Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Brush with an ENFp girl

  1. #1
    meatburger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    A Quazar named Northern Territory
    Posts
    2,611
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Brush with an ENFp girl

    So i recently went on a Trek to Nepal. A few days before the tour i met this ISTp-Si dude. He is a total legend i really liked him. Anyway the next day at breakfast hes sitting with this beautiful and calm girl. Turns out shes on the trek with us. Awesome! She seems really cool. She tells me shes a training paramedic and she rides a motorbike and i'm thinking hmm have I got an ISTp on my hands here? But it didn't take me long to figure out she is an ENFp instead. On the trip we are all hanging out, quite a few laughs and cheeky smiles. Occasionally i'm getting some vibes that shes actually digging me. As we both order Sherpa stew i said that if its bad we will go down together. She says that she would like that - giving me a wink. After not showering for 9 days i'm really not feeling like any Jiggy Jiggy though.

    When we both get home to our respective Australian cities she starts messaging me and shes flirting with me pretty hard. Shit. I'm just not in the space to date at the moment and shes also an ENFp. I kind of have a feeling for whats going on as i've been here in the past with another ENFp. There is that feeling of familiarity and its just so pleasant to chat with someone so kind. The ENFp is treating you how you treat others and how you feel you wish to be treated. ENFp's can make you feel pretty darn great. Still, I'm really trying hard to push her away carefully because i can sense the inevitable tumbling house of cards. Its a bit intoxicating when two people get extremely close but its ultimately unsustainable. The moth gets a bit too close to the flame and gets burnt.

    Her story is that she was in a relationship then married for a couple of years. A few years ago he cheated on her with her friend and she didn't see it coming. She tells me that she feels like a boring person and she gets clingy because she doesn't know what to do anymore.

    She's persisted messaging me for quite a few days. Often suggesting we should date. It's pretty intense. I tell her what type of guy she might be good with. She explains that shes been talking to a firefighter but she just doesn't feel any connection to him. He doesn't reply to her and I do. I even try to reverse cock block this dude suggesting she give him a chance.

    Anyway today she asks me how many kids i want. So i tell her the truth is that I don't want any kids. The connection was severed just like that. I can feel her hurt. Probably not because she can't date me but i know that all she really wants is to be loved. Its particularly raw after what happened to her. I know how she feels because i see my own feelings reflected in her. Truly, i can see how beautiful, genuine and sweet she is despite her doubting herself. There is no way to communicate it to her in a way that she would take on board. It all just feels a bit shit. Dealing with emotions surrounding romantic relationships has always almost seemed more trouble than its worth to me. Fuck it, stay single. I just hope she finds what she deserves. Anyway i have an incredibly grizzled heart and she managed to awaken some long dormant parts of myself that i thought were long gone. She brought a bit of my personality back.

    So now i'm sitting here listening to songs like this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVUOTzoVeZA and i just asked her what shes doing. She said that shes listening to sad music and crying. Poor ENFp's... lol.

    The only good thing is we are so resilient that all will be fine by tomorrow.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaļs Nin

  2. #2
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Finland
    TIM
    SEI
    Posts
    1,920
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Whats the matter? Just go for it! You should be with her right now instead of writing this story on some internet forum.

  3. #3
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    5,272
    Mentioned
    659 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kalinoche View Post
    offer friends with benefits? you have showered at this point right
    I'd take that deal, but only with a dual.
    @meatburger is just trying to avoid future, foreseeable car crashes.

    I had an experience similar to his with an IEI who is smart, attractive, and wants a guy around whom she can lean on and talk to. We went out a few times so I could let her "feel" the slight mismatch that is Supervision. We still have lunch sometimes and she made an herbal tea for me when I last had a sore throat, but I think she's resigned to ours being a platonic relationship. I've pointed out SLE's to her, but her problem is that she's aristocratic and runs half of a tech company and the SLE's she meets do not.

    That concern for hierarchy was also present in the LSI I dated. She was always wondering who was on top, while I was saying that I don't play that way. To me, the field is level. Which was one of the "values" problem that broke us up.

  4. #4
    Smilex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    179
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default



    Is this the brush you're looking for?

