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Thread: Telling someone he's fat and needs to change his eating habits

  1. #41
    This is the longest title I could think of. Stefilias's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    We all die
    Dying is organic and natural

    Most people don’t know how to live
    Ye.
     
    My older sister died at 22 of a drug overdose, she had been taking drugs for half of her life by then, it wasn't because she liked drugs, it was to cop with a toxic, violent family. It was an unhealthy habit alright, she knew that, she even told me to never do drugs because it's shit, it was closer to compulsion and there was nothing the kid I was could have done.
    There was a guy I knew who asked me to help him not smoke, to keep him from smoking at all cost, didn't take long before he decided to cut ties with me because I did. Haven't seen him in years.
    These people were not stupid, unaware, or whatever, they knew deep inside they were hurting themselves, but they couldn't find a way out, and I know the answer was theirs to find and that all I coukd have told them would have just made them feel missunderstood, controled, stuff they didn't want because they had enough of it. They wanted to b treated like humans more than like problems to fix.
    I too had to deal with self-destructive behavors, nothing as bad as above, but it gets on my nerves when people decide they know better and try to force me to follow their rules, all I want is to break free, break their will to "help" which makes a stubborn piece of shit. I hate those people because they make me hate myself more and it makes things worse when I hate myself.
    It's no fun to be some crap in the gutter that some virtuous superior being tries to mold you into a proper person regarding their own standards. The answers lies within, not without.

  2. #42
    aster's Avatar
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    I just see eating like that like a drug addiction. Even myself, if I start eating bad, it’s hard to stop. You just crave it. You have to finally just take the initiative to quit eating it and after a while and you won’t crave it anymore. But just taking that step can be very hard. I’ve seen people have death scares, and the culprit was largely in their diet. They changed it for 2 months and went right back to their old eating habits. I saw a documentary once where a man got surgery to remove the fat, and he ended up eating himself right back to where he was. I think it’s become the norm in a lot of families or areas in our society to eat like that. I’d say the majority of kids in my daughters class are obese. I saw a pic of them and was shocked. It’s an epidemic. My FIL had a heart attack last year. His diet isn’t great. My husband took him shopping after he got out of the hospital. Made him buy healthy food. But now he is right back to where he was. My kids stay over there a lot and they will binge on little Debbie’s, Pepsi, chips, tubs of ice cream. And I told them, you can’t eat like that. You are killing yourselves. And they told my FIL and he was all, as my husband out it, ‘butthurt over it’, but like he said, it’s the truth. I refuse to buy it. Honestly I feel like that’s what you have to do is be the one who grocery shops. Of course they’ll still get things out of the house, but I think having it in your home as temptation is a lot worse, especially if you are home a lot. You have to actually take the time and energy to go out and get the bad stuff, makes it harder.Honestly I’m of the firm belief that people can only help themselves in these situations. Sometimes ‘helping’ only pushes people farther away. But you can definitely make it harder.

    Another thing is, I think, setting yourself as an example. I notice if I eat healthy, most people around me will start doing the same.
    Last edited by aster; 05-21-2019 at 06:54 PM.
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    “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.”
    ~Karl

  3. #43
    user title The Perpetual Now's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    We all die
    Dying is organic and natural

    Most people don’t know how to live
    In this situation, it appears the family members want this person to live a better life. You can preach platitudes about autonomy and independence until you're blue in the face, but one's own autonomy and independence shouldn't come at the expense of the family members they've pledged themselves to. What would you say if this person's decisions eventually impede on the autonomy and independence of his closest loved ones?

    Have you ever had kids or elderly family members to take care of? It's easy to believe in total autonomy and independence but once you've had to take care of others or lived in any family unit where the greater family good was dependent on the contributions and well-being of each individual, your notions of autonomy and independence might become a little less black and white. I sympathize with you views on independence but being married and having kids made me realize my own independence in my life hadn't always come without a cost to others.

  4. #44
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Perpetual Now View Post
    In this situation, it appears the family members want this person to live a better life. You can preach platitudes about autonomy and independence until you're blue in the face, but one's own autonomy and independence shouldn't come at the expense of the family members they've pledged themselves to. What would you say if this person's decisions eventually impede on the autonomy and independence of his closest loved ones?

    Have you ever had kids or elderly family members to take care of? It's easy to believe in total autonomy and independence but once you've had to take care of others or lived in any family unit where the greater family good was dependent on the contributions and well-being of each individual, your notions of autonomy and independence might become a little less black and white. I sympathize with you views on independence but being married and having kids made me realize my own independence in my life hadn't always come without a cost to others.
    I am referring to adults
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  5. #45

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    B&D I’m interested in knowing how you approach a significant other who is big (“fat”) and complains about getting big
    Insecurity is rarely ever attractive. I don't want to say NEVER attractive... the opposite would turn me off even more personally (somebody very egotistical and conceited), but yeah hmm I would try and let them know that being fat isn't the problem so much as being insecure about it.

    For me it's more of a health issue. Not a shallow thing. I make fun of the Chad thing online but it's what's on the inside that counts, of course. But if your outsides are so big you are getting COPD like I did, then it is cause for concern. I wasn't pressured by society. I lost weight because I wanted to lose weight, narcissistically. I didn't do it to impress no man. /sassy independent finger snap. It needs to be an internal value or it will fail. You could twist that into a Fi thing if you want to, I don't care. But you hear me right. =)

  6. #46
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