Results 1 to 25 of 25

Thread: Is this a general INFj trait?

  1. #1
    Pastel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    80
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Is this a general INFj trait?

    Are there any other INFjs out there who are prone to being shy, especially when approached by strangers?

    I realize that I tend to run away from people whom I haven't been formally introduced to, or whom I haven't grown close to naturally.

    The only times that I am more bold in conversing with strangers is when I'm working, or if there is a purpose for contacting a stranger that I already know of. If someone I don't really know personally suddenly approaches me, I'd usually run away literally, and then, begin to pay more attention to them/observe them from a distance to try to know them better first.


    Is this something exclusive to INFjs?

  2. #2
    Insert Password Here User Name's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Italy
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    506
    Mentioned
    69 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    The only clear thing is that you're Introvert. I think that any of them could fit this trait.
    KEEP IT LIGHT AND KEEP IT MOVING

  3. #3
    Saoirse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    San Junipero
    TIM
    EII 9w1 so/sx
    Posts
    277
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Shyness with strangers is definitely neither a necessary nor sufficient condition for being an INFj/EII, though the specific way you talk about it sounds rather Se polr, possibly specifically EII. You talk about it like you're thrown off balance when a stranger initiates with you, so you need to recollect yourself before you can think clearly again. I do relate to this. When a stranger unexpectedly initiates a convo with me, I respond based on what is the safest/most casual possible response, but later I might realize they were trying to flirt with me and if they were handsome, I'd kick myself for not responding optimally.

    I don't relate to overall stranger shyness though. I've initiated loads of convos w strangers, and I'm also OK with strangers initiating w me, as long as it's not unexpected (e.g., at a party is fine, but I'll get confused if it's at a grocery store).

    Not sure how other types experience shyness, would be interesting to hear. Lots of types can be shy, even some extraverted people can be shy, but I'd guess the shyness happens in different ways and for different reasons.

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    15,766
    Mentioned
    1404 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist View Post
    Shyness with strangers is definitely neither a necessary nor sufficient condition for being an INFj/EII, though the specific way you talk about it sounds rather Se polr, possibly specifically EII.
    Shyness is very common for introverts.
    But I'd say it's not Fi type as no one would like such behavior. So such fantasies are against EII.
    Fi type even if she does not likes the situation would pay attention to a human who may need some help.

  5. #5
    Number 9 large's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    4,404
    Mentioned
    244 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pasteldandelions View Post
    Are there any other INFjs out there who are prone to being shy, especially when approached by strangers?

    I realize that I tend to run away from people whom I haven't been formally introduced to, or whom I haven't grown close to naturally.

    The only times that I am more bold in conversing with strangers is when I'm working, or if there is a purpose for contacting a stranger that I already know of. If someone I don't really know personally suddenly approaches me, I'd usually run away literally, and then, begin to pay more attention to them/observe them from a distance to try to know them better first.


    Is this something exclusive to INFjs?
    No, seems like ur a bit socially immature. Could also point to se polr as username pointed out

  6. #6
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    "Come with me if you want to live"
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,907
    Mentioned
    51 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pasteldandelions View Post
    Is this something exclusive to INFjs?
    no
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

  7. #7
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    "Come with me if you want to live"
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,907
    Mentioned
    51 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    ..unless your mom is infj too...

    but that would just be super weird
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

  8. #8
    Pastel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    80
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    Shyness is very common for introverts.
    But I'd say it's not Fi type as no one would like such behavior. So such fantasies are against EII.
    Fi type even if she does not likes the situation would pay attention to a human who may need some help.
    Yup, I'm okay with strangers approaching me when they need help, such as when they are asking for directions. I also enjoy approaching strangers whom I see need help, such as blind people, or people who need help in opening doors, etc. What I meant in my post was more of unknown advances made by strangers, such as this person who suddenly put her drink down on the table as I was happily lunching alone one day, but who looked very unfriendly. There were plenty of other tables around so I was not certain of her intention, and thus I quickly made my escape after finishing my food.

