hotelambush Questionnaire
Alright, looks like it's time for me to receive judgment.
Tell me about yourself:
“I” am the eye of consciousness in the core of my mind. The watcher. But if you want a less pretentious-sounding answer, you could say that I am a lazy, melancholic-looking pianist.
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
Like I said above, I’m working on becoming a pianist and I have just started working on the repertoire I will use to audition for schools next year. It started when my great-grandparents gave us their piano when I was just starting elementary school; I took a liking to it and my mom signed me up for piano lessons at private elementary school and I went on from there. What I like about it is that it can be very fun at times, especially during performances and winning competitions. The thing I don’t like about it though is that sometimes I feel like a monkey slaving away for dead people and eventually I’d like to shift my focus onto composing once I have the knowledge to do that so I can forge my own unique identity in the music world.
What are your values, and why?
I actually just have a sort of mellow hedonistic view on everything and the reason for this is that I haven’t studied much philosophy yet. I am hoping to change that this year but it is difficult for me to focus while reading things online and I don’t want to spend money on real books, so I will have to force myself to do it before I take the risk of having possible downsides of my animalistic lifestyle destroy me in adulthood.
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?*
Well, I am almost always hanging around inside the apartment because my mom gets anxious anytime I am outside by myself and I have no clue how to drive. I like listening to music and daydreaming and usually death/viking metal, IDM, neofolk, and psychedelic electronica are the best for that; I do that as a replacement for the reading I can’t stay focused on. I do want to start writing fantasy eventually so I will have to stop using that habit as a substitute and pick up some mythological and fantasy books. I have read a couple of odd occult-related books and some Lovecraft stories but I will have to go deeper than that to feel satisfied.
I also like studying languages for exoticism and possibly being able to use them in my compositions/travel later. (I also hate not being able to understand anything.) It is amusing to study them and really get a glimpse of the culture with all the new humor, music, regional banter, etc. I never knew about before.
Besides all that, I just watch mildly amusing YouTube videos and wait for Vinesauce Joel to stream/upload something so I can actually laugh. Or lurk 4chan.
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
I do not really “look” for anything in friendships. I just stumble on someone who has similar views/interests to me and then that’s how it starts off (this is true both online and in real life). Romantic relationships are something I am not so sure about. When I flirt or talk dirty to people online, I usually seem like a massive sub but I really don’t know about how well that would transfer into real life.
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
I haven’t experienced conflict with anyone in real life for a pretty long time because I hardly get exposure to other people besides my mom and sister who I get along better than most families. When I talk to people I don’t know well, I always try my best to stay away from conflict and be associated with positive feelings for both my own comfort and strategic reasons. I’m not afraid of conflict but it is draining and a pain in the ass in real life and I’d rather (try to) have a normal, relaxing day. Conflict online never bothers me so I usually come off very opinionated and harsh at times compared to what some people online are used to and that can cause a lot of anger if I push too hard; usually this is related to religion and politics. I recently left Discord so now my conflict-free hermit status has been upgraded, however. I want to go back to it at some point but I haven’t felt any satisfaction from any of the servers I was on and I’m not sure if I’ll ever find one.
How would your friends describe you?
My real-life friends I had around my childhood hometown would say that I don’t talk much but laugh quite a bit at their shenanigans. My former online friends would probably say that I am brash and opinionated.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
I have issues with procrastinating and it frustrates some people. I like to give my brain time to digest what I need to do for a long time and there’s no progress until I get close to the deadline which can cause unnecessary stress. I still do tasks on time even though a lot of times I come close to being late. My piano teacher says I am too hard on myself and he treats me a lot more nicely than his other students for some reason. The only thing I really dislike about myself is that I feel like I am not living up to my true potential even though I still have the rest of the century (possibly further) ahead of me to live in.
In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
I don’t know yet because my mom hasn’t allowed me to be very self-reliant even though I’m almost an adult. What I do know is that since I am deaf in one ear, I have a bad time with phone calls and trying to understand people in crowded areas so help with that would be nice. I’m not sure if my reclusive tendencies can be “fixed” or if they need to be but if they ever get in the way then I guess I will have no choice but to look for help. I think they’ll go away after moving out of this stupid mini-city, though. I also just feel constantly angry at all the destruction and devolution that exists in the world but I’m not sure if I will ever get rid of that. It's becoming increasingly common for me to forget what "sleep" or "eat" mean as well.
What things do you find to be a chore? What things do you enjoy more than others?
Having to talk to strangers in real life is a massive chore. I do have a strong liking for daydreams more than most people and a lot of times I prefer them over real life.
