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Thread: Overly nice people

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    Default Overly nice people

    As what I presume to be a INFp Beta I have problems with overly nice people because it is disarming to potential threats or problems. More PC ways of speaking disarm me and manipulate me! See the George Carlin take on PC language, I basically agree....
    I have developed a strategy to be a bit of a dick and mess with people to challenge and weed them out because if I don't take an immediate assertive or aggressive position they worm their way in and it backfires....

    In my experience the types that I have this issue with tend to be anything but Beta and most typically Delta. Makes sense right? And the closer the temperament matches the more problems I have. For example I have problems with ENFp's/IEE. The EP temperament combined with being too nice and lack of Ti leads to future disaster for me. EII/INFj I have a easier time in keeping at bay due to boring/stable temperament mismatch and more structured views that I see our differences in. Whereas EP IEE gets me interested and rushes into things and leaves me holding the check metaphorically. This is typically magnified with them being an attractive woman (and if they are stupid) because it makes me as a man to be dumber in the early stages. I typically go on 2-4 dates with these types before I realize the glaring problems. Other INFp are usually nice but they also have a harsher judgement side than ENFp's and we get on the same page easier. ENFp's avoid negativity too much and thus don't actually clarify where they stand, leading to later misunderstandings when things actually happen.

    Types I see doing this and types I have problems with in my history.
    1. ENFp (super nice and the temperament match makes them more of a potential disaster, a seductive poison)
    2. INFj (the most nice but also the easier to reject, they like doing unsolicited favors and want to be repaid in kind IME which rubs me the wrong way)
    3. ESFj (can be nice but also a complete ass, annoying temperament triggers my "fake/danger" warning quicker)
    4. ESFp (like ENFp but their more direct way of interacting triggers my natural Ni more into action, less disaster and more deeper values mismatch)
    Last edited by jughead; 06-25-2019 at 07:07 PM.

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    it's funny because I was reading how EIIs hate to do and get favours because of the "do ut des" Se nature of it, basically if you do smth nice is to get smth nice back and this sort of commerce hits their Se polr. basically it's like saying that being nice entails Se and Fe, aka beta.

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    Stop dating deltas. Problem solved.

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    Yes, this is very true, I'm married to an IEE and I've observed the same phenomenon.

    Some IEIs are prone to use their emotions as weapons to get some Se and Ti (like teenagers who subconsciously yearn for discipline and structure in their lives), but when they face Delta NF who have no Ti/Te and low Se and usually don't let others to manipulate their emotions, IEIs seem disarmed or forced to enter in this IEE "politeness game".

    My husband literally says that he always tries to keep this polite and nice attitude with ppl because it makes hard for them to act like dicks with him. Also they basically can get away with saying bunch of offensive things and throw accusations in polite and calm tone which seem to circumvent people's offendedness radar, lol
    Last edited by Ragdoll Lynx; 06-26-2019 at 10:30 PM.

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    This is certainly type-related. But in my experience it's mainly the Si-valuing ethical types that do this (less so EII due to Ni-8).

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    Only on MBTI and Jungian-based places where you have people whining about "overly nice people" and "fake Fe pplz"...

    Honestly, get over yourselves. There's no real such thing as "fake emotions". Be grateful that people are at least trying to be nice to you. It's not such a huge deal.

    If you think that people are deliberately manipulating you or something in an overly malicious way, then I can only say that you're being overly paranoid.

    This whole idiocy is created by the assumption that there's a such thing as "real emotion" (Fi) and "fake emotion" (Fe). In reality, there's no such distinction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ragdoll Lynx View Post
    Some IEIs are prone to use their emotions as weapons to get some Se and Ti (like teenagers who subconsciously yearn for discipline and structure in their life's), but when they face Delta NF who have no Ti/Te and low Se and usually don't let others to manipulate their emotions, IEIs seem disarmed or forced to enter in this IEE " polite game".

    My husband literally says that he always tries to keep this polite and nice attitude with ppl because it makes hard for them to act like dicks with him. Also they basically can get away with saying bunch of offensive things and throw accusations in polite and calm tone which seem to circumvent people's offendedness radar, lol
    Must be true because it says so on Socionics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Singu View Post


    Must be true because it says so on Socionics.
    must be true because Sigu thinks so.

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    I really hate the North American "customer first" mentality. When you buy something, please try not to be a dick to the employees. I've seriously thought about going back to my teen job at Walmart just to tell customers to fuck off -- it's not like I even need the reference letter anymore.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marep View Post
    Stop dating deltas. Problem solved.
    Done. It's hard enough to get people to take a test though but if they can't be bothered to do so I shouldn't expect good things from anyone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ragdoll Lynx View Post
    Some IEIs are prone to use their emotions as weapons to get some Se and Ti (like teenagers who subconsciously yearn for discipline and structure in their life's), but when they face Delta NF who have no Ti/Te and low Se and usually don't let others to manipulate their emotions, IEIs seem disarmed or forced to enter in this IEE " polite game".

