What type of relations do I have with my "boyfriend"?

[summerprincess]

Put in quotes bc it really means here "guy I'm seeing" bc we've only known each other for a month. The situation:

• He is very sweet to me sometimes almost seeming desperate. I think he likes me more than I like him.
• He initiated before I knew him and started talking to me first.
• He is much more expressive of his emotions than me. He is a complimentary guy, but not in a cheesy way. He sounds genuine. Also extremely touchy and affectionate.
• He sells real estate
• His hobbies are mostly music, basketball, looking stylish (very important where he's from so the location may overshadow type here), planning on being rich later in life and saving money for it, helping out his family. He doesn't share the same focuses as I do - I tend to focus a lot on health, intellect, medical stuff, shopping, cooking, reading, horror movies. He doesn't DISlike any of these things however.
• He seems pretty social but I think he is lonely. He has made comments that I help him get out of the house because often when we hang out he is more tired than me & wants to stay in but I say I want to go to the bar etc. I think he tends towards inertia. However he is pretty open to doing things I want to do. He was receptive towards me teaching him how to cook and stuff like that..It's like he thinks the random ideas I have for stuff to do make me interesting.
• He wants to "take care" of me and introduce me to places he knows. He pays for our dinners and drinks/our dates. I will like buy myself a coffee or whatever though.
• He said he likes the way I carry myself
• He said he wants to be the best person he can for me
• I think he is a little possessive
• Seems aristocratic

[Sol]

He is much more expressive of his emotions than me. <...> Also extremely touchy and affectionate.

As you have base F, then you need T type for long relations. Your dude is not among recommended triad: dual, semi-dual, activator. You need reasonable ones, not which are more emotional than you. If he is J, then he needs same. The support of base function is very important.

> He doesn't share the same focuses as I do - I tend to focus a lot on health, intellect, medical stuff, shopping, cooking, reading, horror movies.

Si stuff: health, medical stuff, cooking

> He said he wants to be the best person he can for me

show him T-S types descriptions. LSE at 1st

[summerprincess]

As you have base F, then you need T type for long relations. Your dude is not among recommended triad: dual, semi-dual, activator. You need reasonable ones, not which are more emotional than you. If he is J, then he needs same. The support of base function is very important.

> He doesn't share the same focuses as I do - I tend to focus a lot on health, intellect, medical stuff, shopping, cooking, reading, horror movies.

Si stuff: health, medical stuff, cooking

> He said he wants to be the best person he can for me

show him T-S types descriptions. LSE at 1st

I'm not showing him socionics. And how do you know he is an F type. I actually appreciate how nice he is because usually guys are rude and uncaring

[Bertrand]

show him socionics

[summerprincess]

show him socionics

contribute to my thread

[Bertrand]

get your boyfriend in here and I will

[wasp]

summerprincess just do what I do in these situations and send him a link to a socionics test without any pretext and when he asks what it's for just tell him that you're collecting data for a school assignment or alternatively don't tell him anything and then use intertype relations as a relationship-hack

[chrys]

summerprincess just do what I do in these situations and send him a link to a socionics test without any pretext and when he asks what it's for just tell him that you're collecting data for a school assignment or alternatively don't tell him anything and then use intertype relations as a relationship-hack

Alternatively, make a fake business email that claims that he will receive a 50$ coupon to his favourite restaurant for completing a "simple survey".

[Exodus]

Sorry but there is hardly any information here. Any typing would be a guess basically.

[Sol]

And how do you know he is an F type.

my crystal ball have shown this...
Because only people of F types may be perceived as more emotional than other people with F type. Your type is F, hence he is F too. You'll feel unsatisfied in logical support, - your man should be reasonable for this, to have T type. It may be not felt clear in short relations, but the longer them and the harder is your life - the more you'll want the support there - someone who will think how to do something by best way, someone who explains logically how to live better, someone you value your emotions like ambrosia to feel his soul. Two F types will have "beautiful" romance on the surface, but you will never become true friends as you are too similar in your main needs, you'll can't suplement each other there.
I suspect you never had romantic relations with a dual or semi-dual man. You need to try to understand how much they give, and then you'll never want relations with other F types - you'll find them boring, not giving what your soul needs the most.

