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Thread: Only sx types know how to love

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    Default Only sx types know how to love

    Sp's and So's can only engage in a pseudo-love version. So's are all for "relationships" and showing off and shit, and sp's bake cookies for you but they don't give a shit about you in reality. Real love is sx based.

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    Using another person to feel charged and alive isn't love. Real love involves an altruism that isn't found in any kind of ego fixation that the enneagram deals with.

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    Default w/o rupturing the sheet/s and getting their fingernails jammed w turds

    only sp types know how to wipe their own ass
    p . . . a . . . n . . . d . . . o . . . r . . . a
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    More reasons why sp and so are fake pseudo-love:

    sp:
    - Will love, but only as long as their security is not threatened. Such as their money, posessions, income, or habitation. Can partner with somebody just to have a sense of security.
    - Tends to consider "loved" ones as extensions of themselves, not as separate, independent, free entities.


    so:
    - Cares more about how the relationship looks viewed from an outside perspective, rather than how the relationship really is; if it's truly good or not.
    - Can choose mate based on the expectations of their group, or society. Will try to justify their choice with "objetive" reasons such as; "she is a hot young woman", "he is a rich architect". Never really feel for someone that doesn't fit these "objetive" criteria.

    That said, if I had to choose at gunpoint, I'd prefer sp love.

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    Sp/sx and So/sx at least have some sx that can help them establish something truthful, but the sx-lasters are beyond help.

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    Let's not forget the other important insights.

    Only SP types can have sex! Sex is about experiencing the pleasure in your body and ensuring the survival of your genes. SP last don't have bodies, so how can they ever have sex? So sad.

    Social last all avoid forums because they can't stand groups! The ones here are clearly frauds. Don't worry, a good witch hunt can always help find them. After all, if they were social types, they'd join the witch hunt group, but if they were social last, they'd avoid it because it's a group!

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    Maybe. They just give more passion and priority to love.

    They're kinda stupid as well. :/ because being in love is being emotionally manipulated by someone

    Which means, your logic dumbens

    Is there even a dumben word? 🤔

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    Did a so chick dump you beacause you're too poor?
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by lavos View Post
    Sp's and So's can only engage in a pseudo-love version. So's are all for "relationships" and showing off and shit, and sp's bake cookies for you but they don't give a shit about you in reality. Real love is sx based.
    Poets have been trying to work out love for centuries, if only they'd known about enneagram instincts. How do we tell them?

    Yes, I am being sarcastic I hope you don't mind.

    Personally I'd be careful about using some new age typology thing to explain stuff that happens with people.

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    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
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    There's nothing about love here. It could be argued that sx types are more inclined to ditch their partners just because they're bored with them.

    Sexual (aka “Attraction”) Instinct

    Many people originally identify themselves as this type because they have learned that the Sexual types are interested in “one-on-one relationships.” But all three instinctual types are interested in one-on-one relationships for different reasons, so this does not distinguish them. The key element in Sexual types is an intense drive for stimulation and a constant awareness of the “chemistry” between themselves and others. Sexual types are immediately aware of the attraction, or lack thereof, between themselves and other people. Further, while the basis of this instinct is related to sexuality, it is not necessarily about people engaging in the sexual act. There are many people that we are excited to be around for reasons of personal chemistry that we have no intention of “getting involved with.” Nonetheless, we might be aware that we feel stimulated in certain people’s company and less so in others. The sexual type is constantly moving toward that sense of intense stimulation and juicy energy in their relationships and in their activities. They are the most “energized” of the three instinctual types, and tend to be more aggressive, competitive, charged, and emotionally intense than the Self-Pres or Social types. Sexual types need to have intense energetic charge in their primary relationships or else they remain unsatisfied. They enjoy being intensely involved—even merged—with others, and can become disenchanted with partners who are unable to meet their need for intense energetic union. Losing yourself in a “fusion” of being is the ideal here, and Sexual types are always looking for this state with others and with stimulating objects in their world.

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    I can't tell if you are trolling or not but if you are serious: No way. Lust is not love.

