-Sensual

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    Honestly, psychological dominance makes way more sense to me as a turn on than physical rough power plays.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Honestly, psychological dominance makes way more sense to me as a turn on than physical rough power plays.

    I'm the total opposite as this statement.

    I was seeing this guy a few years ago who played these psychological head games and it was fucking hell on Earth. One time I rushed him and pushed him down and was going down on him and he FREAKED out and made me feel totally awkward and wrong... this was the total reverse opposite reaction as my good ex would have had so there was def some very incompatible chemistry going on. Our time together was the worst and most scarring interplay I've ever been through.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timber View Post
    I'm the total opposite as this statement.

    I was seeing this guy a few years ago who played these psychological head games and it was fucking hell on Earth. One time I rushed him and pushed him down and was going down on him and he FREAKED out and made me feel totally awkward and wrong... this was the total reverse opposite reaction as my good ex would have had so there was def some very incompatible chemistry going on. Our time together was the worst and most scarring interplay I've ever been through.
    That sounds really bizarre and beyond the realm of a lack of sexual chemistry. Do you think how he acted was intentional?

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    Quote Originally Posted by timber View Post
    I'm the total opposite as this statement.

    I was seeing this guy a few years ago who played these psychological head games and it was fucking hell on Earth. One time I rushed him and pushed him down and was going down on him and he FREAKED out and made me feel totally awkward and wrong... this was the total reverse opposite reaction as my good ex would have had so there was def some very incompatible chemistry going on. Our time together was the worst and most scarring interplay I've ever been through.
    That does sound kinda crappy. Well I guess it's not for everyone.

    I love knowing someone wants something from me and teasing like I'm gonna give it to them, but not yet, it creates an excitement before they actually get the thing, and I love controlling that psychological excitement, getting so close but not close enough, controlling how much the desire grows, I see no harm since the person is gonna get what they want but it will be in a mkre exciting and satisfying way. I also love being unpredictable and making the person feel like they don't know what I'm gonna do next, once again it's exciting. That's the kind of psychological dominance that makes sense to me.

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    I always thought Se liked rough and Si liked soft.

    Like Se likes the battle of wills.

    and Si likes the sensations of touch.

    So one was raunchy and one was sensual.

    Maybe my brain is broken but I do not understand the appeal of rough play, slapping and chocking etc etc. It just sounds/looks painful.

    I'm Si valuing so make what you will with that.
    Last edited by Lord Pixel; 08-29-2019 at 11:50 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I always thought Se liked rough and Si liked soft.

    Like Se likes the battle of wills.

    and Si likes the sensations of touch.

    So one was raunchy and one was sensual.

    Maybe my brain is broken but I do not understand the appeal of rough play, slapping and chocking etc etc. It just sounds/looks painful.

    I'm Si valuing so make what you will with that.
    It’s not about the pain itself but the psychic and emotional vulnerability and vividiry pain causes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    It’s not about the pain itself but the psychic and emotional vulnerability and vividiry pain causes.
    Like I said, my brain is probably broken, because I don't derive any sort of physical, psychological, or emotional pleasure from pain.

    Pain is, "Ow, stop doing that, gth off me."
    Last edited by Lord Pixel; 09-01-2019 at 04:13 AM.

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    Seems Ni Se valuing more than Si Ne which is more tender, caring like a parent child kinda thing rather than a "rapist/victim" or dom sub theme

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    Seems Ni Se valuing more than Si Ne which is more tender, caring like a parent child kinda thing rather than a "rapist/victim" or dom sub theme
    True.

    Sol did post a picture of a young woman getting spanked like a bad girl - shadow parent child dynamic? Teaching the infantile a lesson?

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    Quote Originally Posted by timber View Post
    True.

    Sol did post a picture of a young woman getting spanked like a bad girl - shadow parent child dynamic? Teaching the infantile a lesson?
    @Sol, thoughts on your sexual desires?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    @Sol, thoughts on your sexual desires?
    I joked. Not my prefered style.
    In case of dealing with Ni/Se valued women, if she likes something I'll try to tune to this. We'd found some compromise.

    and that my post was mostly not about sex

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    I joked. Not my prefered style.
    In case of dealing with Ni/Se valued women, if she likes something I'll try to tune to this. We'd found some compromise.

    and that my post was mostly not about sex
    You're awfully fun when you joke.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    I joked. Not my prefered style.
    In case of dealing with Ni/Se valued women, if she likes something I'll try to tune to this. We'd found some compromise.

    and that my post was mostly not about sex
    Lair.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timber View Post
    True.

