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Thread: Enneagram type 3 and aging

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    Default Enneagram type 3 and aging

    Are there any E3s on here who can share some insight.
    Last edited by Iwantpeace; 09-07-2020 at 01:59 PM.




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    I'm not a 3, but I know a few and one particular came to my mind reading is. I had a teacher at middle school and I really liked her, she was sophisticated, charismatic woman in her late 50s-early 60s. I think she was an EIE 3w2.


    She looked younger than her actual age was, she took a lot of care about the way she looked. I remember her always perfeclty bleached blonde hair to cover up the grey hair. Even at her age, she followed the latest fashion trends and she loved to tell the whole class about how she had almost become an acteress and that she was beatiful when she was younger. She wanted the admiration, attention, but it sounded pathetic to most. I can be empathetic with people like her and I sort of understood her reasons. I was still looking at the her as a role model a little, because she did everything with such a glamour. For people who don't really get behavior like that, it can seem immature and weird though.


    On the other hand I had another teacher, who was in her mid 60s and think she was a 3w4 EIE, but she did something differently. She was very self confident, she didn't need to talk about how beautufil she was, when she was younger. Everyone could see it based on the way she acted, an ultimate lady. She wasn't needy of approval and even though she cared about fashion and trends she was aware of her age as well so it looked far more natural than in the case of the 3w2. Everybody, even thebiggest mischiefs in our class looked up to her.

    I guess some people can deal with their age better than others. 3s can deal with this differently as well, but they definitely hate to age. The fun thing is, the only thing one can do is to accept it. Otherwise they become a parody of their own selves.

    To be honest, I'm a 4w3 and I have a strong 3 wing and I'm terrified of anging myself. I'm only in my 20s, but even now I'm hyper aware of every little wrinkle on my face. And like people still ask for my ID, I'm 24 and most think I'm 17-16. I can't imagine what I'm going to do when I get 40 and I'll have actual wrinkles.


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    I'm 8w7, 6w7, 3w2, and I want to know the benefits of belly button rings.

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    I certainly have 3 somewhere, where it is is up for debate... but aging is definitely my biggest fear and I’m only going to be 18 in a few months. I always try to take the best care of my skin and hair, go to the gym very often, wear clothes that make me look good, etc. I also try to fix anything I perceive as a flaw immediately and I think that’s part of why older 3s fall into this. Just today my friend’s mom half jokingly pointed out that I “need everyone to like me” and while that’s not literal I do have a strong need for respect and to be attractive to others. It’s almost like a running gag in a few of my friend groups that I’m the hot one and am often called so. It’s not like I’m always asking for compliments (and neither do other 3s), I just get that attention because of how I present myself. The only time it shows is when someone I know says something negative or doesn’t say anything when others do in which case I am quick to offend (truly the only way to bug me and my friends tease me about it sometimes).

    Anyways, this is also highly sx related - having to be desirable to attract one-on-one and having to keep it so the partner stays; 3s need it (staying attractive into age) because they see it as a large part of how people get established and they don’t want to lose it. Kind of like a “ugly people only win popularity contests out of pity (and I deserve more)” mentality as harsh as it sounds - harsher on us because this is something that was somehow instilled in us since childhood. These are some reasons why I’ve considered 3 over 7 as well. As much as I’m a fun loving, stimulation seeking person and act like I don’t give a fuck I really do take my image seriously.
    Last edited by flames; 09-22-2017 at 02:34 AM.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Jailbait View Post
    I certainly have 3 somewhere, where it is is up for debate... but aging is definitely my biggest fear and I’m only going to be 18 in a few months. I always try to take the best care of my skin and hair, go to the gym very often, wear clothes that make me look good, etc. I also try to fix anything I perceive as a flaw immediately and I think that’s part of why older 3s fall into this. Just today my friend’s mom half jokingly pointed out that I “need everyone to like me” and while that’s not literal I do have a strong need for respect and to be attractive to others. It’s almost like a running gag in a few of my friend groups that I’m the hot one and am often called so. It’s not like I’m always asking for compliments (and neither do other 3s), I just get that attention because of how I present myself. The only time it shows is when someone I know says something negative or doesn’t say anything when others do in which case I am quick to offend (truly the only way to bug me and my friends tease me about it sometimes).

    Anyways, this is also highly sx related - having to be desirable to attract one-on-one and having to keep it so the partner stays; 3s need it (staying attractive into age) because they see it as a large part of how people get established and they don’t want to lose it. Kind of like a “ugly people only win popularity contests out of pity (and I deserve more)” mentality as harsh as it sounds - harsher on us because this is something that was somehow instilled in us since childhood. These are some reasons why I’ve considered 3 over 7 as well. As much as I’m a fun loving, stimulation seeking person and act like I don’t give a fuck I really do take my image seriously.
    Relate to a degree as 4w3 to the aging thing, scared of age and death. But I appreciate old people, like it's important to me that they are still socially valued, haha.
    Last edited by dot; 09-22-2017 at 03:06 PM.

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    Nobody in this thread seems to understand 3s.

