About SLEs

[huiheiwufhawriuhg]

So I think that two of my closest male friends are both SLEs, though both are a little different types of SLEs. One is a guy with no limits or boundaries whatsoever. He just does crazy, impulsive random shit and then he comes to me when he feels bad about his past behavior. He also seeks my company, when he needs a reassurance about his abilities. There's a slight possibility of him being an ILE though, because he seems kinda too goofy, indecisive and random for an SLE. The thing is that I like him as a friend and we're really very close, he even calls me his sister, but I'd never ever date him. I could not stand his inappropriate social behavior, his non existing filter when it comes to saying whatever comes to his mind first out loud, offending people whenever he feels likes it, and more than anything his neverending partying. He'd do anything for fun, for the sake of the thrill no matter how crazy, inappropriate or weird it is. He ended up in my 10 years of friendzone and I'm absolutely sure it's not going to change.

The other SLE I know used to be really crazy guy when I first met him, when I was 17. Now he's more grounded and mature, but he's still the good old thrill seeker, a casino addict, and almost a pathological lier who'd say anything just to make himself look smarter, better, more hard working and handsome than you. Whenever you say that you had 2 coffees today, he already had 8. Whenever you say that you had 20 girlfriends he had 40. And the list goes on... I was really into him, when I didn't know about what kind of a person he really was. But as soon as I learned, 8 years of friendzone for him too. I still like him enough to be his friend, but not enough to date him.

The only SLE I've ever been in a relationship with was an emotionally manipulative sociopath who stalked me, abused me, lied to me, cut me off from all my friends, and crawled back as a hurt faithful dog whenever I dumped him. Worst relationship ever, the most unhealthy, fucked up, weird thing I've ever experienced.

The last one on my list is a guy who I have to say, I believe is an xLE, well he was just like the others too much of a crazy mess for me to date him and so I tried really hard to friendzone him , but he was too persisting and pushy about his romantic feelings so I had to door slam him.

To make this short... I think SLEs can be interesting people as my friends, but I haven't met one who'd seem like a good relationship material. I'm currently in a relationship with an EIE and I find it to be the most stable and beneficial one.

I wonder what are other IEI's experiences with SLEs and if friendzoning your duals is something that happens to other people too? Also what relationships in your life have you find to be the most rewarding and good for you?

[Sol]

The thing is that I like him as a friend and we're really very close, he even calls me his sister, but I'd never ever date him.

duals should be sexually attractive. they also represent our ideal pair, not just friends

> inappropriate or weird it is. He ended up in my 10 years of friendzone and I'm absolutely sure it's not going to change

Se would got you seems N type

> The other SLE I know used to be really crazy guy when I first met him, when I was 17. Now he's more grounded and mature, but he's still the good old thrill seeker, a casino addict, and almost a pathological lier who'd say anything just to make himself look smarter, better, more hard working and handsome than you.

reminds Fe

> The only SLE I've ever been in a relationship with was an emotionally manipulative sociopath who stalked me, abused me, lied to me, cut me off from all my friends, and crawled back as a hurt faithful dog whenever I dumped him. Worst relationship ever, the most unhealthy, fucked up, weird thing I've ever experienced.

mb partly good IR, not dual. you have strong attraction and some aversion in the same time

> The last one on my list is a guy who I have to say, I believe is an xLE, well he was just like the others too much of a crazy mess for me to date him and so I tried really hard to friendzone him , but he was too persisting and pushy about his romantic feelings so I had to door slam him.

ILE easily change the object of the interest. So are not much persisting.

> To make this short... I think SLEs can be interesting people as my friends, but I haven't met one who'd seem like a good relationship material. I'm currently in a relationship with an EIE and I find it to be the most stable and beneficial one.

Mb nontypes factors, as some of those people are not standard. Mb types are other.

Also if by some chance you prefer women (you may do not understand this clearly), you may be more attracted to deal with similar types in men. Duality establishes more deeper links, so such relations with men may unconsciously scary you and you ruin them or keep the distance.
With normal sexual interests you may behave similarly if you afraid of emotionally closer relations. For example, of previous bad experience in a try to establish such with not appropriate people or by other reasons.

