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Thread: SEI- EII

  1. #1
    Delilah's Avatar
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    Default SEI- EII

    I hesitate to start (yet) another thread(!), but i couldn't find one on SEI-EII relations. Could you please share what you know or have observed about this dynamic? Thanks. (ETA: @Tallmo, @Beautiful sky, @ooo, ....and anyone else who has something to add, an example, an observation etc).
    Last edited by Delilah; 06-03-2019 at 05:06 AM.
    "Inasmuch as it is nothing but pure communicability, every face, even the most noble and beautiful, is always suspended on the edge of an abyss"

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Big problems between the Fi and Fe world approach. Both try to get along, but both would be happier apart.

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    ooo's Avatar
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    no strong feelings to report. I have an older SEI cousin to whom I never was particularly attached, and somehow she used to look up to me while growing up, she even asked me to help her out with her thesis when I was 18.
    I used to have a SEI maid ages ago, we used to get along very well, but she was a bit too gossipy for my tastes, and in the end she flied out with the wind without even giving a call...
    another SEI girl I met online and lol, she was stalking my ass because she thought I had something going on with her bf, and it was bothering because she used to ban me everywhere in order to keep me out...

    I can think of other lovely SEIs I met but... hmm, there's never been a real serious friendship or relationship with any of them.

    in general I can tell I think they're a bit too "merry" for my tastes.



    I'm sorry I can't provide more examples

  4. #4
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    I have an SEI coworker/friend with whom I have worked with for 12 years, three SEI cousins (two females, one male), an SEI nephew, and dated an SEI for about a year. That is the beginning of this process so let me explain..

    SEI are like ESE in a lot of ways... they seek where the fun , light hearted merriment is. I’m a somber sober serious person who talks to my friends about serious issues that bother me. When my SEI friend asked me to go running with her I thought it would be time that she and I could talk about my issues but really for her it was time to exercise. She was focused on her goals of being healthy and fit. Before Socionics this may have upset me but not now. She also did not take sides when a mutual friend betrayed me and refused to side with me. Her sense of loyalty was never there I think because the other girl was way more “fun” than I. In my delta nature my friends are mine. They are not yours. They can be nice and civil to you but they are mine because I don’t take friendships lightly. They are deep and serious. Not so much with her. I have done so much for this girl. All because I am very Benefactor. I tried to integrate myself into her life and have helped her on many levels but I always feel that she doesn’t hear me. For instance she was going through a nasty divorce with three little kids. She was so worried about them being taken etc. I drove her to the lawyer office, I encouraged her and I told her about the law to reassure her that no such thing would ever happen. I have fed her when she had no food. I have done so much in our friendship and felt very little return on the investment. It is an empty feeling to be with one’s Beneficiary relationship. I want everyone who is in one to take a good look at what I am writing here.

    With my cousins similar situation is occurring. I strive to help them, they don’t need my help, so I only speak to them about intellectual knowledge and keep it at that. They get into buzzard new age or current metaphysic knowledge and I don’t always get on board with the latest changes in society. If Oprah said today that eating meat was disgusting, they would follow her like sheep. Not me. I am my own person. I will research what experts say and do about eating meat and I may quietly, without advertising try it for myself before proclaiming it as a truth to others.

    The SEI I dated was way too physically rough for me. You would think he’s a caregiver and yes gave me caregiver advice but was too aggressive. I don’t like physical intensity. He was not at all encouraging either. I am confident so I would tell him that I could reach my goals and he would say “no you cannot “ or “fine try it” He also wanted a lot of distance before he was ready to be serious but by the time he was I was no longer interested.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 06-03-2019 at 03:51 PM.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  5. #5
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    http://www.socionics.com/rel/bn.htm

    She always criticized me for not knowing or wanting to have light hearted “fun” which to her was to have sex with someone who was just around at the time. Not me. Sex is sacred to me that is only shared in a loving relationship
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  6. #6
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    I should know because i have dated three EIIs (not at the same time). It didnt work. The first was a harmonizer,student of art history. The second was a Normalizer photographer. The third was Dominant, a teacher and some kind of political activist.

    Its hard to summarize but i think the relationship always stays on a slightly distant or polite level. Its hard to just be yourself. Confusing. With EII there is also this "extra layer" because they adapt to you and are willing to work on the relationship. But that doesnt improve the basic compatibility of course.

    There is definitely attraction though.

    I also had the feeling that the EII couldnt see me for what i am at all. Dont know if its true but it felt like that.

    Not a good combination. IEE is better if we stay in the delta quadra.

  7. #7
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
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    My SEI girlfriend is somewhat close with her EII sister. They don't really talk much about their feelings or impressions of things; they're on totally different wavelengths about that. Usually they'll just sit together and make small talk instead, or sometimes talk about shared experiences in the past, in fairly "objective" terms -- e.g. A. "That was awful, yeah?" B. "Mm". rather than "I hated that for x,y reasons". Similarly my girlfriend doesn't talk about our relationship to the EII; the EII doesn't talk about her relationships and friendships. When they get together it's to "hang out" (as the EII puts it) -- watch a movie, eat something the SEI made, and relate by just being together or doing stuff, rather than by talking.

    Socionics considers the EII benefactor to the SEI. I'm skeptical of much ITR stuff, but for what it's worth, this is how their interaction might be related: so, the EII doesn't really plan, or think ahead, for anything -- classic low Te, etc., and she can be fairly inconsiderate -- again, in EII fashion, there's a tendency to think only for herself; others are considered only to the extent the EII cares about them. My SEI will make pointed comments toward the EII to get her to change (as pointed as an SEI can really get, at least): invest more consideration into her life, stop spending money on useless crap, mention that she needs a ride somewhere more than thirty minutes in advance, etc. The EII feels uncomfortable, blows off the SEI, and attempts to change the conversation, becoming more irritated and controlling. In return, the EII will sometimes attempt to give advice to the SEI, but she's utterly useless at it -- she just doesn't understand the SEI's attitude/personality at all.
    Gods and men name her Aphrodite...Cyprus-born, because she was born in wave-dashed Cyprus; and lover of smiles, because she emerged out of the genitals.

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