So i recently went on a Trek to Nepal. A few days before the tour i met this ISTp-Si dude. He is a total legend i really liked him. Anyway the next day at breakfast hes sitting with this beautiful and calm girl. Turns out shes on the trek with us. Awesome! She seems really cool. She tells me shes a training paramedic and she rides a motorbike and i'm thinking hmm have I got an ISTp on my hands here? But it didn't take me long to figure out she is an ENFp instead. On the trip we are all hanging out, quite a few laughs and cheeky smiles. Occasionally i'm getting some vibes that shes actually digging me. As we both order Sherpa stew i said that if its bad we will go down together. She says that she would like that - giving me a wink. After not showering for 9 days i'm really not feeling like any Jiggy Jiggy though.
When we both get home to our respective Australian cities she starts messaging me and shes flirting with me pretty hard. Shit. I'm just not in the space to date at the moment and shes also an ENFp. I kind of have a feeling for whats going on as i've been here in the past with another ENFp. There is that feeling of familiarity and its just so pleasant to chat with someone so kind. The ENFp is treating you how you treat others and how you feel you wish to be treated. ENFp's can make you feel pretty darn great. Still, I'm really trying hard to push her away carefully because i can sense the inevitable tumbling house of cards. Its a bit intoxicating when two people get extremely close but its ultimately unsustainable. The moth gets a bit too close to the flame and gets burnt.
Her story is that she was in a relationship then married for a couple of years. A few years ago he cheated on her with her friend and she didn't see it coming. She tells me that she feels like a boring person and she gets clingy because she doesn't know what to do anymore.
She's persisted messaging me for quite a few days. Often suggesting we should date. It's pretty intense. I tell her what type of guy she might be good with. She explains that shes been talking to a firefighter but she just doesn't feel any connection to him. He doesn't reply to her and I do. I even try to reverse cock block this dude suggesting she give him a chance.
Anyway today she asks me how many kids i want. So i tell her the truth is that I don't want any kids. The connection was severed just like that. I can feel her hurt. Probably not because she can't date me but i know that all she really wants is to be loved. Its particularly raw after what happened to her. I know how she feels because i see my own feelings reflected in her. Truly, i can see how beautiful, genuine and sweet she is despite her doubting herself. There is no way to communicate it to her in a way that she would take on board. It all just feels a bit shit. Dealing with emotions surrounding romantic relationships has always almost seemed more trouble than its worth to me. Fuck it, stay single. I just hope she finds what she deserves. Anyway i have an incredibly grizzled heart and she managed to awaken some long dormant parts of myself that i thought were long gone. She brought a bit of my personality back.
So now i'm sitting here listening to songs like this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVUOTzoVeZA and i just asked her what shes doing. She said that shes listening to sad music and crying. Poor ENFp's... lol.
The only good thing is we are so resilient that all will be fine by tomorrow.