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Thread: Dating Your Identical

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    fka mrrrmaid SaveYourself's Avatar
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    Default Dating Your Identical

    Thoughts? Experiences?

    Does it challenge you to use your inferior functions more or do you just end up ignoring them and living in a fantasy land of your shared main functions?
    i.e. do you become more well rounded as an individual instead of getting that stuff from your dual? Or do you become one of those couples that look like each other and never see anyone else and never confront your weaknesses? Or worse, fall into a bickering mess because the other one can't help you with your pain points?

    How much worse does this get if they are the same enneagram type (mb even the same tritype) as you?

    asking for a friend
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    I haven't exactly dated my female LIE identicals, but I have spent time with two of them over a period of years. One of them was a woman who used to run a division of GE, and was going back to school to get a PhD in Optical Sciences. We worked on a project together, and we were so sympatico it was amazing. She was on her second marriage and I was newly divorced, so we didn't exactly look at each other as prospective partners, but we gave each other a lot of support and made a powerful team.
    The only points of friction between us were political. She was a strong conservative who believed in conspiracy theories, and I'm a liberal who doesn't. As long as we avoided talking about that, we got along great. Other people would comment that they could not believe that either she or I could sit next to the other for hours at a time, for months on end, and not kill each other. I'm not sure why they thought we would kill each other, but we got along great.

    The other LIE female whom I know is 36 and newly separated from her ex. I find her to be smart and a lot of fun and we talk at least once a week. We have been getting along great for about five years now. We are easily able to teach each other what we each know, but we can't really help the other person because our approach to problem-solving is identical. She has the luxury (as do I) of working with a same-sex dual, and so we are both able to compare how we relate to each other to how we relate to our duals. And frankly, while I understand her perfectly (and vice-versa), and while we have both admitted to each other that we've given some thought to just jumping into bed with the other just for the hell of it, we both came to the same conclusion (independently) that that would be a bad idea. Basically, talking to her is like talking to myself, except she's better looking.

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    It's good. Go for it! All quadra relations should be considered good. You feel at home, and you can discover new things about yourself with the help of your identical. Lots of people marry their identical. The downside of identity is that in the long run it can be a little boring and there is a lack of real chemistry on type level, and also the lack of support.

    I've dated Harmonizing and Creative SEI.

    Subtype matters as always. All fruitful identical relations I know are either D+N or H+C.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Basically, talking to her is like talking to myself, except she's better looking.
    Same for me with the female LIE I know best. She's the best friend of my wife ftr. In her case, we're also the same age.

    I have a lot of LIE friends, male and female, but I can't see how we could date successfully over the long term. They're great friends though. It's obviously the 2nd best relationship after duality.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    fka mrrrmaid SaveYourself's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Basically, talking to her is like talking to myself, except she's better looking.
    haha this is exactly my situation! Male mrrrmaid but a much fitter body and a dreamy bone structure (though I have seen a picture of him from when he was 14/15 when he still had a softer, boyish face and then he looks exactly like a male mrrrmaid ).


    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    It's good. Go for it! All quadra relations should be considered good. You feel at home, and you can discover new things about yourself with the help of your identical. Lots of people marry their identical. The downside of identity is that in the long run it can be a little boring and there is a lack of real chemistry on type level, and also the lack of support.

    I've dated Harmonizing and Creative SEI.

    Subtype matters as always. All fruitful identical relations I know are either D+N or H+C.
    yeah a combination of this and what Adam said are what I thought. That there would be a problem with support and problem solving. I figured if I did just go for it I'd have to not expect any of that from him and then either seek it from dual / activity friends or from within myself. I always thought (even before socionics - though this gave me language for what I'd theorised) that the lack of complimenting difference would make for a terrible relationship but I started thinking recently that it might be doable to supplement this elsewhere. Did you find that was the case with you?
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
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    Honorary Ballsack
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    I would. I think duals are better left for long term, non-romantic relations.

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    They can be quite different from you. One ILE I know was into raising a family and stuff. Person went by the societal expectations. This has never been my story. However we seem to just look at stuff through similar lens and value the similar vagueness that might produce new avenues in stuff.

