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Thread: So, How to date a dual and do I have one or is duality a myth?

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    Default So, How to date a dual and do I have one or is duality a myth?

    ,I am so new to this, I can't believe I'm asking this, but how does one find a dual in their age group? The first question should be, what is a dual and where and how do I find out what types are my dual. Does it really matter? What does one do if one loves someone who isn't their dual or doesn't believe in socionics. Maybe believing in Socionics isn't that important?

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    By the way, what does it mean, to "VI" somebody or "you realy VI lied to me"?

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    I think it's just the most "natural" attraction you can experience but by the same token you'll still feel a stronger attraction to someone you share (positive) memories with than a dual by simple proxy of them being your dual. in the case of your dual, it may just be that it takes less time for the two of you to find common ground, communicate, and build and maintain a relationship because you share similar preferences/expectations. I don't know if it's a myth per se but I think there's at least a semblance of validity to the idea that there's a subset of people out there that you're naturally more compatible with than the rest of the population. with that said, don't think about it too much. just be yourself, like whoever you like, and let fate take care of the rest.

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    Here are two videos by Gulenko where he explains it. I hope it helps


    How to date a dual:



    About duality as a relational principle:




    About the other question, you can still love whom you like, duality is just a benchmark and not an absolute must. I have an inclination toward IEI/SEE/ILI as well, not just SLI.

    Believing is probably not the right word, it's rather taking it as a perspective to look at life or not. Socionics = a theoretical angle.

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    Quote Originally Posted by layala View Post
    I am so new to this, I can't believe I'm asking this, but how does one find a dual in their age group? The first question should be, what is a dual and where and how do I find out what types are my dual. Does it really matter? What does one do if one loves someone who isn't their dual or doesn't believe in socionics. Maybe believing in Socionics isn't that important?
    First off, believing in socionics does not matter if it is true (obviously) and in fact, probably disrupts the natural relationship process. Instead putting all this emotional energy into something that is a lot of work to learn and is only possible if you're willing to be impartial and logical, why not just look for someone who has the supposed benefits of duality within your own social circle?

    1. You are comfortable living with their lifestyle
    2. They are good at opposite things and you naturally want to do different kinds of work
    3. You do not feel stressed after spending a lot of time together
    4. You feel like you can argue and be critical without being personally hurt
    5. You are suggestible to their ideas
    6. Your relationship is not monotonous

    ect. this is just a quick list but I could make you a better one if you like.
    Last edited by Lao Tzunami; 08-09-2017 at 02:01 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by layala View Post
    ,I am so new to this, I can't believe I'm asking this, but how does one find a dual in their age group? The first question should be, what is a dual and where and how do I find out what types are my dual. Does it really matter? What does one do if one loves someone who isn't their dual or doesn't believe in socionics. Maybe believing in Socionics isn't that important?
    You have likely already met your dual. Many of them. Perhaps not in your close social circle, but among acquaintances and brief social interactions it is very likely that you've bumped into a few "duals" already. The next step is learning to recognize them as ime duals do tend to not notice each other, take each other as granted or natural. It's often asymmetric relations and types from other quadra that stand out like a sore thumb.

    Quote Originally Posted by layala View Post
    What does one do if one loves someone who isn't their dual or doesn't believe in socionics. Maybe believing in Socionics isn't that important?
    Socionics doesn't substitute love or dictate for whom you should have feelings. Many have parents, children, relatives, and other significant people in their lives of non-dual types and this doesn't mean that they should not love and care for them. Socionics types are merely types of information metabolism, abbreviated as TIMs, and compatibility of how you process information merely makes it easier to communicate - which is a positive things for any relationship, but it doesn't have much to do with love. On Russian-speaking forums there are even threads titled something like "who have you left your dual for" as the socionics hobbyists there are well aware that socionics is not to be used to dictate one's love life and instead use the knowledge it gives to try to improve already existing relationships.

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    It's just a myth. :/

    Imma super mbti user http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...%20mbti%20user and I'm gonna date whoever the fuck i want! Fuck duals.

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    Yeah when you fall in love. You don't choose it. It just happens. Oh guys. -_-

    I know a lot about love. Trust me.

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    If I got it right, that's what you gotta do: go in a place you'd never go, to do things you'd never do and the first person you'll meet in there, that's your dual.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hybris theory View Post
    If I got it right, that's what you gotta do: go in a place you'd never go, to do things you'd never do and the first person you'll meet in there, that's your dual.
    You left out, "They won't like you at first."

    and "They might never like you."

