Member Questionnaire 1 (ImOutThere)What is beauty? What is love?
This question is hard for me to answer. Beauty can be many things, regardless of the fact that many can agree that something is beautiful, the concept of beauty is a subjective judgment. It is a feeling that can be described as awe. A person experiences beauty because, regardless if its a beautiful object or something intangible, the feeling remains the same, it puts an individual in exaltation when experienced. Love is very much linked to beauty because love is beautiful and we love the awe beauty commands. As I said with beauty, love is subjective only more so. So I would say that love and beauty are more or less the same.What are your most important values?
This question may be even harder than the first for me to answer. I can't think of abstract values, only characteristics I find admirable. People that are loyal to those they care about and keep them safe. People that face insurmountable odds regardless of the consequences. Drive, ambition, loyalty, benevolence but only countered with an equal amount of discernment, wisdom countered with humility.Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I don't have a specific religion, but I am not an atheist. I am hyper-religious I am fascinated by all religions. Christianity was how I was brought up and I have some issues with it and I think I consider myself a Christian but definitely not in the traditional orthodox context. Saying I'm not Christian sounds odd to me. I am fascinated by European paganism and other Indo-European religions. Religion is a fascination of mine but faith in one specific one is not easy for me.Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
I have a rather cynical view of power and militaries. I think people should respect a soldier, even if they aren't a good person. The sacrifice a soldier must be willing to make is what should be respected. The military-industrial complex is really an inevitability. Global policing isn't something I'm fond of. Power is another inevitability, hierarchies and power structures should be tempered with benevolence, but they can never be truly torn down only reformed.What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
I talk about typology a lot, but no one around me really cares. I talk about philosophy, history, politics. I've always been into these types of subjects I don't really know why I like to constantly think about abstract subjects for some reason. Everyday conversations like new chip flavors, what aunt Jane did at Christmas, who is in a new relationship, the exciting trip to the grocery store; these things are frivolous to me and I don't know what to say to them. It has caused problems with people thinking I'm too aloof, or annoyed when I change the subject abruptly.Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
I am interested in working out and dieting, but my weight fluctuates and I've never been that fit. I try fad diets like keto, and I now eat one meal a day. I don't have healthy habits, even though I'd like to be healthy.What do you think of daily chores?
I am absolutely terrible at doing them and I frequently ignore them. However, they are important and I am ashamed I neglect them.Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
Wow, this could be pages long. Recently I ignore cable TV and watch Netflix, rarely do any movies motivate me to go to the movie theatre. I watch anime and read manga, but my interests in anime is pretty basic. My favorite right now is the One Punch Man manga and I started to watch JoJos Bizarre Adventure on Netflix. I like My Hero Academia, I grew up watching Naruto and DBZ. I love the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, but the Avengers have become boring to me. I am looking forward to the new Joker movie. I liked the two Netflix series Maniac and The Haunting of Hill House (I read the book the series was based on in high school), Stranger Things is good as well. The new Tarantino movie looks good. I usually watch the Office or friends reruns on Netflix. I like stupid action movies as well like fast and furious and john wick. I like cosmic horror, HP Lovecraft, Clive Barker, not a fan of Stephen King. My all-time favorite show was true detective or Twin Peaks. Love David Lynch, Kubrick, Scorsese. I could keep going on and on.What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
I can't remember when I've cried, but I don't usually feel like that unless I'm watching something or reading. I smiled today watching something funny on youtube.Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
I feel like I was meant to be a professor, I like to research and study subject and talk at length about them. Other than that I've never felt a oneness with any physical environment. I feel a belonging among artistic or bookish people.What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I am inattentive to real life, I am indecisive, fickle, socially anxious, and the worst procrastinator. I wish I took care of my health and interacted with the world more.What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
It's hard to like what my strengths are because they don't have any real benefit. I am imaginative, creative, intellectual.In what areas of your life would you like help?
I need help with discipline and motivation to move toward a decision. People like Jocko Willink or David Goggins really help me get motivated. I also need help with confidence.Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
If I find myself stuck in a rut it could seriously upheave my life. I could do something drastic and stupid to change it. I've changed my major for this reason and it has extended my expected graduation date. I've also abruptly quit jobs for this reason.What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I don't really know if the things that annoy me could be attributed to type. People who are self-centered and only care about themselves. People who only talk about themselves when in a group. Usually, this type of person will tell long stories about their personal life that were never warranted nor appropriate to the topic of discussion. People who show no emotion and try to act cool. People that are easily offended. I get along with different people but there are people that I think judge me more harshly. For lack of a better term "Jocks" make the mistake that they can push me around, I can stand up for myself but I find it exhausting to have to constantly do. And I think older women in their middle age (maybe ESE's?) I think don't really know what to make of me. I used to sell insurance and this lady who I think was an ESE could not stand me and I couldn't stand her. She would always say rude things to me, saying I have a monotone voice, I sound miserable on the phone, etc, she would usually do this not so passive aggressively. There was a receptionist at my current job who I think was an ESE that was very pushy and emotionally demanding. She would act all offended if I didn't say good morning to her and say it to me like she was making a point. I feel like this might be an American thing, I feel like this is a very emotionally demanding country.How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
I ashamed to say am attracted to moodiness. As a kid, I had a crush on Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice. A girl like that or Raven from teen titans. I had a thing for moody goth girls. Now I've kind of grown out of that but I still find moody girl sexy like Heather Baron-Gracie from the band Pale Waves. I find the opposite true for me too Emilia Clarke is my dream girl. I don't want a cold stand-offish woman, she must be emotionally competent. Emotion is the main part of it, seducing and making the girl fall in love with me is my goal. Sex is not a primary goal for me. I look for long term life partners. But I can get caught up in fantasizing about romancing a young woman and making her feel in love. When I was younger I wanted to make the moody girls feel something, I wanted to see their normally expressionless faces light up.If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
Education, I would want them to get the best education and get a good paying job. I would do the best I can to help them avoid unnecessary debt. I would want them to have a good work ethic and discipline. I would try to impart that on them by getting them to learn an instrument or martial arts, something that requires discipline and practice. I wouldn't push them to any specific path, I just want them to have the tool to succeed.A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
I will call it out if I don't agree. I have no problem disagreeing and can seem argumentative even when I don't think I am. If its a matter of personal preference I may say something but I usually let people do their own thing, it depends on the matter. If its minor I may say something I may not, if its major I may end up beating a dead horse.Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
I think I can be pretty misanthropic at times. I see people as trying to get by and live their life. They could do something selfless or selfish, but I think people will tend to act in their best interests, not for the best of the group. I think that the prevalent social problem in my country is no one has an identity. People in my country have a hard time seeing themselves as a whole group. There's no shared history, no prevailing culture. Sometimes I wish I was born in France or Italy or Japan, someplace with a long illustrious history and culture.How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I don't really choose my friends, when I was younger I tended to not notice who my real friends were, I like to be around people that I can share ideas with and have fun. I wish I could meet more people but I have crippling social anxiety at the moment I'm trying to get over it.How do you behave around strangers?
I behave normally, I can act a little guarded or quiet, but I think that's more my mental state, not my personality. In high school and earlier, I was a loud mouth and constantly clowning around. I joke often with people, I am polite, but I can be rude at times.