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Thread: Overly nice people

  1. #41
    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    @ OP @jughead Take a class on negotiating skills. Always be on guard and think about what the other person may want LOL. Also, basically never take people who don't take life seriously too seriously yourself. Just stay clear away. Also try being fake nice back and giving them bullshit reasons to leave. Especially if you're a white boy, because then everyone in this world wants to take away your resources.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fresh meat View Post
    They have the worst rage.
    Ya I noticed that sort of thing before. That people who try to be too good then show a really really dark side. Bc I guess it's not healthy to suppress the negative that much lol

    It's better to deal with the negative asap before it grows too strong when suppressed I guess

    Like deal with it before it actually gets truly negative, find the right framing and right action for it


    Also it's like... with religious people, very good religious leaders or whatever, anything like that, I was always skeptical, I was like hey meet me if you can be nice with me then maybe it's not fake but real.

    Like yeah I'd challenge them too easily is the sense that I always had

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    Quote Originally Posted by jughead View Post
    As what I presume to be a INFp Beta I have problems with overly nice people because it is disarming to potential threats or problems. More PC ways of speaking disarm me and manipulate me! See the George Carlin take on PC language, I basically agree....
    I have developed a strategy to be a bit of a dick and mess with people to challenge and weed them out because if I don't take an immediate assertive or aggressive position they worm their way in and it backfires....

    In my experience the types that I have this issue with tend to be anything but Beta and most typically Delta. Makes sense right? And the closer the temperament matches the more problems I have. For example I have problems with ENFp's/IEE. The EP temperament combined with being too nice and lack of Ti leads to future disaster for me. EII/INFj I have a easier time in keeping at bay due to boring/stable temperament mismatch and more structured views that I see our differences in. Whereas EP IEE gets me interested and rushes into things and leaves me holding the check metaphorically. This is typically magnified with them being an attractive woman (and if they are stupid) because it makes me as a man to be dumber in the early stages. I typically go on 2-4 dates with these types before I realize the glaring problems. Other INFp are usually nice but they also have a harsher judgement side than ENFp's and we get on the same page easier. ENFp's avoid negativity too much and thus don't actually clarify where they stand, leading to later misunderstandings when things actually happen.

    Types I see doing this and types I have problems with in my history.
    1. ENFp (super nice and the temperament match makes them more of a potential disaster, a seductive poison)
    2. INFj (the most nice but also the easier to reject, they like doing unsolicited favors and want to be repaid in kind IME which rubs me the wrong way)
    3. ESFj (can be nice but also a complete ass, annoying temperament triggers my "fake/danger" warning quicker)
    4. ESFp (like ENFp but their more direct way of interacting triggers my natural Ni more into action, less disaster and more deeper values mismatch)
    1. Oh yeah I had that problem awhile ago. I think I first managed to prevail over that bs like about 2 yrs ago. That some people would try to appease me like that lol. Then it would feel too rude to keep being "not nice" with them but then I figured out that it's not rude actually but it's in my right to remain cold or even confrontational etc.

    2. About them worming their way in. I think that's a different problem. That's more like you not paying attention to the signs of when you start getting attached to someone. It's possible to check, notice and then keep it under control. There are many behaviours and attitudes both from your side and from the other party's side where the degree of distance vs attachment can be influenced. Some approaches are subtle some are less subtle.

    3. I doubt your issue is type related. I would say your little list with the types, the type labels are worthless and the comments from you in the parentheses are the sensible part of the list, i.e. the parts that do mean anything at all. Also the behaviours you describe in the parentheses can be displayed by any type and can be displayed even frequently, really not type related stuff. It's cool if Socionics helped you become more conscious of these things but it's a waste of time and mental energy to try to use the Socionics model to elucidate patterns about people bc there are better ways to do that. Some descriptions of people in socionics resources you can use regardless of the model though.

  4. #44
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    @ sbbds This is more the sort of advice I need, as you might expect from the socionic relation. Also practically I will fail at this advice unless I take a class where I get walked though it.

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    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jughead View Post
    @ sbbds This is more the sort of advice I need, as you might expect from the socionic relation. Also practically I will fail at this advice unless I take a class where I get walked though it.
    Do you look like Ned Flanders? Ditch the glasses and work out. Actually IEE etc should have no grounds for taking advantage of you. As NFS, you and everybody else knows what everybody is doing. You can just ignore them and death glare them, or do something nice for them first in front of everybody. Beat them at their own game. I have observed this where a meek IEI girl helped out an annoying af IEE guy. The tables turned and he became her bitch and never bothered her again.

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    729 7w6 2w3 9w1 So/sx +Fe ego, Fe - 3 H subtype, Merry quadra, Phlegmatic/Sanguine, AEOCN. The most overly nice person on earth.

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    Yeah I think there is something to say for enneagram and potentially DCNH in this. I'm nice, but I wouldn't call myself overly nice by any means.

    I actually dated a LII who was always nice and never showed being in a bad mood an I found it a bit irritating myself.

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    Glorious Member mu4's Avatar
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    Better to be kind than nice

  9. #49
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    Cruel to be kind, in the right measure, cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign

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    Huge problems for me, are that Betas just want to be aggressive, and they sometimes assume they know your intentions, etc., etc and then when I make a sharp joke they get all offended and can't take it and they have to react to every little misbehavior. And Alphas demand consistency from everyone else, but they are super inconsistent themselves. A lot of the times I interact with people, I just do it because I need something and so I act without thinking too much (I have to act quickly), and of course people hate it just as much as I do.

    I'm not real comfortable around Deltas either simply because of the way they look (which I don't like myself for), them being convinced that they're right, and their need for a collective society like Betas. I can't stand the way many stereotypical Betas or Deltas behave; Betas either try to force you into their groups or they exclude you and Deltas don't understand that people and their needs and their need for individuality are different. Betas are more infuriating though, because of their hypocrisy and the fact that they just keep on going right on thinking it's ok for them to do whatever to me, but no body has the right to do it to them, it shows an extreme lack of their independence; it takes more effort to resist them and their often highly systems... they're like oh, you need so much structure you need everything very routine, i need to time and schedule everything for you. I'm like... I can work by myself sometimes and adapt sometimes, go fuck your narcissistic self. Me appearing guarded might be why Deltas generally don't approach me, but Betas usually aren't afraid or they don't want to admit it. Delta quadra types rarely approach me and I live by my rule where I approach people I want to and I can usually tell when they don't want to have a long term relationship, so I don't need to approach people and I do it less than many other people do.

    But EIE will often not let go, so the jughead should keep in mind that Betas are just as pushy in trying to start relationships and with peoples' resources as Deltas are. jughead is simply biased and hypocritical.
    Last edited by Disturbed; 10-19-2020 at 07:46 PM.
    I'm sorry, but I'm psychologically disturbed.


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