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Thread: Tricks/tips for finding or attract duals

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    Megatrop's Avatar
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    Default Tricks/tips for finding or attract duals

    I am looking for ways to spot or attract duals that I meet daily. I usually like to hear people's conversations before approaching them, but I now am thinking about opening up more with strangers that I have no idea who they are, so that I can see their reaction, that is, giving detailed speeches so that my ego functions can be made clear, which may result in a greater receptiveness for my duals, and greater repulsion in case of more incompatible types (that wouldn't be able to digest my output).

    So what do you guys have to say about it?
    Secondly, do you have any tips for attracting them at first contact?


    ps: I have learned to attract a certain type of people, but I have realized that this type makes a SuperEgo relation, and I am a bit disappointed after having spent almost 2 years in order to understand how they work.

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    Haikus
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    Go to a Home Hardware store and ask about the best type of screws to buy. Look helpless yet determined.

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    Megatrop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finaplex View Post
    Go to a Home Hardware store and ask about the best type of screws to buy. Look helpless yet determined.
    Been there, done that. Didn't work

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Been there, done that. Didn't work
    Man, @Megatrop, I sympathize with you. Finding LSE females is not easy, and approaching them is scary for most people, to say nothing of introverts.

    If you do encounter one, try using your random humor on her.

    My LSE mother is deep into Alzheimer's and doesn't recognize (or even like) her devoted SLI husband, but she sits at a table with this also semi-nuts EII guy in the memory care unit and likes his company. He babbles on happily about nonsense as his memories disintegrate and pass downstream and he relives them briefly, and she sits next to him listening with a really pissed off look on her face, and I can tell she's happy. Neither of them can put a coherent sentence together, but they still like each other. It's weird as hell.

    So if you do find an LSE, don't expect her to go out of her way for you, or even to seem to like you that much, but you can make her happy by just being you.

    If she likes you, you might get a proposal out of the blue one day.

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    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Been there, done that. Didn't work
    From my experience at university, I feel a disproportionate number of LSEs, women included, are history majors. Depending on how old you are, you could hang around a university campus and stalk the history department, hitting on girls as they walk out of classes. Or you could figure out what they do after college — maybe they work at museums or libraries, or visit them in their spare time?

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    I think its often difficult to, in the moment- know how much people really mean to you as you are living life, because life kind of forces everybody to protect their heart and to be fake, professional and business-like - even us romantic IEIs.

    But then like when you are alone in your room playing embarrassing love songs- you will often have a yearning for somebody and realize just how special they were and how much they really had your back. Likewise, you will also be easier to tell who was just being a selfish, manipulative piece of shit.

    So I think life is a balancing act of living life and having new social experiences with people but then also reflecting to know the romantic interpersonal Fi world beyond the illusion of society and day to day living. You cannot just get lost in chaotic, overly-emotional reflection with nothing grounded to substantiate it, but ironically you only really know once you remove yourself from it.

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    groovy punk mrrrmaid's Avatar
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    I think you should play to your ego functions to become more authentic, individual, confident and competent and just trust the right people will find you and appreciate you. But it should be done for you and your well-roundedness first and foremost.

    sidenote - I was trying to force finding a dual for a while and was curating my dating profiles to try and attract one with no luck and then I met one organically in real life almost exactly as soon as I stopped focusing on doing that.
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
    - Carrie Fisher

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    general thoughts

    1. Study to type by nonverbal. As you'll can suppose types quickly and without special methods. In a communication you'll additionally notice common behavior which you'll can link with possible types. Also during IRL communication you'll notice IR effects which should help to understand between good/bad IR there and such to suppose types too. If during IRL communication for some monthes you'll not doubt in the type - mb it's correct indeed.

    2. More of duals mb where their common interests are according to functional clubs.
    As you are F, so your duals are more among people on technical forums, occupations, study groups
    As you are N, so more of them should be among S regions as sport, physical activity, health
    Some of internet groups make IRL meetings - you may visit them.

    3. When you are in public places you should pay more attention on people to suppose their types. look into their eyes to get impressions from nonverbal. Try to suppose types by photos in social networks - some of those mb open for new relations and friends communications which may go then IRL.

    Then

    As there are significant traits besides duality - do not forget that charming at 1st impression duals may appear harder people than you think. A communication during several monthes should help to understand how you like that concrete human and how you agree to accept his negative sides you'll notice.

