conflict relations?

[wasp]

so I'm still kinda new to this whole socionics dealio but I was wondering if this interpretation of conflict relations holds any water.


conflictors = conflict of interests, rather than nonstop conflict at every corner.

you may be drawn to them initially and you may be able to maintain a professional/platonic relationship with them but it becomes progressively more difficult once closer contact is established (such as a romantic relationship) because you're seeking entirely different things out of the arrangement. not only is there a clash in quadra values and temperament, there's your individual type, which has its own set of quirks, and then there's own your personal baggage (prejudices, biases, expectations, etc) completely independent of typology, as well as extraneous circumstances.

imagine a couple where one partner is a devout catholic whereas the other is a staunch atheist. now imagine that the former wants to settle down and have a family, but the latter wants to travel the world until their late 30s. imagine once more that the atheist met the catholic in a foreign exchange program that ends half a year from now. now let's make things even more difficult by saying that they don't have the funds to visit each other after the atheist returns to their home country. they may love each other very much but maintaining that relationship probably requires more sacrifice than it's worth. it'll leave both partners feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, and that's where the conflict lies. it's the RELATIONship, not the individual.

example: IEE and LSI
>LSI belongs to the beta quadra, which thrives on chaos and intensity, dramatic ups and downs, group-oriented, rule-based, power-seeking
>IEE belongs to the delta quadra, which prefers serene environments, the middle ground, individualistic, abhors rules, creative realization
>LSI belongs to the Ij temperament, which is static, rational, predictable, rigid, disturbed by change
>IEE belongs to the Ep temperament, which is static, irrational, unpredictable, carefree, disturbed by lack of change
>LSI belongs to the aggressor erotic style, which thrives on power games, "hard" approach to love, essentially not a caregiver
>IEE belongs to the infantile erotic style, which means they're childlike and quirky, unconcerned with power, essentially not a victim
>plus like a bunch of other type-specific clashes like a flighty disposition vs grounded disposition, et cetera

meaning that it's not impossible for someone to like a conflictor more than a dual. maybe not in the sense that they'd wanna be best friends forever, although that's not impossible either, but that they could potentially like/respect/care about their conflictor due to factors such as shared interests, backgrounds, etc, more than they do a dual? but they'd probably find it much easier to maintain a mutually fulfilling relationship with the latter. it's kinda like, "damn, you're a square... but I'm a circle. that girl over there is a square with a circle big enough to fit me inside. I think you're super cool but there's no way we'll be able to meld into one and make socionics babies together. I'm sorry..." to which the LSI will respond, "oh fuck off."

MAYBE THIS IS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE BUT ME but I feel like I needed make sense of it before I could accept it because I see a lot of people insulting the hell out of their conflictors and it doesn't make sense because every description I've read mentions a certain kind of admiration for one's conflictor since they're strong in areas where you're weak and vice versa. so, does this hold any water or should I just drown myself in coffee?

[Sanguine Miasma]

Conflictors look like OK until you get introduced into their ways functioning.

ILE does something according his own view (even basic practical task) ESI deems it as completely unsuitable in accordance what they know. SEIs are amazed by this new perspective which they welcome.
ESI is settled and ILE wants to introduce change.

You'll eventually want to break away from that. I don't think that conflicting relations means smackdown even when interests conflict. You just want to go away ASAP when it becomes apparent.

Anyways I do not like the way conflictor handles things but I don't go out to fight with them.

[Eliza Thomason]

Conflictors look like OK until you get introduced into their ways functioning. ...

That is so true! Also, un.Alphamale, I know a long-time happily married ILE-SEI couple and yes it works just like that. My SEI freind is so happily in love and admiring and continually impressed with her ILE husband who just glows in her constant support and love. He goes out and takes on the world, in his way, and she admires and supports and loves. She also keeps order in their house, 4 kids (half out of the nest) and pets and land and gardens and family vacations, even while he is making disarray wherever he goes always some new thing or project (several in the air at once). She could get bitter - some might - but she just keeps after it, adjusts to the always changing pace, making order best she can of the projects the debris thereof, clearly deriving her happiness from being with her husband and her family.

I know 3 longtime Conflictor couples - and they sure have their challenges. In one of the two ESE-ILI couples (both the wives are ESE) the ILI husband is bipolar. Both ESE wives complain of their husbands coming home from work and basically man-caving it while she takes care of everything... you can see how an ILI might need that... the things all three couples complain about is things that actually come natural to type - their conflictor spouse just sees it as them acting opposite of"normal". However, all three couples work hard to keep it together (the other couple is EII-SLE). They all have conflict and the ESE wives get overwhelmed and depressed, after extending themselves energetically and sturdily pouring themselves out to make things wonderful in the face of no thanks and little appreciation. The EII wife gets offended and angry and stands in vigorous conflict when she is insulted or offended. But she is steadfastly faithful. All three of these couples have learned to make it work, even while it's been a long hard way for them. But their children benefit! If you have common values (like the important ones - strive to keep your vow and somehow bless your spouse, and keep the family intact. and work together for the good of your children - it can work. You learn to minimize the inevitable conflict by giving each other space. When you have managed to hang together through a lot, there is real incentive not to cut off all you have built together. So it can be done.

[Number 9 large]

You love your duals quircks, but hate your conflictors quircks, that's how I see it.