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Thread: ESTj/LSE and building relationships

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    tuathe's Avatar
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    Question ESTj/LSE and building relationships

    Yesterday I was talking with my LSE friend about befriending people and shortening the distance, and she told me she doesn't like that when people she barely knows suddenly tell her some very private, personal things about themselves (like idk, about their mental health problems for example, like one IEI girl did). She also stated that it's intriguing to her when someone shares some small pieces of information about themselves here and there, some 'tips', it makes her more interested in that person. She said, let me quote it, 'with Fi1 it's like wow, it's some kind of a secret; if I say that, I might push their buttons, but I might as well discover something awesome; damn, should I take the risk or not? I wonder all the time what to say and how, so that I don't alienate that person from me but get a bit of new information.'

    And this is where I get to my point: she does like to take things slow, but at the same time it can be frustrating to her when it's too slow, when she wants that person to be close to her already, but the relationship isn't there yet, when they are still keeping their distance and seem to say by that something like, 'maybe I like you, maybe I don't, you have to guess for yourself' - she said it makes her even more excited, but anxious, too, and she doesn't know what to do in such a situation. We were wondering if that's normal for this type or maybe she's like that because she's a Three in enneagram. Any thoughts, any similar experiences that would throw light on the matter?



    edit: that LSE friend turned out to be an SEE, so you might want to ask some actual LSEs how much they relate to what my friend said. sigh.
    Last edited by tuathe; 04-30-2021 at 08:26 PM. Reason: retyping
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    I agree with LSEs loving anticipation too. This sounds like it goes hand in hand with EII's tendency to only be a certain way around close ones, and having layers to themselves that they do not show to most people. Often times it is said it takes a while to get to know EII, and that seems to work for LSE's love of anticipation and wanting to slowly have the personal emotionally reveal themselves.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    LSE like clear display of status of the relationship. “We are friends.” “I’m your wife.” This fits with J which is to have things of life boxed. Nice and neat.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
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    it seems normal for the general population?

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    The LSE and IEI described in the first post have issues unrelated to type, if indeed, they are typed correctly. Normally, IEIs are far more guarded that LSEs who usually are ones to actively go after the truth. It can be difficult to observe type when it's covered in baggage.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by tuathe View Post
    Yesterday I was talking with my LSE friend about befriending people and shortening the distance, and she told me she doesn't like that when people she barely knows suddenly tell her some very private, personal things about themselves (like idk, about their mental health problems for example, like one IEI girl did). She also stated that it's intriguing to her when someone shares some small pieces of information about themselves here and there, some 'tips', it makes her more interested in that person. She said, let me quote it, 'with Fi1 it's like wow, it's some kind of a secret; if I say that, I might push their buttons, but I might as well discover something awesome; damn, should I take the risk or not? I wonder all the time what to say and how, so that I don't alienate that person from me but get a bit of new information.'

    And this is where I get to my point: she does like to take things slow, but at the same time it can be frustrating to her when it's too slow, when she wants that person to be close to her already, but the relationship isn't there yet, when they are still keeping their distance and seem to say by that something like, 'maybe I like you, maybe I don't, you have to guess for yourself' - she said it makes her even more excited, but anxious, too, and she doesn't know what to do in such a situation. We were wondering if that's normal for this type or maybe she's like that because she's a Three in enneagram. Any thoughts, any similar experiences that would throw light on the matter?

    as a LSE 9 myself I'd just like to say I actually appreciate people who can open up like that, it can be awkward if I feel it came out of nowhere though. Also building relationships can be a natural experience and I can tell where we stand by consistency and showcasing of actions. But if there's no consistency I start to get lost in what we really are and telling who's a friend or not can be a foggy experience.

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    tuathe's Avatar
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    Thanks for reminding me about this thread, @Zyan - I've edited my OP to add some crucial info
    EII-Fi
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    tritype: 2-6-9


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