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Thread: ESI and ESE relationships

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Default ESI and ESE relationships

    @MrsTortilla

    I witnessed the Fi or rather information ignoring by these two types yesterday that ended up with the ESE screaming in a very loud voice at the ESI. The conversation was so silly and yet so confusing. I couldnít figure out where exactly the miscommunication was in. What special word was said.
    Anyone have any dialogue they can share?
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    MrsTortilla's Avatar
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    Once my sister in law and I were going to make sweet potato fries for the first time in a deep fryer. We were at my ESE mother in law’s house for a family get together. She kept giving us/me especially advice about it but I kept responding things like, Thanks but we actually are going to do it a certain way, etc. She got frustrated feeling like her advice was being ignored (and yeah it kind of was), and angrily yelled at me how she guessed she was just some bitch who didn’t know anything (I was shocked at her language in the setting)! Then she took out sweet potatoes and started chopping them into small non-fry-like pieces. Ugh!!!!
    Last edited by MrsTortilla; 04-18-2019 at 10:00 PM.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTortilla View Post
    Once my sister and law and I were going to make sweet potato fries for the first time in a deep fryer. We were at my ESE mother in law’s house for a family get together. She kept giving us/me especially advice about it but I kept responding things like, Thanks but we actually are going to do it a certain way, etc. She got frustrated feeling like her advice was being ignored (and yeah it kind of was), and angrily yelled at me how she guessed she was just some bitch who didn’t know anything (I was shocked at her language in the setting)! Then she took out sweet potatoes and started chopping them into small non-fry-like pieces. Ugh!!!!
    I'm talking/flirting with a female SEE who works in a small restaurant with her male ESE boss. I know she wanted to work for this guy because he seemed just like her (she's pretty young) and validation is always nice. But I'm waiting for something like the above to happen. I think it's inevitable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTortilla View Post
    Once my sister and law and I were going to make sweet potato fries for the first time in a deep fryer. We were at my ESE mother in lawís house for a family get together. She kept giving us/me especially advice about it but I kept responding things like, Thanks but we actually are going to do it a certain way, etc. She got frustrated feeling like her advice was being ignored (and yeah it kind of was), and angrily yelled at me how she guessed she was just some bitch who didnít know anything (I was shocked at her language in the setting)! Then she took out sweet potatoes and started chopping them into small non-fry-like pieces. Ugh!!!!
    I cannot stand when people are like this. Let me do it the way I'm going to do it and don't stand over my shoulder. I'll ask for help if I need it. Some things you can't really be incompetent about and there are more than one way to do those kinds of things.

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    Rebelondeck's Avatar
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    I have also witnessed numerous examples of these two types arguing hotly over what appeared to be very minor issues. The main points of contention revolved around the ESI's seeming 'faulty' memory and detached, aloof nature, and the ESE's apparent need to be in control and to correct other's recollections.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    I have also witnessed numerous examples of these two types arguing hotly over what appeared to be very minor issues. The main points of contention revolved around the ESI's seeming 'faulty' memory and detached, aloof nature, and the ESE's apparent need to be in control and to correct other's recollections.

    a.k.a. I/O
    This is my relationship with my mother-in-law. It’s just odd because when there are discrepancies of memory I feel the same about her, i.e. she completely forgot things she promised or else asked me something, didn’t listen to my answer, and then responded bizarrely (reflecting the fact that she wasn’t listening). She loves to be in control and I hate being controlled especially by someone I consider not too bright (not a type thing).

    Once she was so overbearing I couldn’t take it anymore and snapped at her pointedly and then refused contact for days. Wouldn’t answer her calls, etc. She frantically tried to get in touch and when we eventually spoke she apologized and said she realized she used to treat her sister the same way. Her sister looked like a Filatova ESI so go figure!

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Let me remember the two conversations and how it went down

    ESI: I donít know about getting Botox for my headache. They are going to inject it in my scalp all the way around and not just one place
    ESE: they are not going to inject it on your forehead
    ESI: then where are they going to inject it?
    ESE: along your hair line
    ESI: well the hair line is right here on the forehead.
    ESE: itís not YOUR FOREHEAD. Screams like bloody murder
    ESI: you donít have to scream at me. Iím just concerned
    ESE: you have been over this many times. Itís not your forehead.

    Me calm down! Sheís concerned about the shots. I donít think she wants them. Nana... donít do something that you are uncomfortable with. Period.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTortilla View Post
    .....I couldn’t take it anymore and snapped at her pointedly and then refused contact for days. Wouldn’t answer her calls, etc. She frantically tried to get in touch and when we eventually spoke she apologized .........
    Yes, I'm quite aware of the ESI's innate ability to isolate themselves and use it as a sort of punishment. I've had relationships fail with ESIs because I understood the coldness and could outlast them.......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Yes, I'm quite aware of the ESI's innate ability to isolate themselves and use it as a sort of punishment. I've had relationships fail with ESIs because I understood the coldness and could outlast them.......

    a.k.a. I/O
    So what's the remedy for them isolating themselves?