    So, you are better off just doing what you want to do, try to make yourself happy, and see who sticks around.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    You left out, "They won't like you at first."

    and "They might never like you."

    So, you are better off just doing what you want to do, try to make yourself happy, and see who sticks around.
    Yeah, this basically, truer words have never been spoken

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    @Adam, you took that too far!

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    I found my dual at Church. I didn't like him, felt safe enough around him first meeting to be kinda forward. Very unlike me.

    We were in the same circle of friends/aquaintences after that, often seeing each other and grew to be great friends and seeing eye to eye on many things developed into the relationship that turns into we are now engaged, happy and in love, before that too, but more so after and a fast to marriage thing was what we wanted and got. Gamma to the core, but we didn't know anything about that at the time.

    Finding my Dual was very natural for me. We have our 25th Anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm comfortable with him, we are on the same page, but have some unique pages ... if that makes sense. Worldview the same. Similar enough background. Recharge of energy is awesome (I don't get as much of it anymore, he's working out of state every other week for the business week now.)

    We have a Solar Eclipse [that we'll be able to see!] the day before our anniversary, making it a very special time this year.
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    I'll never understand why people are so obsessed with their romantic lives. With all the power that typology can give a person if well understood and applied, and yet somehow finding an ideal girlfriend/boyfriend seems to be the focal point of this forum. If as much time and energy was spent trying to use the theory to better themselves as discussing romantic and sexual prospects of the types, the level would of intellectual discussion on this forum would be impressive. As Ron Weasley says (the Socionics community being Hermione here):



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    yeah its like, "oh, the secrets to some of the fundamental issues plaguing the human species for as long as culture has existed (and perhaps longer)??" "my boyfranz"

    its like get a boob job if that's all you care about. or a job.

    besides if fairy tales have taught me anything its that the princess comes after saving the world. "seek ye first" and all that

    truth is though, a breakdown in relations with a girl I really loved got me into typology, so I get it... but typology is so much bigger than that at the same time

    I think +Fi valuing is probably most likely to think in terms of close relations being the most important thing about typology... I guess in the end if people adopt it on a micro level that will contribute in the end to a positive global outcome so they're not wrong and my boob job remarks are kind of cynical so I take them back

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    Met my dual boyfriend on a train during high school. It was love at first site. He was really depressed at the time which I think made him more approachable than normal. He's been through a lot and I think that has made him mature faster. It's said that we don't appreciate duals until we're older and life has hurt us. He's still into some stereotypical ESTP things though like driving fast and fixing cars and violence.

    Also, Jake Paul seems like an ESTP-Se subtype which would appeal more to an INFp-Ni. Since you're a 4w3, it's more likely that you're Fe subtype and would prefer a more toned down, analytical Ti Subtype.
    He has the tact of a brick

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Says the supposed sx first.

    But I understand where you're coming from with those select few people who straight up refuse to date anyone who isn't a dual. Usually what just ends up happening is that these people often mistype others who they are attracted to as duals in pursuit of said dual.
    If you think that being Sx first (and I was typed by other members as Sx/Sp and I'm an 8 lol) is about obsessing over love or finding your "other half", then your understanding of the Enneagram is based on "alternative facts".

    What is it with people being so easily triggered and offended by anyone who points out an overly obvious and very much discussed fact? My comment shouldn't bother you in the least. I don't get it, unless you're one of those people I mentioned. In which case you shouldn't let me spoil you're fun. Have fun dualizing

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    there's an ambient way of doing things here such that if you point out some perceived flaw in it, even obliquely, there's essentially a legion of people ready to defend it. i think it goes to normalizing subtype which is theorized to be around 50% of the population, regardless of base type. I guess the other word for that would be the "forum culture" its also the reason we have like 50% "IEIs" etc. under any other circumstances it would probably be reasonable to assume that if %50 of people stand in solidarity towards anything they're probably right, but socionics is so floaty and unsettled and also tied up in identity and values, it really does need to be shaken up and wrested from these types which as far as I can tell have settled into a half baked and stagnant version of socionics. consider their objections useful statements in order to recognize the values that inform the status quo when trying to revise it, rather than say, morons (which is kind of tempting, I admit), because what do you call someone who appears to be driving nails with an iphone?

