I would not blame you if you skimmed this. It is so fucking long I almost gave up. I would also appreciate input on my enneagram typing. Also DCNH.
And here's some videos:
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
I have studied many things but never followed through. The majority of my education is in paralegal studies and perhaps I'll finish that degree some day. For a living I am a manager in fast food. I've worked in fast food since I was 17 and I'm now 25. I keep quitting and going back to the same restaurant. For some reason I never mention what fast food place I actually work for but I'm not sure why not. If someone wants to come find me I'm okay with that. Here goes. It's Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell. It is the only fast food I could eat every day, and the culture is just right for me. Everyone there smokes weed and it's expected that you be an underachiever that hates rules. Especially night crew which is my jam. Night crew all the way. I work 8 pm to 4 am. I also have another job washing dishes.
In my paralegal studies, I worry that I am not professional enough to really succeed in this career. Or maybe not detail oriented enough, though I enjoy some paperwork. I'm pretty good with spreadsheets and whatnot, though not the best. I have excelled in every paralegal course so far except for Legal Research which was shockingly difficult. I'm used to sailing through every non math related class. I got a D in Legal Research and have been on a temporary hiatus for a year or so because of that. I'm just not sure if I should be a paralegal and I don't want to waste my time studying it if it's not going to be a good fit. Honestly I am fairly unwilling to put a lot of effort into anything and I assume I'll be good at most things right away.
Also I dropped out of high school as soon as I was legally able to if that wasn't obvious. My parents didn't care since both of them also dropped out of high school and are pretty successful.
What are your values, and why?
Your job is the most important thing about you. Even if it's not glamorous and it's not that important, by having a job you've made a commitment to at least show up. I have only called in twice in seven years myself and I kind of look down on people who call in. Being late is another thing entirely though. I am a few minutes late almost every day, though for the last month or so I'm tired of getting bitched at about it so I'm trying my best to fix that. But let's just say punctuality is a big problem for me. Actually working hard when you get to work is honestly not that important if your job is as trivial as mine. I work as hard as I have to and that's it. I'm not going to completely slack off, but I don't work harder than necessary unless I'm trying to get promoted. I'd rather work with a good-natured lazy piece of garbage than an ill-tempered hard worker any day of the week, you know what I mean? As long as that piece of garbage always shows up to work, of course.
Also, honesty. I always tell the truth unless it is to get me out of trouble, and even then I usually spill the beans eventually. I'm not a good liar. This is kinda similar to the first one. Basically do what you say you're going to do.
Loyalty. Treasure your true friends and do what you can for them. Never sell them out.
Generosity. I can't stand materialism or greed. I don't care about things and I share everything. I also expect others to share with me and maybe this makes me come off as not respecting other peoples' space/belongings. But I try. I am always trying to work on this.
Co-operation. I try to get along with everyone unless they are complete douches. I avoid controversy for the most part. I strive for my work and home environment to be as harmonious as possible. I prefer everyone to get along and have fun. I don't want anyone to feel attacked and I fight against hostility.
Compassion, e.g. kindness to children, animals and the less fortunate. Empathizing with everyone even if much of their misfortune is due to their own bad decisions. Always helping if possible.
Intellect. Your brain is a very special gift. Use it.
Freedom. You should be allowed to do whatever you want if it doesn't harm anyone. I believe this even if it goes against most of my other values.
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
I watch way too much television. I also read a lot, fiction and nonfiction. I keep up with current events somewhat. I write. I keep freshwater aquariums. Indoor rock climb. A little weight lifting. I smoke weed and drink, but I don't usually drink to get drunk. I actually enjoy alcohol and am a bit of a snob. I can also cook well though I rarely have the motivation to do it since I work about 60 hours a week and I hate cleaning up. I go on and off with being active. I want badly to be an active, in good shape person but it doesn't come naturally to me.
Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
I have a lot of respect for my dad but I am not close with him. He is very much not an alpha male type and I think I got that from him. He's responsible and reasonable but an independent thinker. I wish I was more like him.