    I suppose I have quite mindset compared to the other. I'm much more of a common fool/have much more spontaneity and so on. Pick your poison.
    You can not really tell by type that you look the same as the contrast can be huge on the surface but very similar in terms of informational reactivity to certain stuff etc.
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    I know LSE girl. I may respect and trust her, but I doubt in having emotional inspiration what I seek in romances the most. She've chosen F type for the marriage and I always prefered F types women.
    It should be boring without suggestive support. Closer to a cooperation, than to love.

    Quote Originally Posted by Troll Nr 007 View Post
    They can be quite different from you.
    especially when you mistype yourself and others
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    I know LSE girl. I may respect and trust her, but I doubt in having emotional inspiration what I seek in romances the most. She've chosen F type for the marriage and I always prefered F types women.
    It should be boring without suggestive support. Closer to a cooperation, than to love.



    especially when you mistype yourself and others
    I find your consultation service mb bit b0rked.
    MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
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    Sincerely yours,
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    meme hotline Chae's Avatar
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    Chae times two is some fucking chaos

    I say the whole thing won't be nowhere near as annoying if it's 2 integrating (!) types, not double extro ethics in particular.

    Double 4D is only less tolerable if they are both like Doctor Strange. Other than that... say LIE x LIE or ILE x ILE probably build a space ship and that's it, no drama. So yeah, the base functions will intensify

    Nevertheless, I can envision intro-identical couples, take EII x EII, really be a wholesome and durable experience, just with double issues but they won't see it. The only problem's gonna be that they would like the other to be like Te-Si, maybe without being able to explain it, and falling short either way.


    Enneagram— I remember reading that 3s don't like each other because we see through each other's impostor syndrome, can confirm.

    Put me together with Zac Efron, no couple around would be as shallow. We'd become more well-rounded in terms of refining our vanity and fake public image.



    Long story short, combining two similar negatives, things will get stronger anyways. Stay away from identicals if you have reasons to fix yourself, it only gets worse. If you like yourself, go for it.


    PS: Trying to think of well-known identical couples but it seems to be a rare deal among the rich and famous?

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    fka mrrrmaid SaveYourself's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Chae times two is some fucking chaos

    I say the whole thing won't be nowhere near as annoying if it's 2 integrating (!) types, not double extro ethics in particular.

    Double 4D is only less tolerable if they are both like Doctor Strange. Other than that... say LIE x LIE or ILE x ILE probably build a space ship and that's it, no drama. So yeah, the base functions will intensify

    Nevertheless, I can envision intro-identical couples, take EII x EII, really be a wholesome and durable experience, just with double issues but they won't see it. The only problem's gonna be that they would like the other to be like Te-Si, maybe without being able to explain it, and falling short either way.


    Enneagram— I remember reading that 3s don't like each other because we see through each other's impostor syndrome, can confirm.

    Put me together with Zac Efron, no couple around would be as shallow. We'd become more well-rounded in terms of refining our vanity and fake public image.



    Long story short, combining two similar negatives, things will get stronger anyways. Stay away from identicals if you have reasons to fix yourself, it only gets worse. If you like yourself, go for it.


    PS: Trying to think of well-known identical couples but it seems to be a rare deal among the rich and famous?

    yes! one thing I thought about was probably I shouldn't date him / any identical right now since we're both in our mid-twenties and have a lot of developing to do. So we would be combining our very obvious negatives (both overly sensitive, anxious and reactive or, in other words, both have 4 & 6 in our tritype). Both yearning for some sort of stability and not going to find it in each other. But also there is that Introverted Ethical wholesomeness of "wow! the world is scary and no one gets me but you." Whether it's good to have that worldview reinforced is probably the bigger question haha.
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
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    I think kindred is more exciting.

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    Honorary Ballsack
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    When you 69 with an identical, they become your quasi-identical.

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    My two possible types (hopefully) are ILI and LII. While two LIIs might not be terrible in theory, two ILIs seems like it'd be doomed.
    ----- FarDraft, 2020

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Chae times two is some fucking chaos

    I say the whole thing won't be nowhere near as annoying if it's 2 integrating (!) types, not double extro ethics in particular.

    Double 4D is only less tolerable if they are both like Doctor Strange. Other than that... say LIE x LIE or ILE x ILE probably build a space ship and that's it, no drama. So yeah, the base functions will intensify
    Close, @Chae. The other LIE and I built a system for identifying spy satellites from multiple ground stations. And no drama. We designed it, had it built, tested it and it worked. Exactly as planned.