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    nah Im triggered too

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    If the instincts are things you need to feel secure, then Sx-firsts need that one reliable person they can count on, and So-firsts need to belong to a group, and Sp-firsts need material resources.

    Personally, as an Sx-first, I find I really do need to connect with one other person. I get pathetically desperate when I'm not connected. Since not everyone is Sx-first, and they can't understand why I'm obsessed with connection, I've tried to get them to understand by asking them how they'd feel (if an So-first) if the group they belonged to (at work, at school, at church, where ever) suddenly and publicly rejected them, or how they'd feel (if an sp-first) if they woke up and suddenly discovered that all their money is gone. Every last cent vanished without a trace from their savings and retirement accounts, and the debt collectors are here to evict them for non-payment, and their car is missing and their phone doesn't work.

    That's kind of how I feel without a partner. My main problem isn't finding a dual, or a partner of any kind, for that matter. My problem is slowing down enough to take a good look at them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Lol, chill dude. If you want to be sx/sp then be that. I was just pointing out the obvious contradiction. The only one who's apparently triggered here is you.
    I'm a gal

    And quite the opposite actually, I personally believe I'm Sx/So, but since people in my typing thread were so adamant I'm So last (because I don't conform ) I'm giving Sx/Sp a try. I'm not invested in the stackings at all actually, I think it's incredibly easy to mistake IMs for variants so there's that. I might change it back after I'm confident in my sociotype, but knowing my tritype is enough for me.

    And I see now you're a 4 Sp/Sx...that explains things quite a bit I don't know whether your couldn't pick up that I wasn't being ironic at all with my last sentence and emoticon, (or if you're just resorting to the standard deflective statement "U mad, bro?" to save face) but really, I couldn't be chillier if I was hanging at Elsa's castle.

    I'm always intense, which might come off as "angry" if you happen to be different or don't know me at all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    If the instincts are things you need to feel secure, then Sx-firsts need that one reliable person they can count on, and So-firsts need to belong to a group, and Sp-firsts need material resources.

    Personally, as an Sx-first, I find I really do need to connect with one other person. I get pathetically desperate when I'm not connected. Since not everyone is Sx-first, and they can't understand why I'm obsessed with connection, I've tried to get them to understand by asking them how they'd feel (if an So-first) if the group they belonged to (at work, at school, at church, where ever) suddenly and publicly rejected them, or how they'd feel (if an sp-first) if they woke up and suddenly discovered that all their money is gone. Every last cent vanished without a trace from their savings and retirement accounts, and the debt collectors are here to evict them for non-payment, and their car is missing and their phone doesn't work.

    That's kind of how I feel without a partner. My main problem isn't finding a dual, or a partner of any kind, for that matter. My problem is slowing down enough to take a good look at them.
    some would say your problem is being a creep; but I'm with you, Adam, the problem is not enough leering

    you seem very zen for Se valuing type 8, Adam, there's no way such an enlightened figure would be simply defining their flaws away, so anyone incredulous toward your characterization is clearly crazy

    shine on you beautiful Sx diamond

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    If the instincts are things you need to feel secure, then Sx-firsts need that one reliable person they can count on, and So-firsts need to belong to a group, and Sp-firsts need material resources.

    Personally, as an Sx-first, I find I really do need to connect with one other person. I get pathetically desperate when I'm not connected. Since not everyone is Sx-first, and they can't understand why I'm obsessed with connection, I've tried to get them to understand by asking them how they'd feel (if an So-first) if the group they belonged to (at work, at school, at church, where ever) suddenly and publicly rejected them, or how they'd feel (if an sp-first) if they woke up and suddenly discovered that all their money is gone. Every last cent vanished without a trace from their savings and retirement accounts, and the debt collectors are here to evict them for non-payment, and their car is missing and their phone doesn't work.

    That's kind of how I feel without a partner. My main problem isn't finding a dual, or a partner of any kind, for that matter. My problem is slowing down enough to take a good look at them.
    I feel the same, just that in my case I need more than one person (that'd be a precarious situation, and suffocating), and those connections are not necessarily based on romantic/sexual interest.