My mom is obnoxious but I like being around her. I'm much closer to her than my dad but we have a volatile relationship. It's much more stable now that I'm an adult.
My sister and I have much in common but I think she's a bad person.
My step-sister and I have almost nothing in common, but I like her (though most of my family shuns her) and she got kicked out of our parents house and she lives with me now.
My step-dad is an asshole and I used to mostly hate him, but he's alright now that I don't see him that much. He sees everything too black and white and is impossible to have a conversation with. Ours would often get heated.
I adore my step-mom and I worry my dad will hurt her (emotionally). I have a lot of respect for her and she’s lots of fun and way more nurturing than my biological mother.
At this point in my life I don't really have friends. Just coworkers who I am quite bonded with because I see them so much, but for the most part I would say I wouldn't choose them as friends outside of work. I used to have a lot of close friends in high school, a few of which I am still in touch with. They're all very strange people.
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
I usually prefer people who are soft and quiet and submissive but are deep down very bizarre. Or at least have an appreciation for the unusual. On average I am soft, quiet and submissive myself but I prefer to have the upper hand in interactions. I like being around people who give me the opportunity to shine and won’t overpower me. Also I like people who are reliable and seem somewhat normal on the surface. I don’t like dishonesty or flakiness. I like people who are interesting but not in your face with it. I like to do a little coaxing.
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
I work with this really dramatic, gay dude. Him being gay is irrelevant, I’m just trying to paint a picture lol. No one I work with really likes him but up until recently I’ve always kinda stood up for him and tried to be his friend. It’s kind of a long story but he used to be my boss and now I’m his boss and it’s weird because I’m having a hard time establishing any authority over him because I’m so laid back and he’s so high strung. I’m usually not comfortable with confrontation but I’ve known him so long I’ve actually gone off on him a couple of times for stepping out of line. I feel close enough with him/don’t respect his opinion enough that I don’t mind having conflict with him. I’m not scared of him at all and I know most things bounce right off of him because he is so self absorbed. I think he is EIE.
On a regular basis I get in a lot of heated debates about morality and politics. One of the biggest arguments I can remember is when my mom was going to hire my friend but insisted on drug testing him. I have a big problem with drug testing for marijuana but I won't bore you with that. I also love to argue semantics and inconsistencies, but that stuff is usually more of a game to me.
How would your friends describe you?
Naive, weird, irresponsible yet dedicated, smarter than I look, witty, silly, fun loving, imaginative, generous, messy, lovable, distractible, argumentative, careless, in some ways principled, in my own world, unconcerned.
What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
I usually don’t dwell on negativity. I’m generous, not materialistic. I’ll talk about anything. Open minded. Adaptable/flexible. Chill, undramatic. Open minded.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
Careless, thoughtless. I never remember events or plan ahead enough to bother with gifts, although I would love to be the sort of person who did. Lackadaisical in most areas of my life. Messy. Inattentive. Goofy at the wrong times. Airheaded. Horrible with money. Self absorbed. Can be kind of mean without intending to. I try my best not to but I can be critical. With close relations I can be very competitive and argumentative and a sore loser. If you didn’t know me well you’d probably never guess this as I cultivate a very chill image. And people I don’t know as well probably think I’m the nicest person in the world and a doormat, so keep that in mind as well. But I don’t think I’m really as nice as I seem even though I like to think of myself as super nice. But then I think about what old friends/close family would say about me and it’s hard to ignore the fact that I’ve not been the nicest person in the past. Something I feel horrible about and try to work on every day. I wasn’t evil or anything but I used to enjoy talking shit and I was kind of entitled and thoughtless and would take advantage of people who would allow it. And not always faithful in relationships.
In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
I’ve always managed to keep a job and take care of myself if necessary. My relationships are usually mostly stable. I don’t start a lot of drama or invite it into my life. I’m always learning new things and that is usually what I’m concerned with.
