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    Default question to INFJ (betteringyourselfguy and growupguy forbidden)

    Ive a problem
    I notice that in social situation, my strategie for relating to people is to forget my personnal interst and try to harmonize relationship for everyone, when you have situations like ppl want be friend, ppl want to get this girlfriend and stuff.

    I noticed this strategy end ALWAYS in gossip no matter why. I end to find idiot behavior into myself and sometime other ppl (wich is perhaps not that healthy).

    Anyone relate to that ? this dynamic begin to be annoying.

    I can avoid this by LDARing but in this case I do my stuff and there is another problem appearing :
    for example I'm doing a project solo (wich is generally my main autist project, music), then try to include some ppl in the project, but this end always to fail because Ill not force ppl to follow my stuff (wich is normal). I would like something like a group wich is okay with everyone and everyone doing their stuff but everyone stay okay with everyone. But this end generally in fight for who have the best ambition and stuff or other ppl just wanting to have their life (Ive understand the two stuff). This is wy I abandonned this for the moment and I just chat with people not concentrating that much into my goals (wich go back to the "finally go to gossiping")

    Anyone noticed this problem ? Especially about the "ever ending in gossip even if that was not the first objective"

    I lost friend due to this and this begin to be really annoying.

    Basically feeling like my personnality is BS

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    betteringyourself guy and growupguy are not that forbidden, I just don't want the 4 word pompous message style "grow up man" or stuff like that. The problem is as it is at the moment and I'm not Arnold Shwarzenneger.

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    The problem is that I just lost 3 good web friend due to a dynamic wich ended in perma gossip and everyone being annoyed by everything and Ive the sentimentthat's my fault

    at a personnal level

    on the grand scheme how to construct a social "network" of good friend (I'm not speaking only about myself) if it end always like that

    I know that friendship pass, then you get other friend

    but this is boring, when you are in a good group dynamic and you imagine you will get really close friend everything turn bad just because of my tendencies to want to ameliorate everything in term of relationship (resolve conflict ect)

    I'm not speaking in socionic way, it's really what just happened

    this is not a socionic problem

    frankly I'm just depressed bc I lost friends and I go back alone. Not that bad, Ive things to do, but this annoy me now
    Last edited by noaydi; 01-09-2019 at 01:34 PM.

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    You’re doing Fe-for everyone
    Fi will step into a social situation quietly observing who is who and will subconsciously connect with someone who they find is “strong, but independent). Fi will create the depth of relationship with that person or with someone who needs their help and a loving ear.
    As an Fi type I am able to find people who can get along with one another in a harmonious way however I don’t try to get people together like this because I’m an introvert and because I prefer one one one relationships. In a group I do like it when everyone is nice, forgiving, and gets along but once a group fractures I can not control it. I let it go but still maintain my friendship with a select few who have read me well and can maintain a friendship with me by checking up on me (being the extrovert)
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    The problem is that I just lost 3 good web friend due to a dynamic wich ended in perma gossip and everyone being annoyed by everything and Ive the sentimentthat's my fault

    at a personnal level

    on the grand scheme how to construct a social "network" of good friend (I'm not speaking only about myself) if it end always like that

    I know that friendship pass, then you get other friend

    but this is boring, when you are in a good group dynamic and you imagine you will get really close friend everything turn bad just because of my tendencies to want to ameliorate everything in term of relationship (resolve conflict ect)

    I'm not speaking in socionic way, it's really what just happened

    this is not a socionic problem

    frankly I'm just depressed bc I lost friends and I go back alone. Not that bad, Ive things to do, but this annoy me now
    It seems like you’re more upset that the group Fe fell apart. Like I said I usually create a feeling bond with one or two members of the group in the long term by writing letters to them emails, going out for coffee and just having a close psychological bond with that person.

    I’m sorry that this frustrated you. It’s still not late to contact someone in the group that you like and create a bond with that person. Remember depth not breath
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    This is a general tendency that everyone want to retype everything in EII ?


    I'm sharing my personnal xp and expanding to general things by imaginaing situation, it's not Fe.
    I'm looking to create deep bond beetween myself and friends.