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    ESE: Iím going to get my eyebrows tattooed.
    ESI: it looks like they grew in a lot
    ESE: they are not going to grow in these posts. Itís been a long time.
    ESI: starts to touch and smooth out the sisterís eyebrows very gently. Jokes gently about eyebrows and how hair grow out
    ESE: they are not going to grow any more. Screams IíM TELLING YOU thatís not how my eyebrows are.

    Me why are you screaming? Geese sheís only looking at your eyebrows.
    ESE: I know my eyebrows. One of these days Iím just going to disappear. All these two want to do all day long is clean. I canít stand this anymore
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    I thought I had superficial relationship with ESE due to not receiving the information said by each other than ignoring having deep conversations with one another but I have to say that ESI took the gold on keeping conversations with ESE short and short because who can stand the screaming?

    I’m seriously beginning to think that what is actually going on is some energy exchange between them that we can not see but they sense with each other.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Rebelondeck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    So what's the remedy for them isolating themselves?
    Show them their myopia and hope for the best because they have to come out using their own rationalization. If one tries to talk them out, one may dig a deeper hole. I've known a few who expected apologies for the argument itself even though they started it.....

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    I thought I had superficial relationship with ESE due to not receiving the information said by each other than ignoring having deep conversations with one another but I have to say that ESI took the gold on keeping conversations with ESE short and short because who can stand the screaming?

    I’m seriously beginning to think that what is actually going on is some energy exchange between them that we can not see but they sense with each other.
    I used to waste time explaining myself to my ESE MIL because we constantly talk past one another but I have learned to let her do her thing. Now I kind of just agree with her advice or share very short comments or just nod at her. It’s a good development. Occasionally I’ve learned to purposefully ask her advice JUST to be nice. Having a less negative relationship with her is good for my marriage, but we were at odds for a long time. Funny too, my father in law used to shake his head and say, you guys have so much in common, I wish you two could see it.

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    MrsTortilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    ESE: I’m going to get my eyebrows tattooed.
    ESI: it looks like they grew in a lot
    ESE: they are not going to grow in these posts. It’s been a long time.
    ESI: starts to touch and smooth out the sister’s eyebrows very gently. Jokes gently about eyebrows and how hair grow out
    ESE: they are not going to grow any more. Screams I’M TELLING YOU that’s not how my eyebrows are.

    Me why are you screaming? Geese she’s only looking at your eyebrows.
    ESE: I know my eyebrows. One of these days I’m just going to disappear. All these two want to do all day long is clean. I can’t stand this anymore
    I love this sorry. It’s just so funny. I love how the ESE had to throw in a jab about cleaning at the end.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTortilla View Post
    I love this sorry. Itís just so funny. I love how the ESE had to throw in a jab about cleaning at the end.
    Thatís the condensed version because I cannot remember every word but she went on a long nagging accusatory response in the manner of ďwhy donít you clean this? Why donít you sweep this? Why donít you do the laundry every dayĒ and my aunt said ďno leave your dirty underwear to rot for an entire week before you do itĒ it was funny
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTortilla View Post
    ........ i.e. she completely forgot things she promised or else asked me something, didn’t listen to my answer, and then responded bizarrely (reflecting the fact that she wasn’t listening).......
    I forgot to mention that I find this behaviour odd for ESEs unless they're distracted by something else that's considered more important; they're susceptible to tunnel vision like all Ejs, and Ips to a lesser extent. However, they're usually engaged and focused so there's something else at play beyond type. Some people pretend they didn't hear, for effect, but I haven't witnessed an ESE doing this; they tend to like quoting someone's exact words in order to win an arguement. Now, age could be a factor.....

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    I forgot to mention that I find this behaviour odd for ESEs unless they're distracted by something else that's considered more important; they're susceptible to tunnel vision like all Ejs, and Ips to a lesser extent. However, they're usually engaged and focused so there's something else at play beyond type. Some people pretend they didn't hear, for effect, but I haven't witnessed an ESE doing this; they tend to like quoting someone's exact words in order to win an arguement. Now, age could be a factor.....

    a.k.a. I/O
    1) She’s probably not very interested in what I have to say.
    2) She has been pre menopausal/menopausal during the time I’ve known her and memory can be affected.

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    ESE are loud
    base Fe, good physical state...

    > Anyone have any dialogue they can share?
    > I witnessed the Fi or rather information ignoring by these two types

    I saw EIE <-> ESI querrels on forums.
    Probably problems appear when they argue logically to each other. Opponents prefered logics relates to weak and nonvalued functions of the both, so the both notice that (annoying bs) but can do nothing better (as it's weak) than to switch to higher emotions to press the opponent.

    Also as I remember my ESE mother has irrational antipathy to that ESI singer. I doubt she may explain why. While they never even talked in weak regions what would worsen all.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Moou's Avatar
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    I get along with them I guess conflicts rarely but usually I think we understand each other well. My mom is one, one of my friends is probably one...I'm sure I've met a few who were kind of snobby and standoffish bitchy though

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