I don’t really think I’m a very independent person though. I am almost always in a long term relationship, usually with someone more responsible and successful than me and that’s how I prefer it. If I have to I’ll be the “adult” in the relationship, but I’d prefer not to be. I like help with little boring shit like cleaning and finances and cooking. Organization. Long term planning, etc.
What things do you find to be a chore? What things do you enjoy more than others?
I generally hate dealing with bureaucracy and chores and money shit though I tend to go through phases of liking this stuff. There are a few chores I actually like when I get up the energy to do them though. I like laundry and dishes for some reason. Sometimes I enjoy really mindless activities because they’re kind of meditative. The only way I can unlock my creative side is if i’m doing something totally mindless and repetitive. Interesting ideas always come to me during those times.
I enjoy sorting things into different categories. Not sure what to make of this. It’s a big part of why I enjoy typology because it combines my love of people-watching and analysis. But I also enjoy it in a more straightforward way. I sort my clothing into categories and am interested in categories and statistics in most ways.
What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
I have a lot and they are constantly changing. Currently I have no idea. I think I’ve been depressed for a while because I’ve had no goal. I’m making enough money to sustain my lifestyle right now and I’m alright with where I’m at. (though I’m in quite a lot of debt.) I recently got out of a five year relationship and I’m not trying to date or anything. I was happy to have freedom for a while but I’m starting to think it was a big mistake breaking up with my fiancee. She is much more successful and attractive than me. I definitely cannot do better than her. She probably lucked out though and I hope she is happy. Not looking to go to school or change careers or move any time soon and that is kind of depressing. I really need something to look forward to/work towards to drive me. I think I need a purpose to slack off from lol.
If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
In theory this sounds great since there is so much I want to do, but in reality I’d probably spiral downwards quickly with no job. I took a week long vacation last year and it was the longest week of my life. I had nothing to do the whole time. If I was rich I would probably continue working at my current job part time and do charity work. And in theory I would be writing a novel and/or working on becoming a stand-up comedian, but I doubt I actually would.
What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?
I like most people. I don’t really like overly confident people though. Or forceful people, especially guys, but it’s more alright for women for some reason. If someone is traditionally “popular” I usually don’t like them that much. I love a good underdog.
What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment(your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
I don’t do anything lol. I wouldn’t even think to hang up a poster. I do have an aquarium that I try to take good care of, but that’s about it. I don’t care about cleaning beyond laundry and dishes. I don’t care about lighting or decor for sure. I don’t even think it would cross my mind to discuss if it wasn’t for the fact that my ex was really into stuff like that.
I don’t do any chores daily. But I make sure to get the trash out every week and do my laundry and I try not to have a lot of dishes lying around. It makes me feel accomplished to keep up with these things but I’m not the best. I’m a pretty slobby person really.
How do you behave around strangers?
I’m very shy around strangers. I hate unnecessary contact with people I have no reason to interact with. But I can be extremely outgoing once I get to know someone. And if I’m feeling confident I can be friendly. My confidence comes and goes. I used to drink a lot more than I do now and it’s weird because I used to be kind of a partier and outgoing and now I’m starting to think all my confidence came from alcohol.
How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
I usually don’t back down from an argument. I will avoid any confrontation that could become physical though. And I usually won’t engage people I don’t know well. I am mostly not too sensitive to insults, or at least I pretend not to be. If someone wants to legitimately be rude though I may be thrown off. I try my best to be nice to everyone and I’m usually not prepared for an attack. Depending on my confidence, I will either totally submit, totally overreact, or respond with levity.
What is one common misconception that people have? Explain why it is wrong.
I really can’t think of an example for this question so I will half-ass it by saying that fish cannot live happily in a bowl. I keep fish and it is horrifying to see the conditions people keep their fish in. Not just keeping them in bowls, though that is a big one. Even betta fish should have at least five gallons. Just because they can survive in a vase by themselves doesn’t mean they should have to. And by the way they don’t have to be kept alone. Even the males can usually do fine with other fish as long as they aren’t other male bettas or other fish with similar long, flowing fins. A betta in a 20-30g community aquarium with fast moving fish will be very happy and hopefully peaceful.
