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Thread: Fi sensitivity

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    Default Fi sensitivity

    Are Fi types more "sensitive"? I unknowingly will offend Fi types and they won't acknowledge it at the moment but I will get the hint months later that some random comment offended them. Generally, I am decent socially and try to be consider others. This has happened mostly with Deltas, but also with some Gammas.
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    Fi types are sensitive in a sophisticated way. So just because you are a Fe-whore that does not mean you that you have your back clear being a dickhole.

    Thank me later, once this statement of mine becomes your reality. Or don't evolve, like at all, you mole person.
    "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." ―Thucydides



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    I think generally speaking (how accurate this is depends on where your Fe/Fi is placed, other values etc.):

    Fi valuers: Offended by over the top sexuality, crude joke/humor. Fan fiction that goes too far with sex or violence. Too much campiness.

    Fe valuers: Offended by people trying to deflate their energy. Offended by people trying to make the social atmosphere way too serious over merry.

    To me, Fe is very NYC nightlife gay and Fi is very traditional conservative heterosexual. Okay that's a little too extreme but you know what I mean.

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    Yeah, Fe valuers often make jokes about buttsex when a Fi valuer is trying to be sophisticated.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bulletsanddoves View Post
    Yeah, Fe valuers often make jokes about buttsex when a Fi valuer is trying to be sophisticated.
    In my experience it's often in the reverse. Not gonna make an 'oral' joke.
    "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." ―Thucydides



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    Fi is Candace Cameron Bure

    Fe is Lady Gaga

    rl its more subtle than this but you get the idea.

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    To clarify none of what I am referring to is overt, or sexual in nature. It might be that I asked a question the Fi user did not want to answer or deemed "too personal" even though we had already discussed something similar before. A lot of this occurs with EIIs and IEEs.
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    I don't know if Fi egos are are overall more easily offended in terms of quantity/frequency of offense but I think a few things contribute to this perception: 1) their buttons are sometimes idiosyncratic and it can be difficult to predict what will offend them unless you know them well, 2) they're confident in their perception that you said/did something 'wrong' even if it isn't globally perceived as a wrong, and 3) they're constantly evaluating how they stand in relation to you and how subjectively good/bad they feel you are, so if they're offended it carries a certain weight with respect to your relationship (this is probably true for anyone but it's more at the forefront with them). These things can be nerve racking to deal with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    perception: 1) their buttons are sometimes idiosyncratic and it can be difficult to predict what will offend them unless you know them well,
    ^This is exactly it. Even when I know them well it always surprises me.
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrows View Post
    Are Fi types more "sensitive"? I unknowingly will offend Fi types and they won't acknowledge it at the moment but I will get the hint months later that some random comment offended them. Generally, I am decent socially and try to be consider others. This has happened mostly with Deltas, but also with some Gammas.
    People can appear sensitive to others when their rules of interaction disagree. Each quadra has things that can be discussed openly and without restraint. They also have things that they consider sacred and private. Because of the differences in valued functions, the things that each quadra will be sensitive about will be different. You're most likely to label someone sensitive when you're crossing quadra lines.

    So, no, Fi is not uniquely sensitive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    People can appear sensitive to others when their rules of interaction disagree. Each quadra has things that can be discussed openly and without restraint. They also have things that they consider sacred and private. Because of the differences in valued functions, the things that each quadra will be sensitive about will be different. You're most likely to label someone sensitive when you're crossing quadra lines.

    So, no, Fi is not uniquely sensitive.
    Good point. What are IEEs sensitive about compared to ESEs?
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrows View Post
    Good point. What are IEEs sensitive about compared to ESEs?
    I forgot to mention this in my first post: it's often not the content itself but the manner or context in which something is mentioned.

    It also depends on person as well as decade. People are generally more sensitive to offense than they used to be. That's why you see among the younger crowd a move toward creating restraint on free speech in countries like the USA that used to value it. There's also a liberal/conservative divide as to what's considered offensive, so it's not just related to type.

    As far as what offends IEEs, I'm not sure. I'm not the easily offended sort myself. I could more easily tell you about what irritates me than what offends me.

