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Thread: Duals in families

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    Default Duals in families

    What experiences do you have with duality relations in families, say between a parent and child, or sibling and sibling?
    As soon as the land of any country has all become private property, the landlords, like all other men, love to reap where they never sowed, and demand a rent even for its natural produce.

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    My cousin is LSI and he has grown up with an EIE mom and LSI father. He is down-to-earth, natural, simple and well-adapted in a positive way. He studied, got a good job , married, built a house and is now a father of three kids.

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    My mom and little brother were duals but frankly I was still her favourite. (He was my dad's.) Maybe she felt more connected to me cuz I'm a gurl. And small SLEs are probably objectively a pain in the ass for parents. She became an alcoholic who was intermittently around when he was about 5 or 6 so who knows how it could have gone. Sadly, booze trumps type.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    My mom and little brother were duals but frankly I was still her favourite. (He was my dad's.) Maybe she felt more connected to me cuz I'm a gurl. And small SLEs are probably objectively a pain in the ass for parents. She became an alcoholic who was intermittently around when he was about 5 or 6 so who knows how it could have gone. Sadly, booze trumps type.
    I see; that's a shame. Myself and my mother were also duals, but psychological and personal problems have strained our relationship. I was my mother's favorite though, and my sister my father's -- they I think were activity partners.

    What types were your parents? I'm curious particularly if either of you were identicals and if that affected whether your parent liked you more.
    As soon as the land of any country has all become private property, the landlords, like all other men, love to reap where they never sowed, and demand a rent even for its natural produce.

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    fka lungs ashlesha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    I see; that's a shame. Myself and my mother were also duals, but psychological and personal problems have strained our relationship. I was my mother's favorite though, and my sister my father's -- they I think were activity partners.

    What types were your parents? I'm curious particularly if either of you were identicals and if that affected whether your parent liked you more.
    My mom was undoubtedly IEI. My dad was less typable - on one hand he seemed extroverted and high Fe (user aestrivex met him and said XIE) but on another hand he kept no phone so ppl wouldn't "bug him," seemed enneagram 5 (strong line to 8) and ultimately Ti in private, so I went with LSI.

    Anyway, that would make my parents introverted beta activity and my brother SLE, so I was the oddball. Maybe why I went after my IEI boyfriend and get the occasional IEI typing but I wonder if I am more like my dad. Hard to say, considering my mom's issues. As far as favorites, gender is really my best guess. Cuz as far as I could tell my brother was my dad's fave since they liked the same video games...lol, just more in common

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    My two cousins are ESTj. We never had any clashes between one another nor did we have flaming warmth towards each other. We were just ourselves and not noticeable in any extreme way. Just neutral
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    My brothers are duals. LSI and EIE. When my EIE brother was young, he said one day they presented him with his LSI older brother and was like, "here's your half brother," so from then on, it was strange between them. Now that they're older, they sit down and talk for long periods of time but do not agree with everything but tolerate each other okay. They're not best buds or anything, and have trouble keeping in contact with each other.

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    my grandmother by father had 1st son as her dual (ESI - LIE)
    my father was 2nd son in business IR for her (LSI)

    father mentioned that his mother did more praising and was more proud by 1st son. mb it's one of reasons the relations between brothers were rather conflicting and stay not so warm up to this time
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    I hope this doesn't turn out to be too long, but the relationships are all interconnected.

    I have 3 brothers and my Dad was my SLI-dual and also my middle brother was SLI, who was a sort of my favorite. I fondly remember sleeping in side-by-side cots at the end of my parents room on rare occasions when the house was reorganized to accommodate overnight out-of-town family guests. We'd stay awake talking about the wonders of God and the universe while the grownups visited downstairs.

    My relationship with my Dad was very good, peaceful, and I felt loved. My relationship with my Mom was stable, but somewhat strained. I didn't feel quite as sure of her love, and thought she favored my brothers. Later Socionics helped me see that their intertype relations with her were MUCH more comfortable that with me. It was great to solve that mystery!

    Twice in college I dated a SLI (not knowing what a dual is) and both times it was the beginnings of a good and special relationship. These ended because of circumstances, though in both cases I could have made sure the relationship stayed but I did not.

    I seems I chose to marry when I was ready - after college, and he was the one who worked hardest and seemingly most sacrificially to win me - he was my Benefactor. Also I was unpracticed about asking God about His will for my life, and I liked my own will too much still. So with marriage, often-difficult times ensued before the shock of divorce. (But I pin the real cause on his Narcissism, not the Benefit relation).

    After a long time as a single mom, I met my SLI husband. This time I knew to seek God's will, Who gave me His "okay" clearly when I truly sought it (this time). I was quite prepared to severe the relationship if God said, "No, this is not for you." In fact I expected I was displeasing Him by simply seeking my own will, but instead He surprised my by clearly "saying" this relationship was NOT displeasing to Him. And it's been good! I feel truly blessed. Then I found and learned about Socionics and Duality, and it confirmed this was right for me.

    Learning Socionics made me look back and realize that those two relationships in college that I allowed to slip away had been SLIs. I could have avoided all those years of difficulty and had ONE good marriage!

