DeadOutside's Type

[DeadOutside]

So, I've been dealing with this issue where I am torn between IEE and EIE, the issue with EIE being that I seem to lack the patience and strategism their Ni seems to grant them, whereas with IEE I feel that Si seeking and to a lesser degree Fi creative don't make sense.

Here is how I operate: I change myself for people who consider themselves close to me (could this potentially be Si / Fi valuing?) to the point my voice is different, I physically feel like a different entity and have a "brake" on my expression of emotion and ideological stances to preserve the relationship.

However, I am very different with people I am comfortable with, making me light up in passion and proudly declaring where I stand politically, feeling as though the "play" with emotions, expressions of desires and wishes I am naturally inclined to are more readily accepted.

It's like I have this soothing and amicable persona for people around me who I believe need it, while secretly resting on the lid of a kettle seething with desires and ideologies that I feel I can only express to large audiences where none of them will take it as a "personally" directed offense.

I dislike dealing with things on an excessively personal plain because I have the tendency to compromise myself completely to accomodate the other person's feelings, but when I am honest and raw is when I feel the most alive, for better or worse (rather for better). This rawness and honesty being radicality in beliefs, shameless

materialism and "peacocking". I enjoy upsetting people publicly, planning ways in which I could express myself to arouse discomfort and passion in others, while, in my personal life, I am almost the opposite. What am I experiencing ???

[idol]

You are experiencing IEIness

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I agree that is an IEI-ish thing to do, I related with every word you said.

I think it's large part of the defense of having such shitty Se and Te- the inabilty to properly defend yourself against others. When people's feelings are hurt, they also hurt you in retaliation and you need good Se and Te to defend yourself against that otherwise you are completely steamrolled and a true 'victim.' There are many times I've wanted to tell people off and rage against them but I was just polite and overly nice instead. The problem is, I am so brutal in my speech when I want to be that I feel like Deltas would try to institutionalize me for my speech alone as it's so brutal and scary and grimdark that I hide behind a fake nice guy persona. In truth I could benefit a lot from assertiveness training and to not people please but my IEE therapist said 'good job!' to me when I assert myself correctly which didn't give me good confidence, instead if took it away even more - because although I get he was just trying to be helpful it did nothing for me but highlight my insecurities. Like telling a special needs autistic person 'good job' when they do something that you wouldn't tell a normie confident jock.

[Expansion]

Fi is individualism, and the preach to others is to be yourself, or how to find that tack.

Fe can be like tuning yourself to others and surfing that wave with them in accommodation. Sharing the sentiment, in likeness.