Erm, I turned to alcohol when I lost my sense of self in another hooman, it helped numb me and "remedy" the existential dread for a while (in the worst way possible). I've always been at loss with my sense of identity. I know who I am, but I don't really and not having an effective support system, not being able to fully define myself, where I am from and where I am going has been a massive struggle for me (first generation immigrant feels~)

Now I'm a lot more level headed and working toward growth. I'm trying to express myself more, connect with other people and resorting to self defeatism less.