    Lust fades away. Temporary, fleeting. Love has a permanence. A soul. Lust is wanting to fist the hot marine, Love is liking/supporting/being there for the real him even if you can never fist him in your entire life.

    Sex is not the enemy , but as we grow spiritually we often find it takes just a little bit to turn us on rather than perverting anything. Read the book Universe as a Dream, great stuff.

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    Phobic So/Sp 6w7 3w2 9w1
    Bit of a comic books nerd, bit of a fashion nerd, a lot of a generalized nerd

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    So may sound the worst, but it's also responsible for reciprocative behavior. And pre-emptively spending energy to meet the others needs, so that they may do so in return later when you need it.
    Love inevitably fails without that.

    Sp/So/ & Sx all cover basic principles of how love works. If you only see the Sx - connection - aspect of love, id imagine that youre a teenage girl
    Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.

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    people here really do think sx=romance, so=groups, sp=money and resist more robust interpretations even when they're supported by the literature.
    the forum is in an anti-intellectual slump.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    people here really do think sx=romance, so=groups, sp=money and resist more robust interpretations even when they're supported by the literature.
    the forum is in an anti-intellectual slump.
    finally supporting talanov lists that says ESI believe they are part of the intellectual elite. (not saying it´s not rightfully so)
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    There's many blogs out there, who knows which ones are right, but this here is interesting

    https://oceanmoonshine9.wordpress.com/type-stackings/

    Basic Instinctual Subtype Stackings The Sexual Stackings sx/sp
    This is perhaps the most internally conflicted of the stackings, and potentially the most inconsistent in behavior. This may occur as a blockage of the sexual instinct which can be redirected as a more generally brooding and troubled personality. They may isolate themselves for long periods of time before reemerging. They live according to a strictly personal outlook and are not particularly concerned with the approval of others outside of their immediate concern. They seem to be searching for something, the missing piece. If they find a soulmate they will unite without fanfare, forming a secret bond, dealing with formalities as an afterthought. Powerful sexual impulses facing inner resistance may manifest symbolically in the psyche, giving way to soulful interpretations of the unconscious. Under periods of stress severe sexual tensions may manifest as erratic, impulsively destructive behavior. Can seem restless, torn between the comforts of a stable home life and the urge to wander. May be prone to self-medicating.
    Motivation: to know the heart, reconcile inner conflict, form a secure union.
    Familiar roles: the devotee, the seeker, the wanderer
    Examples of sx/sp: Prince, Carl Jung, Johnny Depp, Ozzy Osbourne, Johnny Cash, Joan Crawford, Princess Di, Marilyn Monroe, Janis Joplin, Frollo from “Hunchback of Notre Dame”
    Would suggest sx/sp's can go for a time without relationships.

    My own take on sx, is that if it's about 'merging', then it doesn't have to mean with a partner only. That merging can take the way of other obsessions, people who develop new hobbies for example, and find themselves becoming completely immersed in it.

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    Marilyn Monroe: sx/so. The lack of sp is obvious

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    Saying 'sx types' sounds like the other stackings can't engage in 'real' (what?!) love whatsoever - it's called stacking after all, it's just priorities. We all have it. If anything, SX first love goes down the drain quickly, overdose, disappointment, all that. SX secondary and especially SX last create more profound, stable relations. It might not go to the root, but it won't destroy you. Gotta pick what of that it is that you actually want. If I had the choice between finding a love that feels true I would always go for SO/SX or SP/SX. Healthiest of all the stacks when it comes to intimacy SX first is not for games, it's a pathological defect bound to burn you out I daresay.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Saying 'sx types' sounds like the other stackings can't engage in 'real' (what?!) love whatsoever - it's called stacking after all, it's just priorities. We all have it. If anything, SX first love goes down the drain quickly, overdose, disappointment, all that. SX secondary and especially SX last create more profound, stable relations. It might not go to the root, but it won't destroy you. Gotta pick what of that it is that you actually want. If I had the choice between finding a love that feels true I would always go for SO/SX or SP/SX. Healthiest of all the stacks when it comes to intimacy SX first is not for games, it's a pathological defect bound to burn you out I daresay.
    I agree.