> I actually appreciate how nice he is because usually guys are rude and uncaring

Sure as F type he's seems lesser rude on the surface. T types are easier, not so gallant. But the more they like you, the more compassion they'll have, the better understanding of you - the more nice they become. It just starts not so quickly. But it will be deeper - in case of dual/semi-dual you'll like write your wishes to their unconscious, the man will introject your emotionality, your ethics - you both will become more similar there than with a man of F type.
Any S type will be caring in material region if he likes you. You are N type, we perceive you like children in material region and this arouses the wish to care and protect you. The more he likes you and relations, the more he will tend to take the main care about your material needs.

> because usually guys are rude and uncaring

There are guys which will do what you want from them according to their nature. Which may love you deeply. A lot of such guys. You need just to choose the right ones. Almost any dual will fit to this. If I'm right about EII as your type - just read descriptions of LSE. We are caring, tender, smart, not stingy, prefer long relations and strong feelings, we share the health/good meal interests. In marriage they'll support your "shopping" if there is enough money for such entertainment. Not horror movies fans, but if the movie is good - they'll like it as anyone, especially if you like - hence being in love will share anything with you.

[wasp]

all I know is that he seems to be really into you and if it persists this way and you feel the same then it's gonna be a fun ride, regardless of intertype relations, and our input doesn't matter insofar that he could be any type based on what you've shared with us (most of which seems to revolve around his treatment of you rather than his personality) but if we assign an incorrect label to him and you go into this blooming relationship under the false pretense that it has more/less potential than it actually does, then you risk viewing the relationship through a skewed lens which in turn makes it difficult to enjoy the experience for what it is, and intertype relations are one of those things that take a while before you realize what's happening, so it's better to just go along with whatever's unraveling and you'll probably pick up on hints as to what his type could be as it does, and eventually the intertype relation says hi

[summerprincess]

Sorry but there is hardly any information here. Any typing would be a guess basically.

Umm what other information do you want about him & I?

[Adam Strange]

You haven't provided enough information to type him. Also, I'd be hesitant to show him this site. He might not see it the way you do.

A lot of people think very highly of the idea of "falling in love with your dream SO", and "love conquers all", and not so much of classifying and filtering people on the basis of an obscure cult's religious practices. No matter how practical those practices are. ( )

Personally, I'd get to know him normally, the way most people do it. As you learn more about him, you will probably figure out which type he might be and can then proceed according to your wishes.

As for my impressions of your description of him, the first type that came to mind was ESI, and after that LSE, so obviously, I don't have enough information to type him.

[summerprincess]

You haven't provided enough information to type him. Also, I'd be hesitant to show him this site. He might not see it the way you do.

A lot of people think very highly of the idea of "falling in love with your dream SO", and "love conquers all", and not so much of classifying and filtering people on the basis of an obscure cult's religious practices. No matter how practical those practices are. ( )

Personally, I'd get to know him normally, the way most people do it. As you learn more about him, you will probably figure out which type he might be and can then proceed according to your wishes.

As for my impressions of your description of him, the first type that came to mind was ESI, and after that LSE, so obviously, I don't have enough information to type him.

what is pertinent info youd like me to provide? thanks

[Adam Strange]

Umm what other information do you want about him & I?

The quickest method for me is VI, if you are willing to share a picture of him. It's not the best method, but it is quick and usually gets me in the ball park. But not always.

After that, you'd have to start comparing what he does and how he does it to the various type descriptions.

Alternately, I like the idea of sending him a socionics test as "part of a school project". But even then, I've seen people test wildly differently than their actual type, either because they didn't understand the questions or they were in a personal crisis (like, an IEE who tested repeatedly as an ESE, possibly because she was married to an LII and was determined to make it work because of the kids).

[Adam Strange]

what is pertinent info youd like me to provide? thanks

Some things to consider:

What subjects did he do well in, in school?
Does he have a lot of acquaintances, or just a few really good friends? Or one friend who is a stuffed animal?
He sounds introverted from your description, but you have to be really empathic to sell real estate as an introvert.
What subjects does he get excited about?
What subjects upset him?

This isn't type related, but how does he treat waiters and people of no great importance? Because this is how he will eventually see his SO.

FWIW, a lot of SLE's say they want to make a lot of money. Caregivers typically want to "take care of you", but other types can do this, too.

Wait a minute. I just re-read your description of him. He's in real estate and works all the time (Te) and is a stylish dresser (Si) and knows people but is not close to them (low Fi) and is amused at the things you show him you can do and pays for dinner like a gentleman and likes the way you present and wants to take care of you (caregiver) and wants to be the best person he can be for you (Ne) and seems aristocratic (Delta or Beta). I think he is LSE.