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    The LIIs (also EIIs) that I've met have all had sibling-like feels to them, and for the occasions when there might have been initial attractions, the feelings seemed to grow platonic quite quickly......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    The LIIs (also EIIs) that I've met have all had sibling-like feels to them, and for the occasions when there might have been initial attractions, the feelings seemed to grow platonic quite quickly......

    a.k.a. I/O
    I know an LII who just met a woman (he's been married and divorced and has had multiple GF's, none of whom lasted longer that two years) and he told me a month ago that he and she were at a stage in their relationship after one week that the others had not reached after a couple months. I wonder if he's met an identical? (I haven't met her.)

    I've seen LII's fall for SLI's, LSE's, and ILI's, but only once for an ESE (and that didn't last). I need to ask him if he has a picture of her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I think kindred is more exciting.
    Sounds like endlessly polishing debate over useless things while you agree with the foundation... at least to me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Troll Nr 007 View Post
    Sounds like endlessly polishing debate over useless things while you agree with the foundation... at least to me.
    I was in one and yup pretty much. We understand each other so well but feel like "Wow we are different."

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrrrmaid View Post
    I always thought (even before socionics - though this gave me language for what I'd theorised) that the lack of complimenting difference would make for a terrible relationship but I started thinking recently that it might be doable to supplement this elsewhere. Did you find that was the case with you?
    I just think it's a matter of adapting to your partner. That always happens. So I don't see it as a problem. I am not that much for engineering these things. But I do think that complementary subtype is important (also for identicals), but otherwise I'd say all quadra relations (+ semidual) are compatible. But duality is the most romantic and interesting, in my experience.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    I just think it's a matter of adapting to your partner. That always happens. So I don't see it as a problem. I am not that much for engineering these things. But I do think that complementary subtype is important (also for identicals), but otherwise I'd say all quadra relations (+ semidual) are compatible. But duality is the most romantic and interesting, in my experience.
    @Tallmo, Which subtypes do you consider to be complementary?

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Tallmo, Which subtypes do you consider to be complementary?
    The same old DCNH thing: D+N and C+H. But people tend to go for these combinations anyway, so knowledge of DCNH is not really necessary. The world is full of D+N couples, I see them every day.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    The same old DCNH thing: D+N and C+H. But people tend to go for these combinations anyway, so knowledge of DCNH is not really necessary. The world is full of D+N couples, I see them every day.
    I see. Thanks.

    I'm not looking for any type (even in-quadra) other than ESI's, and I think ESI's are mostly N-types, so I should be fine.
    (I'm just trying to narrow it down to either ESI-Se or ESI-Fi, and possibly enneatype compatibility.)

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    It is not the first year I am using online dating platforms https://whatislocanto.com/. And I especially like the sites where they offer a match maker functions. It means the system will find the best potential partner that will share all your interests and meet your expectations. It filters the candidates that originally do not meet your standards, and it really works.
    Last edited by mloolks; 08-02-2021 at 10:51 AM.

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    Two INFJ are dating at work right now but like Socionics says they are like brother and sister since they can relate to one another’s problems but can’t really help each other. I have very little to talk about with other INFJ and I very much enjoy the chatty nature of Estj when the go on and on about information no one asked them about and their comparison of electrons and pricing
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    I'm sure that identical types can share the workload so in that sense can help one another. Establishing distinct roles where both feel like equal partners can be rather complicated but doable; familiarity's the potential enemy in that each may be able to overly scrutinize the other's contribution to the relationship and cause death by a thousand cuts. As dull as conversations may eventually get, there shouldn't be much standing in the way of successful long-term cooperation although some people can make mountains out of molehills. Starting such relationships (and initially getting around the sibling feel) may be far more difficult than actually keeping them going when one considers that boring predictability eventually enters every relationship.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    I've seen some Identical couples.

    There were three in Alpha, a male-female SEI-Si couple, and two LII-LII couples. I suspect that LII-LII is more common than any other Identical pairing, mainly because e5 understands and values e5.

    One in Beta: An IEI-IEI couple. I suspect that this pairing is common, but I only know of one.

    Three in Gamma: All ESI-ESI, although sometimes the sub-types would be different.

    None that I know of in Delta.

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    They're good for friendship only, there's no chemistry only easiness and lots of understanding and some occasional fun
    self-discovery
    self-development
    optimism
    relationships
    communication
    high ideals

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    Heard these relations are competitive.