    But I think I had been looking for something else. Not my dual, but instead, someone to fix what was broken/missing in me. I had not worked through or been healed of childhood issues, and the most difficult relationship was my Mom. The ESFj Benefactor I chose to marry was more like my ISFj Mom than he was like my Dual Dad. Often you marry one who is more like your difficult parent in seeking the love you did not get from them. It happened to me and I see it happen to so many others.
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    I don't know that I have any duals in my family. My dad is SLI so he's the closest to a dual and our relationship is non-existent. I think it's because of the Fe PoLR but he only have barked Te orders at me and was only ever concerned with my grades, I didn't have a back and forth conversation with him until I was 26. He is also type 1 so he always had strict and high expectations so that put tons of pressure on the dynamic between us and there was always tension when I was around him. Our relationship growing up was more of a soldier and his drill sergeant kind of arrangement. It's hard to break out of that after being in it for over 2 decades, he wishes I spoke to him more openly now as he seems to be exercising his Fe quiet a bit now but it's hard not to feel like it's too late.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I don't know that I have any duals in my family. My dad is SLI so he's the closest to a dual and our relationship is non-existent. I think it's because of the Fe PoLR but he only have barked Te orders at me and was only ever concerned with my grades, I didn't have a back and forth conversation with him until I was 26. He is also type 1 so he always had strict and high expectations so that put tons of pressure on the dynamic between us and there was always tension when I was around him. Our relationship growing up was more of a soldier and his drill sergeant kind of arrangement. It's hard to break out of that after being in it for over 2 decades, he wishes I spoke to him more openly now as he seems to be exercising his Fe quiet a bit now but it's hard not to feel like it's too late.
    Are you sure he's not LSI? Because that sounds totally opposite of Ne seeking behavior.
    Honestly, I can't picture any IEE standing such a person.

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    The closest I've ever gotten to duality in a family is my activity relation with my grandpa, I think he was LSI. We were really close when I was a child and he was basically like a father to me. I remember he used to tell me amazing stories about his childhood and growing up in a poor family in a small village. I loved to listen to his stories about how tough the life was back then and my grandpa was an excellent story teller, I felt like at the movies. Then when I grew a little older we started to discuss politics, philiosophy and history more but that's where our differences came to play. We both were interested in these topics and we both enjoy discussing them, but well, we're on the opposite sides of the political spectrum. So these topics actually made our relationship more distant when I grew older. I'm a leftist liber who's more into western culture and pro EU and my LSI grandpa used to be extremly into communism and Russia, so whenever he would start talking about how great Stalin and the Russians were I just couldn't listen to that crap. And he's got like very conservative and traditional opinions when it comes to most things, even the man and woman stereotypes which are a big NO for me, so I just couldn 't handle his mind set.

    I'm thankful though for the fact that I used to be an extremely sensitive and emotional kid and he helped me to become more tough. He hates weak people, incompetent and lazy ones and he atually helped to be less of a cry baby. Even when I feel emotional, I know how to play it tough thanks to him and I also have low tolarance for weakness or laziness in other people. That strong Se has its benefits.
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    My mom and dad were duals, dad clear INTj and mom ESFj. They loved each other very much, and they were really happy/idealistic with each other, on the verge of corny mb. Compared to a lot of my friends' parents they rarely fought and if they did they made up soon after. There was a lot less hate & sadism in their relationship, compared to so many other heterosexual couples I knew lol. They put a really positive spin on things for me. Some gammas & deltas criticized me before for being too happy and light hearted, but to me they were more like this. Tbh it bothered me when they couldn't be tough or aggressive like u have to be in d cruel dog-eat-dog real world sometimes, but they did a good job instilling me a sense of morality and right and wrong. I felt protective of them, which is kinda backwards but true- and I can ironically be the world's meanest bulldog if anybody fucks with my family. I don't let anybody take advantage of their alpha naiveness and sweetness.

    When my dad died it devastated my mom, cuz she hasn't been able to find a guy she got along with as well as my dad. =(

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marep View Post
    Are you sure he's not LSI? Because that sounds totally opposite of Ne seeking behavior.
    Honestly, I can't picture any IEE standing such a person.
    He's all Ne seeking now, telling me to jump on every new idea that comes up with now( "Hey why don't you start a business doing this. Hey LP do you see what they are doing now? You should get into that. "). But yea he's not Ti or Se, he;s not forceful or aggressive with people, just his kids, and it's not really aggression but strictness, righteous strictness he's Si and Te, he essientially expected me to walk exactly in his footsteps and relive his past and "Get good grades, to get into a good college, to get a good job." to hopefully one day afford a good coffin was my idea. He made breakfast for me because he said I need to eat to do better on my SATs . And my brother is SLE and they are complete opposites, my dad is more conservative and my brother....well he's SLE, so rebellious lol. To be fair he had a hard life, he wanted to be a painter had to throw it all away for us kids and became a widow at some point and sort of took it out on us kids for a bit.

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    My mom and little brother were duals but frankly I was still her favourite. (He was my dad's.) Maybe she felt more connected to me cuz I'm a gurl.
    You do have this certain quality that seems to attract IEIs. Maybe it's the benefactor/beneficiary thing. You remind me of this girl I know that works at the deli counter in the grocery store, that I oddly find approachable which is weird, cuz I'm usually very shy with people and I'm like 'fuck off' but with her, I kind of initiate more of the conversation. I have no idea what it is exactly but it feels kind of unique and nice.


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