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Thread: Delta NFs and Breaking Up - q & a for INFjs and ENFps

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    I think this is one of the best set of words about it, particularly "I have no clue what a relationship is supposed to look like besides this ideal".

    There is a sense of betrayal of something important to the delta NFs in this sense, and I see their uneasiness about it as related to Se and also the phrase putting the card before the horse ; of course things must be an ideal otherwise me feelings aren't justified. I think they fool themselves the most there and are basically most immature about that part of the process, and don't want to deal with the responsibility of having to sort out whether or not their investments are wise, appropriate, warranted, or actually being good. The more mature the NF, and especially over time, the less they avoid those kind of evaluations.

    But I have sympathy for it, to be honest. A lot of my time spent with the NFs in these situations is repetition and confirmation that, yes, there are very few people who are like them, who are the way they are about things, who prioritize and invest the same degree, who have or use the same kinds of ideals - or especially have the same kind of dilemma as at the start of this post.

    It's important for delta NFs to realize there is not only a binary yes or no about things in terms of how THE WORLD is about relationships, and rather than expecting everyone else to just be like them in that sense, it should be an earnest evaluation to see if other people can operate to their own standards, rather than hoping for it and crying about it after the fact that they didn't do due diligence before the invested their hopes and dreams and futures into something that never had a chance.




    Yeah.


    So you mean like they look at someone and dream up some version of them and don't really sort out whether their dream version of the person is based in reality? Then yea, guilty as charged.

    And I mean, how is THE WORLD about relationships anyway. You eat, sleep, and sex or what? I feel like it's some club I'm not apart of, the idealism is embedded to the point of being completely blind by it it seems because everytime people talk about idk not idealism or realstic expectations I just think of a lower level of idealism or a death of idealism, I don't really know what they mean. perhaps yall just really mean, don't have too many expectations and just take the process as it comes?

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    I

    it should be an earnest evaluation to see if other people can operate to their own standards,
    Yea I agree, when young you want to believe all the things you imagine over what is real. But at the same time, you can do this and if you leave at the first sign that someone doesn't line up, you think that's not a fair chance and so you keep trying. And then perhaps cry that it never happened because you couldn't see that it was completely impossible because writing off people like that feels bad. So I do say it takes some grit and more respect of what you want than try to accommodate and give fair chances to people who aren't what you want in the end.

    I also do the reverse, I don't date some girls because upfront they seem to not match up with what I want, but I sense that maybe I am being too picky and they could be what I want. Either way I go with what I see upfront in those scenarios.

    EDIT:

    Maybe when you said the world is binary about relationships, you mean either the person is what you want or not, no what ifs about it. Is that right?
    Last edited by Lord Pixel; 09-04-2018 at 02:14 PM.

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