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    I haven't tried, but suspect it would ultimately feel like psychological drowning.

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    We would end up homeless and dead at an early age most likely lol
    ·:*¨༺༻¨*:·.𝓽𝓾𝓶𝓫𝓵𝓻·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.
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    I've always found my identicals attractive, after all, we have so much in common. But it would never actually work out as @aster pointed out.

    The attraction and romance between two EIEs would be amour fou. It would likely start and end quickly and intensely, and some highs and lows in between.

    It may be a better idea if you were young

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    being fully understood is more valuable to me than being completed or satisfied or whatever duality is supposed to grant. I'm more drawn to Ni egos than Se. I really admire Ses but realistically I don't think it could ever work, a 4D Ni with a 1D Ni for a life time sounds like you'd be better off dying alone. imo identical and kindred are more realistic than duality

  35. #35
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    I had lunch yesterday with an old friend at his house. Both he and his wife of 22 years are ESEs. They seem to be very supportive of each other and while it was obvious that neither of them were very good with Ti logic, they have a beautiful house and yard and they served an attractive and healthy lunch.

    Both had been previously married; her to a reactionary Republican and he to a woman he met in a bookstore and started a liberal press company with. She divorced because her previous husband’s politics were repellent to her, and he divorced because, he said, he didn’t love his first wife enough.

    They seemed pretty happy with each other. It was a relationship built entirely from feels and from doing the right social things.


    All is not perfect in Identical Land, though. I went over there to buy a telescope that he had inherited and while he and I are Super-Ego and have never been close, and he has expressed disapproval of my drinking and choice of GFs, we got to talking about the world and politics and his wife invited me to stay for lunch, because “this is the most intellectually stimulating conversation we’ve had in a long time”.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 09-13-2021 at 01:01 PM.

  36. #36
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ori View Post
    being fully understood is more valuable to me than being completed or satisfied or whatever duality is supposed to grant. I'm more drawn to Ni egos than Se. I really admire Ses but realistically I don't think it could ever work, a 4D Ni with a 1D Ni for a life time sounds like you'd be better off dying alone. imo identical and kindred are more realistic than duality

    Identity is really nice. I agree. Duality might seem unrealistic if you haven't been there, but it is pretty common and I've met ILI-SEE couples who are madly in love. I also know several dual couples who have been together for decades. Socionics is right about duality imo, but I don't see it as the "perfect" relationship. It might feel like that in the beginning when the dual chemistry it strong, but it's hard to develop yourself with a dual. They get very dependent on each other, and they like it. But you pay a price for that.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)

  37. #37
    fatgurl's Avatar
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    I don't really find myself being attracted to SEIs much...friendship sure but idk about dating one. But never say never.
    Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome




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    I may have dated my identical. I enjoyed it and we get along very well. There's a strong mutual understanding of one another and I feel more encouraged to utilize my weaker functions around her without any need of having to use lead functions consciously.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    Identity is really nice. I agree. Duality might seem unrealistic if you haven't been there, but it is pretty common and I've met ILI-SEE couples who are madly in love. I also know several dual couples who have been together for decades. Socionics is right about duality imo, but I don't see it as the "perfect" relationship. It might feel like that in the beginning when the dual chemistry it strong, but it's hard to develop yourself with a dual. They get very dependent on each other, and they like it. But you pay a price for that.
    How much can you develop on your own though? I thought you can only develop within the boundaries of your type. But say you are trying to build something big duals will help you a lot in ways that you cannot achieve on your own no matter how much you try.

    I'm completely fine and complete on my own but projecting my life towards the future I'm pretty sure I will end up being closed off to NiTe only, and the gaps of my knowledge in people's intentions will always be there. I think it makes more sense to say that not all duals are perfect for each other due to external issues. And while you get dependent, at some point you still get dependent on other people anyway because we are not faultless. If we don't, there are still gaps. And not getting the DS is still paying a price, just a different one.

    But I guess you can just stick to making them your friends, if that works.
    R

  40. #40
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    Haha I made this thread for a specific crush I had lol
    never ended up dating him so I have nothing to report back
    have been thinking it would be nice to date an identical or similar type lately as there is less psychological distance to cross than with a dual / activity. But I think there would also be a lack of stimulation like Adam suggested.
    I always found it sort of creepy when couples look / act like each other
    "I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don't want anyone to KNOW that"
    - Carrie Fisher

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