    Sol did post a picture of a young woman getting spanked like a bad girl - shadow parent child dynamic? Teaching the infantile a lesson?
    Hm id still hint more at se ni,that being said sol being fe valuing is pretty likely (maybe lsi?)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    Hm id still hint more at se ni,that being said sol being fe valuing is pretty likely (maybe lsi?)

    Keeping it in this context as it stands there is nothing unusual about a LSE wanting to play Daddy/ Mommy. Its actually within the realm of normality for them. "Right to correction" in the parent infantile dynamic.

    For an example look at Hulk Hogan, LSE, to see the bossy controllingness. Shout out to K4m for this correct typing.

    See you are still equating physical control as always and only Se. It's not at all.

    Se has more of a possessive vibe instead of a controlling one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timber View Post
    Keeping it in this context as it stands there is nothing unusual about a LSE wanting to play Daddy/ Mommy. Its actually within the realm of normality for them. "Right to correction" in the parent infantile dynamic.

    For an example look at Hulk Hogan, LSE, to see the bossy controllingness. Shout out to K4m for this correct typing.

    See you are still equating physical control as always and only Se. It's not at all.

    Se has more of a possessive vibe instead of a controlling one.
    Hogan is not LSE lol. If u want LSE take dr Phil for example

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    I tend to be dominant, but not in a way that is related to bondage, discipline, or sado-masochism. It's more like, "I want this now".

    I didn't realize I did this before, but my latest GF said that I rearrange her on the bed. I mean, she's right, I do that, but I didn't actually realize I was doing it. In other words, if you'd have asked me, "Do you move your GF around on the bed?", I'd have said No.

    Weird. I may be a Victim, but I'm sx-first and I have an urge to merge. Maybe I'm too enthusiastic sometimes. Dunno.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I tend to be dominant, but not in a way that is related to bondage, discipline, or sado-masochism. It's more like, "I want this now".

    I didn't realize I did this before, but my latest GF said that I rearrange her on the bed. I mean, she's right, I do that, but I didn't actually realize I was doing it. In other words, if you'd have asked me, "Do you move your GF around on the bed?", I'd have said No.

    Weird. I may be a Victim, but I'm sx-first and I have an urge to merge. Maybe I'm too enthusiastic sometimes. Dunno.
    Yeah or ur se ego

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    sharing.

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    I knew an LII who liked to dress up as a cat and crawl around on the floor. Also, bondage.

    (but, *lots* of alphas like bondage, apparently. more later... )

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    I knew an LII who liked to dress up as a cat and crawl around on the floor. Also, bondage.

    (but, *lots* of alphas like bondage, apparently. more later... )
    Is that actually an Alpha thing?! Well, that explains a lot.

    Out of curiosity, was the LII a guy or guyette?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Is that actually an Alpha thing?! Well, that explains a lot.

    Out of curiosity, was the LII a guy or guyette?
    he was a guy.

    i've known several alphas into it. also, one time, i asked an ILE friend if he had single friends. he knows socionics and just assumed i wanted to date alpha. anyway, his response was, "how do you feel about board games and guys who got their boy scout badge in tying knots"

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    I knew an LII who liked to dress up as a cat and crawl around on the floor. Also, bondage.

    (but, *lots* of alphas like bondage, apparently. more later... )
    I walked into my LII sister’s apartment bedroom when she was in grad school (in chem) and there was a pair of handcuffs clipped to one of her bedposts. I would never have suspected that she was into that, because that kind of activity never crossed my own mind.

    (I prefer that the bonds between me and my partner be in the imagination.)

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    TBH I just like cuddling. Any kind of suddenness or weirdness bothers me.

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    I don't get sex toys like handcuffs or whips or wtv, like, can't you use a rope to tie yourself, a bat to whip, a necklace to stuff your holes with. like, use your Ne some more?

    yeah perhaps it's Ni-Se stuff

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    I have a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs.
    It's probably the most useless of my possessions, although it is fun to have a good laugh at them once in a while. I'm fine with pain if it brings me something, getting in shape is painful but rewarding. This bdsm, power play, or any other kind of abusive things turned into "bedroom fun" is something I find puzzling at best.
    I've been thinking that Se/Ni being into rough play might be coming from expectations, aggressor/victim just sounds like plain bdsm, while caregiver sounds more sweet and gentle. Does it have to be? I don't think so, at least I have never seen any trend that led me to believe in it.
    For the reccord, I do not value Ne/Si.

