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Thread: First meeting of duals

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    Default First meeting of duals

    I've read that when you meet your dual, there's a sensation that you have known this person from long ago.
    How close is this statemant to reality? I personally have not experienced this yet.

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    When I first meet a dual, it feels like they are so different, and I feel like I know nothing about this person, but we don't clash in any way. No matter where the convo goes, we don't really clash. It is kind of amazing.

    And at some point, they start to say things which I wish I had thought of.

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    no, you just like them if so.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    I've read that when you meet your dual, there's a sensation that you have known this person from long ago.
    How close is this statemant to reality? I personally have not experienced this yet.
    You have already met and hung out with your dual; that other video. You guys are great together
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    If you are twin flames, yes.

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Ive had this experience. But it doesnt happen with every dual.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    I recognize my duals well. Some donít see me because they are too materialistic and surface people who want a shiny person and Iím not that person so I donít get any special notice. My husband happens to be a rugged mountain man ESTJ who loves hiking and swimming so materials were not as important to him. First dual to love me the way that I am without needing to give me advice about what to wear and why.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    There are SEI's with whom there is a greater distance (I'm usually the one who just goes away regardless what they say). Those are the most reactive ones and I have no particular interest in that as I get pretty stressed out by that. Then there are those where the distance does not exist and things are smooth.

    There is probably something what I would call nervous system compatibility.
    Quote Originally Posted by Groucho Marx
    I donít care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

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    I felt that way with an EII once, as did she with me. Seeing as how both of us had an equally strange upbringing however, that might be source for a lot of the deep understanding we felt for each other. We were young, naive, and very dumb. Last I heard she's with some ESE loon, she's completely nuts too might I add, so perhaps it's a good fit. As for duals, I'm not quite sure, I don't meet a lot of them. Most of my friends tend to be Alpha NTs, EIIs and LSIs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    ......when you meet your dual, there's a sensation that you have known this person from long ago.....
    Not at all, and the only reason I'm with one is that at the time of our first meeting, I knew immediately that she was my dual so I decided to give it a try. I certainly didn't fall head over heels for her; she simply grew on me and I certainly cannot understand what she sees in me. However, her favourite brother is LII so she likely had an insight that I didn't. If I didn't try this as an experiment, I'd likely be with another super-ego, which, for me, seemed to be the easiest relationship to start. For whatever reason and knowing what I know, ESEs still don't turn my head - but leaving my dual now would be out of the question.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    I had a dual once in my late 20s for a number of years.

    It actually did not feel like I knew them all my life.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    My cousin is my dual so I never felt the special sensation as I've always known what my duals were like.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    just nice people
    especially of opposite sex
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    I like better the theory stating that we tend to overlook and ignore our dual, until some magic day you realize how the world sucks without them (which may prove the other point right: you actually know your duals since long, but don't even remember it... lol)

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    I'm feeling like i might be IEI, lol. I've been uninterested in this SLE for so long, and now her way of being in the world means much more to me. But yet - i believe the mind to be able to create anything and deem it real, so why should this play be any more real? Her bluntness and intimacy towards what is *actual* grounds me totally, though.
    ''Time is a child playing draughts, the kingly power is a child's.''

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by para View Post
    I'm feeling like i might be IEI, lol. I've been uninterested in this SLE for so long, and now her way of being in the world means much more to me. But yet - i believe the mind to be able to create anything and deem it real, so why should this play be any more real? Her bluntness and intimacy towards what is *actual* grounds me totally, though.
    That's very sweet. Just observing your relationship sorry for being a snoop.

    Reminds me of my IEI friend and our mutual SLE friend. The two are such great together but the IEI is now dating another iEI even though i told him that the SLE is his dual.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    That's very sweet. Just observing your relationship sorry for being a snoop.

    Reminds me of my IEI friend and our mutual SLE friend. The two are such great together but the IEI is now dating another iEI even though i told him that the SLE is his dual.
    It would be unreasonable of me to accuse you of snooping, considering i blabbered so fervently in the post you quoted.

    It feels like more of a recognition of the incompleteness if anything. I find that the idea of duality primarily serves us in that it makes us aware that we are in need of each other - something that i have had the tendency to neglect.
    ''Time is a child playing draughts, the kingly power is a child's.''

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    Its not that you know them personally, its that you click with the IEs. Almost like you’ve seen this pattern in a person before. My duals make me feel empowered and stable and I laugh in a more foundational way. You just say and do the most naturally first thing that pops into your awareness. Basically you have confidence.

