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Thread: SEE and being bossy

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Default SEE and being bossy

    Discuss

    This sounds like me (ESFP ) and my ESTJ husband. It makes me crazy how he's constantly asking me what I think when 99% of the time I genuinely DO NOT CARE! I've often wondered if I did it to him, though, since I used to be bossier. It's like I've completely taken away his ability to make any decision on his own. One time her called me from the store to ask me whether or not he should spend $3 on something for our daughter. Three. dollars. Seriously?
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 05-13-2019 at 05:53 PM.
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    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    NAWTEASE's Avatar
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    If you spend three dollars everyday on shit. It becomes a ton of money spent on shit.

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    Spending any money is a big deal. I don't know how much you have, but it's need to know what you spend it on.
    Figured it out. LIE. I'm extraverted, which is incredibly counter intuitive for a person who doesn't tend to go out much. Don't know how often I'll be on, but don't expect me to respond often. Only option I'm willing to debate is Si vs Ni right now. Mission accomplished.

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    Lmao is everything OK at home?

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    Maybe you should invest in coupleís counseling, or else talk things over for a while with him. Thatís not a normal dynamic. I tend to manage the money in my relationship, but my fiance would never feel like she had to run every single decision like this by me. We just have a budget, decide how much of it we can spend on groceries and such, and thatís generally it.
    As soon as the land of any country has all become private property, the landlords, like all other men, love to reap where they never sowed, and demand a rent even for its natural produce.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Maybe you should invest in coupleís counseling, or else talk things over for a while with him. Thatís not a normal dynamic. I tend to manage the money in my relationship, but my fiance would never feel like she had to run every single decision like this by me. We just have a budget, decide how much of it we can spend on groceries and such, and thatís generally it.
    Itís not me. Itís an SEE talking about her relationship
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    It’s not me. It’s an SEE talking about her relationship
    It's confusing as it lacks any sort of indication it's a quote. I thought you had come to believe yourself SEE at first.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stefilias View Post
    It's confusing as it lacks any sort of indication it's a quote. I thought you had come to believe yourself SEE at first.
    The same with me.
    As soon as the land of any country has all become private property, the landlords, like all other men, love to reap where they never sowed, and demand a rent even for its natural produce.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    Discuss

    This sounds like me (ESFP ) and my ESTJ husband. It makes me crazy how he's constantly asking me what I think when 99% of the time I genuinely DO NOT CARE! I've often wondered if I did it to him, though, since I used to be bossier. It's like I've completely taken away his ability to make any decision on his own. One time her called me from the store to ask me whether or not he should spend $3 on something for our daughter. Three. dollars. Seriously?
    K. So. Here's how it goes.

    1. You're probably ISFj. I'm not explaining it. It's just not too useful to hash out that argument when I'm not confirmed on my viewpoint.

    2. Yes, you're bossy. This is because there's a tendency to force your ideas down people's throat. This comes out as bossy. INFj doesn't have that, they spend their time constructing wizard tier riddles. It wastes my time, but amuses other people who would find that pleasing to solve. ESTjs enjoy thinking, just not thinking hard. I force people to think hard. What I did in 1. would infuriate an INFj and ESTj immensely. What INFj did would infuriate me mildly. I also cannot guage how much an action will affect other people.

    3. You're not primarily bossy. My ESFp brother is a bit more forceful in matters of money. Like he will treat that person who you described to a fun time with "no I can't buy a 3 dollar drink. We have stuff at home." I mentioned that I get more than what I'd get at home, we don't have coffee. Still similar, and I have to analyze his logic and pick out the flaws to justify myself, which is okay, but also inefficient. Now for a comparison, you'd probably acquiesce pretty early on.

    Because I like to cover myself, if you're husband is ILI, then you're going to get the behavior you see. Because ILI is going to be like you, and not be as forceful when asking for money for a thing. It'll force you to double check. Just do it quickly and move on. You're fine, didn't break him, and this is normal. So essentially, they're the most careful, safest, people on the planet. ISTp are even more safe, but both are likely to accidentally imply you're an idiot to the wrong person at the wrong time. That's entirely hypothetical though, you're not. I assume you're fine with how I do it. How they'd do it is by saying you should go run on the treadmill. It's useful if you know what they're saying, and know they know better than you, which I do. So I can theoretically ask for valuable insight, and learn from it what my core issues are at the moment and grow. That's a whole other topic. ESTj are also similar to me, but they're a lot more unaware of the consequences of their actions. I'm constantly hedging for whether what I say might cause problems by checking it for insulting information. INTp does not do that unless forced. It's a lot easier for me now, now that I know what constitutes as insulting. Woo!

    Fun fact, it used to be inefficient for me to prune my sentences, cause I didn't know at all what was good or bad in conversations, so I'd very arbitrarily say good enough, and cut out a ton of information that's actually useful and good and leave in a ton of insulting information. Fancy right? Also, when I say insulting, I don't mean it personally, I mean it can be interpreted as an insult. English is a language with a lot of words with dual meaning.
    Figured it out. LIE. I'm extraverted, which is incredibly counter intuitive for a person who doesn't tend to go out much. Don't know how often I'll be on, but don't expect me to respond often. Only option I'm willing to debate is Si vs Ni right now. Mission accomplished.

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    Kaleidoscopic Amberiat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    Discuss

    This sounds like me (ESFP ) and my ESTJ husband. It makes me crazy how he's constantly asking me what I think when 99% of the time I genuinely DO NOT CARE! I've often wondered if I did it to him, though, since I used to be bossier. It's like I've completely taken away his ability to make any decision on his own. One time her called me from the store to ask me whether or not he should spend $3 on something for our daughter. Three. dollars. Seriously?
    "Used to be bossier"

    The whole scenario sounds more like the aftermath of having to deal with an overbearing control freak every day for an extended period of time, to be honest.

    Or maybe SEEs are just bosses, you know?

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    Many times, what people try to attribute to typology is merely a personal failing.

    As for SEE and being bossy, the SEE will be bossy in areas they perceive are their expertise due to the interplay of Se and Te (and this is usually in practical matters), and will know when to back down when facing someone with more knowledge than them. Se is adept at recognising power dynamics.

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    Ejs tend to look for confirmation as part of their normal rationalization processes but this doesn't detract from their need to be in control; see what happens when Ep-partners say "no" once too often. I can see why Eps would get annoyed with this peculiarity but they shouldn't mistaken it as a sign of relinquished control. However, if Eps assume from this that they're the boss then good because they hate to feel controlled......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    SEEs push for what they want. You might see it as bossy but I think it’s noble for someone to know what they want and fight for it. Honestly I find Ejs way more bossy just because they impose on other people more. Eps are pretty unconcerned with what OTHER people do and just look out for themselves.
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