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    I have never thought of sex as a dominant/submissive kind of game, I suppose I am rather balanced, but due to the nature of things I have generally been more dominant. I'm fine with it. I think @BandD is on to something when speaking about talking a bigger game than we actually like, at least I can relate to that. But I am too very versatile to my partner's needs. But when "left to my own devices" I am personally very vanilla.

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    I'm an EII. A girl/young woman, if you will.

    My feelings towards BDSM are a bit mixed. I'm so vanilla I'm too ashamed to wear my only one, pretty innocent, soft pink choker (it's more like a velvet ribbon really) that has a leaf pendant attached to it. I've bought it because of this pendant and it being a part of a choker somehow slipped my attention ���� It's pretty cute but I don't like the sexual connotations chokers have nowadays, so it lies abandoned in my drawer, despite not being edgy at all.

    I reject the majority, if not all, of the physical practices that constitute this BDSM 'lifestyle', as some seem to call it. The only things that might be somewhat acceptable to me in bedroom are handcuffs and a blindfold (boring to you, kinksters, I know). But pain? Get that away from me, I wouldn't be able to stand it, let alone enjoy it. Light spanking would probably be the only thing I could give a try, but not without hesitation and definitely with no guarantee I'd like that either lol

    But psychological aspects? Not gonna lie, this is where I... am sold. And I don't mean being degraded or humiliated, because I'd hate that as strongly as the physical pain, and would feel violated and abused. It's more about the awareness of having someone else being in control, so to say, who's taking care of me. I wouldn't want to actually be dominated and treated like a slave or whatever, but just the idea, the risk, the awareness of my partner being able to/capable of dominating me is appealing. You know, that adrenaline rush without actually experiencing the stuff.



    Maybe it's just biology + cPTSD. Or maybe it's somehow linked to my duals having Se demonstrative - they don't use it as much as Se-egos but it's still there, ready to be used if need be. And as much as I hate Se, I love LSEs' Se because they use it just right.


    So yeah, I'd want to be shown that I'm loved, I'd want to be cared for and treated with gentleness, be caressed and feel precious to my partner - being reminded that he wants me aaaand that he's the one who's in control. Be it with the way he'd speak to me, with his body language or other things. If my partner were do be a dom, I'd prefer him to be a caring and gentle one, gentle yet firm, and confident (and maybe not actually interested in doing what he'd say he'd do lol) Some of you are probably shaking your heads at this point, thinking I'm naive if I think such guys (gentle yet confident) exist. But don't we all have a sort of an ideal partner in our heads, our 'type'? Well, this is mine.

    Also, on a side note: I'm not sure how people who are into BDSM actually do it, but when browsing different places they gather in on the internet, I had a thought their roles are more important to them than actual connection they have and relationship there're in. Like they're doms and subs first and foremost, and that's a defining factor for them (some really do practice BDSM 24/7 and talk about "sub drops" and "dom drops" as if not being able to pull it off all the time was a bad thing...). I wouldn't want that happening in my relationship. I'd want my partner to be my partner first of all, not my "dom". I'd want that to be a flavour to his personality, not its only trait.

    Some might also wonder about the whole DDLG/MDLB kink, if that's a Delta thing. Someone even said here:
    Quote Originally Posted by timber View Post
    Keeping it in this context as it stands there is nothing unusual about a LSE wanting to play Daddy/ Mommy. Its actually within the realm of normality for them. "Right to correction" in the parent infantile dynamic.
    and well, if I had to choose a bottom role, I'd probably pick a 'little' as well, as it'd seem the most 'safe' variant of all of them, but I wouldn't be actually able/willing to pretend to be an actual child. At least one part of me would be worried my partner's a crypto-pedophile if he asked me to do that. And this whole kink always seemed creepy to me, especially when adults play really small children that still use diapers and pacifiers. Yikes!
    I'm also not a fan of it taking completely innocent social roles and twisting them into something sexual. I've always wondered how people playing these kinds of BDSM roles feel when they end up having actual children and become actual parents. How do you desexualise something you've already ripped of innocence, and make it non-sexual again? Yikes again.

    Gosh, this whole post turned out to be longer than I intended it to be. Sorry lol

    Last edited by blythe; 12-15-2020 at 04:22 PM. Reason: oh look, i don't like the font after all

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    Quote Originally Posted by asd View Post
    well, the “little” are, in my opinion, child-at-heart adults, so when they take on “the role of a child,” they are really just being themselves.
    Well, when doing my research, I've come upon this post on Reddit and at one point, the author states:

    Simple day-to-day activities work well in this dynamic as the sexual tension comes more from being in character than preforming specific sexual acts. So even something like going out food shopping together while in character can be incredibly hot. Unlike the other dynamics this one ( for me at least) can keep both of you aroused for for longer simply by both of you keeping up the role play. So a daddy watching a little tidy her room while she throws a tantrum and tries to distract him with kisses can be fun.