    In most cultures, and until very recently our own, the purpose of marriage was necessity as much as anything else, people could not survive as sole units. So with that in mind, sp would make for a good relationship commitment.

    The idea of sx first, in societies where people simply don't have the means (financial, technological, these factors) of surviving on their own, is a detriment, as it can cause a lot of stress in relationships which are required not for 'love', but for survival.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarper View Post
    I agree.

    In most cultures, and until very recently our own, the purpose of marriage was necessity as much as anything else, people could not survive as sole units. So with that in mind, sp would make for a good relationship commitment.

    The idea of sx first, in societies where people simply don't have the means (financial, technological, these factors) of surviving on their own, is a detriment, as it can cause a lot of stress in relationships which are required for 'love', but for survival.
    I didn't refer to marriage or survival, the thought exceeded that

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    I didn't refer to marriage or survival, the thought exceeded that
    What was the exceeding thought?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarper View Post
    What was the exceeding thought?
    A gay one. Take a scented candle for added fabulousness:




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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    Interesting, I need this in relationships too, but the only difference is that I'd much rather be single than not have it. Unlike sexual types, I don't actively go looking for a relationship or feel as if I will die when I'm single (though, I do feel like dying a few months after a breakup because I feel as if I've lost part of myself). I have never actively gone looking for love, I just let it come to me organically. This is why dating sites are not for me.

    For me, love is a very all or nothing concept. If I don't feel a strong intense and exciting connection with someone, I'd just rather be single. The thought of being with someone I see as dull or boring is actually sickening to me. The only issue here is that I often get into intense abusive relationships because for some reason, my brain can't distinguish abuse intensity with true passion. I am an adrenaline junky when it comes to relationships, and the ones that can't ignite any fire in me are just simply not worth it.

    This is why I kind of want to be single forever... It's so relieving to not constantly feel like I'm in pain over sx stuff, so I can focus primarily on sp matters.
    Same, I never look. I sort of wake up one day and realize what I have is a relationship and I am in too deep. I did have to tell the ILI he was my bf after he didn't leave my side for weeks but only because he was clueless about what I thought we were. The 2 SLE I lived with told me that I was their's which settled that for me and relieved the tension of not knowing if it was real. I have never been in a boring relationship but I have been in relationships where we grew apart. The parting was torture for me even when I knew it was over. It was like nothing could spark it again and our interests had grown too far apart. I grieved that loss like I would a death.

    Actually looking on dating sites seems like a very strange thing to me. I am not that organized or logical when it comes to love. It is all chemical. I love with all my heart but it can fluctuate from intense feelings of love to intense feelings bordering on hate or vengeance.

    I envy the love my sx last parents had. It seemed so comfortable, so relaxed, so down to earth. They just allowed each other so much space to be themselves. If I could hit the reset button maybe I would be sx last just to relieve my heart, mind and soul of the pressure inside me that threatens to destroy everything good in my life, if I do not keep it contained. I push people away to protect them from me.

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by lavos View Post
    Sp's and So's can only engage in a pseudo-love version. So's are all for "relationships" and showing off and shit, and sp's bake cookies for you but they don't give a shit about you in reality. Real love is sx based.
    Real love transcends all these man made concepts.

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung
     
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    I think instinctual stacking only affects the intensity of relationships, but not the love. Anybody can love, we all have the chemicals of dopamine resulting in short term infatuation and serotonin resulting in long term love.

    I see it like this (take this with a grain of salt):

    Sx first couple - High intensity
    Sx second - Medium intensity
    Sx last - Low intensity
    Sx first with sx second - Medium to high intensity
    Sx second with sx last - Low to medium intensity
    Sx first with sx last - Low to high intensity

    Out of all these combinations, sx first and sx last is probably the worst relationship due to having completely opposite relationship needs.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raver View Post
    I think instinctual stacking only affects the intensity of relationships, but not the love. Anybody can love, we all have the chemicals of dopamine resulting in short term infatuation and serotonin resulting in long term love.