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    I realize this is kinda hypocritical of me as I am an infp and very sensitive myself, and sometimes really easily offended- but I wish the world as a whole would stop being this huge pussy over everything. It's annoying. They over-react and label situations as abusive when they're not, they're trying to be some moral cop without looking at their own dark shit and working on it. The world has gone insane with this shit, none of us have the right to not be offended. Living life.. you're going to get offended, and it's not always everybody else's fault.

    ps: I'm not picking on only Fi valuers here, just everybody in the world.

    how-to-never-be-offended-L-ShJl6H.jpeg

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    Webster Dictionary's definition, (adj) offensive:

    - causing someone to feel hurt, angry, or upset.

    - rude or insulting.


    Id like to think we use the term "offensive" more so with the secondary definition and more on the terms of finding someone or something insulting, but from this whole definition, I find Fe to be highly prone to offense. I'm constantly double checking my words around them, especially my IEIs, and yet somehow they read between the lines and end up taking offense, getting hurt, and shutting down anyways.

    It happens so often that Ive had periods where I just don't talk to them at all for awhile.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrows View Post
    Good point. What are IEEs sensitive about compared to ESEs?
    Unless I'm just completely blind and out of tune with my own nature, I agree with @Aramas that it's difficult to trigger a genuine response of offense in me. Thinking back however, I do recall feeling offense when someone insisted that their ability to sympathize with someone else was much greater and deeper than mine. Naturally, this statement was made by an Fe valuer.

    I recall feeling offense in the lack of recognition that I have an internal emotional world, and just because I don't always wear it on my sleeve doesn't mean I'm not feeling things deeply. Especially when it comes to sympathizing with others. I'm more prone to go cry and pray privately in my room later on than have an emotional meltdown right there with the individual.

    Something about not being understood, or even worse, having my internal emotional world under valued or written off was incredibly offensive.

    Apart from that, I haven't found a whole lot that can dig at me.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    @applejacks I have done the IEI 'shutting down' thing before though it wasn't so much that I was hurt myself is that I was overly empathetic and too afraid I'd hurt others with my own views on things.... I have been told before by some others how disgusted I made them feel. So it was better to keep quiet then 'disgusting' them with my points. I'm not overly sensitive... it's a mistake. I'm overly sensitive for everybody else.

    And no, I don't like to babysit other people's emotional worlds but I do like it when people do the same for mine. I suck in this way I guess. I want to improve myself in this area. I have really always wanted to value Fi a bit more (while still keeping my natural Fe value ness high).

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    Quote Originally Posted by bulletsanddoves View Post
    @applejacks I have done the IEI 'shutting down' thing before though it wasn't so much that I was hurt myself is that I was overly empathetic and too afraid I'd hurt others with my own views on things.... I have been told before by some others how disgusted I made them feel. So it was better to keep quiet then 'disgusting' them with my points. I'm not overly sensitive... it's a mistake. I'm overly sensitive for everybody else.

    And no, I don't like to babysit other people's emotional worlds but I do like it when people do the same for mine. I suck in this way I guess. I want to improve myself in this area. I have really always wanted to value Fi a bit more (while still keeping my natural Fe value ness high).
    My question would be - how can Fi and Fe give each other genuine, honest feedback in the form of friendly advice (healthy criticism) without stepping on toes? This has been the hardest struggle in a friendship for me. I would hope a friend could gently and lovingly help me with a blind spot. I'm not sure IEIs feel the same way.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    idk, in my experience it takes somebody with like Fe demonstrative but Fi valuing (like SEEs) that helps IEI with a lot of Fi crap. (helping them be more empathetic with Fi valuers , IEI is already very good at Fi- but helping them value/show compassion & empathy for those who value it more directly & strongly.) . My benefactor (ESI) is also good at helping me with it. Deltas don't share any valued function with betas and we often need a third party of an alpha or gamma to bridge the gap.

