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Thread: How to make Supervisee more comfortable

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    Default How to make Supervisee more comfortable

    My mother is my supervisee (she's LSE, I'm ILI). Our relationship has always been a roller coaster. I used to be so hard on her and call her out on her weaknesses. She even got sick when things were at their worst between us.

    Now that I'm aware of socionics and our ITR I am super careful with her. I know that she needs to hear that she's a good person but how else can I make her feel more at ease and less stressed. (Her illness may come back under stress). I'm working on increasing the distance (buying my own house).

    I say hi mom, bye mom and I sometimes wonder should I engage in more conversation or will this increase pressure? Do I stay away as much as possible or does she need me to engage?

    Supervisees, how does/could your Supervisor put you more at ease? Do you want them to stay away?

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    With LSE you should really tell her you love her. LSE want closeness in relationships but don’t know how to manage their temper.

    My SEE brother supervises my Se. He always accuses me of not eating well, of being anorexic etc even though I try to take care of myself. My husband supports me when he tells him I’m perfect in every way. My brother doesn’t and can’t see perfection in people. It makes it hard when I am deemed physically incapable in some way for him even though it’s all genetics. I didn’t choose to be fragile. In any case I ask him for his help and still involve him and still care about him. When he criticizes me for the way I look and take care of myself I ask him where the best Bbq to eat is. His Se loves BBQ and we will talk about his experiences instead lol
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    The ESIs I’ve liked the most are the ones who have been confident, emotionally stable and non-antisocial. I’m guessing that as long as one is healthy themselves and doesn’t commit obvious errors of pointing out others’ mistakes or correcting them unnecessarily, it should be fine. Compliment “weak points” whenever possible, etc. I would tell an LSE how good her planning, intuition and understanding of things are lol. If they truly suck however then I would probably just leave so they can figure out how to deal with life themselves. I think giving her your lead function would simply be like giving out sugar cookies and stunt her own development of HA and Role and learning how to deal with polr.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    I have an example of an Se card my brother pulled on me that made me feel very bad.

    So my mother had the option of moving into a senior home. The apartment was on the 8th floor. She has bad arthritis so can not walk around well. I didn’t want her to pay $800 a month to do this. I asked her to move in with me. She got upset that my very friendly husband was staying with us and made an emotional scene that she felt uncomfortable. I asked her if she wanted to move there it would be better if he roommate with her because I was very concerned for several things that could go wrong (she can not walk, she would fall into further depression, feel isolated, draining her finances, being broke all the timeetc). She chose not to move because my brother refused to be her roommate. I asked her not to move. He comes over and says “YOU made her stay here!” I said I did no such thing. I didn’t make her do anything. If anything I was overly concerned about her welfare. He insisted she would be better off. I asked her if she really wanted that to move there but my ILI mother is playing me against my brother. She knows that place feels like a prison and it will make her unhappy as well as broke. Being upset about the limited choices she still criticized EVERYTHING because she can not see her own feelings. She went from depression after my dad’s death to having an appointment where she is totally comfortable and can organize things the way she wants it and she can actually enjoy her years. I’m so frustrated at how tough my brother comes down at me when he’ refuses to live with my mom but doesn’t understand that she can not live in an 8th story apartment building. Yeah the toughness makes me cry sometimes because I shoulder the responsibility yet I get blames
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    a two horned unicorn renegade Troll Nr 007's Avatar
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    Introverts projects internal subjective view. This one can throw the extroverts off the tracks "I just observed the objective truth", he/she thinks.
    Extrovert tells to reconsider priorities. Introvert goes: "I do not like it like this due to my convictions or personal space etc", I think.
    Quote Originally Posted by Groucho Marx
    I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    I have asked my brother to join finances with me to buy a house and several years he refused. He rented expensive nice apartment in an expensive area. We could have paid the house off in 5 years together. He’s now losing his job and guess what... we (husband and I) are paying our house off in a few weeks. Now again I am telling him with my help he can have his own home. He doesn’t save one penny. Blows everything on eating out and when he cannot find a job what will he do? Why does the fragile, intuitive who is accused of being fragile and weak yet saves every penny she can now have to take care of her dumbass brother? Because that is what you do for your relationships... ethics of relationships YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  7. #7
    Ragdoll Lynx's Avatar
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    Don't try to criticize her or tell her what to do all the time. Don't make her feel like she's incompetent or unfit. Physical and psychological distance reduce stress and tension.
    Personally I feel tons more stressed when physically around my own supervisee than my supervisor, especially when they start trying to close psychological distance in searching for dualization (Fi). I think is more natural for supervisors to feel frustrated by the actual deficiency of supervisee than supervisee feeling stressed around supervisors (because they are probably even unaware of their own deficiency or worse, not even truly interested in it, lol). Just when supervisor starts nagging the supervise would feel uncomfortable. Hence, I think the real deal here is for supervisee to let go of the urge to nag and criticize and take a humble attitude, in supervisor kids, I've observed this supervisor attitude can affect all of their relationships with other ppl, being learn at home that their role is to "supervisee". I don't even think that "teaching" is actually suitable for supervision. I think support, respect and setting a good example is a better approach. The supervisee could start naturally imitating the supervisor (at some point) when there's no personal criticism involved. I also think that both can support each other by taking care of their strong element area where they are naturally strong if just getting the right attitude.

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    عالم نفسي thehotelambush's Avatar
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    The best way would be just to try it. Tentatively try to communicate more, without criticizing her, and see how it goes.

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    Rebelondeck's Avatar
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    People want respect. Don't offer comments on personal behaviour unless it's illegal or creating a dangerous situation. Handle personal behaviour as if it were their religion - people have reasoning behind most things they do so don't criticise no matter how stupid it may appear. You should temper your words as if your talking to a LSE neighbour that looks like a linebacker and is prone to violence.........

    a.k.a. I/O

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    One time I supervised my mom so hard she burst into tears and said 'you don't know everything, you arrogant asshole' and it was all so sudden I didn't even know it was coming, and then didn't know how to handle her vulnerability about it. It was just kinda weird to me. I was most likely going on some Ni rant not realizing how badly I was hurting her feelings. It was also a little weird, like I said before (I talked about this before) because the rest of the world mostly sees me as soft, shy and victim-y. Which is kind of like the opposite of an arrogant asshole. The fact that I can be a terrifying monster that hurts ESE feelings.... is interesting to me.

    You deal with this by realizing not everything is about you and how you see things. Of course everybody is going to think they are in the right. The things people are offended by aren't always often the obvious ones we think, so we should try to listen to others more in a non-ego way. So we can try to be a bit more understanding rather then kind of being like 'lol that hurt your feelings?' the way supervisors tend to treat us. I realized that some LIEs have sort of made me feel that way before, although I was less overtly dramatic about it. So I tried apologizing to her the next day.

    But she hurt my feelings before too. F-F supervision is a little different than T-F supervision.

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