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Thread: ESTj/LSE and building relationships

  1. #1
    tuathe's Avatar
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    Question ESTj/LSE and building relationships

    Yesterday I was talking with my LSE friend about befriending people and shortening the distance, and she told me she doesn't like that when people she barely knows suddenly tell her some very private, personal things about themselves (like idk, about their mental health problems for example, like one IEI girl did). She also stated that it's intriguing to her when someone shares some small pieces of information about themselves here and there, some 'tips', it makes her more interested in that person. She said, let me quote it, 'with Fi1 it's like wow, it's some kind of a secret; if I say that, I might push their buttons, but I might as well discover something awesome; damn, should I take the risk or not? I wonder all the time what to say and how, so that I don't alienate that person from me but get a bit of new information.'

    And this is where I get to my point: she does like to take things slow, but at the same time it can be frustrating to her when it's too slow, when she wants that person to be close to her already, but the relationship isn't there yet, when they are still keeping their distance and seem to say by that something like, 'maybe I like you, maybe I don't, you have to guess for yourself' - she said it makes her even more excited, but anxious, too, and she doesn't know what to do in such a situation. We were wondering if that's normal for this type or maybe she's like that because she's a Three in enneagram. Any thoughts, any similar experiences that would throw light on the matter?

    Last edited by tuathe; 08-22-2018 at 09:39 PM. Reason: typo
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  2. #2

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    I agree with LSEs loving anticipation too. This sounds like it goes hand in hand with EII's tendency to only be a certain way around close ones, and having layers to themselves that they do not show to most people. Often times it is said it takes a while to get to know EII, and that seems to work for LSE's love of anticipation and wanting to slowly have the personal emotionally reveal themselves.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    LSE like clear display of status of the relationship. “We are friends.” “I’m your wife.” This fits with J which is to have things of life boxed. Nice and neat.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    asd's Avatar
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    hmm makes sense for an fi valued type
    someone with insecure attachment style may still be "too forthcoming too soon" even if they are Fi lead though.

    you don't learn to 1) realize and make conscious or trust your own feelings 2) you are desperate to attach to someone - anyone, to the point to showing some naivete or indiscrimination even in adulthood (if you somehow still survive victimization) then 3) you are likely to be attracted to relational patterns that are harmful because this is basic foundation of reality in your brain, never questioned. Things are literally reorganized to make sense in accordance to it. You don't have to have ended up in "bad company," but those people were bad for you anyway. They hurt you in some way, accidentally or purposely mistreat you and finally 4) your brain is wired to distrust social response as untrustworthy and invalidating or damaging on a visceral level so when people offer advice about changing your behavior, it doesn't go through. The cycle repeats. You are desperate to reach out to someone who finally loves you.

    edit on the LSE thing, I get what you mean, the overall creation of chemistry by giving a little away but not too much and creating and deepening that bond can be alluring to Fi suggestives. Fi is alluring to them regardless, haha. Not necessarily romantic, just this sense of finding something attractive and being drawn in.
    Last edited by asd; 04-06-2021 at 01:34 AM.


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    Socionics is a spook ashlesha's Avatar
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    it seems normal for the general population?

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    Rebelondeck's Avatar
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    The LSE and IEI described in the first post have issues unrelated to type, if indeed, they are typed correctly. Normally, IEIs are far more guarded that LSEs who usually are ones to actively go after the truth. It can be difficult to observe type when it's covered in baggage.

    a.k.a. I/O

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