    So maybe your own semi-dual or benefactor can assist you in the same way. Though I've personally never had any problems with you despite you clearly being very delta.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bulletsanddoves View Post
    idk, in my experience it takes somebody with like Fe demonstrative but Fi valuing (like SEEs) that helps IEI with a lot of Fi crap. (helping them be more empathetic with Fi valuers , IEI is already very good at Fi- but helping them value/show compassion & empathy for those who value it more directly & strongly.) . My benefactor (ESI) is also good at helping me with it. Deltas don't share any valued function with betas and we often need a third party of an alpha or gamma to bridge the gap.

    So maybe your own semi-dual or benefactor can assist you in the same way. Though I've personally never had any problems with you despite you clearly being very delta.
    Youve actually been insightful and helpful to me in this thread. So, thank you!

    And of course, I have no problem with you or any IEI. I just can't seem to crack our miscommunication problems. I suppose these things are at the heart of socionics and why some relationships are easier or more fluid than others.

    Sometimes I wish I had a magical Beta Hat.
    And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30

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    Some people have weird triggers. I remember the following:

    - Work dinner end of December with 20-25 colleagues. I ask a colleague about a specific problem he had in his geographical area (which btw he solved successfully). Apparently later someone told me that he felt like i was "socially invalidating" him by referring to some problem in his work (I was actually interested in his solution). I think the guy is beta ST.

    - Dinner with some close friends. SEE female friend bakes a cake. I like it, reminds me of some cake my mother used to do with this ready-made powders from the supermarket. I ask her what kind of powder did she use? And she replies with the name, super embarassed / a bit pissed off. Later, a friend tells me that she always boasts she bakes every cake completely from scratch, and I involuntarily "busted" her cover...
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Maybe in some ways they keep trying to look for something, inside of you, that's just not there and they feel empty because of that.

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    Same lol xD

    I remembered one time, real life scenario :

    We're in a group, and then i noticed that my infp friend doesn't look like having a good time. She's just serious and then i just asked her (only because I'm concerned)

    "are you okay!?"

    Then she reacted negatively on it.. She said something like,
    "do i even look I'm not okay?!!!!"

    Okay then another one Fi user friend.. We're all getting along very well, but I don't know.. Because sometimes I'm being myself and very out of place that i sometimes fail to check on her.. It's just this.. She'll just stop acting normally with you, and you know there's something wrong with what you did.. But you don't have any idea what it is.. D

    It's really hard to read them actually. Probably they're more prone to passive-aggressiveness, i think.

    Plus my another infp online friend. I actually don't share my Facebook online.. We're all getting along well.. But he's asking my Facebook but i don't give it...because online is online and real life is real life. That's two different things. But i just mentioned him that i added someone in real life like my pastor on Facebook and I'm complaining now i cannot say something lewd there xDD then he just suddenly got silenced.. And then after one week he's silent.. Then I'd found out that hes mad at me because i didn't add him on Facebook and he's complaining like as if i don't trust him.. wtfffff xDD

    Man that's really stupid. I just explained him that i don't like using Facebook and it's stupid to just rate your friendship only on online social media. Like i have to say or open his eyes that not everyone on Facebook is my real friend. And not because we're on friends on Facebook is we're really not friends.

    My mother as well. She's very sensitive lol xD

    they seem like have trust issues.. No matter how close you two can get..

    They just have a different ways of viewing things i guess.. And mostly, they blame themselves..

    You just have to adjust yourself i guess and explain things clearly to them.

    They're nice people but just sensitive.

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    Fi-types aren't necessarily more sensitive; however they do often allow small offences to fester - turning molehills into mountains. They tend to not immediately communicate their displeasure or clear the air while there's opportunity to clarify; instead, they go away and think about it, sometimes adding their own dark, unfounded suppositions to the fire.
    a.k.a I/O

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    @Rebelondeck

    god damnit that was so spot on.

    To be fair , Fe valuers probably make light of situations that we shouldn't. But Fi valuers make heavy of situations that they shouldn't.

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    They may or may not be more sensitive, however they can detect and regulate it better. Base does so constantly perhaps beyond what is necessary to do (hence suggestive), creative sporadically, adapting or not without much sense (hence PoLR). I personally control how much I let something get to me as I seek to interact, what I tolerate and what not, what bridges to build and what not, where to agree and where not, where to ease the convo or not. Conversely, I see the attitude of the other person, and decide how to navigate, repel, or cooperate. When I get offended or offend another it has purpose since I want to prove a point, that was the initial idea - egos will be deliberate. It's not some visceral reaction, "OH GOD!!! I HATE THIS!! I'M SO HURT!". That only happens when the type wants to make their position clear. EII likely won't do that in an overt manner, that's the exception. SEE would be the one since the demonstrative hammer is delivered as well for some impactful (!) upheaval ESI will not get offended for its own sake either, they want to remove the source of offense instead so of course they avoid fueling it. It's always interesting to draw the comparison to which will be more straightforward and reactive in whatever way, but they can just get as offended. After all, offense needs a reaction:


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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Some people have weird triggers. I remember the following:

    - Work dinner end of December with 20-25 colleagues. I ask a colleague about a specific problem he had in his geographical area (which btw he solved successfully). Apparently later someone told me that he felt like i was "socially invalidating" him by referring to some problem in his work (I was actually interested in his solution). I think the guy is beta ST.

    - Dinner with some close friends. SEE female friend bakes a cake. I like it, reminds me of some cake my mother used to do with this ready-made powders from the supermarket. I ask her what kind of powder did she use? And she replies with the name, super embarassed / a bit pissed off. Later, a friend tells me that she always boasts she bakes every cake completely from scratch, and I involuntarily "busted" her cover...
    Lol, these offenses make total sense to me but I wouldn't necessarily predict them beforehand. That's why I'm super quiet around people until I sorta have them figured out. But the consequences of that are probably worse.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Fi-types aren't necessarily more sensitive; however they do often allow small offences to fester - turning molehills into mountains. They tend to not immediately communicate their displeasure or clear the air while there's opportunity to clarify; instead, they go away and think about it, sometimes adding their own dark, unfounded suppositions to the fire.
    a.k.a I/O
    Please roast us salty Deltas but not the Gamma SFs please is all about immediacy and resolving the conflict as it comes, going to the root and reconciling with . SEE won't just retreat and ponder and amass baseless grudges in their imagination where it gets darker and darker like in Balzac's inner landscape They come at you and slight back asap, what annoys them gets countered. They don't sweat the small things either, sensing is pragmatic.

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    @Chae

    How does one earn a Fi-valuer's forgiveness or is it impossible?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    Lol, these offenses make total sense to me but I wouldn't necessarily predict them beforehand. That's why I'm super quiet around people until I sorta have them figured out. But the consequences of that are probably worse.
    I understand the first guy, the second no, because it is something completely idiosyncratic to her - also she is a farlo close friend, no need to keep up the Image.

    Even in the first case, i knew the person managed to solve the problem (otherwise ofc i wouldnt have asked)..
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Please roast us salty Deltas but not the Gamma SFs please is all about immediacy and resolving the conflict as it comes, going to the root and reconciling with . SEE won't just retreat and ponder and amass baseless grudges in their imagination where it gets darker and darker like in Balzac's inner landscape They come at you and slight back asap, what annoys them gets countered. They don't sweat the small things either, sensing is pragmatic.
    Gamma SFs are also like Delta NFs in this part imo. I knew an SEE who would not voice that he was hurted by what was said (especially if it's coming from a dear person) but they will do so when they reach their limits but for IEEs and EIIs I noticed that if they reach their limits, they just disappear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by applejacks View Post
    I find Fe to be highly prone to offense. I'm constantly double checking my words around them, especially my IEIs, and yet somehow they read between the lines and end up taking offense, getting hurt, and shutting down anyways.

    It happens so often that Ive had periods where I just don't talk to them at all for awhile.
    This is interesting and partially what inspired me to start this thread. I have IEE friends who I am close with-all of a sudden they will kind of seem cool. I can't figure out what I did/said. Then months later they will reappear and we will talk as if nothing happened, and we will kind of reunite as if nothing happened. It is like a distancing that periodically occurs in these relationships.

    With EIIs they might get offended more by something I have said and will tell me that something I said "pushed" them. Although that might be an Se-polr issue vs 4d Se issue.
    “Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.”



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    While is about expression, is about reflection. Consequently, if you offend an type, they're more likely to let you know right away. On the other hand, if you offend an type, they're more likely to process those feelings internally.

    Between an and an type, this difference often creates communication breakdowns. Even in cases where all parties involved recognize the cause for the communication breakdown, the preference for one function over the other still unconsciously undermines attempts as bridging the gap.
    Last edited by Karatos; 12-22-2017 at 03:23 PM.
    "Talent hits a target no one else can hit; genius hits a target no one else can see." - Schopenhauer

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    Yeah even when both the Fi and Fe valuer are trying their hardest to be nice to each other- you still feel the strain and its energistically exhausting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    .......... SEE won't just retreat and ponder and amass baseless grudges in their imagination...........They come at you and slight back asap, what annoys them gets countered. They don't sweat the small things either, sensing is pragmatic.
    I've seen both IEEs and SEEs build resentment up to explosive states. They don't seem to sweat the small things but the small things often seem to accumulate to something uncontrollable. The so-called sensitivity often seems masked by their tendency to avoid confrontation; instead, they try to laugh things off or jokingly spar with the perpetrators, but down deep, there can be a deadly serious accumulation that can come out when least expected........

    a.k.a. I/O

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    This stuff is getting to the level of too much personality and coping methods being confused with type. The glass is not that clear.

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    Seems such. Fe types are more rude but after quarrel are easier to restore same communication.
    Fi types are more polite and hold aggression inside, feel the offence deeper, accumulate it. So passive-aggressive style like stay and feel offenced is more about them.
    From their view - they rise a distance with the ones who hurted them and such care about own emotional comfort (Fi).

    But to get vengence are more chances from Fe types.

    Fi with E-9 are worst in this. They may be offenced unexpectedly strong on a minor thing, just because their unconscious accumulated previous dislikes about you. Or they are more touchy than you ever expected. They may not say you bad words to discharge their emotions, but just will keep you away for long. And you'll have almost zero possibility to resolve the situation on rational level as they will not listen you. Massaraksh.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarper View Post
    This stuff is getting to the level of too much personality and coping methods being confused with type. The glass is not that clear.
    Coping mechanisms are very integral to type; I often feel more confident about type determination when I also observe the person dealing with stress - it's a sort of parity check......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    Fi with E-9 are worst in this. They may be offenced unexpectedly strong on a minor thing, just because their unconscious accumulated previous dislikes about you.
    Im not e9 but I plead guilty to this.


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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Some people have weird triggers. I remember the following:

    - Work dinner end of December with 20-25 colleagues. I ask a colleague about a specific problem he had in his geographical area (which btw he solved successfully). Apparently later someone told me that he felt like i was "socially invalidating" him by referring to some problem in his work (I was actually interested in his solution). I think the guy is beta ST.

    - Dinner with some close friends. SEE female friend bakes a cake. I like it, reminds me of some cake my mother used to do with this ready-made powders from the supermarket. I ask her what kind of powder did she use? And she replies with the name, super embarassed / a bit pissed off. Later, a friend tells me that she always boasts she bakes every cake completely from scratch, and I involuntarily "busted" her cover...
    Reminds me of something that happened with a relative. I walked into the kitchen one day, noticing that something smelled bad and said, "What stinks?" She was immediately angry and hurt and said, "It's coffee and it smells GOOD!" My reaction: woops.

    Her type: ESE

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    Im not e9 but I plead guilty to this.
    To make the problems worse unconscious negative complex distorts the work of weak functions when they interact with you on themes close to past dislikes. So they may not only to show inadequate degree of being offenced, but also may do this by inadequate reason.
    In my experience I was charged in breaking my promise, while I never did that promise! I pointed on this several times, and the last time I tried to discuss with giving the citations, what I got in return was "I forgave you already for that, so there is nothing to discuss". That happened after I've rejected to give some personal info, and before that I rejected to give other personal info - so the unconscious anger was accumulated and then discharged by strange offence and complaints.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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