    If you don't feel a visceral sense of fear and raw pain when this topic is raised than I'd argue against you being 3 core. A lot of 7s (for whatever bizarre reason) seem determined to be 3s. I am too kind hearted to correct you most of the time...but now I am drunk, impolite as ever and you will have to face the truth. You are projecting your own failure to achieve anything in life and you feel that identifying as a 3 might motivate you.

    Well, good luck. Whatever label you choose to put on yourselves, you're still losers. Or winners! Words mean nothing. Not a word of what I have typed here has any real meaning at all...and that gives me both leverage and strength.

    Now let's move on, OK?

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    I am interested in what @darya has to say since she’s also said this is one of her biggest fears.

    Quote Originally Posted by sorrows View Post
    7s and 4s can look a lot a like. 4w3 is emotionally saucy, energetic, intense, engaged etc. etc. much like the 7.
    I'm a 4 and I need stimulating experiences or life feels so dull and empty. I get bored easily.


    Yes, this is very true.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuivienen View Post
    Nobody in this thread seems to understand 3s.

    If you don't feel a visceral sense of fear and raw pain when this topic is raised than I'd argue against you being 3 core. A lot of 7s (for whatever bizarre reason) seem determined to be 3s. I am too kind hearted to correct you most of the time...but now I am drunk, impolite as ever and you will have to face the truth. You are projecting your own failure to achieve anything in life and you feel that identifying as a 3 might motivate you.

    Well, good luck. Whatever label you choose to put on yourselves, you're still losers. Or winners! Words mean nothing. Not a word of what I have typed here has any real meaning at all...and that gives me both leverage and strength.

    Now let's move on, OK?
    Well, aren’t you a charmer. I’m not sure why you’re suddenly insecure enough to passive aggressively attack me because of my listed type but you’re free to think what you want.


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    Every woman is concerned about aging, for obvious reasons.

    Having said that, it is true that Type 3s seem to struggle with aging the most – both the women and men; knowing Type 3 core or strong 3 fix men, I've found they are just as concerned about aging as the regular woman, if not more (mostly when they are 3 core). And @Jailbait pretty much proves my point there.

    Followed by 3s, the other Image types 2 and 4 (especially with a 3 wing) find the most issue with aging.

    I'd say it has something to do with the fact that Image/Heart types derive a sense of self worth, security, and so forth from their "image", especially at unhealthy levels. For a Type 3, that is quite literally an image/surface based issue; Type 3s are the most concerned about their "image" in society, and knowing that youth is so valued in their society, they'll be extra concerned with fitting into that standard. 4s are more individualistic and concerned about uniqueness, and 2s are more concerned about their image of a good, helpful individual; but still, their physical appearance does play an important part for their self-worth.

    In my experience, the types who get the most plastic surgery and are the most concerned about aging are typically people who are SX 3 core (mostly the females) and SX 4w3 core (both sexes). I would bet that most people who go for plastic surgery have either a strong 3 or 4 fix.

    P.S: A classic literary example of an SX 3w4 man who is obsessed with staying young and beautiful is Dorian Gray.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jailbait View Post
    Well, aren’t you a charmer. I’m not sure why you’re suddenly insecure enough to passive aggressively attack me because of my listed type but you’re free to think what you want.
    I am genuinely embarrassed about having made that post, as it is quite out of character for me to randomly attack someone. I hope you didn't take it too personally.

    I must have been pretty drunk lol...

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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrows View Post
    Yes, that is exactly why I started the thread. I don't understand 3s and want to. Enlightened me and others.
    This subject touches on some very uncomfortable territory, so I'll just talk in general terms.

    3s for good or ill place a very high value on the image they project to others and how it is perceived. More than any other type, they have a need to be admired and worshiped, even. What it is in particular that the 3 wishes to be worshiped for and by whom will depend on their instinctual stacking.

    Physical appearance is primarily a preoccupation of sexual 3s, who base their worth above all on their status in the eyes of the opposite sex. No other type is as focused on their reproductive success. As we know, looks matter, so the SX 3 is going to invest a lot of time into this area. They wish to be as alluring and desirable as possible, worshiped and lusted after for their beauty. Women tend to dream of being classical goddesses, powerful and sexual. Men dream of being heroic and irresistibly handsome, with women throwing themselves at us hysterically.

    You can see how aging might be a problem for someone whose self esteem is based on how universal their appeal is to the opposite sex.

    The answer, at least for most SX 3s, is to secure a mate and reproduce early on - this is a tangible achievement in the realm they care the most about, and will greatly reduce the aging fears. I think the path for growth is to stop worrying about yourself and work to improve yourself. This creates momentum and if you play your cards right, it will lead to positive results.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cuivienen View Post
    I am genuinely embarrassed about having made that post, as it is quite out of character for me to randomly attack someone. I hope you didn't take it too personally.

    I must have been pretty drunk lol...
    lmao it’s ok. I wasn’t offended - just more surprised than anything.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuivienen
    You can see how aging might be a problem for someone whose self esteem is based on how universal their appeal is to the opposite sex.
    This is a perfect way of putting it.


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