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    Btw I think your friend is IEE or EII and you are SEI or EII.

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    I got an ESI to vote in my favor for model UN. Veto. Power. Pretty awful justification anyways. "You have colonies this effects colonial powers you don't want this"
    Figured it out. LIE. I'm extraverted, which is incredibly counter intuitive for a person who doesn't tend to go out much. Don't know how often I'll be on, but don't expect me to respond often. Only option I'm willing to debate is Si vs Ni right now. Mission accomplished.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Finaplex View Post
    Its not that you know them personally, its that you click with the IEs. Almost like you’ve seen this pattern in a person before. My duals make me feel empowered and stable and I laugh in a more foundational way. You just say and do the most naturally first thing that pops into your awareness. Basically you have confidence.
    I love the way that is put. I agree with this whole post. It is great when you do the natural thing that comes to mind and it's the thing that really worked for the other person. In my case its the thing that got the best reaction, it is a satisfying feeling of validation and knowing how to press the person's funny button.

    I always think I could be a successful comedian if I had an SEI, SLI, LSE crowd.

    With mirror types sometimes I can feel such a strong sense of attraction that I fear it will be too much and we will bore each other because we cannot live up to the initial intensity of the attraction.


    I have experienced it the feeling in OP. Not with every dual though. They seem very different to myself but I tend to understand them quite easily, and banter requires less effort to be understood so it feels like we are of some same kind of cloth. Rapport also is built faster, so things do feel like you are talking to someone you are more familiar with, and the sensation of feeling like friends stands out because you two are strangers. With conflictor of the opposite sex they can seem very exciting, but they seem very different to myself and in ways that I do not agree with but sometimes are impressive but I cannot understand why or how they are that way, but with duals despite their difference they make sense to me, I can almost see what they are all about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    I like better the theory stating that we tend to overlook and ignore our dual, until some magic day you realize how the world sucks without them (which may prove the other point right: you actually know your duals since long, but don't even remember it... lol)
    Met one your dual once and at some point you will start catching yourself on comparing everybody to that almost a stranger: like he/she has become a model of a perfect person imprinted on the back of your mind, unwillingly even. Doesn't work for actors/writers and so on, only person met in flesh but THEN it occurs that actually those idols you ever had are somewhat similar...

    I think that at the first moment impression with dual is very similar to activity. That mutual understanding. But duality shows itself when, ironically, some common activity, TASK is executed. This "two halves of a whole unit". Like you we were an old marriage, after 30 years of common everything, full synchronization. Somehow you happen to be always on eatch other side, no matter what kind of relation it is and what shit is going on.

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    ^ bs

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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    ^ bs
    Explain?


    And what have I done wrong there with that gif, oh Lord.
    Attached Images Attached Images

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    today an SLE girl asked me if I want to go running with her this week, interesting as I've only met her once before, I said yes - no matter what it's good to get back to running, I've been meaning to for quite some time now

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    Quote Originally Posted by atlascog View Post
    today an SLE girl asked me if I want to go running with her this week, interesting as I've only met her once before, I said yes - no matter what it's good to get back to running, I've been meaning to for quite some time now
    Maybe sheíll invite you for food next
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    @Ilamatecuhtli I find it really harmful how some socionists depict IR relationships (especially duality) with such pink glasses lenses. It's harmful because it creates bias toward people, and it's harmful because it's extremely unrealistic (no wonder that most socionists are NT mathematicians and physicisist who've probably been thinking too much of human relationships without actually living them).

    That said, what you described: "
    Met one your dual once and at some point you will start catching yourself on comparing everybody to that almost a stranger", never happened to me, WITH A DUAL. I'll tell you when it happened instead, every time I ever fell in love for real, which happened only twice in my life: with an ENxP(P?) and with an ESI. The ENxx in question was my first love, I was a kid, and he's still the guy I compare everyone with... although, by now, he's become just a very pale memory in the back of my mind... the ESI guy was so dear instead that even if I know it wasn't duality, and it didn't work out, I can't see anyone now, without comparing them to him.

    Love does not look at ITR relationships, when it happens it turns your world upside down, and the people become dualized naturally... even without good IR.