    What I'm speaking about is the result of Fi wanting to harmonize situation (Ni demonstrative/Ne maximisation of "perfection ideal") and it end as Fe situation that I don't like (gossiping, etc) or more it end as something I can't manage anymore.

    Gossiping is not really a problem for Fe, it's just a part of how they are.

    It seem you are too much into what Fi should be and ONLY what Fi should be not in action just as socionic depict it.
    *


    I'm definitely not Fe, but it can appear as Fe in group situation when you are forced to interact imo

    + like if Fi was attracted only to strong person..... Are your friend only ESTP and ESTJ ? This is not what I'm looking for. I myself prefer have a good INFJ friend and ESTJ for dualization but generally ESTJ isn't in the same domain as myself so my life is going nowhere (in term of personnal goal). I admit though they can reframe a little my tendencies to have impossible goal to real one wich is cool.


    What I'm describing is a situation who was clearly Fi Te at first but turned out to bad Fe attribute due to some conflict (and it was sadly my fault finally)


    Is it just possible this conversation don't derail anymore into socionic bullshit but your experience with friendship if possible


    Fi will step into a social situation quietly observing who is who and will subconsciously connect with someone who they find is “strong, but independent). Fi will create the depth of relationship with that person or with someone who needs their help and a loving ear.
    this is exactly how everything was at first. But I'm not speaking about this first.

    I'm sorry if I rant somewhat, perhaps you want to help and not retype, but this is not the first time ppl want to retype me as ENFJ, ESFJ, something Fe, when I just got the very annoying behavior of overplaying Fe and this myself annoy me and fuck up my ability to make friend. This taking into account I would really like to be ENFJ lol


    this is really sad things got back always to socionic bc I can't help but be annoyed by things you should be like X and Y if the socionic religion say it. I would prefer speaking about experience of people.
    Last edited by noaydi; 01-09-2019 at 03:23 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    This is a general tendency that everyone want to retype everything in EII ?


    I'm sharing my personnal xp and expanding to general things by imaginating situation, it's not Fe.
    I'm looking to create deep bond beetween myself and friends.

    What I'm speaking about is the result of Fi wanting to harmonize situation (Ni demonstrative/Ne maximisation of "perfection ideal") and it end as Fe situation that I don't like (gossiping, etc) or more it end as something I can't manage anymore.

    Gossiping is not really a problem for Fe.

    It seem you are too much into what Fi should be and ONLY what Fi should be not in action just as socionic depict it.
    *


    I'm definitely not Fe, but it can appear as Fe in group situation when you are forced to interact imo

    + like if Fi was attracted only to strong person..... Are your friend only ESTP and ESTJ ? This is not what I'm looking for.


    What I'm describing is a situation who was clearly Fi Te at first but turned out bad Fe attribute due to some conflict


    Is it just possible this conversation don't derail anymore into socionic bullshit but your experience with friendship if possible
    Because you keep saying friends not just a friend. Fi focuses on a few not many.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    If you want to create a deep bond with someone be actively involved in their welfare. Be a concerned individual. Call them and ask them how they are doing. Invite them on a walk where you two can share your insecurities and vulnerabilities in an open and trusting way.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Yes I agree with that this is good advice. The first time I meet the girl (Im the only one to have seen the girl IRL) it was exactly as you depict.

    Notice that when I'm speaking about a group, I'm speaking about a max of 3 or 4 people wich know well each other. I'm not speaking about a random group who meet randomly.

    The problem is that with time (and web relationship only - I think IRL there wouldn't have any problem), due to agenda of each ppl (me wanting to get the girl A but abandonned, another guy B was fond of her so I helped to get the girl A, another guy C who sounded like he wanted to fuck everyone -wich is just a perception imo he wasn't like that-, me discussing with this last guy C who suddenly decided to kick every other guys A B), it typically ended as a Fe problem.

    If I'm introspecting superficially, I can say Ive understood my position of the guy who tried to do everything to get the first guy B and the girl A together and trying to be laugh-troll-friend with the last guy C and good friend with the guy B, while trying to keep everything okay.

    Problem is the agenda of everyone.

    The guy C was jealous we had a private place on discord or smth like that, me having the agenda that I still somewhat wanted the girl while helping the other guy B to get the girl A, the guy B having the agenda of going to internet only for the girl A but in reality didn't give any fuck about everything other.