*EDIT*
Now, having said that, I'll remind you that I once typed you as ESI.
(I've since changed my mind. Lol.)

[summerprincess]

Some things to consider:

What subjects did he do well in, in school?
Does he have a lot of acquaintances, or just a few really good friends? Or one friend who is a stuffed animal?
He sounds introverted from your description, but you have to be really empathic to sell real estate as an introvert.
What subjects does he get excited about?
What subjects upset him?

This isn't type related, but how does he treat waiters and people of no great importance? Because this is how he will eventually see his SO.

FWIW, a lot of SLE's say they want to make a lot of money. Caregivers typically want to "take care of you", but other types can do this, too.

Wait a minute. I just re-read your description of him. He's in real estate and works all the time (Te) and is a stylish dresser (Si) and knows people but is not close to them (low Fi) and is amused at the things you show him you can do and pays for dinner like a gentleman and likes the way you present and wants to take care of you (caregiver) and wants to be the best person he can be for you (Ne) and seems aristocratic (Delta or Beta). I think he is LSE.

*EDIT*
Now, having said that, I'll remind you that I once typed you as ESI.
(I've since changed my mind. Lol.)

Thanks for the thought out response. Aren't LSE more tough and idk "'manly"? Lol. This guy I would say is calm, yes to empathic, he is not feminine at all he is a regular guy but he doesn't have a tough exterior. He doesn't put up any type of front. He grew up in a very rough poor area so that alone is kinda surprising. He said he would sometimes get picked on as a kid because he never got into fights. He also seems more spacey than an LSE would be lol. One time he walked me to the wrong subway stop - he's lived here his whole life. Etc. He doesn't seem to have many CLOSE friends but he has a lot of acqaintences and he knows a lot of people. When he was a little younger (he is 24) he was very involved in the party/nightclub scene..he helped found a music business startup (that was ultimately unsuccessful) and made a lot of connections in that area. He is very proud of this. Currently he doesn't really party much anymore - he said he is sick of it and it's always the same. He seems to want to just relax after work now and spend a lot of time one-on-one. He likes to spend long periods of time with just me. However he also said he misses the career and opportunity he had. He does love selling real estate tho

[Adam Strange]

Hmmmm, this is starting to sound a bit like me. I get lost two blocks from home and have started a number of businesses, most of which failed because I was learning as I went, because I grew up lower middle class, and had zero examples of what to do.

Have him take a test or three, including enneagram. That will be more direct than just guessing from random incidents.

You know, there was that time I color coordinated my clothes, just like an SEI would do...

[Sol]

after that LSE, so obviously, I don't have enough information to type him.

When you'll find T dude which is "much more expressive of his emotions than" F type girl - notice the forum, pls. He's unique in this galaxy.

> works all the time (Te)

not only Te types may spend many time on work

> is a stylish dresser

"looking stylish" - any S or other type who wants to impress girls by a dress

> wants to take care of you (caregiver)

Se care about S stuff too. just do in other style

> wants to be the best person he can be for you

wants to be liked, like anyone in romance

> and seems aristocratic (Delta or Beta)

Reinin is heresy

Thanks for the thought out response.

badly thought out

> This guy I would say is calm, yes to empathic, he is not feminine at all he is a regular guy but he doesn't have a tough exterior.

T types are hard to be said empathic, extraverts are not calm

> One time he walked me to the wrong subway stop - he's lived here his whole life.

Te types should know this

[summerprincess]

When you'll find T dude which is "much more expressive of his emotions than" F type girl - notice the forum, pls. He's unique in this galaxy.

> works all the time (Te)

not only Te types may spend many time on work

> is a stylish dresser

"looking stylish" - any S or other type who wants to impress girls by a dress

> wants to take care of you (caregiver)

Se care about S stuff too. just do in other style

> wants to be the best person he can be for you

wants to be liked, like anyone in romance

> and seems aristocratic (Delta or Beta)

Reinin is heresy



badly thought out

> This guy I would say is calm, yes to empathic, he is not feminine at all he is a regular guy but he doesn't have a tough exterior.

T types are hard to be said empathic, extraverts are not calm

> One time he walked me to the wrong subway stop - he's lived here his whole life.

Te types should know this

So what type do you think he is, ISFx?

[The Reality Denialist]

When you don't cross Fi/Te and Ti/Fe borders perceived niceness is not so much logic/ethics dependent.