    I see it like this (take this with a grain of salt):

    Sx first couple - High intensity
    Sx second - Medium intensity
    Sx last - Low intensity
    Sx first with sx second - Medium to high intensity
    Sx second with sx last - Low to medium intensity
    Sx first with sx last - Low to high intensity

    Out of all these combinations, sx first and sx last is probably the worst relationship due to having completely opposite relationship needs.
    I have never been in a relationship with a sx last person but I think two sx last together make a great combination. The love is real and deep. I witnessed it in my family. Most sx last people keep their distance from me. I have been told I scare them.

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    Idk, I think a Beta sx second person may be more inclined to seek out higher intensity in a relationship than a Delta sx first person, imo. The sx first Deltas I've known have always craved stability in a relationships over intensity, though their love bond is just as strong. My sx first IEE mom has always craved that Delta stability in a relationship and doesn't understand why I can't seem to find that stability in my own relationships. She also doesn't understand why I want to remain single or why don't want to date, it's like she can't fit that concept through her head.

    Beta: fire, intensity, all or nothing.

    Delta: earth, stability, comfort and practicality.
    by that description beta is sx and delta is sp

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    sx is about romantic passion. anyone may feel it. those sx are just more inclined, easier to fall in it
    this with friendship and respect leads to love
    love itself is more than these 3 components. it's unconditional union of people, which perceive themselves more as parts of this union, than as separated individs
    Last edited by Sol; 01-25-2018 at 06:38 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    sx first Delta is always going to be seeking that comfort and practicality in a relationship, while an sx second Beta will always be seeking that intense display of affection/emotion in a relationship. (This is mostly because Deltas value Si and Te while Betas value Se and Fe.)
    delta has Fi as valued, - friendly "affection" of unconditional acceptance and compassion. it can be strong
    while beta values Se "owning" of other person and materia associated with it (objective traits of body, money), its Ti formal status/role to you and in socium. beta is not more idealistic or emotional in romance

    this does not mean that nonvalued regions are not important. they are only lesser represented in the consciousness

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    The Three Components of Love³

    Alpha: Friendship (Social)
    Beta: Passion (Sexual)
    Delta: Commitment (Self preservation)

    And Gammas have no heart ofc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olimpia View Post
    The Three Components of Love³
    Alpha: Friendship (Social)
    Beta: Passion (Sexual)
    Delta: Commitment (Self preservation)
    And Gammas have no heart ofc.
    no way. keep your hands off my semi-duals!
    Also: Fi is the main part of friendship, which is subjective feeling of good relations and Si is the main part of sexuality

    So is more about general collectivism, than friendship of close people
    Sx is about general passion, than sensual part sexuality
    Sp is hard to relate to Jung's functions

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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    The romance style descriptions do make them sound that way. This is why sx first people of other quadras are often mistyped as Beta.

    But imo, an sx first Delta is always going to be seeking that comfort and practicality in a relationship while an sx second Beta will always be seeking that intense display of affection/emotion in a relationship. (This is mostly because Deltas value Si and Te while Betas value Se and Fe.)
    Besides 'fire' people usually associate Beta quadra with aggression and rules which isnt necessarily sx first (well, not rules at all). I never really understood that rules thing because its contradictive to the bluntness/fieriness that that quadra is supposed to have.
    Also fire can be used with different meanings, like an sx last 8 will still seem 'fiery'.