    People after 25 yo often have stable relations or marriages. They may resist to friends communications because of this if you'll act directly.

    If you'll be liked as a friend by a duality woman. This has good chance that both will get feelings later. At 1st communications try to understand by a reason should you allow this process. As when feelings will appear or become stronger - you'll want relations despite how hard those may appear. You may get a lot of pain. While there can be easier people for you. This risk is the price to communicate as friends with people having good IR - may appear deeper mutual attraction.

    It's reasonably to follow moral norms and do not agree on sexual relations when there is another human(s) already or you have no serious feelings (it's when both feel love and want to be together forever - to marry). If you both will like each other seriously - other human will be rejected, while in case of more primitive feelings - it would be problematic and not decent situation. Especially serious relations value J-Fi valued types - you'll get lesser of respect in case will break these moral restrictions and hence lesser chance on serious relations in the future, lesser chance other human will be rejected, while your feelings may become deeper after time.

    At Augustinavichiute the duality from the start was more supposed for relations of different sexes, for marriages. Among people of same sex you'll more often should meet pals having same club types. As people of same sex are perceived more for cooperation than friendship, at least in today culture. So you may get lesser good relations with duals of same sex just because of this - there is a psyche distance which people will not wish to reduce. A dual is often perceived as a kid - it mb acceptable in a pair/woman about which culture says to care, but it may be negative for a human of same sex as those are said also to compete - positive effects of duality mb reduced by this. With IR other than duals, but still relatively good (semi-duals, activators, mirage, same quadra club, relative) you may have more chance to be accepted by people of same sex.

    About "attract duals".
    You should find them yourself As you know about types.
    Duality effects develop better in situations when both solve the same task. When they need to share duties for this. Then they better understand good traits in each other and that want them, can accept them. This may help to attract to you, to notice your duality traits. If there are groups which do something together as equals - duals have higher chance to notice good in each other.
    But there is nothing you should do special to attract duals in general case. Just be good and decent human as you understand this to be attractive for anyone. And meanwhile to be liked by yourself, to feel inner harmony with what you do. This people like in others too - when those are not self-conflicting and such mb more anxious, depressive, etc.
    Last edited by Sol; 08-23-2019 at 03:13 PM.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Megatrop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrrrmaid View Post
    I think you should play to your ego functions to become more authentic, individual, confident and competent and just trust the right people will find you and appreciate you. But it should be done for you and your well-roundedness first and foremost.

    sidenote - I was trying to force finding a dual for a while and was curating my dating profiles to try and attract one with no luck and then I met one organically in real life almost exactly as soon as I stopped focusing on doing that.
    I know what you mean. It has happened to me, but not with duals.

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Finding LSEs should not be hard, they are literally everywhere. It's more about finding actually compatible dual. Maybe you want Harmonizing subtype etc.

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    @Megatrop If there isn't any physical attraction felt by both parties, then duality is irrelevant. There's also the matter that you may not be attracted to your dual and likely haven't much in common except for, if you're lucky, a common direction in life - toward which you'll both likely not want to proceed in the same way. If you intend to fake interest or agreement in order to attract, then forget it because relationships based on fiction certainly won't work over the long term. As I've said before, don't use type as a divining rod because ideal relationships are rarities, if they exist at all. Super-ego relationships come in second in cognitive strength but are one of the easiest to recognize and start. The problem that usually crops up with an Ij-super-ego is a failure to communicate, which leads to misunderstandings and self-imposed isolation from one another, which leads to further misunderstandings - sometimes creating runaway conditions; however, such relationships are potentially very mutually supportive - provided there aren't other divisive issues unrelated to type....

    a.k.a. I/O

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    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    As another ESTx female, we expect our dual men to be not mute, but quieter than average. Quiet but confident enough to at least strike up a conversation, like you probably already are, is where you should aim to be at.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    I saw a female LSE yesterday working in the customer supply line at Panera’s Bread. She was big, brusk, rational, and fearsome. And yet somehow polite (on her terms) to the customers. Happy to herself, no nonsense to the world.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    As another ESTx female, we expect our dual men to be not mute, but quieter than average. Quiet but confident enough to at least strike up a conversation, like you probably already are, is where you should aim to be at.
    Hey, that's me!

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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    A big cock will definitely help...and being yourself
    ILE "Searcher"
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    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    A big cock will definitely help...and being yourself
    I assume that's different from just being a dick.

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