Introverted Ethicals and Burnout. It Happens. Pah! Venting here (Crossposted cause I am interested in what NFs here too have experienced)

[justalitnerdxx]

I'll share my experience as of late. Currently I'm numb and think I should switch my feelings off. Then I reason that without my feelings or ability to take onboard others' problems, then I'm not 'me' anymore. Anyone relate? I figure it could be an introverted Ethical thing but I suppose any other types feel this way at times too. I'm a suspected EII...

Some context; I work as a receptionist for the Endoscopy department of a city hospital. We perform camera tests inside the oesophagus and bowels; and sometimes people are diagnosed with cancer or are here because they already have the disease and need scoped to check out the area for potential surgery and assessment of tumour growths.

My job is to check in patients and their information, and then hand them over to the nurses. Yet I can't seem to 'ok, next!' push them along. I let them talk to me about their anxiety of the test, I try to reassure them that the tests will be ok and that they'll get better. I get involved. I have been 'told off' before for letting patients talk my ear off when I should just shush them up and say a nurse will speak to them.


Well...I'm not sure I can do this anymore. My whole approach is questioned now. A family friend has had oesophageal cancer. Recovered after surgery on the tumour in his throat. Has died early hours of this morning because it had came back a few weeks back and spread. I'm heartbroken. I didn't know him well as such and was always fairly timid around him and his family. But their loss has rocked my core. Also I have lost a Great Aunt to Bowel Cancer. Same thing happened. She was better then suddenly it returned and killed her.


I feel like I've been false to all of those patients I've spoken to in my year of working at the hospital. I am not a nurse or a consultant. And despite my prayers and attempts at comfort I cannot take their pain away.


I'm not sure I can go back into work tomorrow and put on a brave face for people who have suspected cancer, or are undergoing treatment. Just last week I checked in a man who is due the same op my dad's friend had. I told him he looked well despite his complaints of chemo being gruelling, and said I had no doubt that the consultant would get the rest of the nastiness away. I lied to this man. And to myself. I like to believe everyone will be ok. But I'm wrong. So wrong.

A naive ideal of mine left over from childhood dreaming days. This belief both crushes me when it's proven wrong, when people aren't ok, yet also gives me hope to keep on keeping on. But all I can see is evidence lately that life is cruel and twisted and I have every right to be afraid anxious and sad because nightmares will come true...

[Bertrand]

pretty standard fare fi/te connudrum-- "can I be honest and objective and at the same time provide support (because that is what I need to do) in the face of tragic factual circumstances..?" the answer is yes! you just simply need to go about it by emphasizing dignity in the face of suffering, not its denial. In other words you can have your cake and eat it too [1] by acknowledging the circumstances but encouraging people to rise above them via the human spirit. I think you are just frustrated with yourself because in a moment of weakness you found it easier to lie to a man than to do this... but that is ok, no one is perfect. in the future the idea is to truly understand that even if people are losing the battle with cancer, or otherwise suffering or even facing down certain death, that does not mean the only possible emotional reaction is surrender to negativity and the circumstances (and call it honesty--this is brute Te). this does not mean necessarily being stupidly cheery (brute Fe) in dark times, but it means respecting the situation in a way that is appropriate and uplifting in a deeper way. sometimes you dont have to say anything, rather you just need to look at them with love in your heart and that is enough because that is something greater than the circumstance and its just as real as some empty affirmative words or a smile. it is an assumption to think you need to say something to everyone who comes through the door to cheer them up. in a certain sense misery does love company. if you participate with them in a meaningful way, even towards the end, that is something huge, because most people are emotionally and physically "abandoning ship" at that point and these people know it. loving them is being there with them in that moment and not lying but sticking by them in the truest possible way and its obvious you want to do that, so just do that and don't worry about what you think it needs to look like (mindless cheeriness or them walking out in a happy delusion)... keep it real--people need that. this is society's expectation of your interactions to conform to a certain script and adherence to it is messing you up because you know its a lie

[1] the cake is absolute recognition of the facts (Te), and to eat it too is to still act ethically and uplifting in spite of them (Fi). it just doesn't look "happy" because its not happy circumstances. the focus should be on sincere compassion, not buffoonery (unsophisticated Fe + Sx)... real meaningful compassion is the basis for uplifting interaction, whereas many times people simply want to "imitate" an uplifting moment, which is not real joy but an absurdity, and that is the basis for meaninglessness and depression because it is empty and the last thing people need as they meet their end is emptiness

edit: i also feel that maturity is in some sense knowing that lies coming from a good place can be just as meaningful as the truth... in that sense you must give people credit... they know you may be "lying" but you're demonstrating care and that means more than the words anyway.... that would be conscious Fe with subconscious Fi and many people understand the world in precisely those terms

so don't be so hard on yourself

[justalitnerdxx]

This is absolutely great advice thank you, and true words. I do get frustrated at times in the U.K. healthcare system in general because I've known close friends and family who have been fobbed off by the nurses and doctors, or dismissed as lost causes on wards and left virtually alone until they died (this happened to a work colleagues father and she's currently having a legal bbattle wth the ward for what she saw as being neglect). I know I am just in admin and patient service as a friendly hostess type, but I'm pleased that in my small way I make a contribution even if it's just being polite, well wishing.

You sound very knowledgable on the subject of healthcare work. Do you mind me asking what job you do?

[Bertrand]

I was a soldier, now I'm in law school, before that I studied philosophy, and before that I was a suicidal teenager

tricky ethical situations have always been dear to me... and while I don't work in healthcare I can vividly imagine your situation because anyone who's ever sat in one of those rooms feels the force of what you're talking about

i've definitely been in similar situations dealing with people facing down tragic circumstances

[justalitnerdxx]

@Bertrand wow that's a really good career progression. Good luck with law school. I'm sure being a soldier was rewarding too. Very brave and commendable

Oh and I do definitely think that it's hard not to feel the gravity of apprehension and sadness in a hospital, though there is moments of hope and lightness when people do heal. I do sometimes wonder if I need to get out of that environment since i am overly sensitive about seeing injured people wheeled around corridors (and squeamish about needles too though I don't see them in the reception area much thank god!) but, I am more content than not with my job I guess. It's just today, the loss of the dear family friend, it made me question 'why am I naive and pretend that everyone will be ok in the end? How can I face anyone else who comes in with cancer? I can't lie to them. Not everyone gets well.' Yet it was never my place to get involved more than setting them at ease for a camera test that helps consultants diagnose or assess illnesses.

Yup. I take on board too much about other peoples lives :/

[justalitnerdxx]

I do feel bad that I can't amend this title! I don't want to make it seem as if I've excluded introverted SFs or any type at all! I just went with addressing NFs cause I consider myself one and I wanted to see if there's similarities or not. But I'm absolutely interested in what everyone has to say; sorry that this thread title seems biased and snobby

[Bertrand]

I think it takes truly strong people to withstand a hospital environment and not become desensitized to human suffering. I know nurses seem to become very hard people sometimes... lots of people can "take it", but few are actual beacons of dignity, many people just let it drag them down and add to the misery in the air and I feel like its suffocating sometimes in there because of that

if you can really remain true to yourself and maintain dignity in that environment you are truly a human exemplar of good, for such a thing is Sisyphean to the core. people are literally never going to stop coming in with their problems and you are going to face down misery every single day without expectation of it ever ending... but the world desperately needs people that can do that

also Im probably not ESI (although I wish I were) so don't sweat it... I actually think of myself as Jack-Ni

[justalitnerdxx]

ESI is cool but LIE (I think that's Jack London right?) is cool too!

[Bertrand]

they're all cool, but yeah whatever type I am is the best