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This is a very good question.
I do have a lot of empathy for my duals. I also usually feel really good when I interact with them. However, I would not say that I understand them very well, and I really can't predict what they will like or dislike.
Here is an example.
A dual whom I don't know all that well recently got herself into a bad situation and needed money. I decided to help her, but I thought I should contribute anonymously so she wouldn't think that I was trying to get into her good graces, but since I realize that I have terrible instincts when it comes to duals, I asked another female dual what she thought I should do.
She said, "Tell her who donated. She should know."
I said, "Really? Are you sure?"
"She should know," she repeated, then she looked at me like I was stupid.
So obviously, her thought processes and mine are very, very different. It looks like my duals want things to be simple and clear, and I'm doing multiple scenario politics.
Now, I realize that sharing functions makes life easier for people in a way that not having any shared functions does not. And I also realize that having strong functions where your dual has weak functions, and vice-versa, means that the two of you will place very different emphasis on every facet of life. This means that duals will almost never be found doing things in the same areas.
However, this difference in the strength of shared functions is actually the best arrangement for long term relationships. With shared functions, you can appreciate something about everything your dual does to some degree. And with opposite strengths, you will always be learning from your dual.
After my marriage broke up, I looked into what factors make for long term relationships. Aside from having mutual respect for each other, the largest factor is a willingness to always respond positively towards your partner. If they say, "Hey, look at that squirrel outside", then you need to be interested enough in that squirrel, or in what they are trying to tell you, to respond with interest about 85-90% of the time. If you tell your partner "Don't bother me, I'm busy playing on my phone", well, that relationship is in trouble.
How do you maintain an interest level of 90% over time? You do it with common functions and complementary strengths. If you aren't learning and having fun with your partner over the years, then assuming you remain together, you will soon be acting like two prisoners who are sharing a cell and waiting out their sentences.
@lemontrees, I would add that the ILE's whom I know in real life do not seem to be comfortable with one-on-one intimacy, and the SEI's whom I know are incredibly caring people. You might just have to keep turning those pages until you get an ILE who is mature enough to accept the care that you give.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 03-04-2019 at 03:52 AM.
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