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Thread: Giving sympathy

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Default Giving sympathy

    Iím not the best at giving people a beautifully written statement of sympathy. I feel their pain in myself and Iím compassionate to them and if they were near me I would remain silent and let them cry, however Iím terrible at writing beautifully constructed sentences of sympathy. I have noticed that SEE find memes that express their feelings and other types too. Less for LSE. Is this tied to introversion?
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    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    I think xEI could give beautifully written sentiments of sympathy, though I don't necessarily see this as type related.

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    No its eloquence

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    Generally, I'd expect introverts to be particularly skilled at written forms of communication compared to extroverts, or at least, they'd do comparably better than with face-to-face communication. I'd also expect IJ temperament types to be especially skilled at being comprehensive and at making nuances.

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    Short and sweet Maritsa

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    This is an SEE
    "Knowing that our little babe was hand picked for earth by two beautiful souls in heaven is something else. I always dreamed my Dedo would be around to watch these milestones in my life and there arenít words for how much it tore me up to lose him before I even graduated high school, but what Iíve learned over the years is that even though I donít get to hug and kiss him, or go on fishing trips, or slip away for ice cream runs anymore heís still watching over me and I can still make him proud. I know heís gonna make sure everything goes smoothly these next 24 hours and that both of these amazing men will beam with pride when they see their great grandsons beautiful little face. Heís one lucky little guy to have our guardian angels watch him grow up to be a great man one day. I hope I have what it takes to make them all proud of me as a mom and as a granddaughter, Iíll always try to be the best I can. And with that, hereís to never being the same person I was this morning "
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    a two horned unicorn renegade Troll Nr 007's Avatar
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    Creative ethics.
    Quote Originally Posted by Groucho Marx
    I donít care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

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    Why do you not think that these skills are learnt? It's not like people can do these things the moment that they were born.

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    I'm pretty good at that myself, but it makes me feel uncomfortable if people IRL clearly feel sorry for me too much. I don't value the opposite either, blatant cruelty and obviously preying on my weaknesses - but I like it the most if a person is kind of more or less blissfully unaware/obtuse of my emotional state to begin with lol (like how a lot of ILEs and SLEs are?) Or they are just kind of too cool for it either way.

    I probably prefer written sympathy over real life sympathy actually, as it has sort of this dignified distance when done properly.

    RL Sympathy feels annoying and condescending to me usually, like all the people who pretended to care when my dad was dying of cancer, surrounding our family like vultures so they could self-righteously feel like they were 'good people' on the cover of O magazine. It was pretty pathetic, but that is humanity for you lol. Very few people are there when I need them the most, and everybody is always around picking at the scab when I want them to just fuck off.

    *blinks* Sorry. That was probably way too bitter, emo and bitchy but I am a male IEI after all. =p

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    I'm terrible at expressing sympathy verbally. I know how to be kind, how to let the other person not feel judged, so I consider myself sympathetic. But I am unable at truly expressing deep feelings. So I couldn't write a good statement of sympathy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    Iím not the best at giving people a beautifully written statement of sympathy. I feel their pain in myself and Iím compassionate to them and if they were near me I would remain silent and let them cry, however Iím terrible at writing beautifully constructed sentences of sympathy. I have noticed that SEE find memes that express their feelings and other types too. Less for LSE. Is this tied to introversion?
    Not really, it is tied to Fe-ignoring. EIIs are inclined to give people the space to let out their own emotions instead of actively trying to change someone's emotional state. But since our culture values the capacity for sympathy, or better: the expression of sympathy, it is not uncommon for EIIs to feel defective in this respect. But if you accept that an Fe style of expressing sympathy is not your thing, then there is more room for expressing your capacity for emotional support, which, in the long run, has more lasting benefits to the recipient of your support. Just work your magic in silence ;-)
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

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    @Beautiful sky Why must your sympathy be "beautifully" written? Perfectionism can often stand in one's way.........