What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
I want to shape the world closer to my ideal image which is a very lofty and difficult thing to do, I know, but being in the art world can help if I work hard enough. I will also donate to political organizations and other people’s artistic/scientific projects to push even further. This is caused by the simple fact that I would be happier than I am now. I also want to change the art world itself to be closer to my specific image of what I want it to be just because no one else can do it. I will probably gain new goals as I continue on with my life but I think that one will stick around for a long time.
If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
I would sit around and read and then write as many musical and literary works as possible. I’d also spend time wandering through northwest Europe and possibly move to either New England or Old England to live peacefully in a comfy small town with other Anglos. Getting married and having as many kids as I can would also be something I’d want to do which I know many of you might roll your eyes at, but it’s just something I’ve felt the instinctual need to do for a long time and also gives me the potential for more social and political power.
What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?
Well, I really like death metal and other weird/edgy music which is something that would annoy many people. I also talk about “deep” topics casually which can shock people. Something that annoys me a lot, though, is this trendy prolongation of childhood. No, I am not referring to being creative or imaginative or whatever. I am referring to adults who lose their minds over consumerism like children. I also hate pseudo-intellectual fanboying over “deep” media (usually caused by weed). I don’t like brands of spirituality where you are supposed to wait for unseen forces to take care of life’s bigger issues. I don’t like this concept of treating pets as "fur baby" replacements for children just because of how unnatural it is. But worst of all, I cannot handle the left wingTM blue checkmark culture on Twitter. Those people are the bane of my existence and my archenemy. They are some of the unfunniest, most boring, most arrogant, and most deranged people I have ever seen and I hope I never have to deal with their garbage in real life.
What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
I’m not too picky about where I hang around as long as it has a pretty calm and mellow theme. I do chores often enough even though I don’t like to. I am disorganized but then there is a mood swing that kicks in where I want to clean everything.
How do you behave around strangers?
I try to act confident and at ease if I feel self-conscious but usually, I don’t change my behavior much from when I am anywhere else.
How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
I usually try to ignore whatever is going on but if it doesn’t go away then I will reluctantly confront it. Of course it’s never fun but I’ve never lost my temper before and hopefully that never changes. If someone attacks me online, I just try to make them even angrier for my own enjoyment.
What is one common misconception that people have? Explain why it is wrong.:
I hate to answer a question with another question, but why are you asking me some non-personal question you can Google? Here, try this on for a size if you like misconceptions so much: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_o...misconceptions
What did you do last Friday?
On Friday I just hung out doing virtual school and practicing piano as usual. Nothing exciting happened that day. I had some good pizza, though.
What is your biggest accomplishment?
Well, when I was 10 years old my dad came home drunk at one in the morning and nearly choked my mom to death but I walked in there and he stopped when he saw me. What followed was a long, bitter custody battle where I didn’t back down during the tougher times. I haven’t talked to him in around 5-6 years now and I hope he metaphorically chokes on all of those lost memories.
What is something you regret?
I regret not living up to my full potential and spending too much time overthinking things. There are so many paths in life I could have chosen where I could be happier and have more money.
Who do you admire, and why?
I admire all the new classical composers who have broken away from being a walking, talking record player of stuff people have already written like me. I think that the classical music world needs to have some innovation breathed into it like the composers of the past did because it will continue to become stale at some point if not. There are only so many unique, listenable ways you can play every Beethoven sonata and every Chopin étude before you run out…
What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?
Well, I’ve been figuring out how I’m going to spend all the free time I used to blow on Discord and browsing YouTube and 4chan endlessly is getting old fast. One of the things that is worrying me is that I feel like I am becoming more and more emotionally sensitive towards information; I’ve been spending a lot of time feeling sad and disturbed by random stuff I look at when for most of my life I’ve been in a solipsist bubble where I was never impacted by stuff like that and I don’t know how to deal with it. There is also this spiral of thinking about 2014 being 5 years ago, 2009 being 10 years ago, etc.
What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
I am planning to convert to Anglo-Saxon heathenry after moving out because just learning of its existence has rejuvenated and illuminated me. I can feel my ancestors calling me back to the old ways and even without having the resources to begin practicing I already feel more empowerment and clarity in my life than when I was Christian or agnostic.
What are your political beliefs, and why? To what extent do you care about politics?