    Another time was when a male acquaintance who had never talked to me before, suddenly came up to me to try to make small talk in a way. I was taken aback by his sudden advances, and did not know how to handle it, so I retreated elsewhere quickly. Like create a distance of some sort. I then began paying more attention to him, until I figured one day as I saw him approaching other girls too, that he was just trying to get to know more girls with the hopes of getting a girlfriend.

    It's more like for me, I need to at least know the purpose to feel comfortable in being approached, or in approaching strangers. Otherwise I'd create a distance first to see their intentions from afar.

  9. #9
    Pastel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    80
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist View Post
    Shyness with strangers is definitely neither a necessary nor sufficient condition for being an INFj/EII, though the specific way you talk about it sounds rather Se polr, possibly specifically EII. You talk about it like you're thrown off balance when a stranger initiates with you, so you need to recollect yourself before you can think clearly again. I do relate to this. When a stranger unexpectedly initiates a convo with me, I respond based on what is the safest/most casual possible response, but later I might realize they were trying to flirt with me and if they were handsome, I'd kick myself for not responding optimally.

    I don't relate to overall stranger shyness though. I've initiated loads of convos w strangers, and I'm also OK with strangers initiating w me, as long as it's not unexpected (e.g., at a party is fine, but I'll get confused if it's at a grocery store).

    Not sure how other types experience shyness, would be interesting to hear. Lots of types can be shy, even some extraverted people can be shy, but I'd guess the shyness happens in different ways and for different reasons.
    Hello Economist!! )

    Yes I totally relate to your experiences with strangers too. There was once whereby a cute but shy guy in school whom I liked, kept on messaging me on Facebook. At first I was clueless as to why he did that, since his aloof attitude to me in school was a stark contrast to how he behaved online. Many years later, after his close friend who also approached me a lot back then, told me he had a crush on me then, did I realize it was the same for this cute guy I liked. I then realized that if guys approach you for no apparent reasons but just to make friendly small talk with you, then it could mean that they like you :/


    And indeed, it's more like the expectations that you have to know first before being able to feel safe in interacting with strangers... If not, there is always an urge to escape till you've realized their intentions for approaching you (:

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    15,766
    Mentioned
    1404 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pasteldandelions View Post
    What I meant in my post was more of unknown advances made by strangers, such as this person who suddenly put her drink down on the table as I was happily lunching alone one day
    Anyway. Base Fi types are generally polite with everyone. Intention to run away is against their nature as an opponent would not like this. Only if some man would make _evident_ "bad thing", only then they'll not be polite or when they were in "bad mood".
    To look unfriendly is not enough, EII are very tolerant people.
    If you'll make a video, then I'll can think about your type with more assurance.

    > Another time was when a male acquaintance who had never talked to me before, suddenly came up to me to try to make small talk in a way. I was taken aback by his sudden advances, and did not know how to handle it, so I retreated elsewhere quickly.

    This would be strange for EII. They have interest to people and like to know them better.

  11. #11
    Rebelondeck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    1,929
    Mentioned
    175 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    If by 'shy', you refer to being afraid of people then that isn't type related; fear has more to do with upbringing and negative experiences - or a psychological condition. If you're referring to not wanting to engage with people unless you're prepared or ready then that's indeed an Ij-characteristic. Ijs, who are prepared such as in work environments, don't usually appear that 'shy'. Unfortunately, many on this site, associate the term 'I' with shyness when it refers to how ones dominant processes are referenced. Ijs can be uneasy about the potential consequences in meeting certain important (to them) people because they don't know what to expect but so-called extroverts would likely have the same angst. People do drain Ijs after prolonged exposure but this is an entirely different condition.

