ISFps and ESFjs, anyone actually struggling to make friends?

[Alomoes]

Hello,

I was wondering if there are other SEI and ESE types who struggle to make friends, contrary to what our type seems to indicate our strengths are?

I am very sensitive to how others perceive me and the overall "image" I display, and this has actually manifested to social anxiety since I interpret little details in facial expression and tone to mean the person may dislike me/not want me around. I used to strongly desire having a wide group of friends, but pretty much gave up after many years, and decided to attempt a life of solitude (to little avail, as it is natural for me to still desire strong friendships). So is this anyone else's experience?

That is interesting. I don't know. My brother does have friends, so I'd think yes. He is SEI. Also, I know of another. He is also SEI.

There is a possibility that you don't desire lots of friends, but a few really close friends and deep conversations on things. As such, that would make you not SEI or ESE.

For reference, Adam Strange is a ENTj. They are Gamma, which exhibits this trait.

Bullets and doves is about right, by the way. Surprisingly. It is more than that though. There has been successful replication of DNA. The DNA as replicated though, follows patterns. As such, you get repeats. This is just that. Like if you have only a finite amount of tries, you get repeats. Apparently the number is 16. It is weird, I did not choose that number.

The gamma being unwelcoming to people with facades about them is wrong. It is more that we close out anyone with a persona. You do your thing. I'll do mine type deal. Like a reverse containment board on 4chan. We kind of just want to be left alone. Some people get a pass. We will come out and interact with the outside world though. That is guaranteed, as it is our perceived job.

[lemontrees]

With SEI-Si there's quite a chance. Self-pres/sexual Dumas in particular, they have more introverted enneagram types as well. You know their dual, ILE, master of puppets, everywhere and nowhere exhausting themselves - this is everything that SEI isn't.

Omgg yes.

This so, so much.

Once I took a trip to visit my ILE ex. One morning I went to explore the city and he said he was "going somewhere." So I saw the places I had in mind, went back, made the bed comfortable, watched TV, slept. He didn't appear until 4pm the next day. He just got... sidetracked with drinking and phone batteries died.

BTW he is 100% sp/sx and still like that.

That experience actually changed me (???) I was like... I'm so serious and I have a rhythm and every weekend it's just like, chores, exercise, reading books. I was aware of consciously restricting my life too in ways. Anyway, after that I thought maybe I could be more open. I felt very viscerally affected, sort of like... once I did a zero gravitation chamber and afterwards walking around for 1.5 days my body felt extremely different bc the muslces sort of just...unfurl. But it didn't last long.

Btw I think having something grounding can help. Like passions, a close person who doesn't care about how good you are w/ "socializing" b/c you are already close, or responsibilities that you have to handle regardless of what anyone thinks. Not b/c social anxiety is frivolous (I don't think it is) but b/c shifting attention away from it will make encounters feel lower in stakes.

[Bethanyclaire]

Bumping this thread because people have been asking about SEI/mental health stuff recently. I’m also interested in the ESE experience as my mum is this type.

[Aquamarine]

I kinda have no desire to go out of my way to make friends anymore. Coupled with the social anxiety thing and things that have happened in the past few years of my life that no one really knows about, I feel very distant from most people. Also the whole emotional problem with friendship ugh. It seems pointless to me. Deep down I don't believe that I can have healthy friendships or relationships with people overall.

I don't make friends easily. Never have. I've had people consider me their friend but I realize I have a very specific idea of what a friendship should be like in my head and most people don't meet that criteria. In my head friendship would almost feel like we're in a relationship but without certain things obviously. Like I wanna be their one and only person. I don't have that in friendships. Never have.