    For my and only my point of view, my agenda could have fucked up everything without even knowing. But in general, there was imo idiocy everywhere : me sharing information (just because I was thinking they knowed themself well) -but this stayed marginal-, the guy C being jealous bc we had a place for us only on discord (WTF ? 5yo age ?) -notice I'm not sur exactly why the guy C kicked the girl A, imo the guy C is a good guy and I'm misinterpreting stuff, he have his proper reason to do things-, and at the end only the guy B was regular and good moral but took everything in his face bc A and C didn't took the time to understand what happened (basically the girl didn't understand I was never stopping to praise her and try to make her relationship work like a nice guy and she took this as if I was saying bullshit about her )

    It ended as a massive bullshit Fe situation and everything fell appart.

    I lost my almost best friend girl A and lost a potential good friend B and kicked everyone even the guy C because of annoyement.


    I think Fe ppl can manage that but I just can't.

    It's not well explained I don't want to make a 10000 line post on that this is not my problem and this is kind of stuff wich end to be really annoying. At the time this dynamic begin, everything is fucked.

    Imo that's my fault, I was too insisting on integrating the group for the girl at first and trying to make friend with the guy B (bc he was really a good guy and I felt we could have a good relationship). Someone said that I should wait ppl wanting to be friend with me and be the best friend possible, this really recalibrated myself, next time I'll do that.


    If you want to create a deep bond with someone be actively involved in their welfare. Be a concerned individual. Call them and ask them how they are doing. Invite them on a walk where you two can share your insecurities and vulnerabilities in an open and trusting way.
    You are really idealizing the mental sanity of the group lol. The girl had psy problem (myself have some, depression), she's really difficult to "get into", to simply get some news, somewhat socially avoidant, etc (but Ive never stopped to find quality to her, this still got back badly on myself). What you say is really what I'm looking for, but it need actualized ppl
    Last edited by noaydi; 01-09-2019 at 03:57 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    Yes I agree with that this is good advice. The first time I meet the girl (Im the only one to have seen the girl IRL) it was exactly as you depict.

    Notice that when I'm speaking about a group, I'm speaking about a max of 3 or 4 people wich know well each other. I'm not speaking about a random group who meet randomly.

    The problem is that with time (and web relationship only - I think IRL there wouldn't have any problem), due to agenda of each ppl (me wanting to get the girl A but abandonned, another guy B was fond of her so I helped to get the girl A, another guy C who sounded like he wanted to fuck everyone -wich is just a perception imo he wasn't like that-, me discussing with this last guy C who suddenly decided to kick every other guys A B), it typically ended as a Fe problem.

    If I'm introspecting superficially, I can say Ive understood my position of the guy who tried to do everything to get the first guy B and the girl A together and trying to be laugh-troll-friend with the last guy C and good friend with the guy B, while trying to keep everything okay.

    Problem is the agenda of everyone.

    The guy C was jealous we had a private place on discord or smth like that, me having the agenda that I still somewhat wanted the girl while helping the other guy B to get the girl A, the guy B having the agenda of going to internet only for the girl A but in reality didn't give any fuck about everything other.

    For my and only my point of view, my agenda could have fucked up everything without even knowing. But in general, there was imo idiocy everywhere : me sharing information (just because I was thinking they knowed themself well) -but this stayed marginal-, the guy C being jealous bc we had a place for us only on discord (WTF ? 5yo age ?) -notice I'm not sur exactly why the guy C kicked the girl A, imo the guy C is a good guy and I'm misinterpreting stuff, he have his proper reason to do things-, and at the end only the guy B was regular and good moral but took everything in his face bc A and C didn't took the time to understand what happened (basically the girl didn't understand I was never stopping to praise her and try to make her relationship work like a nice guy and she took this as if I was saying bullshit about her )

    It ended as a massive bullshit Fe situation and everything fell appart.

    I lost my almost best friend girl A and lost a potential good friend B and kicked everyone even the guy C because of annoyement.


    I think Fe ppl can manage that but I just can't.

    It's not well explained I don't want to make a 10000 line post on that this is not my problem and this is kind of stuff wich end to be really annoying. At the time this dynamic begin, everything is fucked.