> I wonder what are other IEI's experiences with SLEs and if friendzoning your duals is something that happens to other people too?

talk with @Aylen. she could to had relations with several SLEs

> Also what relationships in your life have you find to be the most rewarding and good for you?

base Fi types gave me the strongest positive emotional state. duality/semiduality
I communicated with several activators IEE, but they did not give anything similar. Just easy and good (or not bad) people. Mb with other external events I'd established more with them and changed the perception of them.
among mirror, mirage - were not bad pals
among other types did not happen still people which would be relatively close IRL

[falsehope]

[Tallmo]

A lot of this sounds like Creative subtype. Thats only natural if you are H. And C-SLE can be really intense. Just the other day I was talking with this C-SLE at work and he seems nice although slightly weird. Turns out he is a member of some criminal motorcycle club.

But it is possible to find well behaved C-SLEs. I know 1 or 2.

Other subtypes of SLE are much more well-behaved. Can be excellent dating material. But this is the dilemma that Harmonizers have

[golden]

Tho I don’t echo all the particulars of what he wrote, I somewhat agree with @Sol that some of this may be NTR, and a lot of it doesn’t sound like duality ime.

SLE (activity for me) as I know them, though this varies with enneagram, esp 7 vs 8:

Direct, perceptive, challenging, can be more intellectual than they seem at first, volatile, alternate between heavy calm and bouncy adventurousness, protective, hard-working, providing, abundant stores of energy, high sexuality, aesthetically capable, can be very funny, tend to have relationship problems, discontent, demanding, some charming and able to sell, some have technical acumen, often glistening + quick-moving eyes, often big-cat-like movements, quick reflexes, several I know have gotten screwed over by unscrupulous duals tho I don’t think IEIs generally are bad.

Friend zone sounds a little weird, though maybe if they are very VERY young they could have some shyness or uncertainty? I am not sure about that.

Beta SE are usually quite assertive or forward with me, SLE men most of all. I had one LSI male friend while we both were married (to other ppl), and we were a good calming influence on e other imo but trying to stay married for our kids.

[niffer]

Tbh if an IEI puts you into their friendzone there’s no difference almost, because they’re usually so passive anyway lol. It’s almost a pointless concept to apply to them.

[Myst]

So I think that two of my closest male friends are both SLEs, though both are a little different types of SLEs. One is a guy with no limits or boundaries whatsoever. He just does crazy, impulsive random shit and then he comes to me when he feels bad about his past behavior. He also seeks my company, when he needs a reassurance about his abilities. There's a slight possibility of him being an ILE though, because he seems kinda too goofy, indecisive and random for an SLE. The thing is that I like him as a friend and we're really very close, he even calls me his sister, but I'd never ever date him. I could not stand his inappropriate social behavior, his non existing filter when it comes to saying whatever comes to his mind first out loud, offending people whenever he feels likes it, and more than anything his neverending partying. He'd do anything for fun, for the sake of the thrill no matter how crazy, inappropriate or weird it is. He ended up in my 10 years of friendzone and I'm absolutely sure it's not going to change.

It's as if you find him too Extraverted and Irrational. As per the bolded. (Meaning it's unlikely you'd be IEI-H as SLE-C is the most Extraverted Irrational type of SLE.)

The other SLE I know used to be really crazy guy when I first met him, when I was 17. Now he's more grounded and mature, but he's still the good old thrill seeker, a casino addict, and almost a pathological lier who'd say anything just to make himself look smarter, better, more hard working and handsome than you. Whenever you say that you had 2 coffees today, he already had 8. Whenever you say that you had 20 girlfriends he had 40. And the list goes on... I was really into him, when I didn't know about what kind of a person he really was. But as soon as I learned, 8 years of friendzone for him too. I still like him enough to be his friend, but not enough to date him.

This one is bad for reasons not related to type.

The only SLE I've ever been in a relationship with was an emotionally manipulative sociopath who stalked me, abused me, lied to me, cut me off from all my friends, and crawled back as a hurt faithful dog whenever I dumped him. Worst relationship ever, the most unhealthy, fucked up, weird thing I've ever experienced.