    Back on topic: the fact that looking down at my close friends list I see that they are, with two notable exceptions, Betas is looking indicative to me. Now I have to find a way to find out which of the three types is my dual


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    upvoted for gif, why is that woman so tiny whats going on there

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bertrand View Post
    upvoted for gif, why is that woman so tiny whats going on there
    It's precisely because she's tiny that Ru is using a magnifying glass to see her

    I chose it ironically since that's precisely what I look like next to my tall friends, specially the IEIs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FANXY CHILD View Post
    I'll never understand why people are so obsessed with their romantic lives. With all the power that typology can give a person if well understood and applied, and yet somehow finding an ideal girlfriend/boyfriend seems to be the focal point of this forum. If as much time and energy was spent trying to use the theory to better themselves as discussing romantic and sexual prospects of the types, the level would of intellectual discussion on this forum would be impressive. As Ron Weasley says (the Socionics community being Hermione here):
    Part of that imo is because it's easier for people to believe that the solution to everything is out there somewhere, and if just the right person comes along, then everything will be okay and they'll be happy. It's much harder to take a look at yourself, to take an honest look at your own strengths and weaknesses, and find the solutions to your problems through yourself. So instead of a person's polr being something they learn to recognize and deal with - it becomes an excuse (or a target to attack in others) and instead of their ego fxns being used to help themselves and others, they become nothing but a label, an identity to talk about. It's making everyone else deal with your problems while being unwilling to deal with them yourself. But it can be very hard to face some things about yourself, and even harder (at least for me ha) to accept any kind of help, or even admit when it's needed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FANXY CHILD View Post
    It's precisely because she's tiny that Ru is using a magnifying glass to see her

    I chose it ironically since that's precisely what I look like next to my tall friends, specially the IEIs.
    yeah IEIs are hueg lol

    like, really big people

    it makes sense when you consider the trends of rising bodyweight around the globe as well as IEI prevalence

    if only I could define my height into reality as well as my type! I could join the 6ft IEI master race

    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    Part of that imo is because it's easier for people to believe that the solution to everything is out there somewhere, and if just the right person comes along, then everything will be okay and they'll be happy. It's much harder to take a look at yourself, to take an honest look at your own strengths and weaknesses, and find the solutions to your problems through yourself. So instead of a person's polr being something they learn to recognize and deal with - it becomes an excuse (or a target to attack in others) and instead of their ego fxns being used to help themselves and others, they become nothing but a label, an identity to talk about. It's making everyone else deal with your problems while being unwilling to deal with them yourself. But it can be very hard to face some things about yourself, and even harder (at least for me ha) to accept any kind of help, or even admit when it's needed.
    fix myself? more like find my dual, am I rite? that's the lesson of socionics isn't it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    Part of that imo is because it's easier for people to believe that the solution to everything is out there somewhere, and if just the right person comes along, then everything will be okay and they'll be happy. It's much harder to take a look at yourself, to take an honest look at your own strengths and weaknesses, and find the solutions to your problems through yourself. So instead of a person's polr being something they learn to recognize and deal with - it becomes an excuse (or a target to attack in others) and instead of their ego fxns being used to help themselves and others, they become nothing but a label, an identity to talk about. It's making everyone else deal with your problems while being unwilling to deal with them yourself. But it can be very hard to face some things about yourself, and even harder (at least for me ha) to accept any kind of help, or even admit when it's needed.
    Well put, that's precisely the kind of reasoning I can't understand, it's really so childish. Not only is magical thinking, which I abhore in itself, but it also implies giving all your power away, to a "more capable" person who will (or should), naturally, fall in love with you because the way you brain works make you made for each other

    I get that none of us whatever type we are, Logical or Ethical, are objective all the time, but when rational logic goes out the window like this...I clearly am far from the level of understanding needed to deal with it. So far I can't even see it

    Quote Originally Posted by Bertrand View Post
    yeah IEIs are hueg lol

    like, really big people

    it makes sense when you consider the trends of rising bodyweight around the globe as well as IEI prevalence

    THEY ARE, my bff is 6'2" and I'm 5'3". Quite broad too, and I like when there's more to hug

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    stupid sexy IEI giants

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bertrand View Post
    stupid sexy gentle IEI giants
    Fixed it

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    Quote Originally Posted by FANXY CHILD View Post
    I feel the same, just that in my case I need more than one person (that'd be a precarious situation, and suffocating), and those connections are not necessarily based on romantic/sexual interest.
    I've had relationships which were primarily sexual, but they didn't last. With LTR's, it has been friendship first.