Sometimes T bases tend to put effort on role as well while being extremely receptive to base of another person.

[Sol]

So what type do you think he is, ISFx?

I suspect F type as only them you can describe as much more emotional than you.
It's hard to say more based on your description. ESI is possible, - it's not "hard" IR for EII or EIE (your main versions), so you could to like him. But for long and good relations (which I'm sure you'd prefer) you need T type. You may like to spend time with him, but the life needs more as it's not so easy. To be in long and close relations where you share anything - is not like to have a dinner and go cinema.

[darya]

Could be a mellow type of LSE or gamma SF.

[summerprincess]

From that limited amount of information, SEE seems like a possibility. The only part that doesn't seem like SEE behavior is him not wanting to go out or leave the house.

Yeah he really likes to relax. He wants to stay in bed all day and watch movies when he is free lol. I know he likes going out. He is friendly to everyone and he was never shy with me or anyone else. He told me he liked me really fast and he easily voices his feelings about me. Something significant I forgot to mention is he rarely voices negative opinions about things. He doesn't lie and say he likes things when he hates them, but he is open to trying lots of different stuff and if I suggest something and he isn't in the mood he will just do it anyway to please me. I wanted to make a recipe with him and suggested pasta salad and he was all for it; then a few days later it came up, in an unrelated situation, that he doesn't really like cold pasta. I was like "Why did you say yes to making pasta salad then?" and he joked that it didn't matter because it will be made with love...lol

[Bertrand]

show him socionics

[rat200Turbo]

He's INTj. How do I know? Heh..... HEHeheh... don't ask that, just believe. Believe.
Next!

[powerrainbowcrystal]

man, straight dudes are weird. They're either huge obvious assholes or they are so over-the-top suburban dad nice like this guy. My latest cute str8 neighbor crush was recently like 'let me handle the tools, I don't want you to hurt yourself' and yeah I suppose it's a little patronizing (but also true, I can't handle power tools for shit roflmao) but he's really handsome as hell and he really was just trying to be helpful.

Hard for me to analyze his type, you guys just sound innocent and adorable together. lol some sorta good-natured alpha?

[Exodus]

Yeah he really likes to relax. He wants to stay in bed all day and watch movies when he is free lol. I know he likes going out. He is friendly to everyone and he was never shy with me or anyone else. He told me he liked me really fast and he easily voices his feelings about me. Something significant I forgot to mention is he rarely voices negative opinions about things. He doesn't lie and say he likes things when he hates them, but he is open to trying lots of different stuff and if I suggest something and he isn't in the mood he will just do it anyway to please me. I wanted to make a recipe with him and suggested pasta salad and he was all for it; then a few days later it came up, in an unrelated situation, that he doesn't really like cold pasta. I was like "Why did you say yes to making pasta salad then?" and he joked that it didn't matter because it will be made with love...lol

This very vaguely sounds like ESE. Being open and positive are the recurring characteristics (Ne and Fe essentially). Maybe some other Ne valuing extrovert. The real estate stuff seems more Se though.

[Chae]

ESE is a good idea.

[darya]

ESE is a good idea.

Could also be, yes. He mostly sounds si-creative - there are also some very expressive and warm LSE-Si guys out there.

As to real estate being Se related, my EII-Fi friend (my bf's sister) became a real estate agent not long ago because she got a sudden job opportunity. I've never seen a more hilariously mismatched person to sell real estate - it's like watching a trainwreck in slow motion.

[darya]

Thanks for the thought out response. Aren't LSE more tough and idk "'manly"? Lol. This guy I would say is calm, yes to empathic, he is not feminine at all he is a regular guy but he doesn't have a tough exterior. He doesn't put up any type of front. He grew up in a very rough poor area so that alone is kinda surprising. He said he would sometimes get picked on as a kid because he never got into fights. He also seems more spacey than an LSE would be lol. One time he walked me to the wrong subway stop - he's lived here his whole life. Etc. He doesn't seem to have many CLOSE friends but he has a lot of acqaintences and he knows a lot of people. When he was a little younger (he is 24) he was very involved in the party/nightclub scene..he helped found a music business startup (that was ultimately unsuccessful) and made a lot of connections in that area. He is very proud of this. Currently he doesn't really party much anymore - he said he is sick of it and it's always the same. He seems to want to just relax after work now and spend a lot of time one-on-one. He likes to spend long periods of time with just me. However he also said he misses the career and opportunity he had. He does love selling real estate tho

What does he talk about most? Is he chatty about other people and relationships, does he gossip a lot, or does he talk more about "technical" details of his hobbyes and job? Where is his main focus? It's sometimes difficult to tell though...