    (side note: I've been with other types in my life and I think some of them were my duals, with these people there was even a greater "chemistry"-hot physical attraction and what not, but these relationships didn't last long and in some cases left me really hurt and disappointed. Instead, the 2 people mentioned above have been a part of my life for a long time, they made me who I am, and I think that's one of the main component of love too, which is not just "chemistry", mental or physical, but it's especially dedication, effort, smoothing to each other's requests, changing and adapting, loving.. )

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    It feels safe and intimate. <em>Like they can look into your soul. Like they can read into those little gestures and tell a story. Like you can look into their soul. Like you can read into those little gestures and tell a story. Like they get you. Like you get them. Like you can finally be yourself. Like they can finally be themselves. Like someone finally says something useful. And your problems are resolved. Their problems get resolved.</em><br><br>Edit: the italicized part comes after many many meetings.&nbsp;<br><br>Let me stay on topic. The first meeting of my dual, I felt safe because I opened up. Then the next few, when I was composed, I saw the ILI 'F' as a helpful individual who I want to see again. That's all. No romanticizing there. I just saw them as another person who just so happens to give really good advice. &lt;--reference to Fi/Te Gamma values.

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    First date I had with my dual I thought it was love at first sight. Following conversations with this LIE was natural, intensely absorbing, and easy for me to follow and contribute.
    I felt like I was always learning and we were constantly diving deeper and deeper into each other's worlds seamlessly.
    Our humor didn't line up, though and his inferior Fe/Si made me uncomfortable/embarrassed around him sometimes. It crashed and burned quickly but with no hard feelings on either end. We are still good friends now and have amazing conversations.

    Another time i dated a dual I became really fixated on him after only a few dates. We had a back and forth, aggressor / victim dynamic that was challenging, infuriating, and addicting. Again, the rudeness I perceived from his end coming from low Fe/Si made me feel disrespected and I quit it pretty quickly after a few bad misunderstandings.


    I don't think meeting a dual necessarily feels like you've known them in the past before. I just get an understanding of them very easily and can also recognize their shortcomings just as quickly. I see their intentions as good as whole and they just seem to "make sense".

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    You just know you have met someone very interesting. They seem very colorful and expressive.

    Dual 1: light blue
    Dual 2: pink
    Dual 3: yellow
    Dual 4: orange

    I married orange. When he talks it's like butter in my ears, so that I don't have to be really paying attention all that well and it's just relaxing. I don't have to suppress my Fe around him. I can squeeze him and giggle like a maniac all I want and it's fine. I can ask him stupid questions like, who is prettier? Me or Angelina Jolie? Even though that's so annoying, he will answer it so honestly. We both cheer each other up. I tried to get in a fight with him one time, we just end up agreeing and hugging in the end.

    It's not perfect though!

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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkcanary View Post
    I can squeeze him and giggle like a maniac all I want and it's fine. I can ask him stupid questions like, who is prettier? Me or Angelina Jolie? !
    I'd tentatively say Nick Nolte.
    Quote Originally Posted by Groucho Marx
    I donít care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkcanary View Post
    You just know you have met someone very interesting. They seem very colorful and expressive.

    Dual 1: light blue
    Dual 2: pink
    Dual 3: yellow
    Dual 4: orange

    I married orange. When he talks it's like butter in my ears, so that I don't have to be really paying attention all that well and it's just relaxing. I don't have to suppress my Fe around him. I can squeeze him and giggle like a maniac all I want and it's fine. I can ask him stupid questions like, who is prettier? Me or Angelina Jolie? Even though that's so annoying, he will answer it so honestly. We both cheer each other up. I tried to get in a fight with him one time, we just end up agreeing and hugging in the end.

    It's not perfect though!
    I love this post. I especially love how you described Fe in your duality.would you be able to provide examples, scenarios and situations?
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    I love this post. I especially love how you described Fe in your duality.would you be able to provide examples, scenarios and situations?
    ILE: I'm home!
    SEI: ILE! ILE!
    LII on the phone with ILE: Did she just say cootchie cootchie goo?
    ILE: My brother just asked if you said cootchie cootchie goo?
    SEI: *laughs*
    ILE to LII on phone: No, but now she's laughing.
    SEI: *Twirls hair*
    ILE: You cut your hair! That's hot...
    SEI: You like it? Cootchie cootchie goo! *hugs ILE*
    ILE to LII on phone: Now she's saying it....

    Uhhhh yeah. Stuff like that happens a lot where I'm just being super hyper and joking around but affectionately. So i guess that is Fe...

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