    a.k.a. I/O

  12. #12
    Saoirse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    San Junipero
    TIM
    EII 9w1 so/sx
    Posts
    277
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    Anyway. Base Fi types are generally polite with everyone. Intention to run away is against their nature as an opponent would not like this. Only if some man would make _evident_ "bad thing", only then they'll not be polite or when they were in "bad mood".
    To look unfriendly is not enough, EII are very tolerant people.
    If you'll make a video, then I'll can think about your type with more assurance.
    I agree that what OP has said does not mean she is EII, but I think it's a bit much to say it makes her not EII. It doesn't sound like she's just running away without saying a word (which would be impolite), rather saying just enough to be polite and leaving as soon as possible. So she's still being "polite toward everyone." Any type can have some social anxiety, and it's easy to imagine an EII with a little social anxiety and risk aversion running away from ex ante "neutral" people instead of just "clearly bad" people. It would be a defensive mechanism to cover for Se polr--"I don't have faith in my ability to stand up for myself, so until I'm sure of someone's intentions, I won't interact too much with them, or they might take advantage of me because I'm unable to say no."

    > Another time was when a male acquaintance who had never talked to me before, suddenly came up to me to try to make small talk in a way. I was taken aback by his sudden advances, and did not know how to handle it, so I retreated elsewhere quickly.

    This would be strange for EII. They have interest to people and like to know them better.
    It's true EIIs are generally interested in people and like to get to know them better, but I think we like to do it on our own terms... If someone approaches unexpectedly, it's on their terms, so an EII could feel insecure due to weak Se.

    I think OP's emphasis on knowing others' intentions is actually very EII, but her type is a topic for its own threads.

  13. #13
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    15,766
    Mentioned
    1404 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist View Post
    I agree that what OP has said does not mean she is EII, but I think it's a bit much to say it makes her not EII.
    I said this as a factor to think against EII version. It's not enough to be sure. I saw strange examples of types, sometimes.
    I myself is such, not common in many things for LSE you may read in books. I type by intuitive method as main, I'm religious in some sense, I have no many personal contacts irl, etc. - most tests type me as introvert. But as LSI should like EIE, while I prefer quiet people with base Fi type (and other types with IR fitting good only to LSE) - I'm sure in extraversion.

    Without video I can't understand with assurance her type. I may only think some of versions as more or lesser probable.

  14. #14
    justalitnerdxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    TIM
    Type FML
    Posts
    325
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pasteldandelions View Post
    Are there any other INFjs out there who are prone to being shy, especially when approached by strangers?

    I realize that I tend to run away from people whom I haven't been formally introduced to, or whom I haven't grown close to naturally.

    The only times that I am more bold in conversing with strangers is when I'm working, or if there is a purpose for contacting a stranger that I already know of. If someone I don't really know personally suddenly approaches me, I'd usually run away literally, and then, begin to pay more attention to them/observe them from a distance to try to know them better first.


    Is this something exclusive to INFjs?

    Absolutely notice this too; I'm so shy around people who just approach me randomly! At work (I'm a receptionist) I can engage with others, and while soft spoken, can be host taking and warmly smiley because it's my job and it helps put patients at eaSe.

    i think why I suck so much in having romances (never had one) is that I am really shy and yeah, spooked if someone just comes up to me with the seduction attempt

  15. #15
    justalitnerdxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    TIM
    Type FML
    Posts
    325
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Then again I don't act rude with strangers; despite my shyness and coming across as hesitant and 'nervy' I make them feel like they're listened to and I am polite. My default is politeness, though yeah, if I'm unsure of intentions or feeling overwhelmed with my own social anxiety, I'll exit ASAP and go panic in a toilet cubical or something :/

  16. #16
    Pastel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    80
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FlutteringShyxx View Post
    Then again I don't act rude with strangers; despite my shyness and coming across as hesitant and 'nervy' I make them feel like they're listened to and I am polite. My default is politeness, though yeah, if I'm unsure of intentions or feeling overwhelmed with my own social anxiety, I'll exit ASAP and go panic in a toilet cubical or something :/
    YES!! haha. Same here. I really dislike my social anxiety though, I often feel bad after for having had to excuse myself and run away or something cos of my nerves ><

  17. #17
    Shytan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    TIM
    EII 4w3 Sx/sp
    Posts
    522
    Mentioned
    65 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think you just have a lot of social anxiwty

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

  18. #18
    Pastel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    80
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shaebette View Post
    I think you just have a lot of social anxiwty

    So I might not be an INFj after all?

