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    Default Another question for ISTps!

    Hello!
    I had to ask this!
    I have been confused a bit by this ISTp I know.
    The SLI had confessed and told me he liked me for 3 years.
    This year we are going to be far from each other, so he promised he would meet me in the next years.
    He used to take initiative in talking (online) but these days he stopped that. It has been months since we talked. Except that he sometimes says Hi and that's all.
    And whenever I start a conversation it doesn't feel right...
    I asked him if he had lost interest in me, he said no. But he continued with his somewhat cold behavior towards me.
    I really feel frustrated and upset and I told him that. But he only says that I am overthinking...
    Also he gets a bit irritated when I ask him why he is acting that way...

    So is he really loosing interest?
    I really want to know the explanation of his behavior.. And hear other experiences with SLIs.

    English isnt my native language, I hope there weren't any mistakes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by daisyshadow View Post
    So is he really loosing interest?
    If you have no normal contact for long, then your feelings reduce and you begin to search alternatives. You may keep interest to each other, but it's not like befor. It's just nature.

    > And hear other experiences with SLIs.

    It's more about biology. P types switch easier.
    You need to talk seriously with him, to hear about his possible new flame and change in feelings. This may help you to switch to other then. In case of unfaithfulness there is nothing to keep relations, imho.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by daisyshadow View Post
    Hello!
    I had to ask this!
    I have been confused a bit by this ISTp I know.
    The SLI had confessed and told me he liked me for 3 years.
    This year we are going to be far from each other, so he promised he would meet me in the next years.
    He used to take initiative in talking (online) but these days he stopped that. It has been months since we talked. Except that he sometimes says Hi and that's all.
    And whenever I start a conversation it doesn't feel right...
    I asked him if he had lost interest in me, he said no. But he continued with his somewhat cold behavior towards me.
    I really feel frustrated and upset and I told him that. But he only says that I am overthinking...
    Also he gets a bit irritated when I ask him why he is acting that way...

    So is he really loosing interest?
    I really want to know the explanation of his behavior.. And hear other experiences with SLIs.

    English isnt my native language, I hope there weren't any mistakes.
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...Stratiyevskaya

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    Thank you. I already read it though.
    It's sad... Makes me think that activity relations aren't that good...
    It's so similar to what's happening.

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    Quote Originally Posted by daisyshadow View Post
    Thank you. I already read it though.
    It's sad... Makes me think that activity relations aren't that good...
    It's so similar to what's happening.
    It does make a mention that there is some adapting eventually in Activity relations.

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    your english is pretty good

    socionics aside -
    it's hard to maintain long-term feelings for someone who isn't around
    you may believe that you'll feel the same way now that you did before
    but people/things change
    it doesn't mean that his feelings for you have died but if they have or they will
    then it's best to pursue other people/things in the meantime
    hanging onto a relationship with an ambiguous foundation may seem comforting at first
    but there's a lot of hurt to be had if it turns out to be different than you expected
    (trust me, i know)
    which is just my way of saying that we have no idea how he feels, but we know how you feel
    so you don't need to give up on him entirely but it may help to redirect your focus for the time being
    (easier said than done, i know)
    let the pieces fall where the may and if it's meant to be then it'll be

    you're more worried about his potential reasons for (seemingly) distancing himself from you, than by the simple fact that he's distanced himself, right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by super mbti user View Post
    your english is pretty good

    socionics aside -
    it's hard to maintain long-term feelings for someone who isn't around
    you may believe that you'll feel the same way now that you did before
    but people/things change
    it doesn't mean that his feelings for you have died but if they have or they will
    then it's best to pursue other people/things in the meantime
    hanging onto a relationship with an ambiguous foundation may seem comforting at first
    but there's a lot of hurt to be had if it turns out to be different than you expected
    (trust me, i know)
    which is just my way of saying that we have no idea how he feels, but we know how you feel
    so you don't need to give up on him entirely but it may help to redirect your focus for the time being
    (easier said than done, i know)
    let the pieces fall where the may and if it's meant to be then it'll be

    you're more worried about his potential reasons for (seemingly) distancing himself from you, than by the simple fact that he's distanced himself, right?
    Thank you for the answer.
    And yes I'm worried about the first one more.
    I already decided to turn my focus into something else and just try to lock all those uncertainties about the future.
    So yeah basically I know what to do.
    I won't mind the distance if I understood what's going on on his head.

    Mysterious SLIs... they have many layers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by daisyshadow View Post
    Thank you for the answer.
    And yes I'm worried about the first one more.
    I already decided to turn my focus into something else and just try to lock all those uncertainties about the future.
    So yeah basically I know what to do.
    I won't mind the distance if I understood what's going on on his head.

    Mysterious SLIs... they have many layers.
    good luck (I don't like this forum's emojis - imagine it's a warm smile rather than a grin)

    if he's anything like the other boys then he's probably thinking about sports, food, and sex.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reyne View Post
    I'm probably SLI but I ain't sure, so don't give too much credit to my post:

    He probably thinks that he gave you more love than you did. Most of the time when an SLI shows his love and tries to be kind, he appears cold on the surface, so the other people won't even notice it. The other person doesn't notice it, but the SLI kind of expects a love reaction. We are cold and apparently never do cute things, but we hold our partners to high standards.

    Don't ask him questions about his behaviour. As you said, it will only irritate him, and he will consider you to be whiney. An SLI doesn't want to talk about his emotions. He wants you to understand them.

    You said that the SLI was the one who had the initiative for conversations. It nearly never happens to us. We only do that with people we consider special. The SLI is waiting for something huge from you. I think he wants a big proof of your love.
    He really at first gave me more than I did for him, but afrer I realized that, I started doing my best to give him more and that we would be on equal footing.

    It's true for him wanting me to understand his emotions. I did many wrong steps... And I think if we met irl rather than talking online, it would be much better and things will go unsaid between us. I hope he can wait.

    I think he already know that I like him... But I guess he's afraid from any attachment. He keeps increasing the distance but at the same time he's afraid the relation would end...

    I already ruined things with me being demanding. But I guess I need to wait... I still trust him and have hope that it will get better.

    And thanks a lot for your answer, I appriciate it.
    Made me sure of some small things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reyne View Post
    I think you should tell him clearly. We're not good at understanding other people's emotions. Before my girlfriend told me she loved me, I didn't understand if she loved or hated me. And this prevented me from telling her my true feelings: I just thought that the positive interpretations of her words were fantasies influenced by my desires. We're emotionally retarded. I think he's emotionally stupid too, so act accordingly.
    Ok I'll take your advice.
    Though he's distaning himself more and I have the feeling that talking to him now won't be good.
    I'll wait for a good moment I guess...
    Last edited by Kernel; 09-04-2017 at 08:26 PM.

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