Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
Here's my thing. I get it, I'm idealistic, it's some unreal ideal that doesn't exist except in my mind. My issue is, I have no clue what a relationship is supposed to look like besides this ideal. In my mind the ideal is what relationships are, anything else is not a "real" relationship to me. When I hear people say the whole "You have unrealistic ideals for relationships." I think "So what is a real relationship? Two people in a house like roommates that occasionally kiss on the mouth and have sex?" Like, what? Is that what people mean and or want?
I think this is one of the best set of words about it, particularly "I have no clue what a relationship is supposed to look like besides this ideal".

There is a sense of betrayal of something important to the delta NFs in this sense, and I see their uneasiness about it as related to Se and also the phrase putting the card before the horse ; of course things must be an ideal otherwise me feelings aren't justified. I think they fool themselves the most there and are basically most immature about that part of the process, and don't want to deal with the responsibility of having to sort out whether or not their investments are wise, appropriate, warranted, or actually being good. The more mature the NF, and especially over time, the less they avoid those kind of evaluations.

But I have sympathy for it, to be honest. A lot of my time spent with the NFs in these situations is repetition and confirmation that, yes, there are very few people who are like them, who are the way they are about things, who prioritize and invest the same degree, who have or use the same kinds of ideals - or especially have the same kind of dilemma as at the start of this post.

It's important for delta NFs to realize there is not only a binary yes or no about things in terms of how THE WORLD is about relationships, and rather than expecting everyone else to just be like them in that sense, it should be an earnest evaluation to see if other people can operate to their own standards, rather than hoping for it and crying about it after the fact that they didn't do due diligence before the invested their hopes and dreams and futures into something that never had a chance.


I don't date many people, because usually I know upfront how long it will last or not, on my end at least. This isn't the first either where I knew I should not have dated the person.
Yeah.