  19. #19

    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    320
    Mentioned
    23 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sounds like anxiety issues. I have anxiety myself and I tend to run away from strangers too. I prefer to interact with people whom I have known for a long time rather than getting to know new people.
    The entire process that I have to go through just to get to know a new person is just too exhausting for me.

  20. #20
    Delilah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    TIM
    EII
    Posts
    1,497
    Mentioned
    94 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Some EIIs do suffer from social anxiety, but I don't know if it's enough to make it a general EII trait. I identify with some parts of the EII profile even if I don't type as such and imo what you describe sounds more like fight or flight and it might be related to your other experiences or maybe a bit of SE polr could have something to do with that; Only strange thing is that it is said that EII do not prefer to hold on to negative experiences so they'd likely treat each case individually (aka every new person that approaches you seen in a new light); / edit because I forgot to mention I personally identify with the OP
    Last edited by Delilah; 09-03-2017 at 07:43 PM.

  21. #21
    Shytan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    TIM
    EII 4w3 Sx/sp
    Posts
    522
    Mentioned
    65 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pasteldandelions View Post
    So I might not be an INFj after all?
    Well being an INFj doesn't solely depend on whether you have social anxiety. Your functional stacking matters most, so look at descriptions of stuff like being Fi dominant, having Se point of least resistance, Si hidden agenda and the other respective functions.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

  22. #22
    Pastel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    80
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shaebette View Post
    Well being an INFj doesn't solely depend on whether you have social anxiety. Your functional stacking matters most, so look at descriptions of stuff like being Fi dominant, having Se point of least resistance, Si hidden agenda and the other respective functions.
    Hi! May I know how various information elements manifest in an INFj? (such as Se polr, Si ham-, Fi dom, etc??)

  23. #23
    Delilah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    TIM
    EII
    Posts
    1,497
    Mentioned
    94 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I got this from socionics[dot]com, maybe relevant:
    "INFjs prefer to observe people for sometime before making contact in order to identify social hierarchy in a group. Normally INFjs do not show initiative when making contact for the first time. "

  24. #24
    Shytan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    TIM
    EII 4w3 Sx/sp
    Posts
    522
    Mentioned
    65 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pasteldandelions View Post
    Hi! May I know how various information elements manifest in an INFj? (such as Se polr, Si ham-, Fi dom, etc??)
    You can look up "EII sociotype Function stack" and click on the links. There's a lot of information online about the functions.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

  25. #25
    Froody Blue Gem's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    A Place within a Place in the Universe Where they will never suspect. *Cackles like a witch.*
    TIM
    EII H-Ne
    Posts
    363
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I am very reluctant to approach strangers, and am generally shy and quiet. It gets to the point where I'll go out of my way to get an elevator all to myself. Many other EIIs, both IRL and who I've encountered on the internet, experience this too. I would say introversion can possibly go into it, over thinking with fi and ne what can happen. It is mainly social anxiety that goes into this, and the extreme introversion aspect. Probably others who are extreme on the introversion train regardless of type experience this too. Different types may express it differently though.

    Some have more of a people need than others, but approaching people can be nervewracking. Introducing myself to people doesn't always come naturally and it takes me a long time to warm up to new people. I'm fine when other people introduce me though.
    xII se PoLR, 9w1-5w4-2w3 sp/so

    Phlegmatic-Melancholic |RCoAI| Fascinator| Newtype-secondary| LEFVl|

    #JusticeforJeb_, Water Sheep did nothing wrong, High Inquisitor Of Council of Water Sheep and Water Sheep's protector


    Make things right? Who are we to decide when things are right and when they need to be fixed?



Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •