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So frustrated with Se
Hello,
I have been struggling with Ni Se flip flopping for awhile, particularly as I am really growing to dislike Se a lot as I start to understand how it makes me feel. I am looking for ways to integrate.
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What do you mean by Ni Se flopping? Example in real life?
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Honestly, I am mainly just referring to the process of drifting or somehow ending up in Se. For me when this happens I find I am impatient and have difficulty focusing. I tend to feverishly start doing things without thinking them through as much as I'd like (if I am trying to read or to learn something or to think through my thoughts on a complex idea or issue [gender identification is a topic I've ended up discussing with a few people today and each time I didn't feel I had the patience with myself to actually think through to accurately articulate my thoughts on the matter, which is not something I am comfortable with not doing]). It is like I cannot learn by observing and have to erratically try things without any kind of pattern whatsoever. Very little actually gets done and I feel rushed. I don't perceive with any depth and become very literal. It is frustrating. I have a friend who has been trying to teach me how to paint (realism) and I will get stuck on a very small and subtle difference in coloring and confused about how to make that show through which ultimately is irrelevant to the whole of the painting. I find painting usually is calming though the act is actually quite difficult for me.
There is a noticeable difference if I surround myself with a calming environment during these times (a favorite bookstore for example, the ocean), then I feel more myself and able to move forward.
Thanks for asking and I hope this finds you doing well.
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Se knows to learn from Ni, the trick is for Ni to learn from Se, which is oftentimes lost on Ni, who thinks they have a monopoly on wisdom
its like face off, to defeat castor troy you must become him
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Thank you. I think Ni often feels quite certain it knows where things are going to go next and why. And so to be out of touch with the impression of what might come next can bring with it a sense of 'I am lost' how in the world can I move forward if I don't know where I'm going and for what reasons and at what consequences. But one just does, and usually it ends up decently alright if not quite what was envisioned. And one learns there are many paths to take which as you said is what Ni can learn from Se about.
For example, I get nervous in social settings, I often think about possible conversation paths before I actually talk to someone. Some of the most interesting discussions have happened when I've let go of that 'template' and have just gone with the flow of the conversation. (Unless I can just listen and speak up only when I have something to say... that is actually where I feel most comfortable.)
I think Ni sometimes thinks it has a monopoly on understanding the whole of a system which allows it to feel like it knows what is going on without experiencing it (for example when a friend may be having a personal problem and Ni might think it can figure out the one underlying cause for the friend's personal problem) and how to get underneath it which can, in the right respect, lead to wisdom. But there is a level of humility removed having not experienced it whilst thinking the intellectual understanding is (enough) synonymous.
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oh I see you're trying to get more Ni?
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I am trying to figure out how to get out of Se without actually doing anything Se...I think..
Meditation and nature does help, so perhaps I need to make more of an effort to do those things more regularly.
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yeah I think the best way for Ni to get over itself is for the ego to identify itself with the process of being wrong and learning as a consequence of being shown precisely how; so rather than having an adverse relationship to learning they have a healthy attitude toward it.. i think if you can think in those terms it should allow you to relax. the goal of Ni is not zero mistakes but simply to learn the most one can from the inevitable fact that mistakes will occur. some people get hung up on convincing others as a means for the group to ratify whatever they suspect may be wrong, and in doing so they sort of transform it into correctness. but that entire game is nuts inasmuch if you are in fact wrong all you do is take everyone down with you to the extent that you manage to convince, all so as to preserve ones own ego. its just foolishness, so perhaps the best way to look at things is if failure becomes apparent better now than later when the stakes are higher. thus there's no reason to be anxious because really very little is actually at stake, so its a good time to live your life and learn all you can
some might say accepting a degree of failure up front is recklessness, but if you're suffering from anxiety I think you need something to kind of deescalate, whereas truly reckless people need the opposite treatment, which would be to worry more before they act. think of life as an experiment where you simply try your best and trust what emerges. if you're totally unable to focus maybe what you're doing is actually just really uninteresting and life is trying to tell you that; maybe get some distance from it and see if something else engages you, if you bring this exact problem to every circumstance then yeah maybe its you, but I wouldn't assume you're out of options until you've explored some first
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Oh gosh, thank you so much.
I had not been willing to see that perhaps what all I was seeing as "problems" from Se presence could be merely a response to an overabundance of Ni. And so, the way forward is not necessarily more Ni, but actually giving myself opportunities to just be a little spontaneous and more of a "doer", which is going to feel different from what feels comfortable... and trust that eventually it will all balance out. Thing is I fear the backlash of engaging in Se activities... but I think that can perhaps be mollified by taking care to not overdo it. And maybe just recognize that backlash may happen, as mistakes will and that is just more learning for Ni. I have trouble ascertaining when I overdo it, but it's getting a little easier.
And then there are other days when I just need to wear ear plugs and close the shades and be in a dark room to deal with the assault of sensory stimuli. I guess I am slowly learning when I need more of each presence to find balance.
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