  5. #5
    Jesus is the cruel sausage consentingadult's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    3,126
    Mentioned
    74 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger View Post
    ...Occasionally i'm getting some vibes that shes actually digging me...
    You know what they say about IEEs: they are inclined to test the possibility and thereby making things seem quite promising, only to retreat when the possibility is about to be realized. Just go forward but be prepared for her to cool down instantly when you try to close the gap, so you don't get burned in the process. Now some types might cool down when you go to fast and the recommendation would be to take it nice and slow, but IEE women are often not going to put their money where their mouth is. If she doesn't cool down, then go full throttle.
    The future of Socionics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Many black Americans are SEE type.

  6. #6
    meatburger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    A Quazar named Northern Territory
    Posts
    2,611
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    You know what they say about IEEs: they are inclined to test the possibility and thereby making things seem quite promising, only to retreat when the possibility is about to be realized.
    100% accurate. So this darn thing is still going on (partially my fault). I decided that pushing her away might make her want me more so i gave her what she wanted and messaged her a bit and she seemed to back off. But shes back on full throttle again. Unfortunately for me ive a) got some feelings for her b) don't want to hurt her too bad and c) lost objectivity about her, her type and how i feel about it all. I cant seem to determine her type which is frustrating as i used to be so good at it.

    I started wondering if she wasn't an Si ISTp because i haven't met many before but my instincts say there is no way in hell. If someone who hasn't lost the plot can help me type her as definitively ENFp it would be appreciated lol. Here are some things i've noticed.

    She messages me saying she misses me fairly often. She had also sent me some sexts which i have discouraged. She sends me gifs saying things like 'just love me etc' in a joking way.
    Shes acknowledged that shes needy - saying shes tried hard not to message me. But in reality doesn't message that much actually.
    She makes fun of me a fair amount, saying i'm a bitch or that i'm gay (joke as to why i don't like her etc).
    Seems to be fairly addicted to social media. She appears offline to me often (probably to pretend that she isn't online as much as she is). She updates facebook fairly frequently with selfies saying stuff like "sometimes i put on lipstick" or 'i love waking up in a silk dress' with a picture of herself in the morning. It does come across as a bit attention seeking to me.
    Loves food - most important part of her life.
    Fairly active, Surfs, rides her motorbike, does yoga and says she hates movies as she cant ever sit still.
    Volunteers her time
    She says that her biggest problem is impulsivity
    Says she doesn't really have many friends.
    Doesn't add a huge amount to conversation, it can feel superficial. For e.g i mentioned Chernobyl documentary last night and i think she deliberately left the conversation to avoid talking about it..
    Calls me things like sweetpea.
    Says that i'm her best friend and says that i better not replace her.
    Unfortunately for me shes quite attractive, although her pics are quite heavily curated.
    Quite bad at spelling. To the point where i'm like i think she has dyslexia.

    Some of these things i'm sure are not type related while some possibly are. I'm pretty sure she is ENFp but i really don't know what SLI girls are like over text. I do really like her, shes a sweet person. The breakup she had really did a number on her i think. I saw an episode of Baywatch once where this woman was really into Mitch and he couldn't get rid of her attraction. Mitch ended up being mean to her boyfriend in front of her and that changed her mind. I was really going for the ok i'll just act as myself as possible and she will get bored of it but that hasn't worked either.
    Last edited by meatburger; 05-17-2019 at 08:04 AM.
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaļs Nin

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    106
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    From the descriptions you're giving, not that much if any of it particularly makes me think that this girl is enfp. People sometimes stereotype enfps as impulsive, but I don't really know if that many would describe it as their biggest problem. And enfps are stereotypically sociable and socially connected, but the way you describe her use of social media doesn't really seem especially socially finessed, and in addition you mention that she perhaps does not actually have many friends, relationships, or social connections that are of the quality which would have been expected for an enfp.

