So, I've been dealing with this issue where I am torn between IEE and EIE, the issue with EIE being that I seem to lack the patience and strategism their Ni seems to grant them, whereas with IEE I feel that Si seeking and to a lesser degree Fi creative don't make sense.
Here is how I operate: I change myself for people who consider themselves close to me (could this potentially be Si / Fi valuing?) to the point my voice is different, I physically feel like a different entity and have a "brake" on my expression of emotion and ideological stances to preserve the relationship.
However, I am very different with people I am comfortable with, making me light up in passion and proudly declaring where I stand politically, feeling as though the "play" with emotions, expressions of desires and wishes I am naturally inclined to are more readily accepted.
It's like I have this soothing and amicable persona for people around me who I believe need it, while secretly resting on the lid of a kettle seething with desires and ideologies that I feel I can only express to large audiences where none of them will take it as a "personally" directed offense.
I dislike dealing with things on an excessively personal plain because I have the tendency to compromise myself completely to accomodate the other person's feelings, but when I am honest and raw is when I feel the most alive, for better or worse (rather for better). This rawness and honesty being radicality in beliefs, shameless
materialism and "peacocking". I enjoy upsetting people publicly, planning ways in which I could express myself to arouse discomfort and passion in others, while, in my personal life, I am almost the opposite. What am I experiencing ???