    Imo that's my fault, I was too insisting on integrating the group for the girl at first and trying to make friend with the guy B (bc he was really a good guy and I felt we could have a good relationship). Someone said that I should wait ppl wanting to be friend with me and be the best friend possible, this really recalibrated myself, next time I'll do that.




    You are really idealizing the mental sanity of the group lol. The girl had psy problem (myself have some, depression), she's really difficult to "get into", to simply get some news, somewhat socially avoidant, etc (but Ive never stopped to find quality to her, this still got back badly on myself). What you say is really what I'm looking for, but it need actualized ppl
    I don’t judge people’s difficulties or as you call their “mental sanities” I accept them and let them deal with their own hardship. I am there just like a band aid that they can apply to their wounds not as someone who wants to make a certain group out of certain people
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Is anyone someone that you wanted to date?
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    yes as I said I wanted to date the girl A at first (I even got a date at first, we had a really good time, but she see me more like a friend, that's why I tried after to make the guy B going with the girl because there was really something beetween them and not with me (even if -not lying- the agenda stay still somewhere, I do my max to avoid it in this case), but I never stopped to praise the girl and reassure the guy because of her tendency of social avoidance that the guy didn't understand. The problem is that at the end the girl took this very bad :'( next time I do nothing if it go like that). It's explained in my previous message but it's perhaps hard to understand as I'm french.

    I don’t judge people’s difficulties or as you call their “mental sanities” I accept them and let them deal with their own hardship. I am there just like a band aid that they can apply to their wounds not as someone who wants to make a certain group out of certain people


    This is EXACTLY how Ive been (and I'm) but this is EXACTLY what have make things going gossip. Perhaps Ive not been sufficiently intelligent in doing that (I'm often brutal and directive in conversation).
    I recognized the problem of the girl but I never stopped understanding her and praising her quality and how to "take" her to the guy B for him being less depressed about what was happening (girl not responding, not knowing what she wanted even if she seemed sure to like the guy B before, ect). I proposed that they SHOULD see them IRL and everything would be okay after that.

    Just everything Ive said have been badly taken, but this can be understandable, as I said things about her comportment that can sound bad if you read it 1rst degree and not to the conclusion, but I was never stopping to say it's a good girl bc/bc/bc and that if she had a guy she would probably be better and better.

    I know Ive done some abrasive error doing that but this is the problematic I was speaking at the beginning : in doing that, due to the agenda/perception of other ppl, things end in gossip.... And the group exploded (this is not the sole reason it stay marginal).

    In reality from this post I asked myself if anyone did notice this problematic or Ive a communication problem.
    But the story is majorly biaised by mental problem too (the girl was borderline). I'm not saying that in a bad way I repeat, I like her and I see how she is at core, it's even her who admitted that to me but is allergic if other take into account the problem but still like her, I don't understand.

    it feel like I take the good role here but I admit Ive myself abused a little the gossiping. I played it as if everyone knowed everyone perfectly and there was no taboo.

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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    yes as I said I wanted to date the girl A at first (I even got a date at first, we had a really good time, but she see me more like a friend, that's why I tried after to make the guy B going with the girl because there was really something beetween them and not with me (even if -not lying- the agenda stay still somewhere, I do my max to avoid it in this case), but I never stopped to praise the girl and reassure the guy because of her tendency of social avoidance that the guy didn't understand. The problem is that at the end the girl took this very bad :'( next time I do nothing if it go like that). It's explained in my previous message but it's perhaps hard to understand as I'm french.



    This is EXACTLY how Ive been (and I'm) but this is EXACTLY what have make things going gossip. Perhaps Ive not been sufficiently intelligent in doing that (I'm often brutal and directive in conversation).
    I recognized the problem of the girl but I never stopped understanding her and praising her quality and how to "take" her to the guy B for him being less depressed about what was happening (girl not responding, not knowing what she wanted even if she seemed sure to like the guy B before, ect). I proposed that they SHOULD see them IRL and everything would be okay after that.

    Just everything Ive said have been badly taken, but this can be understandable, as I said things about her comportment that can sound bad if you read it 1rst degree, but I was never stopping to say it's a good girl bc/bc/bc and that if she had a guy she would probably be better and better.

    I know Ive done some abrasive error doing that but this is the problematic I was speaking at the beginning : in doing that, due to the agenda/perception of other ppl, things end in gossip.... And the group exploded.

    In reality from this post I asked myself if anyone did notice this problematic or Ive a communication problem.
    But the story is majorly biaised by mental problem too (the girl was borderline). I'm not saying that in a bad way I repeat, I like her and I see how she is at core, it's even her who admitted that to me but is allergic if other take into account the problem but still like her, I don't understand.
    Yes you got into an interpersonal pickle lol that’s what I call it
    Salvage what you can. I would. I would like I said contact the people who I found to be good and honest and build my relationships up. And stay away from gossip. It’s toxic
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    yay this is what Ive done, but I'm not sure the guy will accept (I want to keep relationship with the guy B -INFJ like myself-), and why not the guy C (ESTJ dominant, we can laugh about manly things, but there is some things wich are hard to concile)

    At this time I just wait a bit, this story depressed me a little, Ive a need of a pause.

    thx for your advice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    yay this is what Ive done, but I'm not sure the guy will accept (I want to keep relationship with the guy B -INFJ like myself-), and why not the guy C (ESTJ dominant, we can laugh about manly things, but there is some things wich are hard to concile)

    At this time I just wait a bit, this story depressed me a little, Ive a need of a pause.

    thx for your advice.
    You’re welcome
    Also whether they accept or not is in their court. At least you would have been sincere and honest and stuck to an internal consistency which will shape your mind for another friendship if things don’t work out with this one
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Things aren't getting any better, now the guy and potentially the girl think I'm an asshole and probably will get together because they think I'm an asshole
    I just tried to help

    I don't get it

    The guy was praying for help at the beginning then now they feel like I'm an asshole but Ive surpassed my desire for the girl for them

    just fuck the world

    I feel like a loser

    I succedeed to go back to being friend with the other guy, we are trolling and stuff thought

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    Things aren't getting any better, now the guy and potentially the girl think I'm an asshole and probably will get together because they think I'm an asshole
    I just tried to help

    I don't get it

    The guy was praying for help at the beginning then now they feel like I'm an asshole but Ive surpassed my desire for the girl for them

    just fuck the world

    I feel like a loser

    I succedeed to go back to being friend with the other guy, we are trolling and stuff thought
    you're not a loser. try with another person. you may have better luck in a more sincere relationship
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    .
    Last edited by noaydi; 01-10-2019 at 02:04 PM.

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    Things got better. We are back together. I really hate when things go gossip, I'm feeling like everyone is ranting and myself is trying to feel where I faulted and diffused a message I shoudn't had to diffuse, ending in potentially losing good friend

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    Things got better. We are back together. I really hate when things go gossip, I'm feeling like everyone is ranting and myself is trying to feel where I faulted and diffused a message I shoudn't had to diffuse, ending in potentially losing good friend
    I’m happy that all went well. Remember to defuse gossip with your strong ethics like making a statement such as “I believe in the unity of my relationships so I don’t give way to toxic gossip.” This will calm people down from gossiping but you can say “if you have a problem with someone it’s healthy to talk about it with them calmly or if you need to speak with me you should know that I will listen to you but I won’t get involved.” That will make you an independent agent much like a psychologist. But still show your loyalty to friendship by way of forgiveness (no one is perfect).

    If someone is really bad you can have another level of relationship with them by holding them at a large psychological distance. That means hi and bye and nothing more. They are not the kind of person that you want a part of your life. If they manipulate you by dishonest means of showing love like saying “don’t you love me??” Just keep it business and professional
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Things got terrible. Finally I quitted everything and gave my discord to someone other and I'm back like alone (my real group of friend consist of only other quadra ppl, not wanting do expand on that. We are having good time anyway.).

    This is the situation :

    There is the girl A that I was thinking was my confident. I was sharing my neurosis, observation about ppl. The guy B wanted the girl A. I wanted the girl A at first but abandonned quickly bc understood we couldn't get that much togegther. With the guy B we spoke often about the girl A bc she's borderline so I said stuff that can reassure guy B in her comportment. I shared observation about various ppl and various life stuff to the girl A bc I trusted her as a confident (as she shared detail of her life -some wich could be really hard for her- at the beginning, myself done the same in return). There is a guy C that I trashed somewhat yesterday but got back on my feet, problem is solved. But beetween A and B I just tried to be accomodating with limit it can have (sometime the guy B was nervous himself about girl A but obviously girl A understood that I was at fault and I was saying bs about her)

    Nothing really new, we got over it for 2 days. But yesterday shit happened at a point I never imagined can appear.