This one is mostly bad for reasons not related to type.

The last one on my list is a guy who I have to say, I believe is an xLE, well he was just like the others too much of a crazy mess for me to date him and so I tried really hard to friendzone him , but he was too persisting and pushy about his romantic feelings so I had to door slam him.

Out of curiosity:

1. What does friendzoning someone mean to you? What actions does it involve?
2. What actions does "door slam" involve?

[Myst]

duals should be sexually attractive. they also represent our ideal pair, not just friends

> inappropriate or weird it is. He ended up in my 10 years of friendzone and I'm absolutely sure it's not going to change

Se would got you seems N type

Wtf lol you let your worldview be gradually determined by Socionics more and more. Like you forget about other factors that have a role in things in real life. Like an Se base would *always* get the girl they want or they are N type instead, that's like some fantasy world, not reality

[huiheiwufhawriuhg]

Out of curiosity:

1. What does friendzoning someone mean to you? What actions does it involve?
2. What actions does "door slam" involve?

Well...when it comes to the first SLE, he had gotten flirty comments at first, for example he used to tell me how hot I was, or always found an opportunity to touch me, pet me, give me compliments, but I never reacted on it. I pretended that I didn't hear it and turn the conversation to something else. After some time he got even more pushy and was right down sexual in his talk, but I shot him down and told him, that I'm not interested in having such conversations with him and he stopped ever since. Now we've been friends for almost a decade and we get along very well. He's a nice person, and I like to spend my time with him, but I've never found him attractive and he has too many personality traits I could not tolerate in a relationship.

The other SLE is a different story. I used to be really into him when I was 17 and we even dated for a short time. He had a band and he's a guitar player and back then, I still believed in my dream of becoming a rockstar. I remember that during one night out he told me that we would be like Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love and that was basically all I needed to hear to really like him. But as I got to know him better, I realized that he was a pathological lier who'd say anything to anyone that would make him seem interesting. So I got really disponent and we stopped meeting for a few years. We got back in touch when I had a boyfriend and he wanted a singer in a band so now we play in a band together, and sometimes hang out, but that's it. I find working with him really great, he's adaptable and creative and he always comes up with a good catchy melody and I come up with the lyrics so we're perfect for each other when it comes to music.

The last one that I tried to friendzone but wasn't successful was my boss. I used to work in a bar when I studied in London and he was an older guy with a mind of a teenage boy. I've always really liked extroverted guys who know how to party and who'd somehow shaken' up my life, bring some action, excitement. He was an alcoholic and we used to drink together almost every day. He gave me free booze from his bar and I liked getting drunk for free in exchange for flatteries and attention. He also did a lot of drugs, so I thought I might use him sometime to get to a free high lol. But after sometime he became more and more pushy and physical and my last drop was when he wrote me a text saying that he doesn't care that I have a bf, he's fallen in love with me and wants me to be with him instead. I just wrote him that there's no way for us to be together and stopped contacting him. I also have to say that nobody has ever made me feel so good about my looks, and nobody has ever told me so much good things about myself and I also enjoyed all the positive attention I was getting from him. He's risen my self confidence like none else.

[kingslayer]

The sociopath probably wasn't SLE, I find it hard to believe someone with Fi polr can be an effective emotoinal manipulator. The behaviors you mentioned fit the SEE realm more.

I'm a somewhat normal SLE, I think as normal as we can get, I know some decent ones too. Though I do have a strong need for stimulation and sometimes feel like raging for no reason, otherwise I'm pretty normal I'd say, it's just how EPs are. We are scattered.

[The Reality Denialist]

I don't know about SLE's but I can make things roll in smaller SEE scale (super ego).

I suppose SLE could have poor man's ability conquer hearts in a same way IEE's can.

I suppose those are quite fringe cases but...

[timber]

Sounds like you have had a couple bad exp with this sociotype.

Could be so many reasons why they are like that.

I wouldn't say its normal, although its not unusual.

Probably a ton of expectation issues between you guys.

I feel ya though. I'm often attracted to the same kind of bar star personality.