    One weird thing (to keep this thread on-topic) is that, while I like talking and spending time with my duals, I don't find them instantly hot the way I do Mirage partners. This reaction might be specific to me, since I haven't read about it anywhere else. I've met some incredibly, objectively hot female duals, and I kind of do not connect their hotness to a desire for action the way I do with Mirage types. I have a more "I like you. I think we could get along" reaction to duals.



    I'd like to hear from other LIE's about this, to see if their reactions are the same. I could explain my approach by saying that I'm subconsciously anticipating that ESI's don't want to be desired for their beauty alone, since that can change, but I might be stretching things here to account for some unfortunate bending of my mental twigs.

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    Bertrand's Avatar
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    lets keep this on topic guys, this thread is now about Adam's taste in women and what his various urges may mean

    this is definitely not Si Ne axis Ne seeking either, so let's keeps things focused on techniques to secure a dual. my suggestion: kidnapping option 2) bribery

    option 99999999999 becoming an attractive person

    actually scratch that last one, I said no Ne
    Last edited by Bertrand; 08-09-2017 at 03:53 AM.

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    A fox who wants to play, that's me Playing With Fire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bertrand View Post
    lets keep this on topic guys, this thread is now about Adam's taste in women and what his various urges may mean

    this is definitely not Si Ne axis Ne seeking either, so let's keeps things focused on techniques to secure a dual. my suggestion: kidnapping option 2) bribery

    option 99999999999 being an attractive person

    actually scratch that last one, I said no Ne
    Lol, look at you playing LSI, it's cute

    Confirmed I'm not EIE. Technique used to achieve the conclusion: I personally resent Ber's interference in our derail. Wait, does that mean I value + ? Maybe I'm IEE after all

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    How to date a dual? Be you. Yeah, seriously.

    Why? They place a lot of value on your first and second functions, so you're most likely to get laid if you just relax, listen, talk and enjoy yourself. There is no need to try and become someone different because you are what this person wants already.

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrows View Post
    And shockingly I see a lot of LTR conflict relations. I mean marriages of decades that are conflict!
    I dont believe you. Ive never seen a conflict marriage relation. Lots of duals. Quadra. Semidual.

    Sometimes supervision business benefit. And only one superego.

    You'll have to post a video of a conflict couple.
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    I dont believe you. Ive never seen a conflict marriage relation. Lots of duals. Quadra. Semidual

    Sometimes supervision business benefit. And only one superego.

    You'll have to post a video of a conflict couple.
    If what I've seen is any indication, mating patterns are anything but random. People tend to reliably end up in Duality, Semi-Duality, Illusion or Supervision type relationships. While Contrary and Activator relationships are easy to start, both of them seem to end badly.

    The other combinations appear to be unusual.

  38. #38
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cuivienen View Post
    If what I've seen is any indication, mating patterns are anything but random. People tend to reliably end up in Duality, Semi-Duality, Illusion or Supervision type relationships. While Contrary and Activator relationships are easy to start, both of them seem to end badly.

    The other combinations appear to be unusual.
    Activation is also common in marriages (LSI+IEI etc). All quadra relations are.

    But conflict, no
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    Finding a dual is not easy at all, especially when ones desires and or libido stand in the way. People have to take an objective look at their actual weaknesses and perhaps make lists of attributes that would be needed or sets of skills to have in order to better survive in the world. Find people who best fit the lists; however, it's extremely important to determine the shortcoming lists of potential partners. Studying people objectively is very unromantic but relationships don't usually work when one partner doesn't have anything the other truly needs - and I don't refer to money. One needs to be mercenary in a non-financial way; only trust what others do, not what they say. Ones best fit may not be a dual. And, don't trust your knowledge of Socionics because too many get their own typing or those of others wrong, and a lot of information surrounding Socionics can be rather misleading......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    I dont believe you. Ive never seen a conflict marriage relation. Lots of duals. Quadra. Semidual.

    Sometimes supervision business benefit. And only one superego.

    You'll have to post a video of a conflict couple.
    My LSE-Te sister and her IEI husband have been married for many years. They don't seem to even like each other at this point, but stay together because he likes stuff and doesn't like to work, and she earns a lot and likes being married to him.

    She was very verbally abused as a kid and he was the youngest male of a bunch of very manly males and was used to being pushed around as a kid. My theory is that they found each other to be the perfect persons to reproduce their childhoods.

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