    The thing is that sx isnt about relationships. The vast majority of people want and crave relationships and intimacy. The sx gets involved in relationships because its sexual. the sexual instinct is partly wanting to 'own' another as their property (you'll very rarely see a polyamorous sx first person),and the neuroticism around owning that person (because theres something in them that you feel like you need to merge with and like, consume) makes sx first people volatile around that subject
    I also think even sx last people can sometimes act 'sx first' in relationships because being in romantic relationships involves the sexual instinct more, but its probably less common for sx last to act like that and for sx firsts it's more of a rule-

    A person can both be seeking comfort and practicality and also be volatile, in relationships. If you mean someone will solely get into a relationship for the comfort and practicaly of it, is self-pres purely. That's probably more common with older people also. Personally I've never heard of someone entering a relationship because of that.
    Last edited by maniac; 01-25-2018 at 07:01 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    Idk, I think a Beta sx second person may be more inclined to seek out higher intensity in a relationship than a Delta sx first person, imo. The sx first Deltas I've known have always craved stability in a relationships over intensity, though their love bond is just as strong. My sx first IEE mom has always craved that Delta stability in a relationship and doesn't understand why I can't seem to find that stability in my own relationships. She also doesn't understand why I want to remain single or why don't want to date, it's like she can't fit that concept through her head.
    Well, ignoring Socionics, sx craves intense experiences by itself. However, your IEE mom wanting stability in relationships is just the delta side of her so she likely craves both intensity and stability. That's why delta sx firsts seem more beta than typical delta.
    “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Randy Pausch

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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    I think that sx seconds providing stability in a relationship is a stereotype. I'm sx second and I've never had a stable relationship. even my sidereal astrology chart says stability in relationships will be difficult for me.

    I actually only feel secure when I'm single.
    Venus/Moon square Uranus?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Audacious View Post
    Venus/Moon square Uranus?
    Or Pluto. I associate sx stuff with pluto aspects.

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    I have a theory that each center has a separate stacking. So for example, someone could be sx emotionally, so mentally, and sp physically. Or be sx (or so or sp) on all three. This could explain the variation in romantic styles people have. @fox , you sound like you have more than 1 sx fix, if not that you are actually sx/sp main (and not sp/sx).

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    people here really do think sx=romance, so=groups, sp=money and resist more robust interpretations even when they're supported by the literature.
    the forum is in an anti-intellectual slump.
    Just how they also see cognitive functions.. It's you have it or you don't

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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    I have also had very few relationships because very few people have been able to ignite that feeling of passion and intensity in me. I would rather just be single than not have that feeling with someone...
    Sure, but there's the idea that you value it so much at all. From a Sx-last perspective, I don't particularly need intensity and passion in a relationship. A feeling of warmness serves me just fine.
    Phobic So/Sp 6w7 3w2 9w1
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    Quote Originally Posted by fox View Post
    I think you may be right, actually. sx/sp would explain why I feel so internally conflicted over the stackings and over sx stuff in the first place and why my relationships are so intense, and a few things about sp first doesn't make as much sense for me. I have no neuroticism over money, for instance, and even my mom says I'm way more neurotic about my relationship stuff than health stuff...

    I don't relate at all to the promiscuity aspect of sx first, though. The idiea of sex without love is physically and emotionally nauseating to me. I have also had very few relationships because very few people have been able to ignite that feeling of passion and intensity in me. I would rather just be single than not have that feeling with someone...
    Being sx first doesnt indicate promiscuity. If anything being sx first makes your taste more refined and particular in what you want to merge with. And I mean the aesthetic of the persons personality or something, and not anything that’s rational/practical

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    Quote Originally Posted by Raver View Post
    I think instinctual stacking only affects the intensity of relationships, but not the love. Anybody can love, we all have the chemicals of dopamine resulting in short term infatuation and serotonin resulting in long term love.

    I see it like this (take this with a grain of salt):

    Sx first couple - High intensity
    Sx second - Medium intensity
    Sx last - Low intensity
    Sx first with sx second - Medium to high intensity
    Sx second with sx last - Low to medium intensity
    Sx first with sx last - Low to high intensity

    Out of all these combinations, sx first and sx last is probably the worst relationship due to having completely opposite relationship needs.
    This is interesting, I don't completely disagree with you and I see what you are trying to say

    I feel like when you really 'click,' when the other person really is the embodiment of your inner anima or animus and can take on that projection fluidly and naturally - then it might be high intensity, regardless of SX second or first...

    As for SX first with sx last, I am not sure how much of an 'intensity' there would be, if at all (at least in the SX sense). It's possible there might just be disconnect.

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