[summerprincess]

What does he talk about most? Is he chatty about other people and relationships, does he gossip a lot, or does he talk more about "technical" details of his hobbyes and job? Where is his main focus? It's sometimes difficult to tell though...

He talks about his progress in his job, his future plans and his family the most. Also stuff like what movies we want to see. These things tend to just come up naturally. He doesn't gossip/talk about other friends much mostly probably because I don't know who they are. I met a few of his friends but that was only one time when we all hung out and occasionally we have run into his acquaintences. I'm super new to the area. Sometimes he will mention his friends in conversation in passing like I already know who they are, when I don't.

[summerprincess]

ESE is a good idea.

I think it's a possibility but sometimes he really does seem like a social introvert. He was shy as a kid. He is also not particularly organized or into things like decorating - I have found female ESE to be very put-together. Howeverrr he does try to make the environment more pleasant for me. He does things fast but he doesn't have the "energy" I have found to be typical of extroverts. Like I said he is down to earth and relaxed. He takes a lot of naps and likes to lounge around the house and cuddle. On the extrovert side, he is however very friendly to strangers and easily talks to people. He likes to crack jokes that are kinda lame. Idk if this is an E/I thing but he does come off as pretty resilient and wayyy less reactory to criticism than I am. He is forgiving of people.

[Chae]

I think it's a possibility but sometimes he really does seem like a social introvert. I don't know if that's because his life revolved around going out for a while and now he is sick of it, or not. He does things fast but he doesn't have the "energy" I have found to be typical of extroverts. Like I said he is down to earth and relaxed. He takes a lot of naps and likes to lounge around the house and cuddle. He is however very friendly to strangers and easily talks to people. Oh he said he was shy as a kid too.

Energy - yes, but classic psychological introversion/shyness isn't really covered by socionics except maybe in temperament and ethical elements. It's hard to tell if he changed his mind, too. All it conveys to me is that he craves some novelty for parties and social life which is either mobilizing or suggestive, especially in Alpha. That you say he is cuddly and comfortable, clingy and people-savvy, expressive and caregiving, possessive and passion-inclined, those also are good points for Alpha with . I hereby extend my idea with SEI as the other option! Maybe ignoring is a better explanation when he avoids confrontation in that way, ESE is much more resolute and energized/energizing.

[Rebelondeck]

@summerprincess
It's not a good sign when someone makes an academic exercise of an intimate relationship. I would suggest that you've already made up your mind on its viability and ITR is irrelevant since your choices of words said or seem to imply: he's desperate, I didn't notice him, he's extreme, we don't share the same whatever, he's down, he's possessive, I'm less aristocratic.....
a.k.a. I/O

[summerprincess]

@summerprincess
It's not a good sign when someone makes an academic exercise of an intimate relationship. I would suggest that you've already made up your mind on its viability and ITR is irrelevant since your choices of words said or seem to imply: he's desperate, I didn't notice him, he's extreme, we don't share the same whatever, he's down, he's possessive, I'm less aristocratic.....
a.k.a. I/O

Umm not really just because those are possibly negative things doesn't mean they don't have positive aspects or that I don't like him. And i'm extremely aristocratic in the reinen things he is definitely LESS so. That was just a guess that he may be aristocratic he doesn't have to be. In fact I'm heavily leaning towards his being SEI. Also you say its not a good sign to look at things this way but I do it with every guy I date or like

[Rebelondeck]

.........but I do it with every guy I date or like

A very close family member, who is IEI (but likely much older than you) says exactly the same thing - and to date, it has never been a good sign.....
a.k.a. I/O

[Sol]

classic psychological introversion/shyness isn't really covered by socionics

"psychological introversion/shyness" is the behavior strongly linked with Jung's introversion. it's just not obligate as behavior depends not only from type and extraverts may behave such too sometimes

while it's hard to find the human of E type which thinks himself as "shy"

[summerprincess]

"psychological introversion/shyness" is the behavior strongly linked with Jung's introversion. it's just not obligate as behavior depends not only from type and extraverts may behave such too sometimes

while it's hard to find the human of E type which thinks himself as "shy"

He's not shy now!

[Sol]

He's not shy now!

I'm about general trait, not for some rare conditions.