Fake Quotes

[Pallas]

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and social media quotes."

— Benjamin Twainsmarck


If the noblest saint among the Buddhists
The best Mahometan
The highest Stoic of Athens
The purest and wisest Christian
Could meet somewhere and converse
They would all find themselves of one religion

This is a metaphor
For drunken orgies

— Rumīfiz


"That quote is Persian Surfer mystic poetry from Rumifiz and not a quote from Thoreaumerson that we accidentally added line breaks on upon mistaken recall."

— Huffsaton Post, re-posted on Faceblr


"Life is horrible. However, suicide is even worse, so let's pretend to enjoy it (life, not suicide @Wagner). What do you mean, I'm not very convincing?"

— @Arthur Schopensauer


"Something will happen, and something else will immanently happen in some way. Actually, I'm not saying that either, but I'm happy if you pretend I am."

— Nostradumfus


"People get the experience they deserve."

— Meister Eckhart Tolle de Maistre


"Only the quantum wave-field of endless possibilities can judge me."

— Tupak Chopra


"I am Schneider. There are many versions of me. This is the second one."

— Rimbaudie


"I didn't say half the shit people think I did."

— Albert Einstein


"Live well. Laugh often. Love much."

— Adolf ******


"Chill, homie. You need to let that shit go."

— Buddha


"#tobe or #notobe? Please help me decide"

— @Hamlet


"go kill urself hamf** @Hamlet #notobe"

— Twitter to @Hamlet


"My fingers are long and elegant, as are many other parts of my body. I mean my words! I have the best words. Especially ones referring to organs. Like my nose! But not the regular one. I mean the nose on my other head. My friend's head – the friend down there. Down under. But not in Australia. Or New Zealand. But right here, in Texas – where I give my speech to y'all. Everything is bigger, but not just in Texas. It is bigger in my pants. I have the best pants. I mean my wallet is bigger. Metaphorically. From all the cash in my bank account – my bulging, orange leather wallet. Make America Great Again!"

— Donnie Drumpf


"Jesus is cool. So is the Antichrist. Why not both? Also I'm not @Keats for the last time"

– @Yeats


"Who wants COVFEFE?"

– U.S. Congress


"Printers persecute me. Especially that Johannes. It would have been better for him on that day if he were never born!"

– The most egregious Bible mistranslation of all time, being self-aware

[Pallas]

"People can only type with up to 20% accuracy. All wish to be a type that they are not, and no one can type themselves."

Sol-o Goya


"Many black Americans are SEE type"

Maritsa Darmandzhyan

...Never mind, this one is completely real.

[silke]

turns out that what "you're not taught in schools" is anti-semitism

[Chae]

"I want to be reincarnated as a Muslim lesbian from Mexico without access to Twitter."

- Trondy van den Drumpf

@Wyrd the names you used...

[Pallas]

"I want to be reincarnated as a Muslim lesbian from Mexico without access to Twitter."

- Trondy van den Drumpf

@Wyrd the names you used...

I pretty much took Donnie Drumpf from you (although "Drumpf" is pretty old). You caught me so here's your credit.


The rest is just trying to make sure no one thinks fake quotes are real and attempting to be as clever as possible about it. Some of them aren't mine (like the "Live well" — ****** one, that's from fakebuddhaquotes which is a hilarious site). The Rimbaudie thing is basically what inspired this, since I was trying to figure out what a "V2 Schneider" is one day.