    Thanks... now I see why one SLE woman got overly excited over my pranks [which included good deal of fake Ni themes I happened to know]. I just tested the overall limits of the people because I'm curios for the "science".
    Quote Originally Posted by Groucho Marx
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delilah View Post
    Hi, that's interesting, I wonder if it is an IEE thing only? I personally don't try to elicit anything out of being kind towards someone, i consider being kind (when possible, not always obv) an end in itself. Do you find EIIs are different in this respect?
    Yes. I think creative function is used as a tool more than a mean or goal by itself. Ime EIIs want to be appreciated or loved as they focus primarily on relations, while IEEs enjoy the process of motivate or inspire ppl (get them to do things) to get their potential, since its part of what they naturally do: getting potential possibilities and exploring them. Since for them, ethical relations are important, I think they try also to behave ethically and preserve what's important for them.
    Last edited by Ragdoll Lynx; 06-27-2019 at 03:00 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    it's funny because I was reading how EIIs hate to do and get favours because of the "do ut des" Se nature of it, basically if you do smth nice is to get smth nice back and this sort of commerce hits their Se polr. basically it's like saying that being nice entails Se and Fe, aka beta.
    Lol. I think you got it perfectly right. I've been around Betas a lot, and they seem to have this "quid pro quo" (Hannibal Lecter?) or "tit for tat" mentality. I can't really act in this mentality, because I don't have a strong memory for what I do for others or for what others do for me. Not having that checkbook record in my mind makes it hard for me to play the beta game. It might be terrible to say it, but for me, my mindset is more like "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." Lol! I don't consider myself a communist but that seems closer to how I act than any other short statement.

    There's just something about that mindset that has always been off for me. I don't like feeling bound by it, so I often just try to avoid the game, stay away from people, etc. The area I live in appears to be heavily Se, so... :/

    From my perspective, this kind of thing diminishes the reality of a relationship between two people. If it's just trading favors, I scratch your back and you mine, it's really utilitarian isn't it? You're just sort of... using people. Of course Betas think the opposite is true.
    Last edited by Aramas; 06-29-2019 at 02:37 PM.
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    generally ''niceness'' is attributed to Fe.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    generally ''niceness'' is attributed to Fe.
    I'd say its more tied to both; it's in the description of Fi as maintaining relationships. Certainly Fe is about an atmosphere but Fi types don't want to mess with relations so they don't rock the boat on that level. Alpha SF is pretty likely to be nice to more people, whereas Delta is more likely to be nice to people they are trying to have a continuing relation with. My basic point is that Fi types and Fe types start to clash when they realize what under the surface more. And EXFP have 4d Fe so they use Fe to inspire or manipulate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    generally ''niceness'' is attributed to Fe.
    ...in MBTI.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thehotelambush View Post
    ...in MBTI.
    And socionics and jung.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    And socionics and jung.
    In what socionics sources?

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    dunno it is weird to me to confound being nice with being 'overly PC' because there is genuine sweetness and compassion which I value and the other pc/inhumane/governmental/obnoxiously official way of talking isn't nice at all, it's a very authoritative way of being. You obviously want power over others when you talk like that. There is nothing nice about it. So I'm not really sure what your issue is, people being 'too nice' (which seems silly to be offended by) or PC language which yes, can be very strict and overly authoritative in nature. It is the language ppl in power or ppl in illuminati use to be higher than others obviously, it is about power. Celebs on twitter like talking like this sometimes too cuz they love feeling 'on top.'

    I'm not even sure if this is type related in and of itself, but if the PC language is hidden behind Te crap that you don't like (and you are in fact INFp), it would make sense why you don't like it and it gets under your skin. There is also the Fe version way that you prolly might not mind as much, but is just as authoritative.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    dunno it is weird to me to confound being nice with being 'overly PC' because there is genuine sweetness and compassion which I value and the other pc/inhumane/governmental/obnoxiously official way of talking isn't nice at all, it's a very authoritative way of being. You obviously want power over others when you talk like that. There is nothing nice about it. So I'm not really sure what your issue is, people being 'too nice' (which seems silly to be offended by) or PC language which yes, can be very strict and overly authoritative in nature. It is the language ppl in power or ppl in illuminati use to be higher than others obviously, it is about power. Celebs on twitter like talking like this sometimes too cuz they love feeling 'on top.'

    I'm not even sure if this is type related in and of itself, but if the PC language is hidden behind Te crap that you don't like (and you are in fact INFp), it would make sense why you don't like it and it gets under your skin. There is also the Fe version way that you prolly might not mind as much, but is just as authoritative.
    Some of the most unpleasant people I’ve ever dealt with were extremely PC. Anytime someone is coming from an ideology-first perspective, they risk becoming unrelatable on the mild end, dehumanizing on the extreme end. Doesn’t matter what the ideology is. But I also think the majority of people aren’t obnoxious about their beliefs—they just don’t get much attention because that isn’t inherently interesting.
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