And I don’t want to go into aquarium setup and water cycling right now, but if you’re going to set up an aquarium, do some research first and be patient. There is a reason your fish keep dying.
What did you do last Friday?
Worked like every other Friday since age 17 lol.
What is your biggest accomplishment?
Honestly I haven’t achieved anything in my entire goddamn life. If I were to attempt to start listing achievements it would be pretty pathetic. Like “passed GED on first try”, “quit smoking for 6 months”, “almost passed College Algebra” lol. It’s just hard for me to decide exactly what I want to accomplish and it seems like a waste of time to try and do something that’s not going to last so I spend a huge amount of time thinking about what I want to accomplish and very little time actually working towards it. But I know I want to do something big someday. Preferably creatively.
What is something you regret?
I regret almost everything I’ve ever done or said, and everything I’ve ever not done or not said. So I try to focus entirely on the future and pretend the past never happened. I do try my best to learn from past mistakes however, but then I move on. But yeah, I am a bad mix of weird and impulsive and incredibly self-conscious. So in the past I’ve said and done a lot of things I regret and I think about it all the time until I manage to shove it down. Recently I’ve been more hesitant about saying or doing anything at all to avoid this feeling. I think deep down I’m an extravert, or at least I WANT to be an extravert, but I’m so self-absorbed and self-loathing that it’s safer to keep to myself. Or maybe I’m just depressed right now.
Who do you admire, and why?
I don’t really admire people. Not in the way I think of it at least. I don’t have any heroes or idols or even role-models. I have people I respect and that’s about it. My dad and my stepmom are very reasonable people and I respect them. I really can’t even think of any famous people...Bill Gates and Oprah I guess. Rich as fuck and gives a huge amount of money away. But yeah there aren’t really people I want to be more like. Maybe I envy a few traits that I lack, but I would feel very fake trying to imitate others and it seems pathetic to idolize people.
What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?
I let my step sister move into my house several months ago. She is a bit of a handful. She’s sweet and she means well but she lies a lot and is kind of lazy. We get along just fine and haven’t really had any conflicts but she’s caused me a lot of trouble since moving in. She was supposed to be my roommate and it’s turned into a thing where I’m more like her parent. And I am not parent material. But I look like I have my shit together next to her. Let me remind you I am 25 and she is 21. I’ve known her since she was 13.
I don’t really want to go into the specific problems she’s caused, but let’s just say I hesitate to even talk about some of the things because my other friends and family would all tell me I’m getting played and I’m stupid for letting her stay. I realize that, but I like her and I’m giving her a chance. Things have gotten better this last month so I think my patience may be paying off.
What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
I was raised mormon. I’ve been sure I’m going to (mormon) hell since I was about seven years old. I have a weird relationship with morality and religion, probably partly to do with my upbringing. If you don’t know much about Mormonism lets just say I was taught to harshly judge people who drank coffee and women who showed their shoulders in public. Or have multiple earrings.
Now I have no beliefs at all but every couple of years I have an existential crisis and attempt to become religious. Doesn’t last long. I’m not capable of tricking myself. I consider myself agnostic because I think atheism is just as stupid as religion. It’s pretty fucking ballsy to claim you know anything about the afterlife or how we came to be.
What are your political beliefs, and why? To what extent do you care about politics?
I’m just to the left of moderate politically. I used to be really into politics but I’m kind of disgusted by the way people talk about this stuff these days. Everyone thinks they’re an expert and I cringe at the extremists of both sides. I will literally go out of my way to not have to overhear people in their early twenties discuss politics. I once dropped out of an American Government class after the first day because I just could not handle all the discussion. I wished they would just listen to the professor instead of acting like they knew anything.
Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?