I do not bind myself to any political “beliefs” but I have a lot of authoritarian ideas about how things can be fixed. I think that the US government should be overthrown and the states balkanized because there is just this festival of stagnation with Californians and New Yorkers vs. the rest of the country and no one wins in the current democratic system except for bankers and career politicians. Next, whatever country I live in needs to stop throwing taxpayer money away into foreign countries and focus on improving quality of life and pumping up HDI. A centrist economy and strong environmentalism would be ideal. Borders should be heavily guarded and there should be IQ requirements for newcomers to enter the country. People with high IQ should be financially incentivized to have 3+ children and people with low IQ or on welfare should be disincentivized from having any. There should be IQ requirements and an age bracket (25-70) to vote and be active in politics. Brick and mortar public schools for middle school and up should be abolished and replaced with virtual school and homeschool except for children with dysfunctional mental conditions. Food and drink products should be more heavily regulated and limits should be placed for how much money can be spent on junk food per month; decadent restaurants should have narrow doorways. People who have committed rape, murder, and other serious crimes should be punished with deportation. If these changes were implemented then I think my post-American society would become pretty decent in a few generations. Yes, I care a lot about politics and I spend a lot of time lurking on /pol/ to see news and the smorgasbord of different opinions the site has to offer. I am starting to feel like I've gotten everything I can out of the site and I wish it was not so soul-wrenchingly addicting so I could just leave.
Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?*
I am not interested in starting a business because I don’t have any idea for what I would do with it.
What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
Well, I’m planning to be a concert pianist and a composer at some point so I guess I will be self-employed which is perfect for me. I don’t want to be stuck dealing with corporate culture or people I have nothing in common with when I could be traveling around the world and making friends through piano.
What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
My favorite subject in school is sociology because it actually catches my attention and is sort of fun to learn about. Everything else is sort of a drag but it's no big deal.
How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I usually think about tasks for a long time before doing them but I rarely screw up. As long as everyone gets the job done right, I don’t really care how. I’m not a math teacher.
Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
I didn’t go anywhere on my Christmas break but I guess that is not the answer you are looking for, so I’ll tell about my most recent traveling vacation. Last summer I went to Italy to participate in a piano festival. I really liked it there, honestly. The relaxed pace of life in the town was a nice change for me and the food and the architecture were great. Of course it was pretty hot there but I didn’t care much about it. Afterwards we went on a road trip with a friend to Germany which was very fun. It was interesting to observe the improving infrastructure, cleanliness, and wealth as we went further north. Germany was one of the cleanest and most well-organized places I’ve been in without being lifeless and it was very cool to be able to stay for a few days. Overall it was the highlight of the year even though it was brought down at the end by the layover in V*ncouver’s stupid airport. Oh well, at least it is better than *tlanta.
What were you like as a kid? How have you changed since you were a child?
When I was a kid, I was very shy and willfully ignorant of anyone I didn’t know personally. Every recess I would just sit by myself and read. That’s about it. But after exploring the internet and finding many conspiracy theory websites ran by old buffoons, I became a very dogmatic fundamentalist Christian that wanted to take down Satan and the Illuminati as an adult. I admonished my family for celebrating Halloween and freaked out anytime I saw freemason symbolism. As I got older, I just sort of forgot about all of that and marathoned shonen anime endlessly until I got tired of it and changed my focus towards the current things I am into.
What was your high school experience like?
For the most part my high school experience has been nice…smooth sailing with virtual school and homeschool. But last year I made one of the stupidest decisions of my life and decided to try public school with my sister because it had great ratings. There were hardly any attractive people, no one had social skills during class so I always had to take a leadership position in all of the ridiculously high number of group projects, and anytime I was outside of the class it was like earrape in those bad meme compilation videos from 3 years ago. I also had an unfunny ethno-masochistic history teacher to make things worse. After the first few days I was blessed with a notice saying I had to enroll in IB or transfer to another school so I was able to persuade my mom to put me back in virtual school because “the IB workload is too much and it will get in the way of piano”. My virtual school experience is inexpressibly better than public school and I never want to look at that glorified prison again.
Talk about a significant event from your life.:
Well, there was this one point when I was 13 where I had baby’s first mental breakdown. It’s like I was having a normal day but then my inner monologue and thoughts disappeared and my brain just jumped into my eyeballs. It was maddening and it was extremely difficult to sleep at night with the panic attacks it gave me. I just could not stop walking around all day, every day and I was constantly afraid of losing my mind completely. The climax came when I wasn’t able to sleep for three days despite taking 5-6 melatonin pills a night along with other medication. It wore off and I went back to normal after about a week or so, thankfully.
Do you like kids? Why or why not?
I don’t know because I always ignore them. I used to hate them in middle school because they are loud but I guess I don’t care about that anymore.
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Originally Posted by prowthin