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    Not really, it is tied to Fe-ignoring. EIIs are inclined to give people the space to let out their own emotions instead of actively trying to change someone's emotional state. But since our culture values the capacity for sympathy, or better: the expression of sympathy, it is not uncommon for EIIs to feel defective in this respect. But if you accept that an Fe style of expressing sympathy is not your thing, then there is more room for expressing your capacity for emotional support, which, in the long run, has more lasting benefits to the recipient of your support. Just work your magic in silence ;-)
    Thank you CA
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    I'm pretty good at that myself, but it makes me feel uncomfortable if people IRL clearly feel sorry for me too much. I don't value the opposite either, blatant cruelty and obviously preying on my weaknesses - but I like it the most if a person is kind of more or less blissfully unaware/obtuse of my emotional state to begin with lol (like how a lot of ILEs and SLEs are?) Or they are just kind of too cool for it either way.

    I probably prefer written sympathy over real life sympathy actually, as it has sort of this dignified distance when done properly.

    RL Sympathy feels annoying and condescending to me usually, like all the people who pretended to care when my dad was dying of cancer, surrounding our family like vultures so they could self-righteously feel like they were 'good people' on the cover of O magazine. It was pretty pathetic, but that is humanity for you lol. Very few people are there when I need them the most, and everybody is always around picking at the scab when I want them to just fuck off.

    *blinks* Sorry. That was probably way too bitter, emo and bitchy but I am a male IEI after all. =p
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    /rubs Maritsa.

    I'm glad that you are back.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    @Beautiful sky Why must your sympathy be "beautifully" written? Perfectionism can often stand in one's way.........

    a.k.a. I/O
    Thank you Rebel. I just say ďIím sorry for your lossĒ
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    I’m not the best at giving people a beautifully written statement of sympathy. I feel their pain in myself and I’m compassionate to them and if they were near me I would remain silent and let them cry, however I’m terrible at writing beautifully constructed sentences of sympathy. I have noticed that SEE find memes that express their feelings and other types too. Less for LSE. Is this tied to introversion?
    last night you told me I was saying some horrible vile things, after I expressed my sentiments... I mean, that didn't feel like a silent compassionate treatment.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    last night you told me I was saying some horrible vile things, after I expressed my sentiments... I mean, that didn't feel like a silent compassionate treatment.
    you are twisting the truth. You should have copied what I said verbatim so as to remember exactly what I said. I said your laughing at a serious matter is unacceptable.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    yeah, and after that you said that what I said about pleasing his wife was "horrendous and vile", and yeah... that it's not acceptable to laugh at people's idiocy... I forgot of that part

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    yeah, and after that you said that what I said about pleasing his wife was "horrendous and vile", and yeah... that it's not acceptable to laugh at people's idiocy... I forgot of that part
    It is. You've done one wrong now you are plotting to do another. How is that right? That doesn't mean I don't have compassion for you as a person.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    very compassionate ^^

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    very compassionate ^^
    you must misunderstand compassion. It's not to go tell you to go do the WRONG thing. It isn't even to not judge you in your actions.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    you must misunderstand compassion. It's not to go tell you to go do the WRONG thing. It isn't even to not judge you in your actions.
    that's not compassion, lol

    ugh

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    that's not compassion, lol

    ugh
    call it whatever you like. I'm not going to be the one to enable your wrong actions. But I can continue to talk to you.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    stop calling them wrong actions when you have your own idea about something that never went the way you think.

    compassion is about understanding, not pushing forward your moral grounds.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    stop calling them wrong actions when you have your own idea about something that never went the way you think.

    compassion is about understanding, not pushing forward your moral grounds.
    I understand. I don't agree. I'll listen. Doesn't mean it's me. EII is about pushing forward with your moral grounds (ethical Judging type) judges moral actions of others finds ethical refinement.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    I understand. I don't agree. I'll listen. Doesn't mean it's me. EII is about pushing forward with your moral grounds (ethical Judging type) judges moral actions of others finds ethical refinement.
    Having firm principles or moral values doesn't mean to push them onto other people, Beauty. That's all compassion is about. EII or not, telling people some rude remarks without having a clue, just because you think they're wrong, and you're right, doesn't make you any more righteous.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    Having firm principles or moral values doesn't mean to push them onto other people, Beauty.
    Having something in ego - means "to push them onto other people". As your attention is on that, you are assured in own opinion and you want to make better for you and others.
    There is some difference in ways by which that is pushed. But it's pushed always and it's best what you may push in others.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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