    And as a Ne-ego, I can tell you there's a clear difference between being a child at heart and acting like an actual fucking child, like described above, shown in this meme or on these pictures: dressing similarly to a child and using a pacifier (and yet another one). Don't even get me started on adult women wetting their diapers and finding it hot that I've found on Tumblr once. Imo that's a therapy material, not a kink. Also, no one takes sexual gratification from just "being themselves".

    Quote Originally Posted by asd View Post
    As for “being ripped of innocence” I personally don’t really see littles that way, because innocence is something that is a genuine, immutable quality of theirs.
    You can be innocent without acting like a literal 5-year-old. My friends find me very innocent and adorable without me having to do these things. To me, the sort of "innocence" littles portray is simply fake, unnatural and disturbing.

    Sorry if I sound rude or baffled, I sort of am. I've always been childlike myself and pretty innocent, and others view me this way as well, and those people sexualising, twisting and exaggerating childlike qualities for their sexual gratification give me creeps. So yeah, whoever's reading this, don't you even dare equating Ne-egos with "littles" or I will find you and I will hurt you


    Quote Originally Posted by asd View Post
    i prefer a moderate/flexible “gentle” Dom as well but it’s not necessarily bc they are LSE I think since not all LSEs are into that.
    Curious, what's your type?
    Last edited by blythe; 12-15-2020 at 03:24 PM.

  38. #38
    Eccentric Neurotic Narcissist andreasdevig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by asd View Post
    i prefer a moderate/flexible “gentle” Dom as well
    Yeah I also prefer the more gentle variety. I found out about the term 'gentle femdom' recently, which fits very well with what I am looking for. The regular BDSM stuff was always just too harsh for my taste. I always liked the idea of being dominated but in a more gentle way. You know, without too much physical pain or name-calling. I'd much prefer a woman to call me a "good boy" than a "pathetic pig."

    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    I think I've seen dominant and submissive examples of pretty much all the types. It's most likely an individual quirk.
    I would think though that Sensers (especially ESxx types) would be more likely to be dominant, and Intuitives (especially INxx types) would be more likely to be submissive.
    EII-INFj / INFP / Strong E4 and 9 energy / Melancholic-Phlegmatic / Musical-Intrapersonal-Spatial / Kinky-Sensual

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    Aramas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andreasdevig View Post
    Yeah I also prefer the more gentle variety. I found out about the term 'gentle femdom' recently, which fits very well with what I am looking for. The regular BDSM stuff was always just too harsh for my taste. I always liked the idea of being dominated but in a more gentle way. You know, without too much physical pain or name-calling. I'd much prefer a woman to call me a "good boy" than a "pathetic pig."


    I would think though that Sensers (especially ESxx types) would be more likely to be dominant, and Intuitives (especially INxx types) would be more likely to be submissive.
    I know a 6'4" SEE bottom so idk lol

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    @halkyone, your posts above are perfect descriptions of the impressions I get from female EII's. Personally, I find female EII's to be incredibly cute and absolutely not sexually appealing to me.

    Like, I'd be proud to take them anywhere on Earth and they'd be worthy and valuable companions, except not to bed.

    I guess I was born on the wrong sexual axis. The Victim-Aggressor axis, where

    the woman tells me to hold her hair in a ponytail so I can control her head motion better. And yeah, she likes this.

    Remember, SHE's the one telling ME to do this.

    LIE-ESI is kind of Switch. ESI is the Aggressor, but I think ESI's want to be clearly wanted. Necessary, even. And being worshiped as a Goddess is even safer for them.
    So how can they get a guy's undivided and faithful attention? I don't know the exact methods or if it's even conscious, but the LSI Aggressor GF I had knew instinctively what to do to lock me to her. Man, I tried breaking up with her three times, but she had something that non-aggressor GF's just don't have. A look. A smile. A "fuck me now" glance.

    Sometimes she'd put herself in harm's way, just to see if she could force my attention. She'd bend over a table to dust, or squeeze past me in a narrow hallway. Just to see if she was still the One who could get my attention anytime she wanted.

    Combine that Se/Ni with an EII's Fi/Te public persona, and you've got a lock that is not something that is easily broken.

    Last edited by Adam Strange; 12-15-2020 at 05:07 PM.

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