Naw. I don’t have the self discipline and I don’t care enough about money. Plus most businesses fail and it doesn’t seem worth it. If I did start a business it would probably be a restaurant or a bar, the worst investment of them all lol. Or maybe buy a Taco Bell.
What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
I have always wanted to be a bartender. I enjoy fun, fast paced environments and I’m good at multitasking. But at the same time I enjoy mindless jobs where you have a lot of alone time. I really like my dishwashing job because I can just think or listen to podcasts/stand-up comedy or occasionally music, and I can take breaks whenever I want. I’m really close with my coworkers at Taco Bell and quite sociable when I’m there, but at my other job I ignore everyone. Though I am secretly observing and gathering information about all my coworkers of course lol. And slowly I will probably be more comfortable around everyone and be more friendly, but that job is still pretty new.
What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
Language and soft sciences I am great at. I’m also pretty good at chemistry and biology, but horrible at physics and math. And I find them very boring. I was also in band and always stayed in the top three chairs despite rarely practicing or showing up to sectionals. I’m pretty musically inclined. I’m horrible at any sort of visual art though, particularly 3d stuff like sculpture. I hated gym at the time because I was an awkward kid and I didn’t like being on display. It was weird. And I especially hated running and still hate running. But I do enjoy some sports now. Playing, not watching. Fuck that.
How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I have gotten much more responsible with age. I am slowly trying to get out of debt and become more organized and pay my bills on time. I think I went over a lot of this stuff in a previous question. I always show up to work.
Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
My last vacation I did nothing and it was awful. I had planned on going to Colorado with my fiancee at the time but we broke up a couple of weeks before my vacation came up so I stayed home and was bored within about two days. I planned on getting a lot of chores done and maybe working on some of my hobbies but I mostly slept and watched TV. I didn’t see a single person the whole week and I very much regret even taking that vacation. I can’t even remember the last time I travelled. It was probably to London like three years ago. I hated London TBH. Maybe just because I was only there for a week and I was jet lagged the whole time. The only thing I enjoyed about London was the museums and the pubs, but those are things you can find anywhere. We did also go to Scotland (around Loch Ness) on a bus tour with a lot of old people. Scotland was great. I much prefer trips to scenic natural places than to big cities. All cities are pretty much the same to me. Pointless unless you want to go shopping.
What were you like as a kid? How have you changed since you were a child?
I got in trouble a lot without actually being disruptive. I was silently rebellious. I’d always be reading or working on my own little projects while I was supposed to be listening. I straight up refused to do homework or study, especially math. The only thing I always did was assigned reading. I actually enjoyed most assigned books. Animal Farm is the only one that suuuucked.
I was awkward and weird and had a few really close friends but wasn’t exactly universally liked. I could be a suck-up in some situations oddly since I was generally not thrilled with authority. I was always very polite to my teachers and it bothered me that they still didn’t seem to like me just because I refused to do any work lol.
I was mostly dreamy with my head in the clouds, but I also really enjoyed riding bikes and climbing trees.
I’m pretty much the same now really, but I haven’t ridden a bike in a while.
What was your high school experience like?
I didn’t last long but I enjoyed the social aspect of highschool before I got kicked out of my school of choice for bad grades. I was in the Center for International Studies program so I spent two hours a day in Japanese class and one hour in geopolitics. My CIS classes and Marching band were the only classes I participated in at all. I made lifelong friends in those classes. We were like family. (The CIS classes, not band. I was too weird even for the band kids)
I was much more outgoing in high school than in elementary and middle school, probably because I did have that close knit group of friends that I was comfortable around. I was actually quite obnoxious back then and probably a bit of an asshole. I was very popular in my own social circle, but we were not exactly a popular social circle lol.
Talk about a significant event from your life.
I really can’t think of anything. Closest I can come up with is experiences I’ve had while on hallucinogens. Actually my last and worst mushroom trip was probably my most significant experience. And I’d rather not talk about it. It was pretty traumatic.
Do you like kids? Why or why not?