  8. #8
    meatburger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    A Quazar named Northern Territory
    Posts
    2,611
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by esq View Post
    From the descriptions you're giving, not that much if any of it particularly makes me think that this girl is enfp. People sometimes stereotype enfps as impulsive, but I don't really know if that many would describe it as their biggest problem. And enfps are stereotypically sociable and socially connected, but the way you describe her use of social media doesn't really seem especially socially finessed, and in addition you mention that she perhaps does not actually have many friends, relationships, or social connections that are of the quality which would have been expected for an enfp.
    I know man, that is part of the problem. I seem to be confused by these seemly contradictory elements to her personality but can't see the whole picture. I mean pursuing someone strongly is actually the opposite of what i do, if someone says they aren't interested i disappear from their life forever. Re the social connections I rarely see my friends either yet i have about 10 extremely close friends. It's very complex though as she was in a controlling relationship so perhaps she didn't have a chance to furnish friendships. She does sometimes call herself a loser so i think there is a component of low self esteem / depression even there. I do think i've met a few ENFp Fi girls who while being quite bubbly might not actually be really close to anyone. I doubt ISTp's would be this lovey dovey / overt either though so perhaps she is some other type..

    Thanks for your input
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaļs Nin

  9. #9
    In Transition Raver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    TIM
    Ne-IEE 6w7 sp/sx
    Posts
    4,699
    Mentioned
    190 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    @meatburger I wouldn't really worry abut what her type is that much. As long as she's in the same quadra is what matters. Duality is great as the end all be all, but the odds of finding another dual when you both are single and all the other conditions are perfect is less likely to happen than not. I would not shoot her down if she's your identical, the relationship won't be perfect, but it sure beats non-quadra relationships. Then who knows, maybe she'll end up being your dual or maybe not, it's difficult to type people initially. You only have surface level impressions and they might end up being a different type or perhaps you were correct.

    As for children, I don't know what to say about it other than keeping an open mind and maybe consider having at least one child as a middle ground and let her know unless you have an incredibly strong desire to not have children for whatever reason. I wouldn't throw this potential relationship out the window yet, keep it going unless you feel you have bad chemistry or a lack of attraction with her (which you clearly don't atm). Good luck on whatever you decide to do though, I just hope that you listen to what your gut instinct is telling you is the right thing to do rather than what seems logical because of ITR or other factors IMO.
    "Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change."

    Ne-IEE
    6w7 sp/sx
    6w7-9w1-4w5

  10. #10
    meatburger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    A Quazar named Northern Territory
    Posts
    2,611
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Raver View Post
    [MENTION=433]Good luck on whatever you decide to do though, I just hope that you listen to what your gut instinct is telling you is the right thing to do rather than what seems logical because of ITR or other factors IMO.
    Cheers mate, i appreciate the advice. I think its unlikely to work not even for type related factors but for a multitude of other reasons. I am definitely going to give her a chance as she deserves it. She'll probably get to know me and be like what the heck was i thinking
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaļs Nin

  11. #11
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    16,380
    Mentioned
    215 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    so did you have sex with her?
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  12. #12
    Ragdoll Lynx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    TIM
    0-D ISTp sx/sp
    Posts
    2,634
    Mentioned
    318 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    she doesn't sound like SLI.
    I'd consider xEE for now.

  13. #13
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    367
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    People are not perfect, dude. Don't over analyze. You were both in Nepal, who cares if her facebook activities seem superficial. You are psyching yourself over absolutely nothing at all.

    I've seen this with deltas in general. Always looking for the thing to be disappointed with so they don't have to actually do it.

  14. #14
    Apple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    8
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger View Post
    I doubt ISTp's would be this lovey dovey / overt either though
    Yeah good call, that would be very unlikely.

    Anyway, from your description that woman sounds exactly, and I mean exactly like that one Alpha SF I know. So you might want to check out a couple quality descriptions, see if you recognize her.

    Even without taking my claims into account, the way she seems to focus on sensory experiences (food, yoga etc), how open and demonstrative she is with her feelings, her showing off on social media and the fact she shies away from 'deep' or 'interesting', for lack of better words, conversation seems to point to Alpha SF. At least in my opinion.

    Now, quite a few types may do any of these things from time to time, but considering she does all of them so often that you had to include them in your description, I'd say it's a pretty solid guess.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •