UPDATE: The IE definitions along with the conversations between duals are the amazing handiwork of none other than @Herzy , while the abridged type profiles belong to the Russian socionics community member Funtik, as stated below. This is a compressed post bringing the best of two worlds together.
This post contains socionics knowledge that was thought to be lost. A kind user on Personality Cafe copy-pasted this wikisocion article on the forum, but the original source seems to have been completely lost after wikisocion changed its online domain. Since PerC is dangerous territory, I have taken the liberty to be a socio-historian for a day and bring you the only guide to socionics you'll ever need. Needless to say, the content in this post is not mine and the credit goes to its corresponding author, whoever that might be. Behold now:
Can't find your dominant function? Well then, take a look at these simple and accurate functional descriptions. Even though they're only a couple of sentences long, you should have no problem at all seeing yourself in them!
Ne: You crash into walls a lot, and cause lots of car accidents. You also stop right in the middle of doorways, hallways, subway entrances, and stairwells in order to socialize, thus blocking everyone else.
Se: You love to beat people up, and you also play football. You are obsessed with power, and constantly threaten to pop a cap in someone's ass. You rape lots of people, and commit felonies every day.
Si: You are really fat, and you lie around and watch TV all day. You have superior fashion sense, and love to fix cars too. You also love to force feed porridge to everyone that enters your house.
Ni: You were born to take it up the ass. You constantly lie on the ground with your legs splayed, waiting for your next rapist to come along. You are also a mall psychic who will read tarot cards for $5.
Fe: YOU TALK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME, HAAHAHAHAHAHHHHAH LOLOLOL!!!!111 YOU USE LOTS OF ACRONYMS SUCH AS LOL, ROFL, LMAO, TTYL, TEH LULZ, AND MOOOOOOOORE! YOU ARE LOUD AND LIKE TO GO SHOPPING.
Te: You are always dressed in a business suit, and spend your days in a cubicle, or at an endless stream of office meetings. You love to do taxes, laundry, and dishes, because that's what responsible people with character do.
Ti: You make up gazillions of useless systems and rules. Also, you are totally stupid, as you're always factually inaccurate in everything you do. You're the reason why the world sucks so much.
Fi: You're a moralistic prude, and love to beat people with Bibles. You live in a red state, and probably voted for George Bush because of his "family values." You are also really clingy, and hate friendly people.
Next, it's time for Quadra descriptions. These apply to everyone within the quadra, with zero exceptions.
Alpha: You are in a constant good mood, and always have a fun atmosphere with lots of food and drink. You throw lots of dinner parties where everyone sits at the table with a glass of red wine.
Beta: You make the revolutions, baby! You are a neo-nazi ****** fanatic, and are always trying to rile people up in order to overthrow the government. You are also very loud and obnoxious, and always making vulgar jokes.
Gamma: You are a moralistic, capitalistic pig, and you are all about bringing home the dinero. You hate fun, groups, and any sort of affection at all. You are very mean and closed-minded.
Delta: You are so boring that everyone else killed themselves. You sit in your workshop, carving wood all day. Then, you get home, work for a few more hours, and go to sleep. Repeat this process daily.
Abridged Guide to Socionics Types:
In Russian: Ñîöèîíè÷åñêèé ñëîâàðèê Ôóíòèêà - Ñîöèîíèêà, ïñèõå-éîãà (ïñèõîñîôèÿ), òèïîëîãèÿ íåëþäåé, ÒÓÀÈ (òåîðèÿ óðîâíåé àáñòðàêòíîãî èíòåëëåêòà), ÐÑÈ (ðåæèññóðà ñîöèàëüíûõ èãð), Íîâîå Ñëîâî, ÌËÀÈ â öåíòðå ðåàáèëèòàöèè æåðòâ ïñèõîëîãè÷åñêèõ òèïîëîãèé
These profiles were written and compiled by Funtik, a member of Russian socionics online community, for the purposes of humor and to informally characterize particular traits of types.
Dumas (Dyum, Dyumka, SEI, ISFp):
Since in the virtual space there are very few Dumas, and those that are present are typed anywhere else but not as Dyumy, their integral prototype in socionic community is in part based on descriptions and profiles, and in part - on the idealized representations of Dons of their second half, which thoroughly confuses beginners. Ideal Dumas, in a vacuum, is a soft creature in both its character and its form, it radiates unobtrusive positivism, constantly or temporarily decorating its dwelling with vases, napkins, and curtains, or stirring something very appetizing in the saucepan. It has infinite love for Dons in all their appearances, which manifests as always having an ear for Don's talkativeness and prolixity, and in attempts to fill Don with food other than sandwiches.
In fact, Dyumy are rather gloomy people, who are inclined to see the worst in any manifestations of this world, and do not consider it necessary to conceal this.
Accordingly, part of the socionic community, consisting of Dons who have not yet grown disappointed by their fate, (and partially of Robs, LIIs) dearly love Dumas for their relentless desire to feed, warm, caress, understand, and uplift, and also for their willingness demonstrate at any time all the charms of sensory sex. Others cannot stand Dumas' for their tendency to maintain completely empty, meaningless, humdrum conversations, which constant teeth-grinding whining and complaints about the heartbreaking cruelty and evil of the cursed world. As well as their enthusiasm to shamelessly comment on appearance, clothing, interior design, and any unsavory to them food.
Caution: Often Dreisers (ESIs) who are not sufficiently spiteful and brutal get typed into Dumas, to make them fit into the stereotypes. Dumas males often type themselves into Balzacs (ILIs) and Gabins (SLIs).
Hugo (Hugues, ESE, ESFj):
Gushing with pointless enthusiasm elektro-sweepers. On socionics forums they use 70% of all smilies, 80% of all diminutive endings, and 90% of all non-cursing interjections.
In cyberspace there is a considerable amount of Hugo women, but Hugo men can be counted on fingers. And even then, they do not look like Hugos or not like men.
Their duals, and some activators, and even possibly a small part of the socionics community, get off on Hugo's inexhaustible merriness, their constant readiness to organize a celebration, for all their "syusi-paws-hunny-sweety-how-well-I-want-to-feed-you-all", for their regular bursts of "but-I-Love-all-of-you-even-the-gloomy-looking-guy-in-the-corner-come-here-have-fun-with-us", for their indefatigable, indomitable spirit, and the their inimitable ability to pick positives from every situation like raisins from a roll.
Needless to say, that it is exactly with all of the above, the rest of the socionics community Hugos strain very much. As well as unstoppable babble, their sweet and rosy-in-the-frills snot, and their ineradicable desire to, from time to time, obtain from each and every one a detailed, but pointless, explanations of the obvious. And, of course, that Hugos simply by their nature attract all kinds of disasters and calamities, and, because of this, you cannot agree with them to anything - as in the last moment there is going to be a meteor rain, an earthquake, the earth will get captured by aliens.. in general, it's not important what concretely will happen, but be assured - all plans will be made moot.
On forums, Hugos usually exert themselves, with all their force and energy, to bring the real world into the virtual world - with gusto describe buns, salads, dumplings, and try to organize masquerade balls for virtually every occasion, and, of course, frantically try to make everyone come and hang out together in the real world.
Practically non-existent male Hugos, among other things, on the sly advance the theory of gender equality in the sense that it would be nice for women to finally realize that there are such wonderful men who prefer unbearably tiresome and heavy household chores to light and breezy work activities. Which everyone, and especially Naps (SEEs), finds terribly annoying.
Robespierre (Rob, Robka, LII, INTj):
Gloomy creatures with an intense (sometimes simply insane) look and a picture of a perfect world in their heads, onto which they try to superimpose the reality. Male Robs usually wear a mustache with a goal of distancing themselves from the outside world.
In virtual space Robespierres are represented mostly by the male sex. Perhaps because women rarely type themselves into this grotesquely-logical type.
Part socionic community, mainly consisting of their enthusiastic female duals Hugos (Hugo men, as we recall, in socionic community are almost nonexistent), admire Robs for their ability to deconstruct and put into strictly hierarchical shelves any very intricate theory, to explain on their fingers the most complex idea, while managing to avoid calling their conversation partner an idiot, not even hint at it, as well as for their impenetrable idealism, and fascinating ability to adamantly head, through a thorny path, towards some absolutely unattainable goal.
The rest (and yes, especially Naps) downright can not stand Robespierres for their boring fundamentalism, perfectly founded in theory greed, absolute deafness to attempts to open their eyes to the real situation in the real world, and their stubborn unwillingness to recognize themselves as losers despite the obvious facts.
Robs, on the forums, usually in vain, call for theorizing on quasi-socionical topics (their twisted theories are not digestible even by Dons), complain about the lack of interest in them from the opposite sex, and encourage the public to embark on journey to the Ideal World.
Don Quixote (Don, Donka, ILE, ENTp)
Incredibly touchy individuals, prone to social phobia. Live in an impenetrable mess, dress in tattered clothing, always bump into corners and fall into open manholes. Eat whatever they are given, or sandwiches. Virtual space is just teeming with them, equally distributed between both sexes.
Some part of socionic community (mainly their duals (activators)-neophytes who have failed to fully realize what a blessing socionics predicts for them, and some socionics mothers, who have managed to type their children as Dons) love Dons for their detachment from the material world, imperviously idealistic views of the world, and constant willingness to enter into an unequal battle with forces of evil. And also because they seem unbelievably clever, as they say a lot of unintelligible words, the total essence of which is unclear and mysterious.
For the rest Dons manage to be terribly annoying. With their infantile capriciousness, the sacred belief that they should be loved and cherished as they are, that others should telepathically guess and fulfill their innermost desires, and their long grudges that accompany any failure to fulfill these desires. As well as their aggressive propaganda of torn clothing, sandwiches, and low-paid quasi-scientific work as the only acceptable ways of life.
Dons in the forums usually breed endless pseudo-scientific debates around socionics, dully theorize at every opportune and inopportune moment, try to "glue" their duals (Dyumov) solely for being their type, and complain about the endless insoluble problems brought about by their typical asocial tendencies. When the representatives of socionic community (mainly SEEs) begin to give them advice on solving these problems, they grow indignant and pose as misunderstood heroes.
Warning: male Dons may in fact be a Huxley (IEE) or Hamlet (EIE). Sometimes the Dosts (EIIs) type themselves as Dons, who somehow find type of Dostoevsky unworthy and evil in general.
Don females firmly believe that all men want them.