I like well-behaved kids. I’ve always thought I wanted kids but lately I’m not so sure. Even my dog annoys me sometimes, I can’t even imagine what having children would be like. But I am pretty good with kids. I think I would be an awesome uncle. I would be horrible at discipline, but probably pretty fun on weekends.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
This is kind of a boring question and if I answered it it would be very long. But in short, I would not let them play dangerous sports like gymnastics or football and I’d not want them to be spoiled or entitled.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
I think I am in one right now and it happens pretty often. I think my current rut is being caused by my lack of goals or projects. I’m too comfortable and this is the first time I’ve ever lived in the same house for more than a year. Even just moving down the street is enough to shake things up a little bit. Since I got my second job I feel a little more productive, but now I’m starting to feel a bit like a hamster on a wheel.
How do you see other people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
Oh my God this thing is long. I’ve been working on it for like three days.
Anyway. I think people are mostly good. But there are a lot of bad people out there as well and you should be aware of that. The people that are bad are mostly products of their environment/upbringing/genetics/brain chemistry.
There are a lot of social problems and I will hurt my head thinking about it right now.
What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?
I really don’t want that much so I am rarely disappointed. If I want something (usually a purchase) I will just get it without telling anyone because I know they will judge me and say there are better things to be spending my money on blah blah blah. If something is very difficult to get I usually just give up on wanting it.
Are you comfortable taking leadership roles? In what areas? Why or why not?
I am a manager at one of my jobs. I am comfortable with it because I am very familiar with all my coworkers and I don’t really have that much authority. In general I’d say I am a terrible manager though. I’m like the “cool” boss who doesn’t ever tell anyone no or what to do. It’s a free-for-all during my shifts. I’m glad I’m in charge though. I kinda hate being told what to do. Unless it’s a pretty girl telling me what to do, then for some reason it’s okay.
How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?
I very rarely get angry. When I do it’s usually an explosion after many weeks/months of repression. I tend to overreact when I finally do express my anger. It’s not a good habit at all and I’m working on it. I try to be as chill and unflappable as possible and this often leads to me being taken advantage of and that is pretty upsetting.
More specifically though, littering really gets my goat lol. I make a mental note of the customers who litter in my parking lot at work and I will do petty shit to them in the future if they come back even though I’m never personally responsible for cleaning it up. By petty shit I mostly mean never giving them shit for free (I give a lot of stuff away) or being slightly cold towards them. Though I have “accidentally” broken a few tacos or watered down drinks in extreme cases.
Also rudeness. Rude customers get the same treatment as litterers.
What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?
This may sound sad, but I just realized there is a 16th season of Family Guy on Hulu that I haven’t seen yet. That’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me in months. Wow, that is sad.
What is the worst thing that happened to you during the past week?
I discovered my vape may be giving me acne so I’ve started smoking again until I figure it out. I kind of hope that is it because it’s getting out of control and I can’t figure out what is causing it and I am 25 and never had acne in my life. But it also sucks that I can’t vape. I felt so much better than when I was smoking. Actually my acne is probably a big part of why I am currently “depressed”.
What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
I’m starting to think my purpose in life is to find my purpose in life.
What is the most interesting place you have been, and why?
Scotland I think. Beautiful lakes and mountains.
How do you dress or manage your appearance?
I usually dress pretty well. I never go out of the house wearing tennis shoes unless I’m exercising. I own several pairs of loafers and way too many button down shirts. Unfortunately I rarely get to wear anything besides my work uniform these days. I’m also pretty particular about my hair. But lately I’m ugly and depressed so I care little about my appearance. I am still an optimist though. I am just working on my insides right now and ignoring my appearance. I must say, I can’t wait to be attractive again though. Life is much better when you are attractive it turns out. Not that I was uber handsome before, but I was “cute”. Now, I don’t even like to get within five feet of people. It has given me a lot of empathy for people with acne at least, and other things that might make people stare at you.
Do you like surprises?
I love them.
Is there anything else important about you that we should know?
Just that I'm in kind of a weird place right now.