    The girl A screened everything she even done a video about my private message then gave it to different guy I even barelly know, sharing my neurosis, concentrating on the fact I was saying stuff about ppl (when it was observation - neurosis - taking fucking time to reconcile A and B and sometime trying to understand B and I thinked she knowed that as I shared with her ton of time the nature of my bad thinking habitute). Now everyone is thinking that ppl speak bad behind their back badly when it's mainly not the case or at least the intention was generally to make things rule ok when ppl moaning about other ppl (B moaning about A and as I said something happen with the guy C but got solved, this was a miscomprehension). Hopeffully I took time to delete all ultra personnal sharing of my life before the conflict.

    She was in a fury like always screaming I'm not mad while clearly appearing like the contrary.

    I'm feeling bad bc I'm feeling like I'm gossipping, Ive never ressorted to be "final" critical like this, I'm feeling like shit. For the girl A, if I didn't existed, there would haven't been any problem, for myself I'm feeling the same for her. She's mad. Seriously. I never screened anything or done a video about private message with a funny music for getting someone done, who do that srsly. I didn't even know this kind of behavior could exist (doing a video about private message private life private observation, seriously). This is a psychiatric problem, this is not on my ressort anymore.

    This NEVER happened in any other group I'm into or with fb friends (neither IRL). I never got that down into childich behavior.

    Stuff is that I never felt so bad about myself to this moment, I feel like total trash. There was a moment where the girl was never stopping ranting about my supposed comportment for a reason Ive hard time to understand and I just make her continue to speak for seeing how far it can go and if she's aware of what she's saying, saying yes to everything (I wanted to understand why she go this far too and if she was able to stop for finding a compromise wich is imo normal behavior when you have a dispute) then after that it's just like "you react like that you have no balls blah blah, have balls, everyone have balls, blah". Some ppl are just toxic. Ive some fault but here it's just not possible for me to endure/tolerate/trying to accomodate to stuff like that.

    Obviously I asked from the beginning of everything to avoid drama bc I felt like I was dealing with a drama queen from the beginning -I gave her the possibility I'm wrong thru all the relationship as she always denyed that- but there is no need to mention it's not what ppl followed (even myself in this situation). I ended to feel like the drama creator.

    next. I need to vent, I feel now that this behavior even for posting this is toxic, feeling like the worst shit in the world, she accused me of everything, eveything is fucked up.


    Srsly these internet message board when there is ppl getting too much close together when there is no contact in real life is total bullshit and Ill never go into any of it anymore if it don't concern a domain of interest or real life advice.

    Sorry for venting that. This is one of the first time I'm in need of writing/expanding on a problem like that. Mind = blown.

    I'm on the next step anyway, I registred a facebook <3 relationship group from my region where there is IRL meet up, and next discord Ill create will be about a theme/real life advice/creativity/work and not this kind of shit where everyone is spying the comportment of everyone.
    Last edited by noaydi; 01-17-2019 at 02:04 PM.

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    This thread can be closed, I'm not into this story anymore. Live & learn, will not integrate anything like this anymore. Will not repeat my error (or at least try, non one is perfect), will not integrate things that I sense will go quickly backward with time.


    I'm a little depressed about myself and my behavior as since 3 years, it's the second time I loss friend due to conflict. It never hapenned before. (the last one was more like we just didn't correspond that much together, there was no drama of this kind - but the person was really life positive, and I was too much grumpy, negative, and this finally annoyed the guy. He clearly had a life I wasn't able to follow.). I hope things will get better when Ill go back to work (3 month left) and be more integrated socially. I probably lack ethics and personnal consistency compared to many EII.

    Re-sorry for having made a rant thread.
    Last edited by noaydi; 01-18-2019 at 09:39 AM.

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    Haikus VenusRose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noaydi View Post
    This thread can be closed,
    you can close your own thread

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